I Can Resurrect The Dead!

[addickt]

Ok fuckers--- For my next trick I will resurrect the dead....

Dont question me until you have done this cause I swear It works. ( I would swear to god if there were such an entity)

I passed my high school biology class on this trick on a bet with my teacher..

You will need:

1 regular house fly
A glass of water
Regular table salt..

First you catch a fly, careful not to kill it when catching it though..
(They are significantly slower in fall and spring so for all you stoned fuckers out there, you may have a better chance to catch them during these months.)

Hold it under water for 3 to 5 minutes, I dont know if it is clinically dead as I dont have a stethoscope small enough to detect its heart rate... ( If you can procur Captain Insanos microscope that he uses for masturbatory purposes you may be able to look at its chest for signs of respiration)

Assuming now that it is dead, you throw his dead ass on a table and pour enough salt to cover his body.. So you cant see it..

Then after about 3 minutes the salt will start to shake and move... At this point you may remove part of the salt and the fly will fly away....

I have tried this without the salt and it doesnt work.

THIS FUCKING WORKS AND I CHALLENGE YOU TO TOP MY RESURRECTION CAPABILITY..

Dont be getting all scientific on me and explain how the sodium draws the water out either, cause to be honest.... I DONT CARE.

I can resurrect flies.

 

[gymrat]

wow amazing.

 

[Raina]

Seriously, this works. I had a friend do it in a science fair. How weird.

 

[jordon]

As with any scientific experiment, you begin with animals before moving on to humans. So when do the human trials begin?

Are you looking for volunteers? I hear Cap'n is avail - he is distraught over loosing his microscope.

 

[addickt]

As with any scientific experiment, you begin with animals before moving on to humans. So when do the human trials begin?

Are you looking for volunteers? I hear Cap'n is avail - he is distraught over loosing his microscope.

I would hypothesize that I would beat Captain into a bloody mess prior to the completion of said experiment.

Although the results may therefore be skewed, I would be more than happy to complete this experiment on him expeditiously.

(Providing that his mother will let him out of the house)

Also.... I think Jesus Christ himself just left unsigned negative karma for me...

God truly does work in mysterious ways... I

 

[SofaGeorge]

Addict,

This sounded really cool and fun. I didn't have a fly... so I used my neighbors kid. I held him underwater in his wading pool the full 5 minutes just like you said, but when I poured the salt on him nothing happened. I even tried pouring it in his nose and nudging him a little to make him move. It didn't help at all.

Now the police are going door to door in my neighborhood doing "voluntary" house inspections. All the other neighbors are letting the police look through their houses to make sure he isn't there (and a bunch of the little snitches keep pointing at my house and whispering.) What should I do? Will it help if I use more salt? Should I say I found him trying to sniff the sprinkler? Maybe I should just put him in the park and tell everybody he is taking a nap till some hobo notices he is blue?

If I tell the police you told me to do this... will things go lighter for me?

Thanks,

SG

 

[Raina]

SofeGeorge, I think what you did was not too bad....just a slight mishap. As someone who's spent a lot of time in a lab setting, I can say that little mishaps arne't too uncommon. Like one day I killed some rats to test for ACh levels in their brains....and had the spectrometer set wrong and they died in vain.

Shit happens. Move on. All seems reasonable to me.

 

[SofaGeorge]

SofeGeorge, I think what you did was not too bad....just a slight mishap. As someone who's spent a lot of time in a lab setting, I can say that little mishaps arne't too uncommon. Like one day I killed some rats to test for ACh levels in their brains....and had the spectrometer set wrong and they died in vain.

Shit happens. Move on. All seems reasonable to me.

Thanks Raina! I put the kid back in the pool and piled a bunch of his inflatable toys on top of him. Then, when all the neighbors and police were coming around the side of the house I pointed at the pool and shouted, "Oh, my God! Oh, my God!" And started frantically throwing the toys off of him and trying to perform CPR. I kept it up for like 10 minutes... and all the cops and neighbors kept telling me to stop... to let him go... he was gone... but I kept saying, "No! I won't give up!" Finally I fell to the ground craddling him in a sobbing, quivering pile screaming, "Why, God? Why? He was so young!" Now all the neighbors are talking about what a hero I am... and the two little girls across the street even brought me a basket of cookies.

Speaking of that... both the little girls are the same size as the kid... if I try this with them is there anything I should do differently? Maybe I did it right and the kid just had a lousy constitution? Both the little girls look much healthier than he did. (Plus I've got a lot more salt now.)

 

[manny78]

You should get the Nobel Prize for that

 

[Lao Tzu]

it could be because the salt removes all the water that was absorbed by the fly.

As a science experiment, why not try another water eliminating substance other than salt and cover the fly with that ("driveway heat" which can be had at wal mart for example).