Relationship advice please

[joe13]

Well I certainly appreciate all the advice. I have been taken advantage of in many ways by women. Some wanted money, some wanted some bullshit status that supposedly comes with being a doctor. I have met very few women who just wanted to get to know me as a person since my wife died 7 years ago. My current girlfriend made a huge error by lying to a direct question. Surgeons are like pitt bulls when they are together and its never good to be dating someone who has been with one of the docs on staff. However, all that being said she is extremely remorseful about deceiving me. I am crazy about her and my children are crazy about her. I know she was trying to protect me in some way. So, we have had numerous discussions this week and it is crystal clear that honesty and integrity has no gray zone with me. I truly believe it is in my best interest to move forward and put this behind me. "Real people" worthy of maintaining an honest relationship with a decent man are few and far between. I choose to take the chance on love instead of cutting my losses and getting out. Thanks for your help

I was in the exact situation as you recently, and I thought I was the weird one with this kind of hang-up's. But I totally know how you feel and what you're going through. Like you, the girl was the special one for me, and like you, I took (am still taking) the chance on the relationship instead of coping out. I did it cos I thought it was worth it, it's still taking me some effort to get over the weirdness (to which in actuality I think is my ego that needs mending), but so far it has been worth it. I'm pretty sure it'll be worth it for you too.

 

[footdoc]

I was in the exact situation as you recently, and I thought I was the weird one with this kind of hang-up's. But I totally know how you feel and what you're going through. Like you, the girl was the special one for me, and like you, I took (am still taking) the chance on the relationship instead of coping out. I did it cos I thought it was worth it, it's still taking me some effort to get over the weirdness (to which in actuality I think is my ego that needs mending), but so far it has been worth it. I'm pretty sure it'll be worth it for you too.

Thanks Joe that means a lot

 

[twenty47]

one of my exes hooked up with a dude i hated. they didnt have sex but everythng but. never got over it just got outta there.

 

[needtogetaas]

So if she didn't lie, it'd be better?

She didn;t lie to hurt you, she lied to spare you. Learn the difference.

So here is my advice. If you cheat on some one, or if you have a bit of information you know will hurt them. If you have this info and you start to think that telling them the truth is the best idea? STOP NO AND DON'T!!! You are a fool if you think telling them the truth makes anything any better. NO IT DONT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The only real chance for happiness that person has is the chance that they don't find out. Thats it!!! If they find out from you then ya maybe they will be more forgiving to you and stay with you. THERE STILL NOT GOING TO FORGET IT AND ITS STILL GOING TO HURT FOR THE REST OF THERE LIFE!!! you just caused that person life long pain!!!

So the way I see it is this. You dont tell them.
1. they never find out and the both of you live happy ever after
2. they find out from some one else. The person leaves you and has a chance for complete happiness with some one else.
Ether way you did the person you love a favor and allowed them to be ether happy with you or happy with some one else.

SO JUST KEEP IT TO YOUR DAMN SELF!!!!!!!!!

In your case the girl slept with some one before she was with you. SO WHAT!!! At least she did not sleep with some one you hate well she was married to you. HOW THE FUCK YOU THINK THAT WOULD FEEL BRO???

as for the whole honesty thing. Fuck it, imo she did the smart thing.

 

[RADAR]

Well I certainly appreciate all the advice. I have been taken advantage of in many ways by women. Some wanted money, some wanted some bullshit status that supposedly comes with being a doctor. I have met very few women who just wanted to get to know me as a person since my wife died 7 years ago. My current girlfriend made a huge error by lying to a direct question. Surgeons are like pitt bulls when they are together and its never good to be dating someone who has been with one of the docs on staff. However, all that being said she is extremely remorseful about deceiving me. I am crazy about her and my children are crazy about her. I know she was trying to protect me in some way. So, we have had numerous discussions this week and it is crystal clear that honesty and integrity has no gray zone with me. I truly believe it is in my best interest to move forward and put this behind me. "Real people" worthy of maintaining an honest relationship with a decent man are few and far between. I choose to take the chance on love instead of cutting my losses and getting out. Thanks for your help

If the Kids are crazy about her and you both have discussed this ,then give her another chance.

 

[footdoc]

And all the EF gods have spoken.....thank you

 

[foxbody351w]

You tell me there not shit about your past that you would not protect your girlfriend/wife from?

Woman's perspective..
There is no such thing as "protecting someone with a lie"..if you can easily lie when someone asks you an honest question, what else are you lying about? How easily it was for her to hide that, well its crap in my opinion.

My ex and I dated for 3 months before he told me he was still legally married-divorce had not been finalized yet...I would not have cared if he would have been up front with me and said hey look im still technically married I hope that doesnt ruin my chances with you. But he blatently hid the truth which creates a whole slew of trust issues and problems because he was "protecting me" bullcrap. Thats a whole other issue too...not lying but not telling the whole truth..that is the SAME as lying in my eyes.

I would rather have someone mad at me that I told them the truth(and have a clear conscience) than someone be mad that I lied straight to their face and they found out days, months, or even years later.

 

[stevesmi]

I think at your age every woman comes with baggage. heck I am dating girls my age around 30 and they all have been engaged before and have broken hearts and emotional baggage.

so you gotta just deal with it. if she lies again i would definately dump her unless you just want to screw around with her

 

[footdoc]

I think at your age every woman comes with baggage. heck I am dating girls my age around 30 and they all have been engaged before and have broken hearts and emotional baggage.

so you gotta just deal with it. if she lies again i would definately dump her unless you just want to screw around with her

She's only thirty one Steve.

 

[RADAR]

She's only thirty one Steve.

Well she is old enough to know what she wants and old enough to know better that a lie won't cut it, I married my 2nd wife because my first ran around and g0t pregnant by a 16 yr old kid she was 26.My 2nd I care more than anything i never questioned her past because i didn't care what happened before i came along, all i care about is the present and how she cares about me, if you two can meet those demands then forget what anyone says and go for it,and its a bonus if she loves the kids as much as they like her.


I think you have already made up your mind....Good Luck!



RADAR