Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below its dandy...i think marraige takes a lot of work..before you get married you were just one person with 1 opinion and 1 way of doing things..when you get married it is 2 people trying to have 1 opinion and 1 way to go....it is not easy no where has it said that marraige was suposed to be easy.there is obviously going to be disagreements and such..i think if you work hard at keeping the marraige good then you will suceed. it has a lot to do with respect for yourself and respect for your spouse.if you know some thing that you are doing is not good or hurts your spouse then you need to work at that and fix that.....some people just arent meant for marraige they are too selfish or they think of it as a huge responsibility...it is a responsibility dont get me wrong but it is not that bad as long as you trust,treasure,love,be patient,and be kind to one another and care about each others feelings.also communicate too.
Married People!
- Thread starter GrandMaster
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awittyusername
New member
gab9681 said:
Not trying to hate. But, could you tell us what the "false-truths" were? I had a couple of friends say the same thing.
bigmann245
New member
awittyusername said:
these are when your sig other tells you he or she likes some things but really doesent. he or she only said it because you liked it. its sad but true. my wife and i hit a small patch of ice early in our marriage as well because of this but we worked it out and moved on. that is what makes a marriage work. the ability to work things out and move on. now we tell each other what we feel right away. this way there arent any surprises down the road.
awittyusername
New member
bigmann245 said:
Yes, exactly. All my friends that have lived with a girl. Said they are completely different than they thought.
Then, the girls thought they could change they things they didn't like.
JayC9
Well-known member
Because both my parents have had multiple failed relationships you can guess what my views on the whole marriage thing were. I married on the spur of the moment, didn't tell any of my family and even to this date my father is the only member of my family that's actually met my wife.
I consider myself fortunate to be very happy in my relationship. I work with my wife and we rely on each other to get things done so I guess that adds an extra dimension to the marriage. People see us as a team and we've been offered some great opportunities (imo) soley because they see that we work well together in our relationship and as business partners, it seems to inspire confidence.
Of late I've seriously been wondering how I stumbled on a gem like her. It hasn't been smooth going all the way but we're learning all the time and the more time we spend together the deeper my love for her gets.
There's no real difference between living with someone and getting married, only other people's perception of your relationship. My advice to anyone contemplating marriage is not to focus on the lovey duvy romantic side of things but to make sure that you can actually trust that person with your life and that you share common ground.
I consider myself fortunate to be very happy in my relationship. I work with my wife and we rely on each other to get things done so I guess that adds an extra dimension to the marriage. People see us as a team and we've been offered some great opportunities (imo) soley because they see that we work well together in our relationship and as business partners, it seems to inspire confidence.
Of late I've seriously been wondering how I stumbled on a gem like her. It hasn't been smooth going all the way but we're learning all the time and the more time we spend together the deeper my love for her gets.
There's no real difference between living with someone and getting married, only other people's perception of your relationship. My advice to anyone contemplating marriage is not to focus on the lovey duvy romantic side of things but to make sure that you can actually trust that person with your life and that you share common ground.
Marriage is something you must wake up every day and DO. It's not getting married at 26 and telling yourself "I love her just the way she is, I hope she never changes"... and cross your fingers. If you think like that, you WILL get divorced. You MUST WORK every day of a marriage to make it a good one.
I'm not saying the "work" is hard or undesirable, but it IS work. You have to listen, trust, CHANGE, because you WILL change, as your spouse will change as well. How the hell do you know what you'll be doing at 40 when you're 26? You LIVE LIFE WITH your spouse and change together, live together, make compromises together.... Hopefully you chose an understanding, smart, thoughful, generous.... spouse, and YOU better be the same way... or you will get divorced.
Don't even get me started on children.
I'm married 8+ years now, and have changed a ton, so has my wife. We've changed TOGETHER for US and our relationship. Had I been with another woman, I may have changed in a different way to suit and comfort that other person.
Marriage is a bond that two people make to HELP each other grow. It's not a "I hope she does'nt change" race.
MOLD each other for the benefit of both of you..
Do it.
I'm not saying the "work" is hard or undesirable, but it IS work. You have to listen, trust, CHANGE, because you WILL change, as your spouse will change as well. How the hell do you know what you'll be doing at 40 when you're 26? You LIVE LIFE WITH your spouse and change together, live together, make compromises together.... Hopefully you chose an understanding, smart, thoughful, generous.... spouse, and YOU better be the same way... or you will get divorced.
Don't even get me started on children.
I'm married 8+ years now, and have changed a ton, so has my wife. We've changed TOGETHER for US and our relationship. Had I been with another woman, I may have changed in a different way to suit and comfort that other person.
Marriage is a bond that two people make to HELP each other grow. It's not a "I hope she does'nt change" race.
MOLD each other for the benefit of both of you..
Do it.
I dated my wife for 2 1/2 yrs before we got married. Approx. 2 of those years I only saw her for 2 wks twice a year. When we got married we thought we were in love, we married an ideal. We also had ideas about what a marriage should be & we had no illusions there. Over the years we've fallen deeper in love than I ever thought possible. There were some rocky times, but through it all we've listened to each other. The hardest part, actually was learning to talk about things truthfully.
As you change over the years, and you both will, you have to stay connected, so you both grow the same way. Support each other.
One thing I've learned when you are going through a difficult time. You have to sit & tell yourself the good things about your S.O., & remind yourself why you love them. Concentrate on their good qualities.
I think it boils down to 2 things.
1. Incredible good luck (in my case anyways, not sure about her luck
).
2. Everyday work at it. Do the romantic stuff. Touch them, listen to them, tell them how you can't live without them. Do stuff together.
If I had to do it again, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
BTW, my Dad's done it twice & each marriage has been a smashing success.
I am so turned on to marriage I get misty eyed when I see a wedding or a Bride. And I grieve everytime I hear about one that didn't work out.
As you change over the years, and you both will, you have to stay connected, so you both grow the same way. Support each other.
One thing I've learned when you are going through a difficult time. You have to sit & tell yourself the good things about your S.O., & remind yourself why you love them. Concentrate on their good qualities.
I think it boils down to 2 things.
1. Incredible good luck (in my case anyways, not sure about her luck
).2. Everyday work at it. Do the romantic stuff. Touch them, listen to them, tell them how you can't live without them. Do stuff together.
If I had to do it again, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
BTW, my Dad's done it twice & each marriage has been a smashing success.
I am so turned on to marriage I get misty eyed when I see a wedding or a Bride. And I grieve everytime I hear about one that didn't work out.
Marriage is a person decision. I REALLY hate it when people say "you shouldn't do it" or even, "you should do it". Justbecause one person had a shitty experience doesn't mean they should tell someone else NOT to do it. You cannot speak for someone else, and furthermore, how can you comment on a relationship you know nothing about?
*vent over*
Marriage has been better than I expected. Honestly, I didn't think I would think marriage was that different than living together (we did for 3 years before marriage). But it is. There is an undefinable comfort, security and happiness to being married to the right partner. Not necessarily a FINANCIAL sense of security, but an emotional one.
I am a more comfortable, happier person now - with myself, with life, and my relationship.
*vent over*
Marriage has been better than I expected. Honestly, I didn't think I would think marriage was that different than living together (we did for 3 years before marriage). But it is. There is an undefinable comfort, security and happiness to being married to the right partner. Not necessarily a FINANCIAL sense of security, but an emotional one.
I am a more comfortable, happier person now - with myself, with life, and my relationship.
GrandMaster
New member
Yea i agree with Hidngod's #2 response, very tru!!
and Daisy's 1st paragraph
and Daisy's 1st paragraph
