My wife hates her mother...

[superqt4u2nv]

Children don't owe their parents. It is the parents that owe their children.

I think that is completely dependant on how you were raised and the relationship you had/have with your parents. I feel forever in debt to my parents all 3 of them. However I know I was blessed my mother walks on water in my eyes, she is one the sweets human beings ever. I love her to death and am so grateful for everything she has done for me. I know there is no way to repay her truly well maybe grandkids. LOL I bumped heads with my step father tons as a teenager but he taught me so much about hard work and work ethic. My father was no saint but he did more then give me life he did the best that he could given the way he was raised.

 

[heatherrae]

Moms aren't perfect and sometimes do stuff we don't like. Why do we think that they would be?

Otherwise, your mom watches your kids all day M-F for free and you guys feel put upon because she eats food and watches your cable that you have anyway? No offense, but you guys seem really ungrateful.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I think that is completely dependant on how you were raised and the relationship you had/have with your parents. I feel forever in debt to my parents all 3 of them. However I know I was blessed my mother walks on water in my eyes, she is one the sweets human beings ever. I love her to death and am so grateful for everything she has done for me. I know there is no way to repay her truly well maybe grandkids. LOL I bumped heads with my step father tons as a teenager but he taught me so much about hard work and work ethic. My father was no saint but he did more then give me life he did the best that he could given the way he was raised.

QT you misunderstand.

You feel indebted to your parents because you are a good person who was raised by good parents. But in truth, the only people you will owe are YOUR CHILDREN. You didn't ask to be born and neither will your children. Having a single child is the most selfish thing a person can do... and as that child grows you quickly realize just how much more you will get from them, then you can possibly give. How ironic is that?

Obviously your parents worked very hard to EARN your love, trust and respect. You don't owe them anything that they did not earn.

Even though my mother was a very not nice person (and still is) I respect the fact that she is my mother and I appreciate everything she taught me and did for me. But I don't OWE HER. I only OWE my children...

 

[Bikini Mod]

I was taught that this applies to everyone.

When it's my time and I have outlived my usefulness, I hope I have the courage to go rather then be a burden on those around me.

I know I feel the same way but I can tell you right now that my Old Grump and perhaps maybe any number of my children will want me to live as long as possible even though I am "no longer usefull." Maybe it will be enough that I am still here and they can still touch and kiss me and glean love from that. Is that not "usefull"?

 

[digimon7068]

my wife hates her mother too. . .we would NEVER let her watch our kids. . .not even if she paid us. . .

 

[EnderJE]

Moms aren't perfect and sometimes do stuff we don't like. Why do we think that they would be?

Otherwise, your mom watches your kids all day M-F for free and you guys feel put upon because she eats food and watches your cable that you have anyway? No offense, but you guys seem really ungrateful.

Nothing is ever 'free'.

We have paid for the following:
- a separate condo (she lives rent free while we pay for her mortgage and her condo fees)
- a new computer
- food (all food)
- all utilities (cable and internet)
- spending money

She has asked for:
- more spending money although she only watches one kid now from M - F for 3 hours a day
- more food budget because she has friends over from time to time

I can appreciate that you might think that we're ungrateful, but I (who's in the situation and selfishly - ) think she's ungrateful.

If we cut her out, we get about 1.5k - 2k per month back. In two years, both my kids will be in school full-time. She's already asked for an increase in the above mentioned items. This means that we'll be paying for 1.5 - 2k for nothing. At this point, I could see me be the bad guy and kick her out.

 

[heatherrae]

Nothing is ever 'free'.

We have paid for the following:
- a separate condo (she lives rent free while we pay for her mortgage and her condo fees)
- a new computer
- food (all food)
- all utilities (cable and internet)
- spending money

She has asked for:
- more spending money although she only watches one kid now from M - F for 3 hours a day
- more food budget because she has friends over from time to time

I can appreciate that you might think that we're ungrateful, but I (who's in the situation and selfishly - ) think she's ungrateful.

If we cut her out, we get about 1.5k - 2k per month back. In two years, both my kids will be in school full-time. She's already asked for an increase in the above mentioned items. This means that we'll be paying for 1.5 - 2k for nothing. At this point, I could see me be the bad guy and kick her out.

Oh shit. I was wrong. I thought you just meant she stayed at your house and watched the kids and ate out of your fridge. Nevermind. I was wrong! =-)

 

[Thandie]

Nothing is ever 'free'.

We have paid for the following:
- a separate condo (she lives rent free while we pay for her mortgage and her condo fees)
- a new computer
- food (all food)
- all utilities (cable and internet)
- spending money

She has asked for:
- more spending money although she only watches one kid now from M - F for 3 hours a day
- more food budget because she has friends over from time to time

I can appreciate that you might think that we're ungrateful, but I (who's in the situation and selfishly - ) think she's ungrateful.

If we cut her out, we get about 1.5k - 2k per month back. In two years, both my kids will be in school full-time. She's already asked for an increase in the above mentioned items. This means that we'll be paying for 1.5 - 2k for nothing. At this point, I could see me be the bad guy and kick her out.

It appears the situation should have been stopped long ago, but everyone got used to it, somehow. Now, are you really going to kick her out after she's been used to live off your wife for so long?. I'm not being mean to you or your wife, but be careful. Karma is a bitch. And that thing about "I don't need you anymore" not always comes out the way we imagine it to be. I'm not taking her side, just whatever you do, do it with compassion, regardless of how much of a user she has been.
The universe doesn't know of who was bad first

 

[Bikini Mod]

It appears the situation should have been stopped long ago, but everyone got used to it, somehow. Now, are you really going to kick her out after she's been used to live off your wife for so long?. I'm not being mean to you or your wife, but be careful. Karma is a bitch. And that thing about "I don't need you anymore" not always comes out the way we imagine it to be. I'm not taking her side, just whatever you do, do it with compassion, regardless of how much of a user she has been.
The universe doesn't know of who was bad first

Excellent advice. Filed...

Thank you again for sharing your wisdom.

 

[curvymommy]

I how you call her MIL. You are totally catching up with the cool kind of lingo everyone loves to hate me for.

Go give your DW and DK's (dear wife & kids) a hug, heehee!