Slipping a little...need some positive reinforcement please!!!

[nefertiti]

I've been fairly open about my history with eating disorders. When I came here, to EF, I was just over a hundred pounds looking to gain about ten healthy pounds of muscle. I ended up stopping caring about the numbers on the scale, developing a healthy relationship with food, and a healthy self image. Instead of pounds, my focus became being happy with myself. I haven't even weighed myself in a couple of months,

Anyone who has suffered with an ED knows, it's like alcoholism...always waiting in the wings for you to be weak so it can attack again.

The last few weeks a few things have come up that have brought back a familiar sense of being out of control of my life. Sans a scale, I bagan to critique myself by doing pinch tests with my fingers, and judging the space between my thighs when my feet are together. As a result, I can tell I'm losing weight again, and it's triggering me (not much...maybe five pounds in the last week and a half). I can hear that other version of myself whispering, "If you lose X pounds, then X will happen." The last few days I have started using one of my "tricks" to kill my appetite.

I haven't done or had the urge to do any of my binge/purge cycle behaviors, so it's only a small slide, but I need to stick a plug in the leak before it widens to something much more problematic. Other than venting here, I am doing a few other things in my "real" life to get back on track so I guess just....wish me luck.

 

[Daisy_Girl]

I don't have experience with this, but I just want to wish you luck. You seem really strong, and I think that recognizing the "slide" is what is important. You see the slide, and are trying to fight it. Good for you. I admire your tenacity and desire to get better.

 

[cindylou]

Nef - you beautiful thing


positive vibes from me coming your way.


I cant relate so I'm sorry I cant help.

 

[nefertiti]

Thank you, Daisy.

Cindy - I don't expect most people here to relate, so it's ok....just consider this a compliment to all of you ladies that I felt like this was a safe place to share.

 

[wlmcrae]

E-massage coming your way! (Consider getting one in real life to reduce the anxiety . .? It helps me.)

 

[nefertiti]

E-massage coming your way! (Consider getting one in real life to reduce the anxiety . .? It helps me.)

Ohhhhhhhh, that's a GOOD idea!

 

[badgergrl]

You got this girl!

Talking about it gives the demon less power!
Pray, meditate, feed your spirit. I think that usually when slips occur, it's because of a spiritual or emotional imbalance in your life.

Hey! You're in DC? So close to me.... NoVA

 

[nefertiti]

You got this girl!

Talking about it gives the demon less power!
Pray, meditate, feed your spirit. I think that usually when slips occur, it's because of a spiritual or emotional imbalance in your life.

Hey! You're in DC? So close to me.... NoVA

I'm actually in Alexandria. Where do you work out? You can PM it to me if you don't want to say here.

Venting here helped. I had a big salad with grilled chicken for lunch, and felt good about it.

 

[badgergrl]

I'm actually in Alexandria. Where do you work out? You can PM it to me if you don't want to say here.

Venting here helped. I had a big salad with grilled chicken for lunch, and felt good about it.

Yummy!

I'm in Fairfax

 

[nefertiti]

You don't go to the golds out there, do you? I've heard it's the crappiest one in the area.


(No, I'm not trying to stalk you, haha )