The Humane Solution!
1. Immediately begin an expensive media blitz to promise a $50,000 cash advance to reward illegal immigrants [courtesy of your friendly, US tax payer]. Place signs every 100 yards along our borders saying, "Illegal immigrants welcome! Anyone allowed! Al Qaeda included! [You might consider having the illegals sign a contract to only vote for your party in exchange for the $50,000, even after your future voter dies.]
2. We DEMAND an increase in medical, education, and welfare benefits to encourage illegal immigrants. The US and California tax payer will be glad to cover the cost. We must also allow hospitals to charge the tax payer 5 times what is normal when the patient is an illegal immigrant.
3. Abolish all border control. Let's face it, border control isn't getting the job done anyway. So why inconvenience them? On the other hand, if abolishing border control is out of the question, here are some suggestions:
a. Replace the Mexico border walls with free beer stations. We already built a water station to make the trip across the Mexico border more convenient. Why not give away free beer? Believe us when we say, worse things have been done with tax money before. So why not have some happy and drunk illegals enter our country with a bang?
b. Rearm border guards with squirt guns and give them even more sensitivity training. We want them to be nurturing, as well as kinder and gentler to illegals.
c. Replace border patrol cars with the Flintstone version of transportation, and chain cinderblocks to the border patrols' legs. That will give the pregnant illegals a better chance to outrun them, so their babies can be auto-citizens when they give birth in the US.
d. If somehow, our border patrol should manage to catch an illegal immigrant, the immigrant should be allowed to roll a pair of dice. If they roll a "7", they are allowed to sue the border guards for committing a crime against humanity.
e. If they fail to make that lucky roll of the dice, the illegals should immediately be sent back to their home country so they can try to cross the border again right away.
4. If an illegal immigrant is caught with a job, we should have special agents get them on welfare instead. We need to educate them about welfare loopholes and skid the tracks.
5. If illegal immigrants are caught breaking other laws, they should be rewarded with immediate citizenship.
6. Illegal alians should be given the right to vote, the same as US citizens. The great part of this idea is you have millions of uninformed people voting about issues from an ignorant viewpoint. That makes them the perfect suckers for corrupt politicians, even more gullible than voters who were born here.
7. Consider the wonderful fringe benefits from the flood of illegal immigrants! Why be negative all the time? California might soon be sending it's entire state budget in a check directly to the corrupt beaurocrats Mexico, so they can build more mansions. In fact, Mexico would have a huge chunk of the House of Representatives, since the number of districts in California would double. And once California is completely taken over, it will be impossible to ever control US borders again. What a joyous day that will be! Put aside the negatives for a moment, and consider the postitives. Building mansions for the corrupt beaurocrats of Mexico will make them and their friends very, very happy!
8. Illegal immigrants should have squatters' rights in US parks. After all, it will happen anyway when enough illegals are granted clemency and given the right to vote. They obviously will feel more compassion toward immigrants than toward trees and squirrels, we assure you. So rather than wait and be forced into it later, why not pre-empt that ugliness by giving them park land immediately? Land that has been denied to US citizens for several generations.
9. Since we don't know what the heck illegal immigrants are toting across the border anyway, we might as well guarantee them privacy rights that no US citizen will ever have. We should tell them that they can bring anything they want: heroine, crack, any al qaeda friends they might have, along with bio/nuke/chem weapons because their privacy will be guaranteed. Besides, we are too busy snooping on US citizens anyway. And that should be encouraged, too.
Please Scroll Down to See Forums Below 
