I think i have a mild form of bi-polar disorder...

[jnevin]

^^me too
too hard on myself
trying to make people think you are something you really are not can eat at your brain

I think it's more trying to make myself think there's something I am or am not is more like it. I was thinking about this quite a bit last night actually. Anything I've really tried to do I've accomplished. Honestly, every realistic goal I've hit. I've never known why I've wanted to do any of the things i did other than just to do them. I'd focus on the goal and when I got it' it never felt like it was anything that special. Maybe because i never knew what I wanted. I still don't. The past few weeks of clearing my head out and really thinking about what I want to do and what kind of person I want to be have really left me wondering who the fuck I am and how the fuck I got here. My Id has always controlled my life and now that I have a pet human I need to take care of and nurture and grow, I have to become the best person I can because I'll have to lead by example. I've both seen and done some horrible and violent things in my past and I never want her to come anywhere close to those things. I also don't want her to ever need anything. I always want her to have every opportunity I didn't have, I just want the best for her. I get afraid sometimes that self destructive side of me will come out and damage my relationship with her.

Just that being sober here for a while and realizing how much my own thoughts and fears have been pulling me back. I know there's nothing I can't do, but I don't know what I want to do and in this market with a child, I can't really be picky. I kinda need to learn to be at peace with myself first and then let everything fall into place.

 

[shrimp poboy]

Fuck the jets

 

[ortiz34]

I think it's more trying to make myself think there's something I am or am not is more like it. I was thinking about this quite a bit last night actually. Anything I've really tried to do I've accomplished. Honestly, every realistic goal I've hit. I've never known why I've wanted to do any of the things i did other than just to do them. I'd focus on the goal and when I got it' it never felt like it was anything that special. Maybe because i never knew what I wanted. I still don't. The past few weeks of clearing my head out and really thinking about what I want to do and what kind of person I want to be have really left me wondering who the fuck I am and how the fuck I got here. My Id has always controlled my life and now that I have a pet human I need to take care of and nurture and grow, I have to become the best person I can because I'll have to lead by example. I've both seen and done some horrible and violent things in my past and I never want her to come anywhere close to those things. I also don't want her to ever need anything. I always want her to have every opportunity I didn't have, I just want the best for her. I get afraid sometimes that self destructive side of me will come out and damage my relationship with her.

Just that being sober here for a while and realizing how much my own thoughts and fears have been pulling me back. I know there's nothing I can't do, but I don't know what I want to do and in this market with a child, I can't really be picky. I kinda need to learn to be at peace with myself first and then let everything fall into place.

good stuff right there bro
sounds like you are really focused
I don't think my brother is doing so good, as he hasn't been calling me. (ususally a sign an addict has fallen of the wagon)

 

[puddlemonkey]

I think it's more trying to make myself think there's something I am or am not is more like it. I was thinking about this quite a bit last night actually. Anything I've really tried to do I've accomplished. Honestly, every realistic goal I've hit. I've never known why I've wanted to do any of the things i did other than just to do them. I'd focus on the goal and when I got it' it never felt like it was anything that special. Maybe because i never knew what I wanted. I still don't. The past few weeks of clearing my head out and really thinking about what I want to do and what kind of person I want to be have really left me wondering who the fuck I am and how the fuck I got here. My Id has always controlled my life and now that I have a pet human I need to take care of and nurture and grow, I have to become the best person I can because I'll have to lead by example. I've both seen and done some horrible and violent things in my past and I never want her to come anywhere close to those things. I also don't want her to ever need anything. I always want her to have every opportunity I didn't have, I just want the best for her. I get afraid sometimes that self destructive side of me will come out and damage my relationship with her.

Just that being sober here for a while and realizing how much my own thoughts and fears have been pulling me back. I know there's nothing I can't do, but I don't know what I want to do and in this market with a child, I can't really be picky. I kinda need to learn to be at peace with myself first and then let everything fall into place.

When you guys are done with your circle jerk meeting feel free to stop by plat chat.

 

[flex229]

interesting....

how you describe yourself reminds me of myself...maybe i'll get checked out...