I think i have a mild form of bi-polar disorder...

[calveless wonder]

You know...
I've always struggled with bouts of serious depression since i was young and was treated for it at different times of my life, but i never thought i was bi-polar due to the definiton of it. The thought has come up before because i've been told by other people about my mood swings but I never had any real classic "manic" episodes where i'd go crazy and be super happy and not sleep for days. I do however, not realizing it until now, experience "highs" where i feel invincible and on top of the world. I have a hard time understanding how i can go from charismatic and social and happy to being isolated, dark and bitter. I always just thought i had a "dark" side

Well, I've been reflecting on my life and the constant mood swings i go through. One day up, one day down...two weeks up, two weeks down..etc

Then i stumbled upon a disorder called Cyclomthymia. It's a milder form of bi-polar disorder and it basically exactly described the vicious cycle i have gone through for years. The episodes are not as severe as someone who's full blown bi-polar, thus the reason it's never really been discussed.I've also never told my doctors about how great i feel sometimes...i just thought that was me being happy or in my party mode

To sum up my life, i get a great deal of momentum or a great opportunity and then lose motivation or get depressed and then everything fucks up within a month or two usualy. This has happened so many times, its unreal. I've had a hard time holding a job for longer than a year at a time. I've always done unreal at most places i've worked for, gotten great positions or chances, but i could never sustain it.My potential has always been compromised and people have always wrote me off as lazy, or irresponsible...I started believing that.I have a serious problem where i just don't want to get out of bed and sleep for riduclous amounts of time. It'll occur out of nowhere sometimes and has cost me jobs, clients and alot of other things

I always thought i would just get complacent or that i would fall into depression at certain times..but i'm not quite sure.

I used to write off my little europhic highs as confidence/arrogance or just me not being depressed, but i dont think thats the case anymore.

I'm not sure whether to feel relieved if thats teh case, and it can be treated or just disappointed that i let my life play out this way for this long. I have to go talk to my doc who prescribes me my ADHD meds. That too, went unnoticed for a long time and my teachers and parents just thought i was lazy.

no wonder im so fucked up.

from an outside perspective and seeing my posts over the years, do you guys see this as probably being true?

 

[puddlemonkey]

lol@mild

 

[puddlemonkey]

btw- I ain't reading all of that



CLIFF NOTES!@!!!!

 

[calveless wonder]

you're an asshole bro. this is a serious thread

 

[puddlemonkey]

you're an asshole bro. this is a serious thread

ok, to make up for it I'll read your book above.

 

[Cal_21]

At least you're discovering this now, whilst you're still young. Have you made an appointment to discuss this w/ your doc yet?

 

[puddlemonkey]

Well, I've been reflecting on my life and the constant mood swings i go through. One day up, one day down...two weeks up, two weeks down..etc

I think this is relatively common, we all go through emotional ups and downs.

Then i stumbled upon a disorder called Cyclomthymia.

I really hate how we as a society try to classify every emotion we have and fit it with a special name or prescribe it a drug. Emotions are a part of life, you need to be sad sometimes to understand happy, or loath in order to grasp love. We all have trials and tribulations, don't think for a second anyone is free of that.

It's a milder form of bi-polar disorder and it basically exactly described the vicious cycle i have gone through for years. The episodes are not as severe as someone who's full blown bi-polar, thus the reason it's never really been discussed.I've also never told my doctors about how great i feel sometimes...i just thought that was me being happy or in my party mode

I think when we give these feelings special terms it allows people to buy into it so much that it has almost a placebo effect where the individual starts falling further into that state or focuses too much on it thus becoming more and more of a problem.

To sum up my life, i get a great deal of momentum or a great opportunity and then lose motivation or get depressed and then everything fucks up within a month or two usualy. This has happened so many times, its unreal. I've had a hard time holding a job for longer than a year at a time. I've always done unreal at most places i've worked for, gotten great positions or chances, but i could never sustain it.My potential has always been compromised and people have always wrote me off as lazy, or irresponsible...

Do you think maybe you just got content? It happens all the time, with jobs, relationships, etc. We start out with a great deal of motivation or enthusiasm, only later to become complacent and thus losing drive or focus.

from an outside perspective and seeing my posts over the years, do you guys see this as probably being true?

I think you need to have a sit down with my brother. He's made me into a cold hearted relentless bastard and can probably do the same for you.

 

[puddlemonkey]

I know you don't want to hear this and I don't say it to be mean cause I wuv you little buddy, but I don't think having parents that are well off has done you any favors as far as motivation and drive goes.

 

[calveless wonder]

I think this is relatively common, we all go through emotional ups and downs.




I really hate how we as a society try to classify every emotion we have and fit it with a special name or prescribe it a drug. Emotions are a part of life, you need to be sad sometimes to understand happy, or loath in order to grasp love. We all have trials and tribulations, don't think for a second anyone is free of that.




I think when we give these feelings special terms it allows people to buy into it so much that it has almost a placebo effect where the individual starts falling further into that state or focuses too much on it thus becoming more and more of a problem.




Do you think maybe you just got content? It happens all the time, with jobs, relationships, etc. We start out with a great deal of motivation or enthusiasm, only later to become complacent and thus losing drive or focus.




I think you need to have a sit down with my brother. He's made me into a cold hearted relentless bastard and can probably do the same for you.

You know, I come from a family that really falls into this(your) thought process. I agree with how society has done this to an extent and of course the greed of the drug companies have only fueled this. I believed the things you say for a long time, due to my family. They drilled this into my head and just told me I was lazy and spent too much time feeling sorry for myself. Which is why after I was diagnosed w adhd, I took meds for a year and then stopped for 6 until last year when I realized my life was too difficult to manage in the real world without. I've also foregone anti depressants for a long time, because even though I know I'm prone (I tried to commit suicide at 16) and have been in serious depressive states since, I felt I was strong enough to make it through. And I am strong and resilient...but there's something more to it. I still believe a lot of what you say, but I really believe there are people who are ill too.

I've always blamed myself for my shortcomings and never understood why I was the way I was and repeatingly making the same mistakes. but after I look back at all the opportunities I've squandered, business I've lost and people I've alienated I really feel like its an issue I need to address, and maybe...this isn't just "the way I am". Apparently my mothers side has dimentia history and other mental illnesses.

I'm due to see my doc and I'll talk to him most likely

 

[Smurfy]

CW, it sounds like you're having a hard time, and I certainly hope that talking to your doctor will help you get to where you need to be so that you can feel better again and maintain the stability youre needing. And, although in general, i think Puddle is right to a certain degree, I hate to see anyone struggling, especially someone with so much potential such as yourself.