I don't understand it, how could someone divorce after all of that?

[Longhorn85]

My boss' boss just announced that he and his wife are splitting. They have been marrried for over 20 years, met in college, have 4 kids, survived many military moves and separations, his career is hugely successful.

After going through all of that, why/how would anyone split up? Seems like they could somehow work out the differences, even if it meant him having a little hanky-panky on the side or whatever.

It just seems a shame to split a team like that after all of those years of experience. They are both good people too.

It worries someone like me who has been married for 13 years. I feel like I will be married forever, but maybe these guys thought that too.

If I go middle age crazy and have a wild fling with some young chick will my wife throw away our whole marriage and family?

 

[Digger Dan]

Maybe they are splitting because they have been doing it for all those reasons for too long.

Children are never a good reason to stay together. I know this all to well.

 

[manny78]

Yup how old are the children ? Maybe they stay together cause of the children, waited for them to be adult and now poufff, adios !

 

[bullett]

Well, I'll tell you....

I was married to a woman for almost 20 years... We were married very young. She had been with me through basically my entire adult life. We had grown up together. I thought that no one could ever know me the way she does. We had a child, moved a number of times, I was in the Military for six years, out and developed a good career. Went to school, and hundreds of other things that I could mention.

Then you wake up one day, and it hits you that you don't even remotely KNOW the person next to you...

You grow APART. After 20 years, we had absolutely nothing in common! Amazing, but true, and it happens all the time. My career had developed, hers had not. I was very health concious, working out, etc...she was not. I loved sports, playing and watching, she hated it. On and On...

I have talked to others who have gone through this, and they spend years devoted to the career development, the kids, getting them through High School, then College, etc...

When that is done, they have no more life...no common interests, nothing to do together, etc... And believe me, if you can't talk, there is no sex...and you don't want any.

SO>>.... the moral of the story is to make sure that you put your relationship and COMMON interests with a potential spouse in front of everything else, including sex. Of course, sex, physical attraction, must be there or they would not be a potential spouse. I'm just saying that there has to be a stronger bond than sex. And during the marriagge, you must find time for common interests, not just making money, and raising kids, cause that too shall pass...

I was lucky enough to find my mate the second time around. This is fairly common also, because of the many lessons learned the first time....

Good Luck!

 

[vixenbabe]

I often wonder why people ALLOW a marriage to get to the stage of divorce!

I'm not afraid of it happening..Cuz WE'D work like hell before the marrige turned to shit!

 

[FreeballinDC]

If I go middle age crazy and have a wild fling with some young chick will my wife throw away our whole marriage and family?

It sounds like you are "blaming" your wife for ending something that you didn't respect in the first place.

With the above statement, maybe it would be you who takes the trashcan to the door, and then your wife helped you take it to the curb.

Hypothetically speaking.

 

[AAP]

What if it involved HER having a little hanky panky outside the marriage? Think his ego could LIVE with that?

 

[machaveli]

i feel as though i found my soul mate, the one i want to marry at a young age. After reading your guys posts, i am a little warry she may not be the one. I love her to death and i only picture myself with her but i never ever want to get divorced. My parents did when i was young and my father was rarely around which made it difficult for me growing up. I guess 2 people she seriously consider everything before the knot. goals, ambitions, interests, ect.......

 

[HumorMe]

If I go middle age crazy and have a wild fling with some young chick will my wife throw away our whole marriage and family?

It's a shame that after 20 years a marriage would just dissolve like that. It's more of the norm these days though.

As far as your quote goes.......I don't think she would be throwing the marriage away but you would be throwing it away.

I hate to say "it will never happen to me" because all things are possible but I hope it never happens to me. I couldn't bear the thought of somebody messing in my woodpile.

 

[Bikini Mod]

As bullet said, it is about growing apart... once the children are grown and your careers (or lack thereof) are established, what else is there? I mean, why stay together if you don't genuinely LIKE each other?

I know it seems like an odd thought to those that are together still getting through life. And if you guys can finish your lives together while still reaching for the other's hand in affection then I will be the first to admit that I am very envious....

When things are not bad between two people (as they were for me and my spouse) it is EZ to ignore the relationship when you are busy with careers and kids. But when those goals have been achieved, what else is there? Just the two of you.... If you aren't truly friends who have shared a tremendous amount of intimacy (this is both physical and emotional) then there is really no reason to remain together. Unless it is something that the two of you wish to continue to do because you respect each other and it is "convenient" (ie it is NOT BAD and you two have a history and common bonds like a home and grown kids, grandkids, etc).

Sadly, I know the answer to this question and I never made it past 8 years or so without SERIOUSLY questioning why I am STILL MARRIED. Could we have stayed married and fixed it? Hell yes... but this takes TWO. I was only 1/2 of that.

Bullet, I hope to God that my ex learns from the mistakes of our marriage and finds a nice woman who will stand up for herself and be a good female role model to our girls.

As for me, I would like someone to support me the way that I am capable of supporting another and who genuinely has an affection for me and is kind to me, is an excellent male role model for my girls and will love them as they deserve to be loved.

I don't care about the love of a man. My girls love me and that is enough for me. That is all that I will ever need.