got dumped..BUT I'M GONNA GET PUMPED, HUMPED, JUMPED AND BUMPED!

[MattTheSkywalker]

Re: got dumped..

Your updates represent perfectly normal behavior...hang in there...you'll be Ok with this pretty soon.

At some point you will feel sheepish for putting it all on the boards.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

Your updates represent perfectly normal behavior...hang in there...you'll be Ok with this pretty soon.

At some point you will feel sheepish for putting it all on the boards.

Yeah, you are not the first to say this.

And at this point, I really don't care, I'm actually looking FORWARD to feeling like dumbass for putting this all out on the boards for everyone to see.. because at that point I think I'll be well into the healing process and likely not feeling so down. I'd much rather feel the tiny bit of regret that this thread can bring, then the overwhelming sense of loss that thinking about "her" brings on.

 

[bran987]

Re: got dumped..

Yeah, you are not the first to say this.

And at this point, I really don't care, I'm actually looking FORWARD to feeling like dumbass for putting this all out on the boards for everyone to see.. because at that point I think I'll be well into the healing process and likely not feeling so down. I'd much rather feel the tiny bit of regret that this thread can bring, then the overwhelming sense of loss that thinking about "her" brings on.

see? you're already looking at the bright side of things

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

see? you're already looking at the bright side of things

Yeah! The bright side is that I get to feel like an idiot one of these days... grand!

 

[string_bean00]

Re: got dumped..

Yeah, you are not the first to say this.

And at this point, I really don't care, I'm actually looking FORWARD to feeling like dumbass for putting this all out on the boards for everyone to see.. because at that point I think I'll be well into the healing process and likely not feeling so down. I'd much rather feel the tiny bit of regret that this thread can bring, then the overwhelming sense of loss that thinking about "her" brings on.

I did the same thing on another board about a year ago...it was practically a break up journal for all too see. I kind of laugh if I read it now.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

Newsflash...

Just got this email from her:
____________
Hope you had an overall good time on your trip...probably pretty crazy
im assuming. I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you
although i think the healthiest thing for both of us is to work
through this seperately. I jsut didn't want you to think that i'm
ignoring you, i just think not seeing each other is much better. Hope
things are going better for you...

Sarah
________

I don't think I'm even gonna reply...

 

[velvett]

Re: got dumped..

Newsflash...

Just got this email from her:
____________
Hope you had an overall good time on your trip...probably pretty crazy
im assuming. I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you
although i think the healthiest thing for both of us is to work
through this seperately. I jsut didn't want you to think that i'm
ignoring you, i just think not seeing each other is much better. Hope
things are going better for you...

Sarah
________

I don't think I'm even gonna reply...

Don't you dare reply!

"work through this separately" - WTF is that supposed to mean?

Of course she's not ignoring you - she has to keep the ties open so in case of things don't work out you'll still take her back.


You're almost free - just some more time - you'll start to feel good about this, feel good about yourself and let some new people into your life.

 

[from zero]

Re: got dumped..

If you reply to that, you're a fool.

Move on buddy boy.

 

[jh1]

Re: got dumped..

Newsflash...

Just got this email from her:
____________
Hope you had an overall good time on your trip...probably pretty crazy
im assuming. I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you
although i think the healthiest thing for both of us is to work
through this seperately. I jsut didn't want you to think that i'm
ignoring you, i just think not seeing each other is much better. Hope
things are going better for you...

Sarah
________

I don't think I'm even gonna reply...

LOL... You don't think you're gonna reply?

You had better not.

She's trying to keep you on a string... ya know...... just in case it suits her.

Whatever... leave it go... any reply and she will sense the desperation. Ignore her completely and soon she'll be begging you, then you'll start to see how disgusting her behavior is and you will be totally turned off by her...

LOL... seriously it always works... it takes some nads to get through that first phase, but soon - my bor - you will resent her...

You'll be wanting her less, and she'll be wanting you more...

 

[Becoming]

Re: got dumped..

Ignore her completely and soon she'll be begging you, then you'll start to see how disgusting her behavior is and you will be totally turned off by her...

You'll be wanting her less, and she'll be wanting you more...

agree with all the above

muhahahaha now the control is in your court... chicks are idiots.

ignore, ignore, ignore...

then know when she is long forgotten by you she will think "how did I let him get away"

revenge is a dish best served cold(ly)...

 

[jubei]

Re: got dumped..

break off all contact, trust me.

 

[string_bean00]

Re: got dumped..

Everyone is right when they say don't reply to that. Cut off the contact. She'll want you back; I guarantee she will if you do it right.



Keep the ball in your court.

 

[Becoming]

Re: got dumped..

Keep the ball in your court.

And then walk off the court. lol

 

[string_bean00]

Re: got dumped..

And then walk off the court. lol

Exactly. It's just good to know you "won" though, as childish as that sounds, it still applies.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

Thanks guys.

I read that, then had to go to a really long meeting. The entire time I was thinking of what I should say, what I could say. I got back to my desk, instead of replying, I read this thread first, and because of what I read I won't be replying to that email.

 

[strongsmartsexy]

Re: got dumped..

I don't think I'm even gonna reply...

The best thing you've said yet!

 

[wutangnomo]

Re: got dumped..

I just had to respond to this thread again after reading this post. Brian I hope you have had enough time to at least be able to see your ex's true colours in this post, and yes, to even possibly feel some resentment. As others have already mentioned, she is keeping you on a string and quite frankly, she's playing games. Your ex made it clear that she broke up with you for no reason whatsoever and that it had nothing to do with you. I hope you can see in her email that she is not as "perfect" as you think she is, and that YOU deserve BETTER! What I see in her email is a girl who is not nearly as mature as you, who is at a completely different stage in her life, and who is dishonest. The most important thing I see in her email is absolute contradiction of her "feelings".

"Hope you had an overall good time on your trip...probably pretty crazy im assuming."

Why would she care? Lets get fuckin real here, she dumped you remember! She KNOWS you are feeling miserable and this line is just a slap in the face. I'd spit in her face if I could. She has implied numerous times that she feels it's best you two part ways. This is her way of trying to get you to reply to tell her all about your trip. She also wants to see if you are having a life of your own now and have moved on. Fact is, you had a trip, you will continue to have trips, and none of that is no longer any of her damn business!


"I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you..."

Once again slap in the face! This is her way of trying to make you think there is still hope for the two of you, since she has you on her mind. It'll make you feel good, but do not fall for this bullshit!! She has made it clear that it is over, so why would she tell you this?


"...although i think the healthiest thing for both of us is to work through this seperately."

First of all, the ONLY one who has to "work through this" is YOU! What the fuck does this bitch have to work through??? SHE dumped YOU remember!! Why the hell would she tell you she's thinking about you, then tell you she thinks it's best you two are separate?? Another slap in the fuckin face! At this point I hope you are seeing through her pathetic lines.


"I jsut didn't want you to think that i'm ignoring you, i just think not seeing each other is much better."

I don't care how high your ex's test scores were, but she is one stupid bitch because she contradicts herself worse than OJ. In one breath she is basically saying "I think we should cut off all contact", yet in another breath she is telling you that she doesn't want to ignore you. The ONLY one who should be doing the ignoring is YOU! She tells you again she thinks it's best not to see each other, yet she has given you no substantial reason whatsoever. Think bro think! Your relationship went from good/great to all of a sudden "I just think not seeing each other is much better"??? She pulled a 180 on you just like that, so I hope you are able to see that this bitch isn't worth your time of day! Do NOT let these lines fool you!!


"Hope things are going better for you..."

Give me a fuckin break!! She dumped you! But you know what, you will prove her wrong and soon things WILL be going great for you. When it does you're going to forget all about this no-good lying bitch! I'm sorry but I call it like I see it, and this chick is giving you pure bullshit trying to keep you on that leash. Deep down inside she enjoys the control she has over you. DO NOT REPLY to her!! She's curious to know what you're up to and to see whether or not she has you under her control. From this point forward I wouldn't even read her emails, just delete them. You're going to go on with your life and one day she will come crawling back to you. By NOT replying you will be taking control and power BACK into your hands!! Stay strong! The ball is in your court...

 

[Ulcasterdropout]

Re: got dumped..

Looks like everyone is unanimous about not replying back. I never knew people were this complicted and mendacious, at the social level. I guess these are the "games"......

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

Thanks for the in depth analysis....

I'm not disagreeing with you, but let me give you my initial thoughts.

I sent her the desperate text messages on Friday night while i was on my trip in Vegas, so she knows times were rough at one point.

Is there a possiblity, that although she doesn't want me as a boyfriend right now, she still cares about me as a person and wants to see me happy, and more importantly, she doesn't want to feel responsible for me hurting and my quality of life affected in the way it has been.

I do believe that she wants to be friends. I am not saying that is what I want, but we started out as friends, then it grew into this, and I think that she actually does want me involved her in life in some way sometime in the future. (I am afterall a pretty damn good friend among other things).

I saw this email as her way of not burning all bridges.. she doesn't want me to feel COMPLETELY abandoned.. just enough to get over this.. but not enough to be so upset with her that I never speak to her again.

Also, consider the fact that when we first broke up a week and a half ago, it was me continually emailing her... it was me who was sending her the desperate text messages... when she came over it was me who basically pleaded to work things out... she didn't ignore thoughs requests... they were painful for her to deal with, but still still faced them. I think she might be testing to see if I would just ignore her, or give her the same courtesy I gave her.

I do realize that since this was a single sided breakup the rules don't apply evenly for both of us.. but I still seem to be trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I'm not going to reply either way... I just wanted to throw out a counter opinion.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

break off all contact, trust me.

dude, i need you to desgin a cycle for me.. give me something else to focus on

 

[strongsmartsexy]

Re: got dumped..

dude, i need you to desgin a cycle for me.. give me something else to focus on

1 - 4 dbol 30mg/day
1- 12 test enan 500mg/week
1 - 10 deca 400mg/week
7 - 12 winny 50mg/day

How's that?

 

[Ulcasterdropout]

Re: got dumped..

I thought that same thought....but you got a whole thread of people, unanimously saying, forget that bitch, she broke your heart, let it/her go, your dragging it out......

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

man its so tempting to bust out some of the thoughts I put together from reading goldendelicious' posts... particularly..

The woman I love exists only in my heart, dreams, and memories. Communicating with you is like talking to a stranger wearing a familiar face and speaking with a voice that I love. It is just too painful.

 

[jerseyart]

Re: got dumped..

Lestat,

I read that e-mail differently than most.

Absolutely though don't respond.!!!

But to the point, I think she is worried that maybe you did have a good time, and that was just a roundabout way of getting you to tell her what happened. She may be feeling some jealousy, and the longer you go without communicating with her, the more she is going to wonder who you might be out with. At least to me it explains the contradictions in her post.

 

[velvett]

Re: got dumped..

I do believe that she wants to be friends.

I saw this email as her way of not burning all bridges.. she doesn't want me to feel COMPLETELY abandoned.. just enough to get over this.. but not enough to be so upset with her that I never speak to her again..

You're just thinking with your heart - no one can hold that against you.

 

[jd_uk]

Re: got dumped..

man its so tempting to bust out some of the thoughts I put together from reading goldendelicious' posts... particularly..

The woman I love exists only in my heart, dreams, and memories. Communicating with you is like talking to a stranger wearing a familiar face and speaking with a voice that I love. It is just too painful.

I'm not trying to confuse you or anything but i might have to disagree with what everyone else says. I agree that you should not reply back, but I don't think she's deliberately trying to slap you in the face either.

I also don't really see how she's contradicting herself. I'm not saying that she's not being deceitful (she might be, i don't know), but it is possible that she means what she says and thinks the best way of helping you not to feel too bad is by letting you know that she's not completely cutting off all ties and ignoring you.

I've never dumped anyone, but i think that if i did i'd feel completely awful about it and i think i'd probably say the same things that she is (i.e. I think it'd be best if we didn't make contact to give us both time to get over each other, but if you need talk then i'll be here for you).

I could be wrong and she might be a complete bitch but she sounds like a decent person to me that maybe just felt stuck in a relationship that she felt wasn't right for her.

Anyway, hope that didn't make you feel any worse Brian, stay strong and thanks for the reply to the PM...you'll be all good soon.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

You're just thinking with your heart - no one can hold that against you.

yeah.. its still so hard.


And I dunno, I don't think she's so worried about about I am doing and who I am doing it with... I know how her mind works... strangely its fairly similar to mine in many ways. But I see it as... she made this decision for herself.. she knows it causes me great pain and distress... she's moved on, but wants to make sure I am still doing well.

Sad to say, I'm actually the curious one.. I'm wondering if she's got her eye on someone new already.. what she's doing.. who she's talking to

 

[wutangnomo]

Re: got dumped..

Lestat,

I read that e-mail differently than most.

Absolutely though don't respond.!!!

But to the point, I think she is worried that maybe you did have a good time, and that was just a roundabout way of getting you to tell her what happened. She may be feeling some jealousy, and the longer you go without communicating with her, the more she is going to wonder who you might be out with. At least to me it explains the contradictions in her post.

That's exactly how I see it as well!

Brian I understand where you're coming from, but you have to realize that you cared about her deeply, loved her deeply, and wanted to make it work out, so of course you're giving her the benefit of the doubt. However, you are not seeing it from our perspective as your heart is telling you one thing while your mind is telling you another. Right now your heart is still badly hurt and winning out, thus, you are rationalizing it however you possibly can so as to "make it work out".

What you have to realize is that SHE dumped YOU! It is time for YOU to be selfish bro. It is NOT about what she wants because quite frankly, she did what she wanted by dumping you. She made her decision and now it's time for you to be selfish and make yours, regardless of how it will affect her. If she wants to still have you part of her life in someway and remain friends, too bad for her! You have to do what's BEST FOR YOU, and at this point in time severing all ties is what's best. From this point forward is it about what YOU, and ONLY YOU, want. More importantly, it is about what YOU NEED, and that is, you NEED her out of your life.

"Is there a possiblity, that although she doesn't want me as a boyfriend right now, she still cares about me as a person and wants to see me happy, and more importantly, she doesn't want to feel responsible for me hurting and my quality of life affected in the way it has been."

Yes there is that possibility that she still cares about you and wants to see you happy, but I hate to break it to you, she IS responsible for hurting you. If she wants to see you happy she will understand why you are cutting off all ties. That is the only way to reclaim your happiness. She cannot have her cake and eat it too. She dumped you, now she will have to deal with the possibility of losing you as a friend regardless if she still cares about you.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

should I even be considering the option of being friends in the future right now?

It seems very painful, and in the near term.. yeah forget about it.

But i could see myself being her friend one day down the line... but pretty much only if I was in a relationship.. otherwise its hard for me to imagine not wanting her... and if she was in one and I wasn't.. forget about it, that would drive me fucking nuts.

 

[velvett]

Re: got dumped..

should I even be considering the option of being friends in the future right now?

It seems very painful, and in the near term.. yeah forget about it.

But i could see myself being her friend one day down the line... but pretty much only if I was in a relationship.. otherwise its hard for me to imagine not wanting her... and if she was in one and I wasn't.. forget about it, that would drive me fucking nuts.

Why do you want to be freinds with someone that can't tell you why they don't love you "that way" anymore?















yes, it's that harsh to the rest of us - you need to see that too

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

Why do you want to be freinds with someone that can't tell you why they don't love you "that way" anymore?















yes, it's that harsh to the rest of us - you need to see that too

well, I'm trying to think of why I've broken up with women in the past...... as I think I mentioned.. I've broken up with maybe 10 women... I've had 2 break up with me.

**important note, both relationships where I was the one being broken up with were long term (more then a year) and were with women I really loved. The other ones, there was no real love, it was just dating, and it ended in 4 months or less**

but I know when I break up with someone, a lot of times there isn't one specific reason.... its just that I am not feeling it.. I'm not excited to see them everyday... I'd rather be by myself or with my buddies then with this person... I imagine this might have been how she started to feel recently. Of course there has to be SOMETHING on my part that caused that.. at least that is what I think.. I wasn't fulfilling some need.. maybe I had changed in a way.. or maybe she was waiting for me to satisfy her in some way that I couldn't and she finally just gave up.... who knows.... what she told me was that it was this urge that she has to be single, venture into the great unknown, have some new experiences..... I can't say that I haven't felt that before with other women... I'd never say I loved someone if I was feeling that way though.... but maybe she loved me at one point and it slowly changed?

 

[Becoming]

Re: got dumped..

should I even be considering the option of being friends in the future right now?

all my friends or people I know who try to be friends end up deranged over the whole ordeal... my motto is "never look back"

much healthier long term IMO...

stop worrying about why it happened and move on with things... you will never really know - even if she does tell you something you will say "was that really it" you can never really know what another person thinks....

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

all my friends or people I know who try to be friends end up deranged over the whole ordeal... my motto is "never look back"

much healthier long term IMO...

stop worrying about why it happened and move on with things... you will never really know - even if she does tell you something you will say "was that really it" you can never really know what another person thinks....

I dunno man, I'm pretty open an honest, so I know that others have that capacity as well.

And as far as being friends. I am good friends now with my first love, Julie. She even emailed me about this and I posted her email on this thread. It took a LONG time though, probably 6 months to a year, but now I've hung out with her, spoken to her, etc. She is also married, but we were "friends" again before she was married (she was with her future husband though). Its not an ideal friendship, sometimes when I met with her if I was single it was a little weird... but I'm glad I have open communication with her now... she knows me in a different way then a lot of people do and that provides good insight sometimes.

 

[Becoming]

Re: got dumped..

I would say that is the exception and not the norm for that to work bro....

 

[vinylgroover]

Re: got dumped..

Lestat,

I have always stayed friends with ex's........even when i've been dumped.

For me, I prefer to face my demons than run away from them..........it builds strength and character. I may not call them every day or see them that often, but i do drop them a line every now and then and see them out.........it doesn't bother me when i do because i don't have any feelings other than 'friendship' for them.

If i was you i would have responded to the e-mail. It's what you write in that response and the tone of your reply that says more than if you do or don't respond.

I would have written a measured, short and friendly response along the lines that you are doing fine, getting on with things..........generally come across as if there's a calmness about you, even if that's not the reality.

I would then finish it with 'that's all for now, take care and chat soon'.

The only thing i wouldn't do is write stuff like 'i miss you', 'i'm hurting' etc etc........just make the tone of whatever you say to her one of you doing o.k and getting on with life.

 

[big4life]

Re: got dumped..

A clean break is best for right now, while the pain is fresh. After time has passed and you have gotten over the hurt, then you can try being friends if you like. Right now, every contact with her, even written, will reopen fresh wounds, and make the healing process longer.

 

[velvett]

Re: got dumped..

I have always stayed friends with ex's........even when i've been dumped.
.

I am/was too. (Wives have banned me from talking to the hubby).

But when your heart's still in it - it's best to remove your self from the equation completly until you head can rule your heart.

I can't think of an ex that I feel remorse in losing - in retrospect I'm still astonished by the amount of love I had for them at the time and how outrageous that seems to me now.

There's no reason for Lestat to torure himself right now when he needs to move on with his life and with his heart.


don't you love when people talk about you as if you're not in the room?

 

[wutangnomo]

Re: got dumped..

RIGHT NOW what you need is to have your own time and space WITHOUT her in your life in any way, shape, or form. After you have healed and move on and come to accept the situation, then you can consider friendship. By keeping in contact with her right now you only prolong your pain since you still desire that "life" with her and have not accepted reality. In the future after you have dealt with your emotions friendship is always a possibility, but not right now.

Don't think about the future, just focus on the present and dealing with your heartache. What happens down the road is limitless, so friendship or no friendship is always possible.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

shit man, vinylgroover makes a good point.

I agree about not responding with I miss you, and more sadness, and desperation. But my natural instinct would be to say something.... although telling her I am ok would likely just make her feel better and not me. I mean, I am ok, but its still very day to day and thoughts of her still dominate my mind...... just today I was stuck on the day we met... our first kiss.. that type of shit... Its TOUGH to get my mind off it.

Good news though. First real workout since the breakup was today.

Bad news. I weighed 181... I weighed about 186 before the breakup... I weighed 202 in April. So somewhere here I've lost 20lbs and being a hard gainer and a rather lean guy to start with.. that is depressing.

(I am 6'2" by the way, probably 7%bf now or lower).

 

[strongsmartsexy]

Re: got dumped..

shit man, vinylgroover makes a good point.

I agree about not responding with I miss you, and more sadness, and desperation. But my natural instinct would be to say something.... although telling her I am ok would likely just make her feel better and not me. I mean, I am ok, but its still very day to day and thoughts of her still dominate my mind...... just today I was stuck on the day we met... our first kiss.. that type of shit... Its TOUGH to get my mind off it.

Good news though. First real workout since the breakup was today.

Bad news. I weighed 181... I weighed about 186 before the breakup... I weighed 202 in April. So somewhere here I've lost 20lbs and being a hard gainer and a rather lean guy to start with.. that is depressing.

(I am 6'2" by the way, probably 7%bf now or lower).

Not to make fun of you, but on the Dave, Shelly and Chainsaw show, the Chainsaw had a comic on there for the "in the National Ba..."

Comedian: "I just broke up with my girlfriend. It turned we had conflicting signs. Yup. I'm a Gemini and she's a...







































WHORE!"

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

I haven't replied, however this is what I had in mind.. comments?

_________
I know you care.

The trip was probably not the best thing for me.

I understand that working through separately is best now, it wasn't what I had preferred, however you've made it clear it is really the only option. I've poured out my heart, my emotions, my feelings, and my thoughts many times over. I can honestly say I have left nothing unsaid, nothing to speculation, and left nothing up for interpretation.

I'm slowly but surely coming to the realization that the woman I loved lives only in my heart, my dreams, and my memories.

Take care,
Brian

 

[vinylgroover]

Re: got dumped..

shit man, vinylgroover makes a good point.

I agree about not responding with I miss you, and more sadness, and desperation. But my natural instinct would be to say something.... although telling her I am ok would likely just make her feel better and not me.

telling her you are ok could surprise her. If it sounds like you are getting on with your life, she may think 'shit, he's gotten over me quickly' and it will turn the tables on her, she won't like that feeling.......it's a bit of reverse psychology.

Just play it cool and in any conversations you have with her, just make it seem like business as usual, even though you are hurting.

Time does heel bro and as i said, somewhere at some point, you may be together again........if you both want it at that point. But you need to keep going about your business and give yourself a chance to re-evaluate where you are at in your own life and what's next for you, because there's plenty of living for you to do.

 

[strongsmartsexy]

Re: got dumped..

I haven't replied, however this is what I had in mind.. comments?

_________
I know you care.

The trip was a good thing for me.

I understand that working through separately is best now, it wasn't what I had preferred, however you've made it clear it is really the only option. I've poured out my heart, my emotions, my feelings, and my thoughts many times over. I can honestly say I have left nothing unsaid, nothing to speculation, and left nothing up for interpretation.

I'm slowly but surely coming to the realization that the woman I loved lives only in my heart, my dreams, and my future.

Take care,
Brian

Note the changes...

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

that future part kinda implies her.. which i am not trying to do.. I'm definitely not going to be pining for her... or pinning my future happiness on us getting back together or anything like that... Sure, the first week that was all I wanted in the world.. but I'm starting to see through the clouds of emotion now and realize what is really going on.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

one of the things that is really burning me right now is.... the night that we broke up she said she just wanted to be single, have new experiences... etc.

She said specifically that she wants to know what its like to have a bad first date....

our relationship was less valuable then that experience? what the fuck.

 

[jh1]

Re: got dumped..

Don't reply. Stay strong. Hang in there...

See my previous posts. Read my post everytime you think of any contact with her....

Print it and keep a copy in your wallet so you have it at all times.

Do it now.

 

[lavi]

Re: got dumped..

Don't reply. Stay strong. Hang in there...

See my previous posts. Read my post everytime you think of any contact with her....

Print it and keep a copy in your wallet so you have it at all times.

Do it now.

Jerkoff's advice is solid gold here. Anytime you think of contacting her/have wishful thoughts about her, you gotta remind yourself of some of the intelligent and logical responses you've got here. It seems silly but printing out the replies you know are right but are hard to follow is the best way to remind yourself to take the strong path.

(i think near the end i stopped making sense, but you get the message )

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

thanks guys.

Golden... you up yet?

 

[GoldenDelicious]

Re: got dumped..

why the hell you looking at me? i was working actually...take a photo lol

look this is what i did, and maybe im a wanker and killed some nice memories, but i cant take the break up. i feel betrayed, utterly, and if i dont save myself, ill end my own life. so anyway, this is what i did- i thought of my most loving memories, the best moments in my life with that person, and i substituted the person i love with all my heart (the one that holds my hand in my dreams) with the stranger that i never knew that they were. i tried to put myself in their shoes during the moment- that passionate kiss, that opening of a gift, those most cherished memories- and i tried to hear her voice, and feel her feelings. my problem is that in those golden moments, i think that that person is an angel, and that they feel for me what i feel for them, and the memory really is perfect- but when i go through those moments in my mind and imagine that person feeling, rather than love and contentment (like i thought) indecision, uncertainty, and a tinge of...selfishness? lack of acceptance (of me)? then it puts that moment in perspective. i was NOT on a cliff, in a tropical storm, lightning all around, making love to the girl i loved, i was actually on that cliff, in the rain, having an interesting moment with...a stranger, really. i was having sex. it was good, sure, passionate, sure, but it was not love. it was not perfect. and i cherish the memory less. maybe im robbing myself, maybe im being immature by rejecting those times- and they were good times (at the time)- but if i dont put into perspective that it was NOT the person i thought it was, the memory will cripple me emotionally. and it helps me to get on with life.

youre in love wit someone who doesnt exist. your sarah loves you and would never turn her back on you. ever. and neither would you, her. going through your memories and putting things right really helps you from falling back into that "im in love, remember when we did blah blah, or when she said blah blah.." and getting depressed.

sarahs mistake is that she didnt see the real you, she never saw how good you really are- she never realised that all the maybes and what ifs in the world arent as good as having you. so she wants to know what a bad first date is, or wants to fuck a black guy, or wants to go on a girls holiday to hawaii or ibiza and get laid...all that usual glamorous superficial shit that people go for and call "life experience" or "single life". (now this may or may not be true- in real life you might be a wanker, but you have to hold on to the above paragraph at all costs)

anyway i know how you feel. you want to talk to her, ask her how the hell she could be doing this, doesnt she realise that doing this is an absolute betrayal? and you want her to come around and see the light....but she wont. ever.

so leave that email the fuck where it is. dont reply, dont acknowledge, nothing. dont even wait to see what her reaction will be (ie reaction to your absence) and gloat if she comes back to you, because even that is meaningless, and really, is cruel. you made a mistake, and fell in love with a girl that doesnt exist. the girl that does exist is writing to you, and it doesnt matter what she says, becasue she isnt the one youre interested in, and theres no point in tormenting the girl that does exist. go over all the negative shit in your head, and dont stop. start with the betrayal, and work backwards.

by the way if i saw even a glimmer of decency, niceness, or hope in that girls email, i wouldnt have responded like i did above. but i read it, and its consistent. she chose a life without you and thinks its a GREAT idea, but dropped you line to pull your heartstrings in case she changes her mind. even though its too late for that, you see her true colours already, yeah?

have a good one, im going for more gelati

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

thanks man.

I woke up with her on my mind again this moring

 

[Longhorn85]

Re: got dumped..

Yeah, I have a Masters degree.. an M.S. not an MBA. I've gotten job offers in other states for 75-85K range but wasn't ready at the time to make a move across the country... part of the reason for that was because I had a great girlfriend here.... I may start looking more aggressively now.

And yeah I suppose there are a lot of great looking ladies here, but there are a lot of good looking people in general... so competition is always high.

Yeah, competition is tough. From what you've said here, you're competitive though. Remember this: your stock goes up as your age and salary goes up: if you stay in shape that is. Just TRY to stay single. It won't be easy.

 

[strongsmartsexy]

Re: got dumped..

thanks man.

I woke up with her on my mind again this moring

You're going to do that for a while. Try altering your morning routine a bit and see if that doesn't help.

 

[chesty]

Re: got dumped..

That is exactly how my wife would talk. I think it is over. I just have those feelings for you any more at this moment. I don't know if I can ever feel like that again or want to. Or go there if I do get those feelings, etc. If I feel them I will act on them. I will keep an open mind etc.

I think she has someone else she is seeing and is too chicken to tell you.

Depending on how long you have been with her it could be a while before you feel normal. It has taken me a long time and it still hurts.

I would take her back in a heartbeat if she asks, but hopefully for both of us if it came to that it would be before I met someone else special.

Good luck bro. PM me if you want to talk. I know exactly what you are going through.

 

[Longhorn85]

Re: got dumped..

Anyway... he would be chilling in the club, and when a girl would walk near or be standing near him he'd say:

Him: "Would you like to dance?"
Her: "No"
Him: "Get the fuck away from me then"

Classic.

Awesome. So how did some of the women react to this?

 

[GoldenDelicious]

Re: got dumped..

Awesome. So how did some of the women react to this?

probably bout the same as:
boy: do you want to dance
girl: no
boy: im sorry, you misheard me- i said, you look fat in that dress

im going to use it though

 

[Longhorn85]

Re: got dumped..

Have you ever turned a woman down who asked you to dance for a legitimate reason (like having to go to the bathroom or waiting for someone?) you might as well give her a major insult given the way they react.

 

[strongsmartsexy]

Re: got dumped..

Have you ever turned a woman down who asked you to dance for a legitimate reason (like having to go to the bathroom or waiting for someone?) you might as well give her a major insult given the way they react.

I have a few times.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

Awesome. So how did some of the women react to this?

basically with shock... by the time they realized what just happened there was no point in reacting.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

Yeah, competition is tough. From what you've said here, you're competitive though. Remember this: your stock goes up as your age and salary goes up: if you stay in shape that is. Just TRY to stay single. It won't be easy.

I hear what you are saying. And you are right, its tough to stay single, I usually don't stay single for long. But I'm usually not all that satisfied either.. it takes a month or so even start getting to know someone... and 3-4 to really even get a sense of who they are and are they compatable with you... I hate bouncing from girl to girl just trying to find someone that really clicks. I'm not super picky, but I have a couple key things I look for:
1) Intelligence - not someone who thinks they are smart, or has been told they are so many times by their friends and family they have somehow convinced themselves. Someone who is just plain intelligent.
2) Fit - you don't have to have a knockout perfect 10 body. Just care about yourself and what you look like, that usually means you look half decent. You don't have to be in the gym 5 days a week, but a couple times would be nice.

 

[velvett]

Re: got dumped..

telling her you are ok could surprise her. If it sounds like you are getting on with your life, she may think 'shit, he's gotten over me quickly' and it will turn the tables on her, she won't like that feeling.......it's a bit of reverse psychology.

That could work - or she'll just go pyscho on him after he finds a new girl.

 

[Big Rick Rock]

Re: got dumped..

That could work - or she'll just go pyscho on him after he finds a new girl.

Yup... Some women just LOVE to sabotage your new relationships... I had an ex-gf right out offer me to "suck your dick and ride it the way you like it"... The bitch wasn't even looking my way till she seen me with a new GF, and then all of the sudden she had the balls to come to my house and offer me some poonhtang. Women can be crazy like that.

 

[jh1]

Re: got dumped..

Yup... Some women just LOVE to sabotage your new relationships... I had an ex-gf right out offer me to "suck your dick and ride it the way you like it"... The bitch wasn't even looking my way till she seen me with a new GF, and then all of the sudden she had the balls to come to my house and offer me some poonhtang. Women can be crazy like that.

Yup.

Take it from me on this one... Look up my 'Psycho Ali' threads for background. Bitch is crazy... won't leave me alone...

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

I must sound like a broken record and a pussy.. but I'm bummin again.

I feel alone again. I see myself as empty now, missing a big part of me. This sucks. I was doing really well today in general. Able to keep my mind off her. But then it just comes back hard and feels like a stab in the heart. Its so hard for me right now not to call or email her.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

so tough not to go back and read old emails either... from a happier time.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

Re: got dumped..

delete the emails, delete the letters, throw away pictures, or get someone to send them to her. no contact, no rememberance, no thought of happy times.

happy times = ignorant times

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

its hard to control my thoughts man.. especially when I am going to bed alone just wondering what the fuck happened.

 

[Spartacus]

Re: got dumped..

Talk about a shitty fucking feeling..... now I understand why that dude with the wife that left him for some other dude is all over the boards posting... you feel like you just need some release...

My ex.. who broke up with me Saturday night.. sent me this today via email when I asked how she was feeling about things, etc.

_______
Based on the the way i feel and how i was feeling towards the end, i
do feel that our time together is behind us now. I cant say anything
is for sure or forever, but that is what i feel and what my heart and
gut are telling me at this point. I dont like writing the answer to
this becuase it gives you the ability to read and re-read and maybe
reinterpret every word, but its too hard for me to keep having these
talks with you in person.

Maybe it doesn't matter to you, maybe it does, but i cherish you as a
person and that is something that i know will be true forever. if i
am lucky enough to be able to call you a friend i would feel truly
fortunate.

Brian, it kills me everytime i think of you hurting but i know you are
the strongest and best suited to deal with what comes your way and i
know 100% for sure that you will find happiness.

also, i've been amazed at the depth and articulate nature of your
emails. holy shit. you can write too!
_________

I'm sorry people,but this thread was getting so much action I checked in,and after doing so and reading the initial thread I have to say "I'd have cut bait long ago"

 

[Spartacus]

Re: got dumped..

I've tried to work myself into this mentallity.. really... but let me tell you why I think this is hard...

1) this was the first chick I ever dated that worked out regularly
2) this was the first chick I dated that watched what we ate more closely then I did!
3) this is the first chick I ever dated that i felt was actually even smarter then me (for example she got a 760 out of 800 on the GMAT.. she went to Duke)
4) this is the first chick that really accepted me and all my little fucked up problems... I'm a pretty normal guy, but there are a couple things that just really irk me and she completely understood (e.g I hate strawberries... I hate gum..)
5) sex with this girl was killer.... she knew exactly what I loved and would often go a whole session just pleasing me.... plus, this was a first.. this girl would cum pretty much EVERY time we had sex.. at least once.. many times more... I've had girls that its fucking once in a blue moon that they cum and thats with a lot of extra help.. or they only cum from oral... etc.
6) her family was awesome.. he parents and siblings loved me.. her little brother looked to me like a big brother.. her dad invited me on trips and shit with him... her mom would have had me over for every meal of the week if I wanted and when she did have me over she'd feed me like 5 turkey burgers.. or a pound of fish.. you couldn't have asked for more.
7) she got along with all my friends.. Im 27.. she is 23... I have a lot of friends.. mostly couples and she went on trips with me and them and fit right in and my friend and their significant others loved her.
8) most importantly.. she just made me feel fucking happy every day.. i felt loved every second that we were "together" meaning even if we were not together in person I just knew.. i had the ultimate sense of security.
9) normally when i date chicks.. there is always something missing.. I get that feeling that this is all so cool.. EXCEPT.... or I WISH this one thing was just different.. or I WISH i felt this certain way.. with this girl there was none of that... I never once seriously questioned things.. I knew from day 1 that this girl was a 100% keeper
10) she wasn't drama filled at all.. I can't stand that.. having to constantly deal with some stupid drama.. that burns me out fast... there was none of that.. we had a couple times where we talked about "us" that was emotional.. but that is to be expected and we were always stronger each time after.. but no petty bullshit here.

there is so much more too.. the thought of finding that in someone else seems so impossible to me now.

I stand corrected,that is a most illusive situation...

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

What set me off thinking today was...

This girl works at my company, but in a different building a block over, so we don't really see or talk to each other in our day to day jobs.

She did come over to my building today. I didn't know she was coming, and she didn't stop by my office (a good thing).

However, one of my friends there who also became my exes friend by association was talking to me and said that she saw her today for a moment.

That made my stomach go funny again, I don't know why, but it just made me think of her in my building... and how sad it is that she can't even stop by and say hi now.. I know it wouldn't be good for her too.. but the situation is just sad... before she'd stop by my office everytime she was in my building.. sometimes leave a cute note on my car... now we have to ignore each other.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

I stand corrected,that is a most illusive situation...

there are some links to pics of her and I.... my "love goggles" have been on for so long I can't look at her objectively... she's beautiful to me, although now that we are broken up some of my friends are telling me differently. You never know if they are just saying that to make you feel better though.

 

[vinylgroover]

Re: got dumped..

I must sound like a broken record and a pussy.. but I'm bummin again.

I feel alone again. I see myself as empty now, missing a big part of me. This sucks. I was doing really well today in general. Able to keep my mind off her. But then it just comes back hard and feels like a stab in the heart. Its so hard for me right now not to call or email her.

that will happen for a while to come bro.........you think you are in the clear and then it comes back and hits you in waves.

Time is a healer, i don't care what anyone says. The scars will still be there but scars don't hurt, they just remind you of a time that you felt great pain.

Keep doing what you're doing, talk to as many people as you can about it.........get it off your chest over and over, cry as much as you want and just keep releasing it. Don't hold anything in.

Things will get better with time bro.

 

[Triple-G]

Re: got dumped..

this is scary, somewhat. i have a 24yo gf, best lady i ever had (am 34), she finished college, is a part-time model, works hard in the gym, sex is great and getting better now after 1 year. problem is she told me she only had one long-term bf in her life, from 16 to 22 or so. she might as well decide someday that she wants experience like some of her female friends had. i would not be able to do anything about it. since i know that it keeps me from falling too heavily into love. i just enjoy it every day its going good but i could live with it ending tomorrow. but still a scary thought.
its good that you posted it, it can help others to better understand what can happen to a relationship even if one thinks everything is going fine.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

this is scary, somewhat. i have a 24yo gf, best lady i ever had (am 34), she finished college, is a part-time model, works hard in the gym, sex is great and getting better now after 1 year. problem is she told me she only had one long-term bf in her life, from 16 to 22 or so. she might as well decide someday that she wants experience like some of her female friends had. i would not be able to do anything about it. since i know that it keeps me from falling too heavily into love. i just enjoy it every day its going good but i could live with it ending tomorrow. but still a scary thought.
its good that you posted it, it can help others to better understand what can happen to a relationship even if one thinks everything is going fine.

I should have not let myself get so attached. I am regretting it now.

I want so badly to contact her now, it hasn't even been two weeks since the breakup, and the last time we spoke was last Saturday.... last night I felt so alone.

 

[Becoming]

Re: got dumped..

last night I felt so alone.

get a dog, for real... as long as you have a yard - if not, then forget the dog...

 

[velvett]

Re: got dumped..

there is so much more too.. the thought of finding that in someone else seems so impossible to me now.

You can find another - besides as we get older we look for different things in people and perhaps this is a good time for you to learn how to keep yourself happy.

You should never rely on another human being to bring you happiness or make you feel good about yourself. It's too much responsiblity for another human being over an extended period of time and you makes you dependent on another for things you should be able to create for yourself.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

get a dog, for real... as long as you have a yard - if not, then forget the dog...

no yard man, I live in a condo.. I look forward to one day being able to have one though.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

You can find another - besides as we get older we look for different things in people and perhaps this is a good time for you to learn how to keep yourself happy.

You should never rely on another human being to bring you happiness or make you feel good about yourself. It's too much responsiblity for another human being over an extended period of time and you makes you dependent on another for things you should be able to create for yourself.

I understand.

I didn't THINK i was relying on her for happiness. The thing is, the things that used to give me happiness just don't seem to do it in the same way. She gave me this underlying reason to feel good about myself.. not the only reason, or the main reason.. but it feels like the rug was pulled out from under me and I can't get back up.

I kinda did see the relationship as something I created for myself.. not independantly, but jointly.. it took both of us to make it work.

 

[velvett]

Re: got dumped..

I kinda did see the relationship as something I created for myself.. not independantly, but jointly.. it took both of us to make it work.

That's good - that means you can help make your half of the next relationship work just as well.

 

[jh1]

Re: got dumped..

I should have not let myself get so attached. I am regretting it now.

I want so badly to contact her now, it hasn't even been two weeks since the breakup, and the last time we spoke was last Saturday.... last night I felt so alone.

Hang in there.. be tough. Contacting her WILL ONLY MAKE IT WORSE.

It's not easy, I know... but it gets easier over time. Eventually you will not give two fucks about her.... she is stringing you along and doesn't deserve your attention.

 

[Becoming]

Re: got dumped..

perhaps this is a good time for you to learn how to keep yourself happy..

Dude do not learn to make yourself happy too much, or else you will end up like tuc- ravaging jelly donuts behind a monitor... LOL

But like V says you will find that new things make you happy as you move forward, and you will find someone that makes you even happier in the future... probably due to traits/things you never thought of previous.... without this experience you would not have had the opportunity to find them down the road...

keep up the good fight...

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..

Dude do not learn to make yourself happy too much, or else you will end up like tuc- ravaging jelly donuts behind a monitor... LOL

But like V says you will find that new things make you happy as you move forward, and you will find someone that makes you even happier in the future... probably due to traits/things you never thought of previous.... without this experience you would not have had the opportunity to find them down the road...

keep up the good fight...

Thanks a lot, this is very encouraging and makes things just a tiny bit easier.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..BUT I'M GONNA GET PUMPED!

LOL @ whoever changed the thread title.. I'm guessing BRR.

 

[Seashell]

Re: got dumped..BUT I'M GONNA GET PUMPED!

You're doing good Lestat.. just hang in there. Remember, these are the hardest days.. if you can get through them for a bit longer without contact, it'll start to get easier.

Thinking of ya..

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..BUT I'M GONNA GET PUMPED!

You're doing good Lestat.. just hang in there. Remember, these are the hardest days.. if you can get through them for a bit longer without contact, it'll start to get easier.

Thinking of ya..

Thanks sexy. I'm still looking forward to the day when I can read this post and feel a touch of embarrassment, instead of pain.

 

[jerseyart]

Re: got dumped..BUT I'M GONNA GET PUMPED!

Dude,

What happened to the nude beach chick?

 

[velvett]

Re: got dumped..BUT I'M GONNA GET PUMPED!

Thanks sexy. I'm still looking forward to the day when I can read this post and feel a touch of embarrassment, instead of pain.

Awwww.


QUICK LADIES - GROUP HUG FOR LESTAT

 

[superqt4u2nv]

Re: got dumped..BUT I'M GONNA GET PUMPED!

Awwww.


QUICK LADIES - GROUP HUG FOR LESTAT

IN

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..BUT I'M GONNA GET PUMPED!

Dude,

What happened to the nude beach chick?

I could hit that whenever I want. I've known her a while, I know she's not someone I'd want to date long term... she's kinda white trashy... just not my style. Sure, a good lay, but not much more. Right now it'd still leave me feeling really empty.

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..BUT I'M GONNA GET PUMPED!

Awwww.


QUICK LADIES - GROUP HUG FOR LESTAT

Aw thanks, and thanks too superqt4u2nv.. I feel the love.

 

[jerseyart]

Re: got dumped..BUT I'M GONNA GET PUMPED!

So how about hookin a brother up then?

 

[hanselthecaretaker]

Re: got dumped..BUT I'M GONNA GET PUMPED!

Do you mean pumped at the gym, or pumped attitude-wise?
Use both to your advantage and find another girl.

 

[SoKlueles]

Re: got dumped..BUT I'M GONNA GET PUMPED!

i think that shall be my motto thanks buddy

 

[Lestat]

Re: got dumped..BUT I'M GONNA GET PUMPED!

So how about hookin a brother up then?

Are you in Southern Cali?

 

[MattTheSkywalker]

This title changing stuff is kinda fun. Hang in there orb.

 

[jerseyart]

Lestat



Hang in there bro.

 

[Lestat]

I'm hanging...

latest thing today was this.. and I know its small, but it affected me.

I had proxy to here calendar here at work, and she had mine.. so we could keep track of schedules and meetings and what not... I hadn't looked at it for a couple days but I knew I still had access to it.. well today when I got in that access was gone. It just was another reminder to me of how things have changed.

Last night I was putting clothes away and I've got some of her underwear and lingerie in my drawer.. and some of her stuff in my bathroom.. and a few others odds and ends around.. stuff she likely wont ask for back but I still need get rid of.. box up.. or something.

 

[superqt4u2nv]

Last night I was putting clothes away and I've got some of her underwear and lingerie in my drawer.. and some of her stuff in my bathroom.. and a few others odds and ends around.. stuff she likely wont ask for back but I still need get rid of.. box up.. or something.

Put it all in a box and have a mutal friend give it to her.

 

[jerseyart]

Lestat,

If there is any good stuff in there give it to a chick she hates! If the panties are used, I think you can sell them on EBay if you attach a pic of your ex.

You know, or what QT said.....

 

[Lestat]

Lestat,

If there is any good stuff in there give it to a chick she hates! If the panties are used, I think you can sell them on EBay if you attach a pic of your ex.

You know, or what QT said.....

not a bad idea

 

[jerseyart]

Yes!!!

In your face QT!!