Re: got dumped..
why the hell you looking at me? i was working actually...take a photo lol
look this is what i did, and maybe im a wanker and killed some nice memories, but i cant take the break up. i feel betrayed, utterly, and if i dont save myself, ill end my own life. so anyway, this is what i did- i thought of my most loving memories, the best moments in my life with that person, and i substituted the person i love with all my heart (the one that holds my hand in my dreams) with the stranger that i never knew that they were. i tried to put myself in their shoes during the moment- that passionate kiss, that opening of a gift, those most cherished memories- and i tried to hear her voice, and feel her feelings. my problem is that in those golden moments, i think that that person is an angel, and that they feel for me what i feel for them, and the memory really is perfect- but when i go through those moments in my mind and imagine that person feeling, rather than love and contentment (like i thought) indecision, uncertainty, and a tinge of...selfishness? lack of acceptance (of me)? then it puts that moment in perspective. i was NOT on a cliff, in a tropical storm, lightning all around, making love to the girl i loved, i was actually on that cliff, in the rain, having an interesting moment with...a stranger, really. i was having sex. it was good, sure, passionate, sure, but it was not love. it was not perfect. and i cherish the memory less. maybe im robbing myself, maybe im being immature by rejecting those times- and they were good times (at the time)- but if i dont put into perspective that it was NOT the person i thought it was, the memory will cripple me emotionally. and it helps me to get on with life.
youre in love wit someone who doesnt exist. your sarah loves you and would never turn her back on you. ever. and neither would you, her. going through your memories and putting things right really helps you from falling back into that "im in love, remember when we did blah blah, or when she said blah blah.." and getting depressed.
sarahs mistake is that she didnt see the real you, she never saw how good you really are- she never realised that all the maybes and what ifs in the world arent as good as having you. so she wants to know what a bad first date is, or wants to fuck a black guy, or wants to go on a girls holiday to hawaii or ibiza and get laid...all that usual glamorous superficial shit that people go for and call "life experience" or "single life". (now this may or may not be true- in real life you might be a wanker, but you have to hold on to the above paragraph at all costs)
anyway i know how you feel. you want to talk to her, ask her how the hell she could be doing this, doesnt she realise that doing this is an absolute betrayal? and you want her to come around and see the light....but she wont. ever.
so leave that email the fuck where it is. dont reply, dont acknowledge, nothing. dont even wait to see what her reaction will be (ie reaction to your absence) and gloat if she comes back to you, because even that is meaningless, and really, is cruel. you made a mistake, and fell in love with a girl that doesnt exist. the girl that does exist is writing to you, and it doesnt matter what she says, becasue she isnt the one youre interested in, and theres no point in tormenting the girl that does exist. go over all the negative shit in your head, and dont stop. start with the betrayal, and work backwards.
by the way if i saw even a glimmer of decency, niceness, or hope in that girls email, i wouldnt have responded like i did above. but i read it, and its consistent. she chose a life without you and thinks its a GREAT idea, but dropped you line to pull your heartstrings in case she changes her mind. even though its too late for that, you see her true colours already, yeah?
have a good one, im going for more gelati
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