Why is it that people with kids

[heatherrae]

I didnt read most of this thread, just read the 1st page, but Ill come back to it. All I have to say is you have NO CLUE until you have children. Once you have a child you'll understand. I love the people that talk all sorts of shit about kids and how they'll raise their kids this way and will never allow thier kids to do that. You have no idea what parents go through, you might think you do, but you really have no idea. I dont care if you babysitted your sisters kids for a day either................nowhere near the same.

yeah, I thought the same way BEFORE I had kids. I thought 1. I won't gain any weight 2. I'll still go out dressed nicely, my hair and makeup done. 3. I'll keep the same friends 4. I'll still go out and do exciting/interesting things AND 5. I'll never let my kid act like that at the store/airplane/restaraunt.

Then, you have a kid and realize that every decision you question if you are doing the right things. You are sometimes lucky to even bathe yourself and put on clean clothing, etc. lolololololol

 

[miplank]

yeah. Good advice on here.

I think that the person was right that I somehow need to get Devin to sleep in his own bed (he will cry for hours and I really can't take that. I go crazy). I need to get him on some sort of schedule, but he is just so clingy right now. I think it is separation anxiety, but I really can't get anything done or even have regular conversations with company. I feel exhausted pretty often because I don't get to sleep well, and my house and car is so dirty. Maybe other parents handle this better? Maybe my child is particularly needy but will outgrow this?

Yes, He will slowly outgrow it.

My son slept in our bed for about the first 18 months. He just wouldn't go to sleep in his crib. Everyone told us, "oh you need to have him sleep in his own bed or you'll never get him out"

But, He goes to sleep in his own bed now, and has been for quite a while now. Now, He occasionally will end up in our bed early in the morning, but for the most part he sleeps all night in his bed.

 

[heatherrae]

Yes, He will slowly outgrow it.

My son slept in our bed for about the first 18 months. He just wouldn't go to sleep in his crib. Everyone told us, "oh you need to have him sleep in his own bed or you'll never get him out"

But, He goes to sleep in his own bed now, and has been for quite a while now. Now, He occasionally will end up in our bed early in the morning, but for the most part he sleeps all night in his bed.

That is good to know. I think maybe just each kid is unique and they maybe don't understand that perhaps my son's personality and needs are different than their child's were at the same age.

 

[Smurfy]

yeah. Good advice on here.

I think that the person was right that I somehow need to get Devin to sleep in his own bed (he will cry for hours and I really can't take that. I go crazy). I need to get him on some sort of schedule, but he is just so clingy right now. I think it is separation anxiety, but I really can't get anything done or even have regular conversations with company. I feel exhausted pretty often because I don't get to sleep well, and my house and car is so dirty. Maybe other parents handle this better? Maybe my child is particularly needy but will outgrow this?

heather, you are his only parent and main lifeline. He is used to you being at his beck and call. also, for his age, separation anxiety is common. everyone chooses to raise their kids based on what they decide is best for their own situation. devin is very attached to you especialy like i said, becuase you are the only parent in his life.
he will outgrow it and there are also things you can do to speed his adjustment along in this regard (google). but it wont be easy. trust me.

when i was a single parent, my son and I moved into an apartment in my parents house that was a 1 bedroom. he was 2 yrs old. he had never slept anywhere but in his own crib.
but when we moved, he and i slept in the same room, same bed. this went on for the 4 yrs we lived there. and almost immediately, he wouldnt/couldnt fall asleep or even go to bed withouth me laying down in the bed with him, then id have to sneak out once he was sleeping.
that was very draining on me over those 4 yrs but it was because of the decision i had made to begin with. certainly not the child's fault.
when my son was 6, we moved into our own house and he had his own room. i spent weeks preparing him for the transition to sleeping on his own. etc. and in the end, it worked ok, but i still had to put him to sleep, tuck him in, etc.
in fact, he's10 now and he still wants me to walk him up to his bed, scratch his back, and tuck him in at night. everynight. lol

 

[miplank]

That is good to know. I think maybe just each kid is unique and they maybe don't understand that perhaps my son's personality and needs are different than their child's were at the same age.

Yes,

My wife had the luxory of being able to stay at home with my son for about 18 months. So needless to say my wife and son have an AMAZING BOND...Now don't get me wrong, he loves me a lot, but when he's sick, tired, hurt, etc...if my wife and I are both there...he's picking mommy, and i'm 2nd choice.

 

[heatherrae]

heather, you are his only parent and main lifeline. He is used to you being at his beck and call. also, for his age, separation anxiety is common. everyone chooses to raise their kids based on what they decide is best for their own situation. devin is very attached to you especialy like i said, becuase you are the only parent in his life.
he will outgrow it and there are also things you can do to speed his adjustment along in this regard (google). but it wont be easy. trust me.

when i was a single parent, my son and I moved into an apartment in my parents house that was a 1 bedroom. he was 2 yrs old. he had never slept anywhere but in his own crib.
but when we moved, he and i slept in the same room, same bed. this went on for the 4 yrs we lived there. and almost immediately, he wouldnt/couldnt fall asleep or even go to bed withouth me laying down in the bed with him, then id have to sneak out once he was sleeping.
that was very draining on me over those 4 yrs but it was because of the decision i had made to begin with. certainly not the child's fault.
when my son was 6, we moved into our own house and he had his own room. i spent weeks preparing him for the transition to sleeping on his own. etc. and in the end, it worked ok, but i still had to put him to sleep, tuck him in, etc.
in fact, he's10 now and he still wants me to walk him up to his bed, scratch his back, and tuck him in at night. everynight. lol

Thanks Smurfy. That is good to know, too. I usually feel that I'm doing a good job except at handling the house chores, etc. I made up my own mind that I felt it more important to bond with him and have him feel secure in the fact that mommy was here for him (especially because daddy isn't). However, when I get people telling me that I'm spoiling him all the time, it makes me second guess myself sometimes. I need to wear earplugs and a smile, sometimes. ;-)

I can relate to how you were with your son. It sounds like we went through similar child rearing situations and attitudes.

 

[walliwalibus]

I didnt read most of this thread, just read the 1st page, but Ill come back to it. All I have to say is you have NO CLUE until you have children. Once you have a child you'll understand. I love the people that talk all sorts of shit about kids and how they'll raise their kids this way and will never allow thier kids to do that. You have no idea what parents go through, you might think you do, but you really have no idea. I dont care if you babysitted your sisters kids for a day either................nowhere near the same.

Whom are you talking about?

 

[mrplunkey]

I didnt read most of this thread, just read the 1st page, but Ill come back to it. All I have to say is you have NO CLUE until you have children. Once you have a child you'll understand. I love the people that talk all sorts of shit about kids and how they'll raise their kids this way and will never allow thier kids to do that. You have no idea what parents go through, you might think you do, but you really have no idea. I dont care if you babysitted your sisters kids for a day either................nowhere near the same.

/agree

I love all the people who say how things will be once they have children. Just remember, "No plan survives contact with the enemy." -- Erwin Rommel.

Now don't get me wrong... getting your parenting ducks in a row is doable. For example, if you already have your relationship in great shape, your finances in great shape, the vast majority of your extended family issues in great shape, your career in great shape, your home (including neighborhood) in great shape and your own interpersonal demons tamed-down by about 85%... then you've got a solid 25% chance that adding a kid or two won't upset the apple cart. Now if you don't have all that in order, you're probably not going deliver on your "this is how it will be when I have kids" statements.

 

[Raptorex]

For the record, My Mom could throw shoes like a boomerang and hit me up stairs off of 3 walls. She also had the ears of an elephant and heard me cussing from 100 yards.

 

[miplank]

/agree

I love all the people who say how things will be once they have children. Just remember, "No plan survives contact with the enemy." -- Erwin Rommel.

Now don't get me wrong... getting your parenting ducks in a row is doable. For example, if you already have your relationship in great shape, your finances in great shape, the vast majority of your extended family issues in great shape, your career in great shape, your home (including neighborhood) in great shape and your own interpersonal demons tamed-down by about 85%... then you've got a solid 25% chance that adding a kid or two won't upset the apple cart. Now if you don't have all that in order, you're probably not going deliver on your "this is how it will be when I have kids" statements.

Nobody knows what life is going to be like after having kids. Its uncharted territory.