Whats the best gym story you've got?

[badgermilk]

Funny shit...

When I saw two kids doing dumbbell presses with 20 pound dumbbells screaming like they were having a baby, then throw the weights on the mat.

I went over to the bench next to them picked up the 1lb pink rubber coated weights and warmed up. Then let out a horrendous noise as I threw them to the floor and said "beat that"

 

[Lumberg]

squat turtle

I have another football squat max story. My buddy was going for 500+ for reps and unknowingly squeezed out a turtle head during the proceedings. Sat down on a bench afterwards and SPLOTCH. He never told anybody. The story came out two years later when a bunch of us former players were eating gyros. We all laughed our asses off.

 

[Enigmaxxx7]

I posted this on a thread a long time ago. I searched it and copied it here. I still laugh when I think about it. READ.


These 2 guys always train together. They both thought they were some kind of chick magnet hammers when in reality they couldnt get laid in a whore house. Anyway, they come dressed in kinda spandex bicycle shorts and BIG loop muscle shirts where you see everything. They are both about 6 foot tall and weigh about 170. Well one day one of the guys was trying to MACK on this girl at the gym. He is acting all nonchalant while he's talking to her and lays down on the flat bench to do some bench press. His partner/spotter slaps a 45 and 25 on each side. The guy on the bench is struggling at rep 5 when his spotter who is standing over him rips a juicy fart. The guy on the bench now has the full weight of the bar on his chest and can't get it off. His partner is laughing so hard, he can't get it off. Finally he pushes the bar off to the side where it comes crashing to the floor and he falls off the bench. He gets to his knees and starts vomiting. It was fuckin awesome.

 

[The Shadow]

So a woman walks into the gym last nite...

...with two hungry, hungry Oprah friends. As I began to walk over to them, I notice one of them has fresh twinkie filling on her chin.

What is the proper response:

1 - Ignore and try to keep from laughing.
2 - Tell her she has twinkie splooge on her and laugh out loud.


I tried number 1, and she asked me what I was smiling about. I told her that I was just glad that she and her friends(herd) could join us. She procedes to stomp over to the bike and rides for a few minutes on level 1, and then asks me why she is STILL robust.

She then wants a bodyfat analysis. I'm thinking "fuck me" cause those digital calipers ain't going to be big enough(plus, you know, the thought of doing it sorta scared me). SO - I grab the mojo-sized ones. The thigh and ab pinch was to big for the calipers, so I had to do a one-site based on the tricep. Oh man!! Was she pissed at me cause the calipers wouldn't fit.

WHAT THE CRAP!!!!

FLASH FORWARD TO THE NEXT VISIT:

So - the Twinkie woman hits the gym last nite...
....I check her out from across the gym...Hmmmm...no twinkie filling on chin this time....no evidence of binge eating on the way....Whew!! Ok. Before I could get to her, she procedes to stomp her way over to the treadmill and gets on. I politely tell her that there is a waiting list on the wall and that she needs to put her name down. She doesn't understand. I tell her that she has to get off, that there is someone that has been waiting. She wants to know who it is.......Well, the person in question walks over and I wave to her to stay out of it. Well Wilda saw her and says to me "What does SHE need the treadmill for?? I NEED it more than her..."

At this point, the local female cop told her that she could go ahead if she wanted. I asked her if she was sure that it was ok, she said yes. So WIlda begins to stomp, ever so slowly first 1.0 mph then 1.5 mph then the speed levels out at a whopping 1.6 mph. By this time, there is like 30 people in the gym and my attention gets diverted elsewhere. After I guess 7 or 8 minutes, I look up and Wilda has disappeared. Well - I motion for the cop to go ahead and get on.

Suddenly, the bathroom door flies open and I hear a gutteral moan that sounds like Wilda. "Nooooooo!!!!" She cried from across the gym, "I wasn't finished" So, I'm like FUCK! Ok Wilda, you got off the treadmill, and it wasn't on pause. It had totally cleared it's memory which means that you had been gone for at least 2 minutes. Cop was here first anyway, let's put you on a bike and you can walk later if you wish.

Wilda mad. Wilda grabs purse and storms out.


Flash forward to 20 minutes later. I hear a couple of chicks talking about this weird woman that was in the changing/bathroom area. Sounds like Wilda. I try to hear part of the conversation:

Chick 1 - "Did you see that woman in the bathroom. That was strange."

Chick 2 - "Yeah, I thought so, too. I can understand wanting to get to the gym and stuff, but man, eat on the way here or something....."


That got my attention. I asked what were they talking about. It appears that Wilda got off the treadmill to slam down a piece of pizza that she smuggled in to the gym.


True story.

 

[rippedtrojan]

Re: So a woman walks into the gym last nite...

Flash forward to 20 minutes later. I hear a couple of chicks talking about this weird woman that was in the changing/bathroom area. Sounds like Wilda. I try to hear part of the conversation:

Chick 1 - "Did you see that woman in the bathroom. That was strange."

Chick 2 - "Yeah, I thought so, too. I can understand wanting to get to the gym and stuff, but man, eat on the way here or something....."


That got my attention. I asked what were they talking about. It appears that Wilda got off the treadmill to slam down a piece of pizza that she smuggled in to the gym.


True story.

wtf. we live in a sick world...

 

[BigTone]

when i was a senior in high school some short dood in his mid 20's couldnt put up 315 he got up screamed and flipped a bench over like he was tough shit, scared everyone there. it kinda pissed me off so i threw 375 on the bench right next to him and repped out for like 8 just to piss him off. haha

 

[c3bodybuilding]

Well, I have one or two involving the same dude. One day at my gym, I was doing bench press's, and something made me look over to the side. I see this guy wearing a neon purple tank top and olive dress pants, with dress shoes. He had one of those 80s 'wave hair cut's'. He had some little guy with him, who was cleaning up after him with a towel. He told the little guy "I would take some gear, but my hiney hole is too small tee hee tee hee." I had to leave the room, I laughed so hard.

A few month later, I was doing laterial raises with my fiance, and he was in the same room, this time with a two of his 'friends'. They were doing shoulder exercises too, he was trying to 'psych' himself up and was yelling at the dumbbells "oh baby, don't tease me!" and then said to his friend "If you drop the soap, I would pick it up!". And whenever this guy is at the gym, he leaves a trail of cheap colonge or who knows, it could be perfume in the air. Needless to say, I stay away from this group of characters! LOL.

I have a few more involving this paranoid old german guy, who has no teeth, and a girl who thinks she is britney spears, but I'll save those for another time.....

 

[sabutar]

I posted this on a thread a long time ago. I searched it and copied it here. I still laugh when I think about it. READ.


These 2 guys always train together. They both thought they were some kind of chick magnet hammers when in reality they couldnt get laid in a whore house. Anyway, they come dressed in kinda spandex bicycle shorts and BIG loop muscle shirts where you see everything. They are both about 6 foot tall and weigh about 170. Well one day one of the guys was trying to MACK on this girl at the gym. He is acting all nonchalant while he's talking to her and lays down on the flat bench to do some bench press. His partner/spotter slaps a 45 and 25 on each side. The guy on the bench is struggling at rep 5 when his spotter who is standing over him rips a juicy fart. The guy on the bench now has the full weight of the bar on his chest and can't get it off. His partner is laughing so hard, he can't get it off. Finally he pushes the bar off to the side where it comes crashing to the floor and he falls off the bench. He gets to his knees and starts vomiting. It was fuckin awesome.

Every time I read that one I start cry'n i'm luaghing so hard, I'm in a school computer lab so its tough to stay quiet. OMG that is the funniest story I ever heard.

 

[Silent Method]

Ok, first time I saw this guy I was standing in front of the mirror doing barbell curls. I do them in front of the mirror because I try to keep my form super strict, which I was. Anyway, I'm in the middle of my 4th set when this pudgie middle aged guy wearing spandex shorts, a t-shirt with a tank top over it, gloves, wrist bands, and a do-rag with a sweat band over it comes over to me and says "you know, I can tell you the right way to do curls." I politely said no thanks, I like doing them this way. He proceded to tell me that he's been training for over thirty years and knows what he's talking about. He went on "just a few years ago I weighed 160. Now I'm up to 180." I'm thinking wow, 30 years of training and you just figured out how to put on 20 pounds of blubber? This guy looks like he would be 125 at 15% bodyfat. So he began to tell me his secrets - "if you want to get ripped you gotta eat raw egg whites." ?? WHAT?? "If you want to pack on mass you need to take at least 15 seconds for contraction per rep, like the pros do it." That sort of thing. It never dawned on this guy that I'm 40 pounds bigger, very lean, and about ten times stronger...

 

[ASTRAL FITNESS]

Big black kid about 20 and 200 lbs lean comes in and quickly warms up in his spandex ragtop and do rag
then throws 800lbs on the TK 45 starr leg press
doesn't insert the safety stop pin and proceeds to try one legged leg press...there is several loud pops as his numerous ligaments
rupture and his femur proceeds to dislocate and laterally fracture
and shoot out to the side through his skin while the platform proceeds to pin his other leg painfully back hopefully not shattering his patella, blood is squirting everywhere from the leg
as he wide eye stares in shock gasping like a fish out of water while several weak stomachs projectile vomit and one woman faints from the sight while a few of us "old pros" try to activate ems and get the sled off this poor dumb kid and stop the bleeding from his ruptured femoral artery. Heres to you up there kid in that big gym in the sky better luck with it next time !!!

always set saftey stop pins in the racks!

Later