so I'm in the hog house...

[digimon7068]

Well if her goal is to have an uninterrupted, enjoyable night at the bar with zero fall-out the next day, that 25-second text would have either:

1) Completely neutralized the situation.

or:

2) Given her the ultimate hammer to use if he bitched the next day, which would have made today's argument(s) much shorter.

and if he kept bitching...

3) It gives her the smoking gun proof she needs to justify giving him an ultimatum to shape up or GTFO.

I'm willing to bet that 25-second text would have saved hours of arguments and soul-searching about what to do next with her husband.

I'm just being pragmatic.

i like that word and i don't use it often enough...that's gonna change...tomorrow

 

[binö]

he's justified in being pissed about the driving...irregardless of how much water you drank you still woulda blown numbers i bet.

 

[shirlene29]

he's justified in being pissed about the driving...irregardless of how much water you drank you still woulda blown numbers i bet.

another friend brought to my attn I probably would have blown a dui with a little basic math oz/hrs ....and ya..thats not cool cuz i know the math myself.
I felt fine, I walked talked and drove fine...it was a mile drive home from where my car was to home..which honestly I could have walked and didn't because I didn't want to leave the bimmer in what was in all honestly a perfectly safe parking place
so I'm a complete ass for this

 

[binö]

another friend brought to my attn I probably would have blown a dui with a little basic math oz/hrs ....and ya..thats not cool cuz i know the math myself.
I felt fine, I walked talked and drove fine...it was a mile drive home from where my car was to home..which honestly I could have walked and didn't because I didn't want to leave the bimmer in what was in all honestly a perfectly safe parking place
so I'm a complete ass for this

i won't critize you, not my place to in this matter...but i could see why he would be pissed about the driving shit, the other issues is weak insecurity on his part, let a girl have fun.
about two miles from my house i dui'ed thru a guardrail and was charged with felony dui and some other shit for destroying the rail.
so shit can happen close to him jus sayin

 

[shirlene29]

You're talking one scene, I'm talking whole movie.

The text probably wouldv'e helped last night. I'm almost sure of it. Her problem isn't that she didn't want to reassure him this time, it's that she's sick of it happening all the time. Every time she goes out after this, she'll have to reassure him as well...and that's bullshit when your partner has no reason to suspect anything.

I'd be equally annoyed if I had to tiptoe around issues with my partner and hold his hand through nothing, just so he wouldn't have to deal with the real problem of his insecurity.

I shouldn't have to have to devise an offensive plan to combat my husband's issues every time I step out.

This nails it totally...I actually get incredibly sick of the constant check ups that I don't talk about on here because frankly I don't wanna hear about it and don't need peeps up in my dirt.
Its a huge glaring flaw that I can't do much about except walk which I'm not willing to do.

I flirt with him a lot. I constantly stroke his ego in every way imaginable. I tell him what a great husband and dad he is every chance I get. I make his job out to be a big deal.
Im the appropriate arm drapery for company functions...I stroke his bosses ego.
I pretty much never say no to sex..I have not cheated on him though if were all going to tell the truth constantly having someone be suspicious of me has almost driven me to it
I'd be lying if I said there has never been a male marital threat but thats never gonna happen either because I AM married with kids and am not willing to be a home wrecker. but honestly the only reason why theres even been one guy thats made me reconsider things is because I don't like living under a thumb.

I was an intensely independent person before meeting my husband and didn't know the meaning of the word compromise..for him I have compromised pretty much every hobby, most friendships and the way I dress act or hell if I wear perfume..because I worry about making him more insecure/jealous
For the record he still dresses the way he did when I met him (with changing trends obv) wears cologne...fusses about his hair

I kinda gave up for a while aside from work and I don't like what its done to me
I used to be a party girl and stopped all of it because it was time to grow up..but it doesn't mean I'm dead and want to stay home 24/7

SD brought up a point about going out and having my fantasy ruined...which frankly pissed me off but I didn't respond to it ..idk, correctly.
I do like being my OWN person once in a while...and that means, not Gregs wife, not Morgan's, Hannah's, Makayla's or Fiona's mom..I just wanna be Shirlene..that doesn't mean I forget about them or have some fantasy that theyre not there or that I'm breaking any sort of marital or mommy moral conduct..it just means I'm enjoying not answering to anyone for a few hrs and I don't ask for that very often at all

If I don't get to do it once in a while I get resentful because the rest of the time I seriously can't remember the last time I took a shower or even went to the bathroom uninterrupted by someone in my family

 

[shirlene29]

i won't critize you, not my place to in this matter...but i could see why he would be pissed about the driving shit, the other issues is weak insecurity on his part, let a girl have fun.
about two miles from my house i dui'ed thru a guardrail and was charged with felony dui and some other shit for destroying the rail.
so shit can happen close to him jus sayin

irony of ironies...its about the only thing he wasn't pissed about..probably because I didnt come home wobbly or slurred
but yeah, youre totally right..I know better and shouldnt have
I've scraped people off the road close to their homes too

 

[cindylou]

Shirlene this is his problem, not yours. This isn't going to stop even after you've lost yourself completely because this isn't about you. I don't think the guys here understand how easily a woman can just get lost in this stuff, changing everything about herself...while he makes all the demands and does nothing.

 

[shirlene29]

yeah...I recently relinquished something else and his own brother said "thats really generous of you..whats he going to compromise"
with out getting in to details....it was pretty poignant at the time

 

[mrplunkey]

You're talking one scene, I'm talking whole movie.

The text probably wouldv'e helped last night. I'm almost sure of it. Her problem isn't that she didn't want to reassure him this time, it's that she's sick of it happening all the time. Every time she goes out after this, she'll have to reassure him as well...and that's bullshit when your partner has no reason to suspect anything.

I'd be equally annoyed if I had to tiptoe around issues with my partner and hold his hand through nothing, just so he wouldn't have to deal with the real problem of his insecurity.

I shouldn't have to have to devise an offensive plan to combat my husband's issues every time I step out.

Actually I am talking the whole movie. But you have to use scenes in a way that connect them into a coherent story.

Look at how things evolved last night. Today, there's probably been at least 1-2 fights and the scene is set for a long series of more fights.

Now let's rewind to her missed call. Let's have her text what I recommended. What are the potential next steps?

Case 1) It completely eliminates his concern on this incident (best case)

So if this happens, you know his fears can be rationally addressed. From there, all she needs to do is meter-down the level of assurance he needs. Does that mean she'll need to do another 25-second text within the next few times she goes out? Probably.

Case 2) He makes a scene later that evening or the next day, she points-out the reassuring text and he comes to his senses (middle case)

This is just a worse version of (1), but it still means he can be rationally dealt with which is a sign of progress.

Case 3) He makes a scene, she points-out the reassuring text and he stays flipped out.

Now you've got the facts to sit down with him and tell him to get his shit together. Shirl would know 100% that it's not her, it's him.

As-is, the situation is murky at best. It may be annoying to have to lay a little groundwork, but I'd much rather posture myself a little further into the right and turn the entire episode into an object lesson.

 

[shirlene29]

Ive done the ground work plunk...I have always responded to a txt or a phone call in the past...I did almost cave and respond when he initially called but maybe made a mistake in sticking to my guns
I can promise this that if history repeats itself..even if I had answered or called him back..it would have resulted in the spanish inquisition and I would have gotten called every 5 minutes almost to the minute until i gave in and came home in tears

I will admit to drawing a line in the sand when I went out this last time..because I have laid the groundwork

he has rationally calmed down and has admitted he didn't have a reason to worry..whether he believes that really or its the PC thing to say is another story all together
but its a bed i've made for myself so I lie in it.