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so I'm in the hog house...
- Thread starter shirlene29
- Start date
Problem is insecurity isn't a drug addiction. You don't just taper off doses and feel fine.
Even in the best case scenarios 1 or 2, if he's calmed by the reassuring texts, most likely since the problem is within him and not actually based on her, when he notices the reassuring texts have tapered off, he'll go back to being suspicious and insecure and needing texts or calls. I'm sure she's tried before. It's the easiest logical "fix"...yet here we are, last night, not answering a call and he's all pissy.
Reassurance won't fix the problem, just mute the symptoms. It's pick's thread about giving LSD to cancer patients at the end of your life -- Feel better now. Still die tomorrow.
Even in the best case scenarios 1 or 2, if he's calmed by the reassuring texts, most likely since the problem is within him and not actually based on her, when he notices the reassuring texts have tapered off, he'll go back to being suspicious and insecure and needing texts or calls. I'm sure she's tried before. It's the easiest logical "fix"...yet here we are, last night, not answering a call and he's all pissy.
Reassurance won't fix the problem, just mute the symptoms. It's pick's thread about giving LSD to cancer patients at the end of your life -- Feel better now. Still die tomorrow.
we don't know if the problem is his, her, or a combination of both of theirs. we know in shrizl's eyes, it's his problem, he has no reason to be insecure, etc she's never cheated. but that doesn't mean that in the context of their relationship, interactions and dynamic, he doesn't have a reason to feel insecure. how do we know? shrizl might not even realize it. that's all I'm saying. and just because she has never actually cheated, doesn't mean she doesn't hang out with these guys because she likes and enjoys the attention she gets. maybe that's why the husband is uncomfortable.
mrplunkey
New member
Well if she's absolutely certain that it's 100% him and there is nothing she can do to manage the problem short of acquiescing, then she's got another really easy decision in front of her:
1) Change her behavior in an attempt to satisfy his irrational fears (which sounds like a really bad idea to me).
2) Divorce and leave him.
As for me, I sure wouldn't make the divorce decision which affects a couple and three children unless I had some really concrete evidence that I wasn't playing even a 5% role in the situation.
mrplunkey
New member
Absolutely correct.
That's why if I were in Shirlz position (which I admit is a tough spot and I wish her the best), I'd test the waters some. If it does lead to a hard decision, she should be in a place where she knows she did everything she could.
mrplunkey
New member
I doubt a couple texts will fix it either. And it doesn't have to be texts.
I don't like ambiguity or gray areas. I'd find the 2-3 things I could do to put me firmly in the right, then have a pretty serious (potentially life-altering) conversation with my S.O. if I know for 100% sure it's all my spouse.
Next time, look into a Stepford wife.
