so I'm in the hog house...

[AFeedz]

I wouldn't say naive at all. But doing the follow-up after sending "be safe" is just good strategy on his part.

Unless this guy has completely friend-zoned you (which can happen), he's thinking about screwing you.

And without your EF family here to support you, his next good move would be to get you complaining about how your husband reacted to last night. He'd twist the knife with little texts asking you to meat up in the future by asking you if you've got Greg's permission. He'd ride just along the edge of making you mad, but he'd never draw your ire -- he'd just twist the knife.

Don't underestimate the value this guy places of mounting you as a trophy. In this case it's really messed-up since you are married, but nailing another guy's GF because he dislikes you is considered super fair-game among men. I doubt if guys here would admit it freely, but it's a common goal.

The one thing I failed to mention earlier is your trump card. If you've never cheated or given him a legitimate reason to think you've cheated, then you do hold the better hand. In that regard, he's most definitely barking up the wrong tree because the standard of proof for a spouse with a 100% track record needs to be sky high IMO.

This. She says she never has, which is why this is her husband's problem, not hers. His insecurities and miserable feelings are on him.

I'm as guilty as the next person of being super suspicious about everything once I've found out a partner has been cheating, but before that? No. You really have no choice but to stfu and trust your partner unless you know they've been stepping out on you without a doubt.

Doing anything else, snooping, checking up, etc before someone has actually done anything wrong is a sure fire way to kill things. All that does is push them farther away, making someone more likely to cheat.

 

[mrplunkey]

Why not just text him back saying the bar is loud. I have had a few just drinking some water to feel safe to drive home. See you in a bit if you keep your yap shut long enough we can have sexuals again.

Absolutely. If she had let the phone ring, then texted him back:

"Bar too loud to talk. Miss you. Going to screw you hard shortly so be ready. Drinking water to sober up for drive home. Come get me if you need it before 2am."

1) He won't give a shit about you being with the guy he doesn't like.

2) He'll feel like a total ass for even suspecting and bothering you.

3) There's 0% chance he'll come bother you at the bar to try to pick you up. For a guy, nay-nay that delivers to your bed >>> Nay-nay you have to pick up.

 

[Ffactor]

Checking out your phone was definitely a huge invasion of privacy but I think you hould have answered his call.

 

[superqt4u2nv]

Absolutely. If she had let the phone ring, then texted him back:

"Bar too loud to talk. Miss you. Going to screw you hard shortly so be ready. Drinking water to sober up for drive home. Come get me if you need it before 2am."
1) He won't give a shit about you being with the guy he doesn't like.

2) He'll feel like a total ass for even suspecting and bothering you.

3) There's 0% chance he'll come bother you at the bar to try to pick you up. For a guy, nay-nay that delivers to your bed >>> Nay-nay you have to pick up.[/QUOTE]

Yeah that's a bit nicer than what I said I was trying to think what Shirl would actually say she's a little blunt but I her for that.

#3 tr00 just like dial a dick in house delievery is best... just ask Pick3

 

[mrplunkey]

Also Ftr I've never said shit when he hangs out with a seedy army buddy and goes titty bar hopping

If you're trusting him at titty bars with an army buddy, I too agree he's got to chill. That's a very high level of trust.

 

[AFeedz]

Absolutely. If she had let the phone ring, then texted him back:

"Bar too loud to talk. Miss you. Going to screw you hard shortly so be ready. Drinking water to sober up for drive home. Come get me if you need it before 2am."

1) He won't give a shit about you being with the guy he doesn't like.

2) He'll feel like a total ass for even suspecting and bothering you.

3) There's 0% chance he'll come bother you at the bar to try to pick you up. For a guy, nay-nay that delivers to your bed >>> Nay-nay you have to pick up.

I think she's annoyed that she has to reassure him at all knowing she's never done anything wrong, so this would really only make him feel better and enable his jealous behavior. Wouldn't make the situation better for her at all.

 

[superqt4u2nv]

If you're trusting him at titty bars with an army buddy, I too agree he's got to chill. That's a very high level of trust.

Indeed

And SD I don't think it is fair to say what is to far for a married couple. Everyone is different and there boundaries are different so it Shirl is fine with him at the titty bar then that works for them. I can see her point if she is that trusting he should be as well.

I do think though if he's not as developed in his self esteem a little communication in his direction would simply reassure him.

 

[mrplunkey]

I think she's annoyed that she has to reassure him at all knowing she's never done anything wrong, so this would really only make him feel better and enable his jealous behavior. Wouldn't make the situation better for her at all.

Well if her goal is to have an uninterrupted, enjoyable night at the bar with zero fall-out the next day, that 25-second text would have either:

1) Completely neutralized the situation.

or:

2) Given her the ultimate hammer to use if he bitched the next day, which would have made today's argument(s) much shorter.

and if he kept bitching...

3) It gives her the smoking gun proof she needs to justify giving him an ultimatum to shape up or GTFO.

I'm willing to bet that 25-second text would have saved hours of arguments and soul-searching about what to do next with her husband.

I'm just being pragmatic.

 

[AFeedz]

Well if her goal is to have an uninterrupted, enjoyable night at the bar with zero fall-out the next day, that 25-second text would have either:

1) Completely neutralized the situation.

or:

2) Given her the ultimate hammer to use if he bitched the next day, which would have made today's argument(s) much shorter.

and if he kept bitching...

3) It gives her the smoking gun proof she needs to justify giving him an ultimatum to shape up or GTFO.

I'm willing to bet that 25-second text would have saved hours of arguments and soul-searching about what to do next with her husband.

I'm just being pragmatic.

You're talking one scene, I'm talking whole movie.

The text probably wouldv'e helped last night. I'm almost sure of it. Her problem isn't that she didn't want to reassure him this time, it's that she's sick of it happening all the time. Every time she goes out after this, she'll have to reassure him as well...and that's bullshit when your partner has no reason to suspect anything.

I'd be equally annoyed if I had to tiptoe around issues with my partner and hold his hand through nothing, just so he wouldn't have to deal with the real problem of his insecurity.

I shouldn't have to have to devise an offensive plan to combat my husband's issues every time I step out.

 

[cindylou]

Ok if youre guy is going out to titty bars thats complete shit and unacceptable among married people IMO. And hes got shit for a leg to stand on when busting your balls for going to bars with a guy coworker.

That being said, neither of those things are appropriate and two wrongs dont make a right. Sounds like theres some tit for tat shit going on and you resent each other.

Knowing myself, I agree with this. If I could deal with my husband viewing another woman's naked body and feel absolutely nothing about it then my apathy/anger/resentment is so deep that I would know that we were in serious trouble.