My wife hates her mother...

[EnderJE]

I am shocked by this trhead!

I used to 'hate' my mother, but not because she was dead weight as you said, but because she was physically, mentally and emotionally abusive since I was in single digits. I carry that feeling for years and it felt I was carrying something on my back and didn't leave me. I was fortunate enough to have the senses and think that if my mother died, I would have had that feeling for the rest of my life and I certainly didn't want that. I have forgiving my mother and not only that, I found LOVE for my mother and I have to tell you, I never felt better. I am free and happy.

I suggest to your wife, that whatever it is that's making her hate her mother, and I guaranty you is not the food she's consuming or the space she's taking; is something she's holding from her childhood. I suggest she resolves that and cleans it out, because when her mother dies, she'll have lots of regrets and there's nothing she could do at that point.

No, I could never live with my mother, but I forgave her and better yet, I don't have to live wit those negative feelings that were consuming me. It's obviously consuming you or you wouldn't have to start a thread on it.

Yeah, I'm getting the same sense. I tell her to talk to her about it or let go of the guilt completely and treat her like a stranger.

 

[SpyWizard]

She too fat eat too much she need to go now!

"you no neat here no mooore, you been here for 3 hours, you go home now"..

 

[puddlemonkey]

she feel entitles to it.

everyone notice the key word = she

 

[puddlemonkey]

that is all, carry on.

 

[Creepusmaximus]

Family isn't about being friends. LOL. Its more about usefulness or lack of therefore. Just had my sister in law in town (drug addict) with brian cancer friend (supplier of really good drugs). I was overjoyed that my place is considered a vacation destination. Feel sorry for cancer person but sister in a complete loser.

 

[mustang_00]

is she at least grateful or does she completely deny the fact that you're helping her out because she's returning the favor by helping watch your kids? ie her mentality is you guys need her more than she needs you???

 

[Bikini Mod]

Wow... sad story.

Like Thandie I finally forgave my mother for all of the terrible things she has done since I was old enough to remember (Yes folks she is still a nasty person to this day, not just about childhood.). She never said she was sorry but during what will most likely be our last conversation she had a moment where she actually thought about someone's feelings other than her own and said, "That must have really hurt you. That was awful." ...which is really close enough for me to an apology. My mother was diagnosed with colon cancer several months ago. She is also diabetic so her time on this planet is coming to an end sooner than later.

Bottom line is even though my mother was a terrible person and a lousy mother overall she did give me a lot of positive life lessons: hard work, truthfullness, loyalty, and because she never EVER apologized or admitted she fucked up with us I learned that as a parent it is MY JOB to apologize to my kids when I fuck up. Was hard the first time, but I do believe that the first time I apologized to my oldest child for a situation where I was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of line (She was no more than 5 if that) began a lesson whereby I will be able to forgive my oldest child for the serious wrongs she has done (and will still do) when she is ready to apologize...

OK, I'm rambling but if your MIL is truly a burden on your wife (sadly, your balls are cut off here. YOUR WIFE has to deal with her mother - period - end of story) and is messing with her head badly enough that it affects HER MOTHERING YOUR CHILDREN then your wife needs to reassess how she deals with HER MOTHER. IMHO anything that causes a parent to parent less than the way that they feel they should be needs to be dealt with ASAP.

Stileto - I hear what you are saying but not one of us asks to be born. We don't owe our parents shit for bringing us here or for taking care of us. They owe us because it is a selfish act to bring even one child here. They didn't do anything spectacular by taking care of us. They only did what they were SUPPOSED to do.

Children don't owe their parents. It is the parents that owe their children.

 

[EnderJE]

is she at least grateful or does she completely deny the fact that you're helping her out because she's returning the favor by helping watch your kids? ie her mentality is you guys need her more than she needs you???

No, we've never felt any sort of gratefulness from her.

My Dad always taught me that 'everyone is expendable'. Thus, we don't need her.

 

[Bikini Mod]

No, we've never felt any sort of gratefulness from her.

My Dad always taught me that 'everyone is expendable'. Thus, we don't need her.

And kudos to your father for teaching you that life lesson. It is sooooooooooo true.

Once a body has outlived their usefullness, they needa go. I don't care who that person is. Obviously in the case of a dear loved one who is stricken with illness or accident or starting to age to the point where they are merely a shell of who they once were this does not apply.

 

[EnderJE]

And kudos to your father for teaching you that life lesson. It is sooooooooooo true.

Once a body has outlived their usefullness, they needa go. I don't care who that person is. Obviously in the case of a dear loved one who is stricken with illness or accident or starting to age to the point where they are merely a shell of who they once were this does not apply.

I was taught that this applies to everyone.

When it's my time and I have outlived my usefulness, I hope I have the courage to go rather then be a burden on those around me.