Last night, I was the doorbich at this hot as hell college bar

[GoldenDelicious]

All my life ive hated those pricks who told you it was "members night", who told you your shoes sucked, that it was a private party etc and basically screened you out of the nightclub before you got in

so last night...I became one LOL

and the lies you have to come up with crack you up cos it just doesnt matter waht you say so long as you have a clipboard and that arrogant look on your face that just makes people want to punch it

golden: "hi ladies, i think you should join me in the VIP and become members"
random guy next to the girls: "hey can I be a member too?"
golden: "no."
random guy: "why not?"
golden: "because you have a Y chromosome. Ladies, this way"
guy: (5 minutes later, when I come back to get more chicks) "you mean, we cant be VIPs because we're not chicks?"
golden: "of course not. Ladies, you should be VIPs. Follow me to the other side of the door"

also, and this is obvious, but some good looking women are total retards. it still surprises you though, because a part of your brain refuses to believe that a smoking hot girl with awesome physical genetics could be a cerebral retard.

golden: "here. sign this form, and you become a member"
girl: *finishes signing* "so what do I get for being a member?"
golden: *talk about VIP lines and bullshit* "and also, by signing that, you automatically become an organ donor"
gir: *swoons* (seriously. she fucking SWOONED lol) "WHAT?!?! WHAT?!?!?"
golden: "seriously, you do. so make sure you drive safely tonight ok! you have good organs, but that would be such a waste"
girl: "TAKE ME OFF THAT LIST"
golden: "but what about the drink specials?"

then i cracked up, couldnt hold it in LOL

next week, im going to add them all to myspace

then, im going to get to work LOL

(i have no photos. I so wanted photos. it was ridiculous. i cried inside. my sex drive even came back holy shit)

byeeeee

 

[samoth]

golden: "here. sign this form, and you become a member"
girl: *finishes signing* "so what do I get for being a member?"
golden: *talk about VIP lines and bullshit* "and also, by signing that, you automatically become an organ donor"
gir: *swoons* (seriously. she fucking SWOONED lol) "WHAT?!?! WHAT?!?!?"
golden: "seriously, you do. so make sure you drive safely tonight ok! you have good organs, but that would be such a waste"
girl: "TAKE ME OFF THAT LIST"
golden: "but what about the drink specials?"

Fucking classic!

 

[_n8o_]

I've been a bouncer/doorman for 5 years I guess it's the same shit everywhere you go people say the same shit when you don't let them in. I don't do the job to be a bully or as some kind of power trip i do it for the ladies haha something about that position makes the tang so much easier to get, On a side note the other night some dude said something that made me laugh he was to pissed so we weren't letting him, just after i said no he let go with some abuse which i laughed of as i normally do cause as you can imagine instead of just going ok and leaving they stand there and look like complete dickheads, he waits a minute and says to me "your only doing this because you can't join the police" i wish that when someone says that shit to me i could somehow show them I'm actually at University studying calculus and astrophysics that may make them reconsider the shit they talk but it's useless as they're normally to pissed

 

[binö]

goldend why are you being a doorman? for side loot? doesn't the pharmacy pay enough or are you not doing that anymore?

 

[superqt4u2nv]

 

[superqt4u2nv]

^^^ I was laughing at them making some skinny dude a doorman.

 

[slat1]

I used to tell girls they signed a waiver agreeing to circus sex with me or just to take their pants off.
They were be angry at first.
Then they would get drunk and the night would end with either of the two things I joked about.
I warned them!

 

[Sub-Zero]

sounds like fun but at the sametime kind of fucking lame since you said yourself you hate those guys.

why didnt you try and be a nicer version? have you seen knocked up? when he takes her aside and shows some class and explains it to her?

being a dick every now and then is fun though, im glad you got your fill

 

[GoldenDelicious]

Fucking classic!

thankyou, thankyou *bows politely*

goldend why are you being a doorman? for side loot? doesn't the pharmacy pay enough or are you not doing that anymore?

I fucking hate pharmacy, it bores me to tears. Its also really shitty for my personality, because im usually a really amusing person to be around, but in pharmacy, you have to supress that because people are sick and expect a mild mannered boring type to serve them, or your advice wont stick and your therapy will fail - and its difficult being a bitch all day then a massive poser again at night...it doesnt work

when i do building contracting, my personality gets harsher and infinitely more fun becuase i dont have to supress any of my normal personality traits, and so i stir shit madly all day long, and so am a far happier person

yeah sure, I have a pharmacy degree but spend heaps of time doing building contracts (that pay 3x more) and occaisonally you get the shits because some people talk to you like youre simple, but youre far happier with life

a few years ago i was quite depressed as a pharmacist, and tried desperately to stuff myself into the shell of one.

these days my pharmacy degree lives under my bed (lol) and im training as a DJ, as well as being the Ultimate Doorbitch

sounds like fun but at the sametime kind of fucking lame since you said yourself you hate those guys.

why didnt you try and be a nicer version? have you seen knocked up? when he takes her aside and shows some class and explains it to her?

being a dick every now and then is fun though, im glad you got your fill

I did that for the first 30 minutes, but I found that people didnt listen to me, and I had to work twice as hard to get them to obey simple commands. Then I was like "fuck you all!!!! dont say I didnt try!!!!" and...Evil_Delicious came out

a really good example is when this really hot chick got into the VIP line with her equally hot friend and some goofy guy - i went up to her and in a nice way (cos it was 2am and i was tired) said "how did you guys wind up in this line?" (cos occasionally the other doorbitch sends them over) and the bitch just ignored me. so I repeated my question (like a goofball) and she snorted. she fucking SNORTED. (insulting me tends to irritate me a tad) so im like "you need to tell me how you got into this line, or you need to leave" and theyre like "who are you?" and im like "im the guy who runs this fucking line, now who the fuck are you and how the fuck did you get here"

...then she spends the next 30 minutes kissing my ass and ran out at the end of the night to try and kiss me.

morons.

^^^ I was laughing at them making some skinny dude a doorman.

first, i was the doorbitch. I dont have to hit anyone, unless its with my clipboard lol

second, i would have beaten the life out of every single doorman there, even though they were all about 6'2 and outweighed me by 60-100lbs. I saw them in a couple of altercations and they fucking SUCKED. sure, i only weigh 165, but im fit as hell and ill rock on in a heartbeat

I used to tell girls they signed a waiver agreeing to circus sex with me or just to take their pants off.
They were be angry at first.
Then they would get drunk and the night would end with either of the two things I joked about.
I warned them!

I hearby declare that these comments have been claimed by Delicious Doorbitching Services, and will be field tested within the week

 

[AAP]

What the hell is building contracting?

Anywayz.... To be honest, every single pharmacist that I have met absolutely hated their profession. I have not met a single one that liked it. They have all dissolved into other careers. One opened a tanning booth, here in South Florida (WTF?), others have become massage therapists, event photographers, or real estate agents.

Seems like that profess is just for high school nerds to get into.