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been cheated on

crazyivan

New member
hi this is my first post here, im normally in the other forums but here it goes.i recently found out my gf of 4.5 years has cheated on me. ive always thought if it happened i would just end it, but i realy dont want that option, i cant even explane how messed up i feel. i havent confronted her yet, i kinda want her to fess up to it, it happend while we were in a low spot in the relationship and took a couple weeks apart which was the beginning of this month.
i basically just need to vent, there is really no1 i can talk to about this in person not even my best friend.
 
Damn that sucks...
Well what you really need to do in my opinion is step on away from the computer and take time to think about what you want and need to do. No ones advice from here is real, we are all fake people....
Any ways if you love her and want to work it out than over look it, you said you were in a period where you were taking a break. Not that I am saying what she did was right...However it is all on you and how much you love her and if you want this to work.
Best of luck
 
join the club
 
Technoviking said:
join the club

That's what happened with your ex-wife ? Damn bro...

Crazyivan: There's only one advice I can give you: get the fuck outta that relationship NOW ! Dont try to understand something that cannot. Fuck her sister, beat your meat, go to the strip joint, you could even hang out at the local glory hole but first you need to stop it.
 
happened to the best of us broly

best thing to do is just stop any and all contact and communication with her. like cut that shit cold turkey. if u have stuff at her place go get it. Put all her stuff outside your front door

dont return her calls, dont return her text messages NO MATTER what

the bigger man walks away...always has always will
 
Angel said:
boo hoo more women hating going on
only a woman would say that I think its is funny when a girl gets cheated on they cry and seek revenge and get all bent and worked up over how much of a pig the guy is ect


but when i guy gets cheated on its like " Boo hoo you fucking pussy, get over it"

lmao @ the female mentality
 
do what wulfgar says/posts. it will be hard at first but you will be thankfull in the end. I'd definately get all my stuff from her house and throw everything she has at ur house out the door. or wait till garbage day and put her stuff at the end of the street for the g-man to grab.
 
its not as simple as putting all her stuff on the porch, we 've lived together for 4 years , most of the things we have we bought together. i realy want it to work, i just dont know how or if to confront her with it, from what ive found out i know she feels sick about it and in her head she know id leave her if i found out so its gona be hard for her to confess. it really kills me more that shes not telling me than the act itself because of the situation it happend under.
 
crazyivan said:
hi this is my first post here, im normally in the other forums but here it goes.i recently found out my gf of 4.5 years has cheated on me. ive always thought if it happened i would just end it, but i realy dont want that option, i cant even explane how messed up i feel. i havent confronted her yet, i kinda want her to fess up to it, it happend while we were in a low spot in the relationship and took a couple weeks apart which was the beginning of this month.
i basically just need to vent, there is really no1 i can talk to about this in person not even my best friend.

This reminds me of the Friends episode where Ross and Rachel were "on a break"...lol. Sorry bro. I know it still hurts/sucks, but you were on a break. That means different things to different people. Ultimately you need to decide based on all the facts/evidence you have.
 
she has a taste now for strange wiener and will hurt u in the future. but do what u want its only ur misery.

p.s. does she have a good paying job?
 
Wulfgar said:
only a woman would say that I think its is funny when a girl gets cheated on they cry and seek revenge and get all bent and worked up over how much of a pig the guy is ect


but when i guy gets cheated on its like " Boo hoo you fucking pussy, get over it"

lmao @ the female mentality
Lmfao- you tool...You obviously did not note the sarcasm in my post..I was referring to what the backlash from other ladies that your post would create.
I on the other hand could give a shit about who cheats more or who thinks what....LOL
 
crazyivan said:
its not as simple as putting all her stuff on the porch, we 've lived together for 4 years , most of the things we have we bought together. i realy want it to work, i just dont know how or if to confront her with it, from what ive found out i know she feels sick about it and in her head she know id leave her if i found out so its gona be hard for her to confess. it really kills me more that shes not telling me than the act itself because of the situation it happend under.


dude trust me..you do NOT want to know about the act itself...you may think you do...but you dont. trust me on this

Ive given a lot of girls a lot of 2nd chances. Guess what, WITHOUT exception they cheat again.

and whats the confession going to do?

you have to ask yourself what it is you are fighting for? you want to see her squirm and feel terrible and guilty confessing what she did to you? come on man
right now it comes down to how you want her to remember you as. A Stand up Man who could just walk away proudly with his head held high? Or as the guy who pushed her to break down in front of him so he could get irate and yell at her and make her feel terrible for some kind of ghostly "revenge" satisfaction?

I think in your heart you know the right thing to do.

:beer:

besides we will all be here if you get bored without her around..lol
 
crazyivan said:
p.s. does she have a good paying job? lol
not bad but i make most the income.

Then most of the shit is yours. But what sux is if you do boot her out she will go right back to sancho. but she will go back anyways behind ur back in the future.

what to do what to do.... fuck man I do feel sorry for ya bro. not an easy situation any way u slice it.
 
Angel said:
Lmfao- you tool...You obviously did not note the sarcasm in my post..I was referring to what the backlash from other ladies that your post would create.
I on the other hand could give a shit about who cheats more or who thinks what....LOL
this= serious post
his gf dissed him, thats serious. women are whores, thats serious too.
post serious shit or GTFO
 
Wulfgar said:
this= serious post
his gf dissed him, thats serious. women are whores, thats serious too.
post serious shit or GTFO
So you are saying that all women are whores?

What about the women who have been with their mates since they were teens? You know the ones that die without ever being with another man...Now what makes them a whore?

I am thinking along the lines here that men are just as much whores as women. I think seriously, yeah SERIOUSLY here (just incase you get your panties in a bunch I wanted you to know i am serious!!!) that men and women are both equal when it comes to whores.

Make a thread with a poll directed towards women and ask how many of them has been cheated on.....Now let me guess once you see the fucking numbers you will some how go on and state that the reason why the men cheated was being their womens were whores that did not cheat??

I am confused here, please explain some shit to me...
 
Angel said:
So you are saying that all women are whores?

What about the women who have been with their mates since they were teens? You know the ones that die without ever being with another man...Now what makes them a whore?

I am thinking along the lines here that men are just as much whores as women. I think seriously, yeah SERIOUSLY here (just incase you get your panties in a bunch I wanted you to know i am serious!!!) that men and women are both equal when it comes to whores.

Make a thread with a poll directed towards women and ask how many of them has been cheated on.....Now let me guess once you see the fucking numbers you will some how go on and state that the reason why the men cheated was being their womens were whores that did not cheat??

I am confused here, please explain some shit to me...


I never said men werent

I just said women are

everyone has thier reasons to cheat.

settle down
 
crazyivan said:
its not as simple as putting all her stuff on the porch, we 've lived together for 4 years , most of the things we have we bought together. i realy want it to work, i just dont know how or if to confront her with it, from what ive found out i know she feels sick about it and in her head she know id leave her if i found out so its gona be hard for her to confess. it really kills me more that shes not telling me than the act itself because of the situation it happend under.

Cant work. Trust me. It's like having one of your employee stealing some cash. Of course it wont be easy but most serious decisions aren't. Otherwise you'll become her little chihuahua, that lame ass boy who begged her to stay despite being cheated on. And she will control every aspect of your life from your mind to your wallet...
 
manny78 said:
Cant work. Trust me. It's like having one of your employee stealing some cash. Of course it wont be easy but most serious decisions aren't. Otherwise you'll become her little chihuahua, that lame ass boy who begged her to stay despite being cheated on. And she will control every aspect of your life from your mind to your wallet...
I do not agree manny.. I think it all varies from couple to couple.
 
Angel said:
I do not agree manny.. I think it all varies from couple to couple.

It always come back as a boomerang. Very hard to trust someone again. Might work for a few weeks or even months but it's just a matter of time before shit hits the fan again. That goes for both male and female cheaters.
 
she is going to cheat on you again. man up and 86 her. i'm sorry she cheated on you, but you have to let her go, it is for the best. find a way. there is always a way.
 
manny78 said:
It always come back as a boomerang. Very hard to trust someone again. Might work for a few weeks or even months but it's just a matter of time before shit hits the fan again. That goes for both male and female cheaters.
Surely trust will be an issue but if people really want it to work they can make it work, even if that means seeking professional help for some underlying issues.
 
crazyivan said:
hi this is my first post here, im normally in the other forums but here it goes.i recently found out my gf of 4.5 years has cheated on me. ive always thought if it happened i would just end it, but i realy dont want that option, i cant even explane how messed up i feel. i havent confronted her yet, i kinda want her to fess up to it, it happend while we were in a low spot in the relationship and took a couple weeks apart which was the beginning of this month.
i basically just need to vent, there is really no1 i can talk to about this in person not even my best friend.

i would get out now. once a cheater alway a cheater. i went out for a guy for 3 years and he cheated on me once that i knew at the time. once we finally broke it off after 3 years, i found out he cheated on me 3 times and didn't tell me because what happen when he told me the 1st time. i also found out he cheated on me once before the time he told me.


also i am married to guy that was with his ex wife for 9 years and found out she cheat on him. he tryed to work it out but after 6 months of trying they ended it and then found out she cheated 3 other time also. they also have a 3 year old daughter so it make it more confusing and they lived toeither for like 5 years and he made all the income. but he even say that it was the best thing he ever did when he broke it off with her.

trust me you will find some one better for you even if right now you think it will be hard.
 
crazyivan said:
hi this is my first post here, im normally in the other forums but here it goes.i recently found out my gf of 4.5 years has cheated on me. ive always thought if it happened i would just end it, but i realy dont want that option, i cant even explane how messed up i feel. i havent confronted her yet, i kinda want her to fess up to it, it happend while we were in a low spot in the relationship and took a couple weeks apart which was the beginning of this month.
i basically just need to vent, there is really no1 i can talk to about this in person not even my best friend.

If you don't have kids with her, I would say bye bye, before you knock her up and feel that you deserve better. I just went through a very simular ordeal, but I have children with her, but I feel I deserve better. But because I don't believe in punishing my children because their parents are dumb shits, I stay.
 
Technoviking said:
ya but she thinks this isnt why.....she hasnt been happy for a year now


fucking women and their bullshit excuses. women = i was sucking another man's cock because i am unhappy in our marriage. what the fuck is that? they even blame the guy for their cheating.
 
fistfullofsteel said:
fucking women and their bullshit excuses. women = i was sucking another man's cock because i am unhappy in our marriage. what the fuck is that? they even blame the guy for their cheating.
pathetic
 
crazyivan said:
hi this is my first post here, im normally in the other forums but here it goes.i recently found out my gf of 4.5 years has cheated on me. ive always thought if it happened i would just end it, but i realy dont want that option, i cant even explane how messed up i feel. i havent confronted her yet, i kinda want her to fess up to it, it happend while we were in a low spot in the relationship and took a couple weeks apart which was the beginning of this month.
i basically just need to vent, there is really no1 i can talk to about this in person not even my best friend.

Sorry to hear that, there's no 'magic bullet' comment that can instantly make you feel better. You just gotta no think about it too much, and occupy your mind with other activities. A movie, skiing, fishing, whatever it is that makes you happy.

As for her

1) Why did she cheat on you? Maybe it's her weird way of saying she doesn't want to be with you. But doesn't want the huge drama associated with it.

2) Maybe she's not right for you? That's not her fault. You're not compatible. That's life. That's dating. You CAN'T force someone to be 'compatible' with you. That's why we date first.

You have two options in the end. Be with her, or not be with her. There is no gray area.

If you want to be with her, you're saying she IS right for you, and she just made a mistake (there are no 'mistakes' btw). What was the answer to #1? Is that resolved?

If it's #2. Move on. Find strenght and happiness in YOURSELF first. People try to find happiness in OTHER people, and that's when things fuck up.

Women don't think like men. Don't expect her to do that. Womens' brains are wired differently.

Do what's right for you AND her. Take the higher road. You'll sleep better at night.

Remember, you're searching for the mother of your future kids. Take your time and owe it to your future kids to find that right woman who'll be with you til you're 80.

hth

r
 
Technoviking said:
have kids and it becomes invisible


:lmao: some guy just said the same thing last week. they had their first child a few months ago and she won't put out anymore. like they won't get pregnant if they have sex with another guy.
 
Wulfgar said:
dude trust me..you do NOT want to know about the act itself...you may think you do...but you dont. trust me on this

Ive given a lot of girls a lot of 2nd chances. Guess what, WITHOUT exception they cheat again.

and whats the confession going to do?

you have to ask yourself what it is you are fighting for? you want to see her squirm and feel terrible and guilty confessing what she did to you? come on man
right now it comes down to how you want her to remember you as. A Stand up Man who could just walk away proudly with his head held high? Or as the guy who pushed her to break down in front of him so he could get irate and yell at her and make her feel terrible for some kind of ghostly "revenge" satisfaction?

I think in your heart you know the right thing to do.

:beer:

besides we will all be here if you get bored without her around..lol
I'm going through the same thing with a now ex of 3.5 years. Your posts are exactly what I feel like the right thing to do right now. Thanks
 
women need attention and will get it any way they can, unless I guess if they see a shrink and work out their daddy issues.
 
Wulfgar said:
happened to the best of us broly

best thing to do is just stop any and all contact and communication with her. like cut that shit cold turkey. if u have stuff at her place go get it. Put all her stuff outside your front door

dont return her calls, dont return her text messages NO MATTER what

the bigger man walks away...always has always will


this Post is SPOT on

once betrayed never again and that goes with all things

POOF! like you never existed


it is sooo good for you , and believe me it will hurt the person more then you can phathom

I never been cheated on, but have dropped supposed "freinds" as if they were nothing

"I will do anything for you if you my friend, I will do nothing for you betray me"
 
Kick her the fuck out and never look back

Never doubt even for a second that you did the right thing

YOU CAN DO BETTER...even though I dont' know you, I know that. Know how? Because a cheating whore is a piece of shit with no value whatsoever...how hard is it to find a woman that's better than a zero value piece of shit? Not hard, bro...not hard at all.
 
crazyivan said:
hi this is my first post here, im normally in the other forums but here it goes.i recently found out my gf of 4.5 years has cheated on me. ive always thought if it happened i would just end it, but i realy dont want that option, i cant even explane how messed up i feel. i havent confronted her yet, i kinda want her to fess up to it, it happend while we were in a low spot in the relationship and took a couple weeks apart which was the beginning of this month.
i basically just need to vent, there is really no1 i can talk to about this in person not even my best friend.
if dealing with the social stigma and weirdness of loving someone who cheated on you is too hard for you move on...otherwise deal with what works for you and make the most of it
 
canadianhitman said:
Kick her the fuck out and never look back

Never doubt even for a second that you did the right thing

YOU CAN DO BETTER...even though I dont' know you, I know that. Know how? Because a cheating whore is a piece of shit with no value whatsoever...how hard is it to find a woman that's better than a zero value piece of shit? Not hard, bro...not hard at all.

What about a cheating guy? Lorena Bobbit him?

r
 
crazyivan said:
its not as simple as putting all her stuff on the porch, we 've lived together for 4 years , most of the things we have we bought together. i realy want it to work, i just dont know how or if to confront her with it, from what ive found out i know she feels sick about it and in her head she know id leave her if i found out so its gona be hard for her to confess. it really kills me more that shes not telling me than the act itself because of the situation it happend under.
just dont let her convince you that its your fault....
 
SublimeZM said:
just dont let her convince you that its your fault....

it's not a 'fault', but a 'gift'.

He knows she isn't right for him. Better now than 2 years later. 2 kids, 30 extra lbs, 2 years on the age scale.

He knows that she isn't finding, whatever she wants in men, in him, and then for whatever her reason is, her response is to sleep with another guy.

Be an Alpha Male -- who cares what her reason is.

She isn't compatible with you. You have higher morals, time to find another girl.

Best way to treat it is to be blunt: "Oh you cheated, okay, we're not compatible - cuz cheating gfs are not my bag. If we had problems, you'd come to me - not him. Bye".

As much as it sucks, LOWER her value in your eye, and move on. She'll actually raise her 'value' of you in her eyes (i know, fucked up, but that's how women are).

It'll suck for the first few days - but in the end, you'll go to sleep knowing 'she cheated, you said bye, and never looked back'.

Don't for the love of god, become an emotional tampon crying irate jilted drama queen. Then you just answered your q on why she cheated on you.

r
 
Technoviking said:
ya but she thinks this isnt why.....she hasnt been happy for a year now
Good for you then because obviously there was something she felt she wasnt getting from you so she ran to someone else. What happens if a yr from now she was needin something again she would do it again!! Once a cheat..... My ex bf cheated on me and i believed all the "I am sorry it will never happen again bs" 1 yr later he did it again. I was done then.
 
Yes, but if I could do it again, I wouldn't have aired it on here.
 
I've been cheated on twice. Both times I tried to work it out. Both times it didn't work. Trying to regain trust is close to impossible

My suggestion; do not throw her to the curb (as many are saying here that prob have never been through it EVER), 4 1/2 yrs is a long time. If you truly love her, confront her with it, find out why and if she's willing, go to couples therapy. It's the only way to TRY to regain trust.
You owe it to yourself to try to work on it.


Good luck....I feel your pain
 
Razorguns said:
it's not a 'fault', but a 'gift'.

He knows she isn't right for him. Better now than 2 years later. 2 kids, 30 extra lbs, 2 years on the age scale.

He knows that she isn't finding, whatever she wants in men, in him, and then for whatever her reason is, her response is to sleep with another guy.

Be an Alpha Male -- who cares what her reason is.

She isn't compatible with you. You have higher morals, time to find another girl.

Best way to treat it is to be blunt: "Oh you cheated, okay, we're not compatible - cuz cheating gfs are not my bag. If we had problems, you'd come to me - not him. Bye".

As much as it sucks, LOWER her value in your eye, and move on. She'll actually raise her 'value' of you in her eyes (i know, fucked up, but that's how women are).

It'll suck for the first few days - but in the end, you'll go to sleep knowing 'she cheated, you said bye, and never looked back'.

Don't for the love of god, become an emotional tampon crying irate jilted drama queen. Then you just answered your q on why she cheated on you.

r
people are more desperate than your stupid idealistic advice.

especially, when youv invested 4 years into someone, connecting on such a close level as you do while in a relationship,
 
SublimeZM said:
people are more desperate than your stupid idealistic advice.

especially, when youv invested 4 years into someone, connecting on such a close level as you do while in a relationship,
thank you sub...
 
biteme said:
Yes, but if I could do it again, I wouldn't have aired it on here.


Why the hell not? The only way it's any sort of mistake to air it here is if you stay with they cheating cunt...because in that case...we all know that you're a pathetic loser. If you did the right thing and threw her out like a sack of trash, where's the downside in telling the EF community??? Please clarify.
 
canadianhitman said:
Terrible advice.

Maybe for you......and we need to keep in mind, we're only hearing a very VERY small portion of this actual story.
On line advice for this sort of thing needs to me taken with a grain of salt.

I give auggestions on my own experience only.
 
SublimeZM said:
if dealing with the social stigma and weirdness of loving someone who cheated on you is too hard for you move on...otherwise deal with what works for you and make the most of it

I like this advice.
Some people are better at getting over it than others.
I sucked at getting over it.
My ex cheated on me after the first year, and I stayed with him for 4 years after that.
I never got over it. It continued to fuck with my head for 4 years.

So if you can let it go, then try and work it out.
Be honest with yourself.
If this is going to be too much for you, then just leave.

And about you wanting her to tell you...
You really dont want that.
It wont make things better.
You think you want the details, but the more you know the more it will hurt.
 
blueta2 said:
Maybe for you......and we need to keep in mind, we're only hearing a very VERY small portion of this actual story.
On line advice for this sort of thing needs to me taken with a grain of salt.

I give auggestions on my own experience only.



The rest of the story is irrelevant: she cheated, throw her out...simple as that. Why deal with it??? Life is too short to invest further time and effort into someone who isn't loyal. Better to spend that time getting out there to seek someone who is worthy of sharing your life with you.
 
canadianhitman said:
Terrible advice.

I have NEVER seen an instance, where a partner cheats - and later on, they're enjoying their 50th golden anniversary.

It all comes to understanding why she cheated on him in the first place. Unless one understands that first, and resolves it -- it'll just happen again.

Next time, she'll just break-up, and then date that guy. That's what most women wind up doing. Much easier.

If you're a guy - you can cheat as much as you want. Love the double standard. lol.

r
 
canadianhitman said:
The rest of the story is irrelevant: she cheated, throw her out...simple as that. Why deal with it??? Life is too short to invest further time and effort into someone who isn't loyal. Better to spend that time getting out there to seek someone who is worthy of sharing your life with you.

Because there are instances where people actually make mistakes. He's been with her for 4 1/2 yrs. You don't throw that away just like that.

Believe me, there are MANY MANY people that have come through the devastation of a cheating spouse to go on and have a healthy and happy relationship with that same person.
 
Stefka said:
I like this advice.
Some people are better at getting over it than others.
I sucked at getting over it.
My ex cheated on me after the first year, and I stayed with him for 4 years after that.
I never got over it. It continued to fuck with my head for 4 years.

So if you can let it go, then try and work it out.
Be honest with yourself.
If this is going to be too much for you, then just leave.

And about you wanting her to tell you...
You really dont want that.
It wont make things better.
You think you want the details, but the more you know the more it will hurt.
word on the PM circuit is you like anal

can you verify this to be correct?
 
Stefka said:
I like this advice.
Some people are better at getting over it than others.
I sucked at getting over it.
My ex cheated on me after the first year, and I stayed with him for 4 years after that.
I never got over it. It continued to fuck with my head for 4 years.

So if you can let it go, then try and work it out.
Be honest with yourself.
If this is going to be too much for you, then just leave.

And about you wanting her to tell you...
You really dont want that.
It wont make things better.
You think you want the details, but the more you know the more it will hurt.
attacking it from the more important side of it: the less you care about the details, the stronger you will be
 
Wulfgar said:
happened to the best of us broly

best thing to do is just stop any and all contact and communication with her. like cut that shit cold turkey. if u have stuff at her place go get it. Put all her stuff outside your front door

dont return her calls, dont return her text messages NO MATTER what

the bigger man walks away...always has always will
Great advice Wulfgar,,take the high road........
 
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