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Daisy wants me back.......

wootoom

wootoom

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I dont know what do....i still love her in a way but i dont feel like i could ever go back....i have started a new chapter in my life...it feels like a trap...im happy right now but i love my kids more than anything in the world and would love to see them everyday and have my family back together again..its the most difficult thing i have and ever will have to deal with in my life..i still have feelings but i feel the damage has been done...i went through hell for 6 months of my life was on anti-depressants to pretty much stay alive...i know i should do whats right for me but its so difficult....i dont think she can change and it would take so long to build that trust back again....i put a ring on her finger for a reason because i loved her and i always will but i feel the damage is too much too handle...please no fucking stupid posts in this thread...i could never handle getting hurt or going through this process again either.
 
thats tuff .. my boy is going threw the same thing .. she sounds like a confused woman .. be careful she might take u back and change her mind again ( happened to my boy)
 
Better to be safe than sorry. People who supposedly "love" you dont only do this type of thing once.

I vote no, broheim. But of course thats based on what little I know of the situation.
 
I personally would never be able to get past it. IMO you've moved on anyway.

And staying together just for the kids is a bogus argument. Kid's aren't stupid and if the home isn't going to be a happy one, they'll know.
 
75th said:
Better to be safe than sorry. People who supposedly "love" you dont only do this type of thing once.

I vote no, broheim. But of course thats based on what little I know of the situation.
Click to expand...

That's another good point. I personally believe cheaters will always cheat again. It's as much a function of the person as it is the specific relationship.
 
That's a very personal decision Woot. There are many reasons why people cheat and many dynamics to factor into the mix and we know only the surface details of this thing.

Whatever you decide, I pray for God to grant you and your family peace and love.
 
imo only u know the answer to your question.. if u feel u have moved on with your life DONT risk gettin hurt and feelings comeing back .. if u still havent gotten over it ..give it a chance but dont go in assuming its gonna work, have a open mind that there is a good chance for FAILURE here ..this way if it dont work u know u gave it a shot and it will NEVER work and wont always wonder what could have been
 
try and remember the bad times as well as the good. What part you played and can you change and what part she played and the fact that she may change and then revert. I'd expect things not to be too different than they were after a time. I wouldn't put the kids through this adult "on again-off again" game that yall would be playing.
Tough call bro, you went through HELL for many weeks, I'd hate to have you go through that again. Yalll need to do some serious soul searching and do what's best for the kids, together OR apart.

Good luck, I don't envy your situation.
 
I think you should go to couples counceling first before you even consider moving back in together. This way there is time before you invest your feelings back into her to see if she flips again or not. Additionaly you can see if your able to work through the issues that caused the break up. If she is not willing to do that then IMO she is not serious and will like jerk you around down the road.
 
If the reasons for the breakup haven't been truly solved, don't.
 
oh there is going to be alot of steps to climb before i move back in there if we ever got back together.
 
mrplunkey said:
That's another good point. I personally believe cheaters will always cheat again. It's as much a function of the person as it is the specific relationship.
Click to expand...

The big thing in my opinion is that she was postpartum, not saying that is a good reason or anything to cheat but she was for sure not of sound mind for a while not sure is she is now either that is why I suggested counceling.
 
superqt4u2nv said:
The big thing in my opinion is that she was postpartum, not saying that is a good reason or anything to cheat but she was for sure not of sound mind for a while not sure is she is now either that is why I suggested counceling.
Click to expand...

Interesting twist. But why not turn toward your hubby instead of away from him during trying times?

But that's definitely something to take into consideration...
 
mrplunkey said:
Interesting twist. But why not turn toward your hubby instead of away from him during trying times?

But that's definitely something to take into consideration...
Click to expand...

Well from my understanding postpartum makes you very irrational so doing something like turning to your husband for support and help might never even crossed her mind. When things were first going to shit I told him she needs to see a Dr. it was clear that her extreme flip was caused by some sort of imbalance but she refused to then.
 
You know, dude, its my opinion, that I don't know you, so how could give you any rationality towards your situation. No one here can. We know you through this site bud. And we all take things with a grain or two of seasoning salt. Do some soul searching man. This is a decision you have to make, and live with. We don't man, all we can do is support you in what you choose. Good luck man.... I am sorta in a simular situation.
 
superqt4u2nv said:
Well from my understanding postpartum makes you very irrational so doing something like turning to your husband for support and help might never even crossed her mind. When things were first going to shit I told him she needs to see a Dr. it was clear that her extreme flip was caused by some sort of imbalance but she refused to then.
Click to expand...
I told him the exact same thing super qt
 
walliwalibus said:
You know, dude, its my opinion, that I don't know you, so how could give you any rationality towards your situation. No one here can. We know you through this site bud. And we all take things with a grain or two of seasoning salt. Do some soul searching man. This is a decision you have to make, and live with. We don't man, all we can do is support you in what you choose. Good luck man.... I am sorta in a simular situation.
Click to expand...

I know but alot of people on this site helped along the long road i took to get happy again...these people are my family here...most of you are.
 
Wootooom said:
she has a BF now i think they got in a fight and she need a security blanket...im not getting hurt again
Click to expand...

exactly, don't let the serpents seduce you. my uncle once said, "it's all an act until you marry then, just when you thought you got all of her, then the real real her comes out after she has your kids, then they make you really suffer."
 
I found myself through the hard times.....i really did....why would i want to go back down the same road?
 
Wootooom said:
I found myself through the hard times.....i really did....why would i want to go back down the same road?
Click to expand...

My answer to your question would be based on ONE THING: WHY does she "want you back"?

QT and a few others raised some strong points, points from where you can begin a rational thought process.

Everyone makes mistakes and life has a way of throwing curve balls at you that you would never have seen coming <--- this statement applies to both you AND Daisy. I never spoke to her personally so I don't have a clue what was going on in HER world when she made the choices that lead to the break up of your family. And you, well you got hit right between the eyes with the rammifications of her decisions.

My advice? Go to counseling so that the two of you can get down to the meat of "what went wrong." If she is willing to go through the work that it will take to MAYBE salvage your union then I say you should not keep your heart hard. Think with YOUR HEAD though. This is not about sexual attraction or "all the time" you have invested into your relationship and "how can I EVER find another?" stuff. This is about seeing if the two of you can find a way to get past the mistakes of the past and repair the foundation of your relationship. But even still, there are no guarantees. You might go through all of this (both of you) and decide when all is said and done that it would be better for the two of you to remain friends and co-parent from separate households.

I know this will sound like a flip statement, but it is not. IMO An infidelity is not a reason to end a marriage.

Going to see a counselor couldn't hurt you. If nothing else you might get some answers that you otherwise wouldn't get and it will help you to gain clarity and perspective <--- this is ALWAYS a good thing.
 
holy shit........I havent been on here in awhile and I see this. Dam woots what a really tough spot you're in. Im not sure what I would do man. She could be having a weak moment because her and her bf had a fight and she feels secure with you, so its "easier" for her to get back with you. But on the flip side she may truly feel sorry and miss you, and regrets leaving you after she's seen whats out there. I wish I could help you more with this but I dont think anyone can. How did this come up, where you guys talking and things have been amicable between you two and she has gotten her old feelings back for you. What was her reason for leaving you in the first place???
 
Wootooom said:
I found myself through the hard times.....i really did....why would i want to go back down the same road?
Click to expand...

If your stong enough to make it once then your strong enough to make it again. I am not saying the same thing would happen but do you want to spend your whole life thinking what if I would have at least tried given her a 2nd chance. You have to do some soul searching here and see what it is YOU really want. Everyone here has an opnion based on there own experience and beliefs but not everyone is you. It is your life and you have to live with the choices you make.
 
superqt4u2nv said:
If your stong enough to make it once then your strong enough to make it again. I am not saying the same thing would happen but do you want to spend your whole life thinking what if I would have at least tried given her a 2nd chance. You have to do some soul searching here and see what it is YOU really want. Everyone here has an opnion based on there own experience and beliefs but not everyone is you. It is your life and you have to live with the choices you make.
Click to expand...

jesus thats what im worried about!! its soo hard...
 
Wootooom said:
jesus thats what im worried about!! its soo hard...
Click to expand...

In my language there is a saying, "There is no such thing as that which you CAN'T do, but only that which YOU CHOOSE not to do."

The translation is lacking but I think I explained it well enough to get the meaning across.

You will be fine. :)

The only thing you have to be afraid of is the fear itself. Once you make a decision then there is nothing more to fear...
 
Walk tall. Walk proud. Walk away.

Besides, what if she got knocked up and is plotting to trick you into being baby's daddy?

Forget walk, run.
 
Wootooom said:
its just i dont want to get hurt again....i would fall apart
Click to expand...

No you wouldn't. You'd be hurt and then you would get back up again when you were done being down and be stronger than you were before you went down again.

We all get knocked down by life. That's "just life" and that isn't what makes us special. What separates one from the herd is when you keep getting back up.

Corny, I know, but so damned true.
 
have you considered starting over? Like just going out on a few dates...see how things go? Maybe seek counsiling during the dating phase.

Atleast then you could put everything on the table and find out where you are. If it were me personally, I feel I would have to atleast give it one more try, but if you do take it slow. Jumping right back into things won't do anyone anygood.
 
No you wouldn't. You'd be hurt and then you would get back up again when you were done being down and be stronger than you were before you went down again.

We all get knocked down by life. That's "just life" and that isn't what makes us special. What separates one from the herd is when you keep getting back up.
Click to expand...

you sound like rocky............nothing hits harder than life...but its how you get up that determines the man you are
 
BIKINIMOM said:
No you wouldn't. You'd be hurt and then you would get back up again when you were done being down and be stronger than you were before you went down again.

We all get knocked down by life. That's "just life" and that isn't what makes us special. What separates one from the herd is when you keep getting back up.

Corny, I know, but so damned true.
Click to expand...

+1 Woot you are so much stronger then you think you are.
 
Zee_Mole said:
I suggest you start drinking heavily






I dunno, I love my wife enough at we are apart, if she fucked a guy I would be pissed off and I, myself would never cheat on her. But wimminz are strange ones, I wont ever understand their thinking or logic. She is as close to logical as a woman I can meet and I trust her that she wouldnt. I mean, lol, she is as cold as the refrigerator, so its not something applicable to me. BUT, if it happened, I wouldnt dump her. I mean, is it cheating for me as she is away to wank to a porno?
Maybe teach her how to masturbate and show her how to get free pron can solve the woes.
I know, when I get the urge to rip off a woman's clothes and stick my root in her, rather go to prison for rape, its much easier to go to the internet and watch sluts.
Now, if I see my wife on the internet in one of those videos, I dunno, probably feel like you did. If my wimminz got a bf though, game over, fuck you, fuck you and forever and goodbye.
I think I am pretty liberal about a woman getting gratification through random sex but if she established a new relationship, piss off. OR, she has to do some monumental grovelling and I would hold it over her head for the rest of her life. Make her clean shit up b/c she cheated and deep throat type stuff on demand. It could work out to your benefit if you play your cards right.
Hope that helps but I know it didnt lol
Click to expand...

good analogy hahaha
 
Dont do it dude. Once the confidence is gone, it's gone. It will never be the same since the past can come back to haunt you....
 
Well keep this in mind... she might have fallen on hard times with her new relationship and sure enough what does she do? Turns outward toward you instead of inward toward her bf/husband.

Sound familiar? Its just this time, you'd be the other guy.
 
Zee_Mole said:
Seriously, I know you loved her and she loved you, I used to play poker with you turds when it was open a coupla years back and pm'd with her many times and I thought she was a sweetheart.
I didnt know you were busted up so this thread is kinda shock to me.
She's a decent woman who is making many mistakes in her life as we all do and did.
If I didnt know Daisy I would be knee-jerk fuck her you can get better, but since I do know her a bit. I'd rethink the macho stuff.
The fe-male gave the best advice and that is counseling.

There, you can flush out the issues that caused her cheating and also flush out if she is serious about getting back together or is she just become Britney Spears.
Under no circumstances should you enter a renewed interest with her without professional counseling. If you pay them an extra hundred per session, they can convince her to be your slave. That's my recommendation
Click to expand...

Thanks for the concern whoever you are man...
 
see man...pretty much what I said.


Take it slow, go on a few dates. Just start over, and get some counseling!
 
mrplunkey said:
well keep this in mind... She might have fallen on hard times with her new relationship and sure enough what does she do? Turns outward toward you instead of inward toward her bf/husband.

Sound familiar? Its just this time, you'd be the other guy.
Click to expand...

qft.
 
Wootooom said:
I dont know what do....i still love her in a way but i dont feel like i could ever go back....i have started a new chapter in my life...it feels like a trap...im happy right now but i love my kids more than anything in the world and would love to see them everyday and have my family back together again..its the most difficult thing i have and ever will have to deal with in my life..i still have feelings but i feel the damage has been done...i went through hell for 6 months of my life was on anti-depressants to pretty much stay alive...i know i should do whats right for me but its so difficult....i dont think she can change and it would take so long to build that trust back again....i put a ring on her finger for a reason because i loved her and i always will but i feel the damage is too much too handle...please no fucking stupid posts in this thread...i could never handle getting hurt or going through this process again either.
Click to expand...


it is a trap. . .i'm sure it's not planned that way. . .but that's exactly what it is. . .i would admire you for being able to set everything aside and give it another try. . .that would take big balls. . .bigger balls than i have. . .but honestly?? i give it MAYBE a 5% chance of success. . .and i'm all about believing in the power of love. . .good luck. . .no matter what you decide. . .i'm no relationship expert by any stretch of the imgination, but if you wanna talk, even just to blow off some steam, pm me and i'll pm you my cell number. . .
 
Wootooom said:
I dont know what do....i still love her in a way but i dont feel like i could ever go back....i have started a new chapter in my life...it feels like a trap...im happy right now but i love my kids more than anything in the world and would love to see them everyday and have my family back together again..its the most difficult thing i have and ever will have to deal with in my life..i still have feelings but i feel the damage has been done...i went through hell for 6 months of my life was on anti-depressants to pretty much stay alive...i know i should do whats right for me but its so difficult....i dont think she can change and it would take so long to build that trust back again....i put a ring on her finger for a reason because i loved her and i always will but i feel the damage is too much too handle...please no fucking stupid posts in this thread...i could never handle getting hurt or going through this process again either.
Click to expand...


i haven't read the other posts- so my advice is mine alone.

try it. it couldn't hurt. it will be a lot of work and a lot of counceling, but you may end up with something better than you ever had.

it's happened before.
:)


good luck.
 
Wootooom said:
I dont know what do....i still love her in a way but i dont feel like i could ever go back....i have started a new chapter in my life...it feels like a trap...im happy right now but i love my kids more than anything in the world and would love to see them everyday and have my family back together again..its the most difficult thing i have and ever will have to deal with in my life..i still have feelings but i feel the damage has been done...i went through hell for 6 months of my life was on anti-depressants to pretty much stay alive...i know i should do whats right for me but its so difficult....i dont think she can change and it would take so long to build that trust back again....i put a ring on her finger for a reason because i loved her and i always will but i feel the damage is too much too handle...please no fucking stupid posts in this thread...i could never handle getting hurt or going through this process again either.
Click to expand...

been there bro. therapy worked for us.
 
superqt4u2nv said:
I think you should go to couples counceling first before you even consider moving back in together. This way there is time before you invest your feelings back into her to see if she flips again or not. Additionaly you can see if your able to work through the issues that caused the break up. If she is not willing to do that then IMO she is not serious and will like jerk you around down the road.
Click to expand...

Bingo!

I took my ex of 11 yrs back when he came asking, and 3 months later, he left again.
 
superqt4u2nv said:
The big thing in my opinion is that she was postpartum, not saying that is a good reason or anything to cheat but she was for sure not of sound mind for a while not sure is she is now either that is why I suggested counceling.
Click to expand...

Great advice...QT is on a roll today :-)
 
been there, had the same scenario

changed the locks on the house, and gave her the sailors salute

She wanted me back the moment I started to move on.

I can't tell you what to do, you need to make your own desicions.
I wish you and your kids the best.
 
ortiz34 said:
She wanted me back the moment I started to move on.
Click to expand...


Yep, my mother did the same to my father. As soon as he finally started to move on a couple years later, she all the sudden wants him back. Well, she didn't really want him back, she just wanted to know if she could have him back. Women are fucked up like this.
 
post partum is real though brosky

If she is honest and REALLY wants to work it out, it may be worth a shot. With the kids and all it means so much.

Either way, things have a way of working themselves out.
 
Also sometimes you have to go through a couple of marriage counselors before you find one you like.
our first one was crazy 2nd one was great (female)
 
Wow man, that is tough. I am all for second chances, but you seemed to have moved on well, and sure enough as soon as you are comfortable again, she sees that and now wants you back. Do whatever you think will bring you long term happiness.
 
If we are secure and mature in our manhood we can forgive.

It aint gonna be easy though.

My wife and I have been back together for 7 years now and a couple times I told her "fuck why did you come back? you're still a crazy redhead!"

Then life goes on.

I know a few bro's on their 3rd marriage who claim they should have just stuck with the first wife!!!
 
nimbus said:
it will never be the same again.
Click to expand...

very true, it actually could be much better. But only with help and a lot patience.

Woot, this would have to be a two way street. You'll need to address the issues about you that she may have not liked.

Depression puts people in a different mind-set.
 
ortiz34 said:
post partum is real though brosky

If she is honest and REALLY wants to work it out, it may be worth a shot. With the kids and all it means so much.

Either way, things have a way of working themselves out.
Click to expand...


Post Partum maybe be real...but cheating because of it is a lousy excuse.
 
I think some counselling sessions are in order, either way. You guys are gonna need some professional help whether it's for reconciliation or closure. And until then, don't touch her, in any way.

Hate to see you get jerked around like this.
 
heatherrae said:
That's a very personal decision Woot. There are many reasons why people cheat and many dynamics to factor into the mix and we know only the surface details of this thing.

Whatever you decide, I pray for God to grant you and your family peace and love.
Click to expand...

Well said....No one is going to be able to give you the answer bro. You got to make this call on your own, tough place to be in.
 
Do not listen to anypone here. You and Daisy need to get into therapy asap.. you two need to fiqure out what went wrong and see if its fixble
 
I think you gave yourself the best advice : just work on being friends.

I think you'd just end up getting hurt again, seems like she's done some pretty hurtful things over the past however long to you broly. I can't pretend to understand the situation you're in. I just can't imagine if you did get back into a relationship with her that the trust would ever be the same or the feeling.

I don't think you can do that kind of thing or hurt someone that way if she truely did love you, just my two cents. I know you'll do whats best for you.
 
drama sells
a Saturday and this thread is 9 pages

plus we all love the Woot
shows how much we care for ya
 
i know you guys care about me..this whole breakup wasnt just her fault it was mine also...i feel bad in that other thread how bad i make her look and im sorry for that..
 
Wootooom said:
i know you guys care about me..this whole breakup wasnt just her fault it was mine also...i feel bad in that other thread how bad i make her look and im sorry for that..
Click to expand...


Understood bro, you were very hurt.
I've been there, without the kids part.
My first wife (gf of 6 years) (married 6 months), decided to do the same thing
My soul felt ripped out

I'm not gonna sit here and say "fuck that bitch", because I have walked in your shoes and know you can't turn feelings off like a lightswitch.
She's the mother of your beautiful children.

Life is crazy man
I usually go on my gut instinct.
 
superqt4u2nv said:
I think you should go to couples counceling first before you even consider moving back in together. This way there is time before you invest your feelings back into her to see if she flips again or not. Additionaly you can see if your able to work through the issues that caused the break up. If she is not willing to do that then IMO she is not serious and will like jerk you around down the road.
Click to expand...

+1 on the couple counselling.

As you have said, you are still hurt, you don't want to bring that into the relationship if you start again.

I do think that people can change and grow up, learn from their mistakes, people often don't realise how great things were until the lose it.
 
Wootooom said:
i know you guys care about me..this whole breakup wasnt just her fault it was mine also...i feel bad in that other thread how bad i make her look and im sorry for that..
Click to expand...

Its entirely possible that it was both your faults -- but just make sure you're not trying to rewrite history so you'll have a better reason to reconcile.

Not trying to be an ass, but men lie to themselves in situations like this. And the biggest lies you'll ever fall for are the ones you tell yourself.
 
Seriously, people make mistakes and people learn from those mistakes. It is friggin possible!!!

We don't know the whole story, we only know what woot has told us. We don't know all of the specifics on their marriage. It can be fixed, they can get through this.

Woot, listen Do not, and I mean DONT do this because you want those boys to have a 2 parent home, don't do it because you feel obligated to....
Go back and be with your wife because every morning that you wake up and she is not there makes your day worse. Because even though you are seperated her smile still makes your heart skip a beat, still makes you happier, and still makes your day. Go back to her because even though you both have caused each other pain you realize that it is more painful being apart...
Woot, go back to your wife because you want to be with your wife, because you want to be her husband, and because you want to try again.
And if none of this rings a bell to you, then move on for everyone including your own benefit. But def get some couples therapy to help get past the issues.
 
Angel said:
Seriously, people make mistakes and people learn from those mistakes. It is friggin possible!!!

We don't know the whole story, we only know what woot has told us. We don't know all of the specifics on their marriage. It can be fixed, they can get through this.

Woot, listen Do not, and I mean DONT do this because you want those boys to have a 2 parent home, don't do it because you feel obligated to....
Go back and be with your wife because every morning that you wake up and she is not there makes your day worse. Because even though you are seperated her smile still makes your heart skip a beat, still makes you happier, and still makes your day. Go back to her because even though you both have caused each other pain you realize that it is more painful being apart...
Woot, go back to your wife because you want to be with your wife, because you want to be her husband, and because you want to try again.
And if none of this rings a bell to you, then move on for everyone including your own benefit. But def get some couples therapy to help get past the issues.
Click to expand...

+100000

Damn that was well-said.
 
Don't do it. I know it would be nice to have the family back reunited, but it's over. Sounds to me like you would want to try, but you are in doutb. She walked out on you bro. Remember all the nights of pain and hell she put you in. Could you go though that again? The fact is she didn't have no regard for you when she left you in the high end. Move on. Just keep being the best father you can be. Goodluck!
 
Well avoiding being re-hurt isn't a good reason not to try again.

But having said that, unless something fundamental has shifted in the way she sees the world, it's going to happen all over again.
 
I say don't. He was just moving on with his life. Keep pressing forward. In these days of age hardly any marraige last anyways.
 
mrplunkey said:
Well avoiding being re-hurt isn't a good reason not to try again.

But having said that, unless something fundamental has shifted in the way she sees the world, it's going to happen all over again.
Click to expand...

this is a Good Point too being 100% objective

still though 99.99% of the time one should be DONE, NO chances for what she did to Woot.....


its HOW she did what she did to him that is the crutch of the bad vibes I feel.......
 
Some good advice in here Woot. Angel gave some good words, QT did too. All I can say is I was in a similar situation once (minus the kids) and taking her back didn't work. She was cheating again, probably (most certainly) before I even found out.

But, every situation is different. Maybe the postpartum had something to do with it. Maybe she'd have done it anyway. Who knows? But, maybe she's matured now and is truly sorry and really wants to be with you and only you, and realizes what a terrible mistake she's made. Maybe things are going bad with her current bf and you're just her safety net. :confused:

If it were me and she's got a boyfriend (hope for the kids' sakes that he is not a live-in), I wouldn't be convinced she had any true or good motives until she got rid of him. Like someone else said, maybe this time you're the other guy? A lot of things to think about here and we can't possibly give you the best advice because we're not living the situation like you are. We can however bring things into light that you may not have thought of, but it's up to you to decide if there's any validity to them.
 
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