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Shaving Ass Hair **MUST READ**


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Excerpt: ASS HAIR I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to all though tasteless, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble pooping. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ss-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had

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  1. #1
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    Shaving Ass Hair **MUST READ**

    ASS HAIR

    I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to all though tasteless, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble pooping. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique.
    It seems my ss-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to
    much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop,
    but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling.

    Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with somepaper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to
    avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope
    that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.
    I was contemplating this
    problem, when I had what seemed at the time
    to be a bright idea. "Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in
    history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-line now has complete Usenet
    access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

    I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on.
    Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would
    have to clean the razor of accumulated hair, which I did by wiping it on the towel.
    Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn babe. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of
    hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

    Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction.
    I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating
    in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I
    thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poop -molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I
    stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky poop/sweat
    combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there
    and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately, this exertion
    caused me to sweat, and when I finally
    reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and
    attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks.

    As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of
    all, as the ripe aroma of festering poop/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there,
    fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own poop blowing
    right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my
    ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks.

    Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins
    can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't
    enough, I am now enduring further torture. As
    anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad.
    Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat,
    rather than endure this constant agony.

    Friends-DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!

  2. #2
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    hahaha...awesome post man........that shit was hilarious.

  3. #3
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    MY GOD!

    That is the funniest thing I have ever read.




    Sorry for your loss, may your hair recover safely and quickly.

  4. #4
    Guru frorider6's Avatar
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    smear a big glob of vaseline up there. Maybe that will take the edge off. Or use a ton of baby powder. Lube it or dry it out is my only advice.

  5. #5
    Good Broly
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    jeez that's the funniest story i've read on this board yet!!! that would make a great comedy sketch! Thanks for the tale, know I know I will just trim it up a bit instead. Hats off to you and your martyrdom!!

  6. #6
    Pro Bodybuilder RealDeal's Avatar
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    Shit bro, that is the funniest damn thing I've read in a LONG time! *wiping the tears from eyes* Had to cover my mouth from busting out at work. Your attention to details put the icing on the cake. As WombRaider said, that would make a superb comedy sketch to those who are not easily offended.

    Seriously though, I keep my whole undercarriage clean & tidy...including the dogs & rear. This is a personal preference & I feel cleaner & more hygenic. My g/f prefers it too, so it just up to individuals. I've tended to notice the slip-and-slide action at times when sweaty, but not much of the rest of your probs. If you shave at least once a week the pricklies are avoided.

    As for the stench...sounds like a personal prob.

    Try keeping it real clean and using some cornstarch after you shower if the sweat is that uncomfortable. I usually toss some cornstarch powder on the dogs...ahhhh -- nice all day long. Just like anything else that's shaved, you get used to the new feeling. Most women have hairless butts...thank God. No complaints from them, so maybe you should keep working on it!
    Last edited by RealDeal; 10-Aug-2001 at 04:53 PM.

  7. #7
    Amateur Bodybuilder
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    Thumbs up That was real good

    You had me rollin

  8. #8
    Amateur Bodybuilder
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    Now that's a funny story. But I will continue to shave my body once a week. I shave from head to toe. the only hair I have is my eyebrows, mustache, and a little patch above my tool. My wife loves the shaved bodyparts and I don't have any problems with sweat or stench.

  9. #9
    Good Broly
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    Thumbs up

    Dude, that was friggin hilarious, I'm dying over here!!!!

  10. #10
    Frackal
    Guest
    Pretty sure you're not the original author of that story...I've seen it before.

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