overbearing mother

[Abbaddon]

I do once again want to say that I am not trying to be mean to you just trying to show you a different prespective on this

i'm 24 and i think she should trust my judgement more than she does. she loses sleep worrying about me when i think she should just let me take care of things.

as much as i am currently on medication for depression and had a rough semester. she just was smothering me from another city, if that makes sense.

You say she should trust your judgement and then say right away why she would have reason to worry about you and your judgement.

they are supporting a good chunk of my payments in terms of my car and stuff and i completely appreciate everything they do and i said that, but i also don't need daily phone calls asking what i have due and when am i going to do it, etc.

sigh.

as much as i don't want to be doing this because school is time-consuming... i think maybe i'll get a job next semester. independence is key.

i need to get a job out of school.. need to.

Now here you say that you are dependent upon them and that does often keep parents in the picture of trying to make decisions for you especially when they pay for the decisions.

And lastly and dont take this the wrong way but your talking about not having enough time for a job. Girl how many hours do you spend on this board a day. You average close to 35 posts a day. Trust me you may have to re-evaluate your priorities but you do have time to work and go to school at the same time.

Hope you take this constructively as it was meant. I am a firm believer that sometimes the best help to you can give someone who has been down on their luck is to not coddle them as much and tell them how it actually is.

 

[smallmovesal]

points totally taken... and i do try to consider things from alternate perspectives.

but at the same time i'd like to point out that when i post on here i'm often working at the same time on my homework for design.

 

[buddy28]

any words of wisdom? she made me feel like i was being a mean and horrible person... said i wasn't being myself, which i think really means i'm not the person she wants me to be.

i tried to be as honest as possible and i chose my words carefully.

i'm 24 and i think she should trust my judgement more than she does. she loses sleep worrying about me when i think she should just let me take care of things.

as much as i am currently on medication for depression and had a rough semester. she just was smothering me from another city, if that makes sense.

Smallmoves-

Your mom sounds very similar to mine. Actually, you and I are in very similar situations. Im 24, finishing my undergrad, and for the past 6-8 years, have been suffering from, and overcoming, social anxiety and depression....

I know *exactly* how hard it can be to keep up with ur school work, deal with a major mental illness that clouds your thinking and undermines your emotional stability, while dealing with demanding parents who are unsupportive, or emotionally manipulative. This is one of the hardest things a person can ever face. So I contradulate u for having the courage to make it this far. Its not easy, and dont let anyone tell you its not easy.

My mom is emotionally manipulative. She tells me how evil i am, or what a bad son I am when she doesnt get the relationship she wants. She expects our relationship to be perfect and conflict free, without admitting to any of her dysfunctional behavours, or working towards changing them. Basically, she wants all the benefits of a "normal" relationship, but none of the work and honest introspection associated with building *healthy* relationships. And when I dont give her what she wants, she trys to make me feel bad by crying, sending me insulting letters, *incessent* bitching about how baaaaaaaaaaaaadddddd I make her feel.

Whats helped me? If your depression is caused primarly by enviromental stressors, specialized cognitive therapy for depression, practiced everyday, would normalize ur self esteem so enviromental stressors become less "poigent". MuscleBrains isnt a big proponent of cognitive therapy because one of its intended effects, "behavour modification", goes against his nondirective theraputic philisophy.

If you identify with passive, nondirective, theraputic approaches, then perhaps cognitive therapy is not for you.....

however, cognitive therapy specialized for depression, and *successful* nondirective theraputic approaches specialized for depression, both act to change an individuals irrational thinking patterns, either directly or indirectly, which allievates depression. The 2 methods just go about changing an individuals thoughts in a different way.......

Why does cognitive therapy work?

1) social psychology trusim --- our thoughts control our feelings. If we constantly repeat how shitty we are, how worthless we are, how unattractive we are......we begin to believe these irrational thoughts and start feeling depresed. The opposite is also true: If we expose our brains to rational, realistic, conditional statements about our self worth ex "mabey, I have a few more postive qualities then I used to think"............our brain begins to beleive this........and consequently, we begin to feel better. Because depression magnifys the stress associated with problematic situations, cognitive therapy will help you deal more effectivily with life problems you dont have alot of control over ie your mom....

it really all comes down to ur emotional wellbeing. Once ur head is clear, your free to use ur intellectual gifts to make $$, which will reduce financial dependance on ur mom and the related crumby situations...

good luck

 

[WormAAA77]

Why don't you just lay off the drugs? Obviously they don't benefit you, they just fuck with your head. From the sounds of it, you're getting rather dependent on them also.

 

[FyreWomanGoddess]

All Italian and Sicilian Women are overbearing mothers. I know how you feel.