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need advice on child custody

binö

binö

Rob of Redford
Platinum
unfortunatly i have become somewhat invovled in this...GF has a real dickhead ex, dude is a angry controlling ex-pig who wants to call the shots with his ex even though they are divorced.
and she is so passive she let's him abuse her and force his will on her.
well, they did informal custody but now it's going to be offical and thru the courts...dickfuk is insisting on having the 51% and seems to think he is entitled to it since he is the primary provider (the kid is split equally amongst the two houses, but the loser doesn't have a job and can spend more time with the son, whereas she has a full time job and isn't afforded that luxury).
he is threatening to fight the manner if she doesn't capitulate, and she is willing to allow this so it doesn't fuk the kid up going thru a lengthy court battle...plus she doesn't have the funds to pay for a represenative attorney...he has money from a settlement to afford good lawyers.
is it really that big of a deal having 49%? the way he is making it seem, he will be able to dictate what she does with the kid and where he goes...she will have to inform him everytime she takes him ouf of town or out of state, whereas he has free reign to go wherever he pleases.
i foresee a decade of trouble for my poor GF, allowing her ex to still control her sound decisions because that is his nature...I'm trying to be chill about it, but it is starting to effect me, watching her willling get run over.
is 49% that big of a deal?
 
Ok, whoever is the primary parent gets child support. My ex is the primary parent. I have to pay child support.
 
yeah, he wants her to pay child support so that he can continue to not work and be a lazy ass
 
I support my kids, in my agreement i pay child support based on my income every year. If she is fully divorced there should be rules in place for child support on who is the primary parent of the child. Be careful getting involved...thats all i have to say..it will make things harder man, tell her to talk to her lawyer.
 
I was kind of in the same situation in the last year, a girl was pretty much trying to fuck the guy I was seeing over with all the child custody stuff. Anyways, we can't give you real answers because child custody is dealt with differently in every state and every situation. But what happened with my ex was that the percentage of time spent with each parent determined nothing besides a. Obviously the days the parent got to see the child and b. How much money was owed and to whom.

Who spent the majority of the time with the child did not determine someone as being in charge i.e. deciding what the other parent does or where the other parent goes with the child. Parenting agreements these days should include all of that, and (unless something makes the parent unfit - criminal, drug addict) both parents may do what they want with the child.

In the guy I was seeing's case, babymama wanted the court to order that their timeshare plan include that every time he wanted to take the child a certain distance away (out of the county or state, I forget) he had to let her know, not for permission though, just so that she was aware. What she didn't realize though, is that the rules in there applied to both parents and she's now required to inform him any tile she takes their daughter particularly far also.

Anyways point is, time awarded is only that - time (and money). It doesn't have to mean one parent is more of a parent, or gets to make major decisions without the other or control how they spend their time.
 
How old is the child? having a full time job should not preclude her from getting more than 49% custody. that's ludicrous. I have always had a full time job and my ex pretty much always has worked very sporadically and guess who got SOLE custody? yes, me. But, I had an atty and he did not. Without legal representation, she might wind up with 49% custody or whatever he and his lawyer are proposing in their parenting agreement presented to the court. Also, if she wants to represent herself in any way shape or form, she'd better go the court ahead of time and file (pay fees) to say she's representing herself (i forget the legal term for that). Because when my obnoxious ex showed up in court with only himself and his good for nothing alcoholic father, they were not allowed to even address the court/judge and when they tried to speak, they were thrown out of the court room. Epic fail.

So, she really should have a lawyer.
 
one more thing I forgot to mention. you say she works full time? well through her employer she should have whats called EAP/Work Life benefits and its very common for a free 30 min legal consultation to be included in that benefit. So, she could call up and be connected to an atty who would give her free advice for a 30 min consultation. Then, if she decided to retain someone from that law firm, there would be a discount (typically 25%). So, she should look into what benefits are offered by her employer. Just saying.
 
Pm me Bino also, if you need anything...I've been going through this for 3 years I'm an expert on this junk lol...I'm here to help.

Make sure she has a lawyer which I'm sure she does already
 
Ask the judge to have him pay for her lawer, it happened to me and it was fucked up! Lol i wasnt even married jus my ex gf... Lawers i talked to an evwryone else said thats jacked up tjeu cant do that but they did... Freakin california pfffft
Anyways they will not give him 51% unless she smokes crack or is a prostitute, in fact she needs to feman 60% an then the court will jus giv them 50/50
 
smurf2 said:
W00t, he said she doesnt have money for a lawyer which will hinder her greatly
Click to expand...

WTF? up here you NEED a lawyer...what a mess...this guy sounds like a real douche...Bino, make sure you are careful about this...you are a good bro...pm me or you can call me man...i dont know much about the laws down in the US...sound a little more complicated.
 
Tell the judge she cant afford one and its nit fair he has a lawer, then ask the judge to make him
Pay for hers!!!!! In fact what you do is go find a good attorny and tell him the situation and let him negotiate it... If he truley has money the lawer will go for it...
 
If they were married its a deffinate.... Bf/gf iys not sposed to be like that but the judges can and will do what ever they want its bs but ur gf has the advantage in every way.
 
gstacker said:
If they were married its a deffinate.... Bf/gf iys not sposed to be like that but the judges can and will do what ever they want its bs but ur gf has the advantage in every way.
Click to expand...

I know thats what im saying..he said they are divorced so there has to be a lawyer in place. There has to be justice that the government has to pay for a lawyer
 
It's going to vary widely from state-to-state.

Normally child support is a function of both parenting time and the relative incomes of both parents.

Parenting time is influenced by a huge number of factors including who works, relative stability of the two homes and even the state (i.e. Tennessee favors mothers heavily, whereas California is more egalitarian).

Check on the rules regarding parenting time. The magic of 50/50 is it's almost impossible to relocate the kid for anything but the absolute best of reasons. In Tennessee, getting something like 10 out of 14 days means you can move the kid for almost any reason (i.e. new BF in Texas).
 
well i've said my piece with her about the matter...my bro is a attorney and told her what's up.
just sucks seeing this pig faggot push her around, if i ever see him/meet him he's gonna regret being such a cvnt.
dude already got my criminal background check, and can clearly see i'm not afraid to throw down.
really don't need trouble, but my ego won't allow myself or my girl to get bullied esp by some punkass fat slobby pig (ex pig)
 
binö said:
well i've said my piece with her about the matter...my bro is a attorney and told her what's up.
just sucks seeing this pig faggot push her around, if i ever see him/meet him he's gonna regret being such a cvnt.
dude already got my criminal background check, and can clearly see i'm not afraid to throw down.
really don't need trouble, but my ego won't allow myself or my girl to get bullied esp by some punkass fat slobby pig (ex pig)
Click to expand...

Like i said bro, please be careful...I'm a fucking maniac also and it just makes things worse
 
binö said:
unfortunatly i have become somewhat invovled in this...GF has a real dickhead ex, dude is a angry controlling ex-pig who wants to call the shots with his ex even though they are divorced.
and she is so passive she let's him abuse her and force his will on her.
well, they did informal custody but now it's going to be offical and thru the courts...dickfuk is insisting on having the 51% and seems to think he is entitled to it since he is the primary provider (the kid is split equally amongst the two houses, but the loser doesn't have a job and can spend more time with the son, whereas she has a full time job and isn't afforded that luxury).
he is threatening to fight the manner if she doesn't capitulate, and she is willing to allow this so it doesn't fuk the kid up going thru a lengthy court battle...plus she doesn't have the funds to pay for a represenative attorney...he has money from a settlement to afford good lawyers.
is it really that big of a deal having 49%? the way he is making it seem, he will be able to dictate what she does with the kid and where he goes...she will have to inform him everytime she takes him ouf of town or out of state, whereas he has free reign to go wherever he pleases.
i foresee a decade of trouble for my poor GF, allowing her ex to still control her sound decisions because that is his nature...I'm trying to be chill about it, but it is starting to effect me, watching her willling get run over.
is 49% that big of a deal?
Click to expand...

good luck with all that baggage
 
Wootooom said:
Like i said bro, please be careful...I'm a fucking maniac also and it just makes things worse
Click to expand...

a sweet passive loving girl, abused by a power hungry small dicked cop that lost his badge, it's almost too much for me to bear.
he's gotten away with it for so long...what's a good bro to do?
 
Relax bro, be supportive, she and her kid need the stability of SOMEONE, be their rock.
Be the bigger man, and she should focus on being the best parent.
 
ortiz34 said:
Relax bro, be supportive, she and her kid need the stability of SOMEONE, be their rock.
Be the bigger man, and she should focus on being the best parent.
Click to expand...

yea i know i need to chill...i just hate feeling like i'm getting bullied, even if it is via proxy.
the dude will make like difficult though if she doesn't take concrete action against him, which goes against her nature of passiveness.
his threats today were that if i am around the kid he will pursue child support, which would hurt her finances deeply...it's not like i am trying to raise this kid at all, or have any influence.
and it's not that he is against me personally cause of anything i've done (def not a angel)...he just can't stand seeing his ex with someone else other than him (even though in 5 yrs of marriage he tapped it 3-4 times).
he is the textbook pig...angry, jealous, and mad at the world.
if she wasn't so hot and cool i'd have bounced
 
folks the lesson here is proly not to get invovled with someone that has kids or a fuct up ex.
but if you do, proly don't date someone with a pig as a ex, they are largely like the dude i described, i work with them weekly so i think i got a good feel.
 
Wootooom said:
Ok, whoever is the primary parent gets child support. My ex is the primary parent. I have to pay child support.
Click to expand...

Do you not have joint custody? I thought joint custody split visitation in half and child support was next to nill. Since my daughter lives 250mi away I only have joint
Legal which doesn't mean shit other then I pay for baby mamma to essentially not have to work.
 
Wootooom said:
Ok, whoever is the primary parent gets child support. My ex is the primary parent. I have to pay child support.
Click to expand...

You mind if I ask how much you pay bro? Mine just got bumped up to 900/month. I can't imagine what yours might be for two. Just curious how Canada treats child support. My daughter lives in MI and that's one of the worst states for fathers rights.
 
binö said:
unfortunatly i have become somewhat invovled in this...GF has a real dickhead ex, dude is a angry controlling ex-pig who wants to call the shots with his ex even though they are divorced.
and she is so passive she let's him abuse her and force his will on her.
well, they did informal custody but now it's going to be offical and thru the courts...dickfuk is insisting on having the 51% and seems to think he is entitled to it since he is the primary provider (the kid is split equally amongst the two houses, but the loser doesn't have a job and can spend more time with the son, whereas she has a full time job and isn't afforded that luxury).
he is threatening to fight the manner if she doesn't capitulate, and she is willing to allow this so it doesn't fuk the kid up going thru a lengthy court battle...plus she doesn't have the funds to pay for a represenative attorney...he has money from a settlement to afford good lawyers.
is it really that big of a deal having 49%? the way he is making it seem, he will be able to dictate what she does with the kid and where he goes...she will have to inform him everytime she takes him ouf of town or out of state, whereas he has free reign to go wherever he pleases.
i foresee a decade of trouble for my poor GF, allowing her ex to still control her sound decisions because that is his nature...I'm trying to be chill about it, but it is starting to effect me, watching her willling get run over.
is 49% that big of a deal?
Click to expand...

Does that asshole know how much you can squat? Start wearing spandex around him for the intimidation factor.
 
binö said:
folks the lesson here is proly not to get invovled with someone that has kids or a fuct up ex.
but if you do, proly don't date someone with a pig as a ex, they are largely like the dude i described, i work with them weekly so i think i got a good feel.
Click to expand...

You're a good bro and I'm not telling you to leave in any way. It's a shitty situation which I'm sure will calm down soon enough. Just be supportive as I know you are and get through it.
 
Wootooom said:
You're a good bro and I'm not telling you to leave in any way. It's a shitty situation which I'm sure will calm down soon enough. Just be supportive as I know you are and get through it.
Click to expand...

I think this is the key. Sounds like she needs someone to support her and help stand up a little bit more. Lots of us have kids and manage new relationships but the psycho ex makes it difficult. Just be careful not to give him any reason to hold anything against you. He sounds like the kind of guy who will try to bait you in and then use it against her in court. You're a good guy Bino...hope it works out!! :)
 
caligirl85 said:
I think this is the key. Sounds like she needs someone to support her and help stand up a little bit more. Lots of us have kids and manage new relationships but the psycho ex makes it difficult. Just be careful not to give him any reason to hold anything against you. He sounds like the kind of guy who will try to bait you in and then use it against her in court. You're a good guy Bino...hope it works out!! :)
Click to expand...

can my criminal record be used against her in anyway if this went to a custody court? he is all over it saying that it will.
i have nothing major, no rape or sex crimes or major violence...some minor bs.
?
 
binö said:
can my criminal record be used against her in anyway if this went to a custody court? he is all over it saying that it will.
i have nothing major, no rape or sex crimes or major violence...some minor bs.
?
Click to expand...

I'll give it a once over and comment, brb...
 
binö said:
can my criminal record be used against her in anyway if this went to a custody court? he is all over it saying that it will.
i have nothing major, no rape or sex crimes or major violence...some minor bs.
?
Click to expand...

Are you living together?
 
Kill his ass and cut him up into small pieces and scatter him in two or three diffrent river. Then you guys have 100% :)
 
Her ex wants 51% because
a) He doesn't want to pay child support.
b) He wants the tax write off.

Bino, your GF needs to get her shit together. You can't do it for her. And she needs someone to advise her legally, beg, borrow or steal the money but she needs a barracuda to at least tell her what her rights are.

And as far as any court case fucking with the kids head. Little FYI, if the father is THIS much of a prick now, do you really think he isn't going to be badmouthing the mother to the kid up one side and down the other every chance he gets as soon as the kid is old enough to understand what he's saying? If you believe otherwise, I got an awesome bridge to sell you. That kid is fucked already. The less the father sees it the better.

My ex's favorite pass time during his every other weekend visitations was telling my son everything that could, in any way, be embarassing to me, including stuff that wasn't true. I'm talking shit a kid has no business hearing. Shit NOBODY would know except my spouse, or think (except someone like the truly bitter little bitch that my ex was). Let your mind dwell on all the things that could potentially encompass, considering I was married to this guy for 10 years.

Tell your GF to put on her big girl pants and go to war. That man will screw the kids head up just to get at her and feel vindicated in doing it. Freaks like that always do. He's willing to use the kid as a pawn and anything else he can as a weapon. She broke away from a manipulative control freak, they can't forget or forgive shit like that.
 
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bro....don't you see the red flags in this situation?

This chick has a fuckin scumbag jerkoff Ex and has kids. Her sister is married to abusive maniac and doesn't leave him.

The apple don't fall far from the tree. Families usually are fucked up together more often than not. this isn't going to end well imho

chick's got more baggage than JFK
 
calveless wonder said:
bro....don't you see the red flags in this situation?

This chick has a fuckin scumbag jerkoff Ex and has kids. Her sister is married to abusive maniac and doesn't leave him.

The apple don't fall far from the tree. Families usually are fucked up together more often than not. this isn't going to end well imho

chick's got more baggage than JFK
Click to expand...

Yep.

Run!
 
calveless wonder said:
bro....don't you see the red flags in this situation?

This chick has a fuckin scumbag jerkoff Ex and has kids. Her sister is married to abusive maniac and doesn't leave him.

The apple don't fall far from the tree. Families usually are fucked up together more often than not. this isn't going to end well imho

chick's got more baggage than JFK
Click to expand...

yea man seemingly so.
but i like this chic, and she is not at all crazy.
got a professional career, sound mind, a great personality.
and only one kid, not plural
 
binö said:
unfortunatly i have become somewhat invovled in this...GF has a real dickhead ex, dude is a angry controlling ex-pig who wants to call the shots with his ex even though they are divorced.
and she is so passive she let's him abuse her and force his will on her.
well, they did informal custody but now it's going to be offical and thru the courts...dickfuk is insisting on having the 51% and seems to think he is entitled to it since he is the primary provider (the kid is split equally amongst the two houses, but the loser doesn't have a job and can spend more time with the son, whereas she has a full time job and isn't afforded that luxury).
he is threatening to fight the manner if she doesn't capitulate, and she is willing to allow this so it doesn't fuk the kid up going thru a lengthy court battle...plus she doesn't have the funds to pay for a represenative attorney...he has money from a settlement to afford good lawyers.
is it really that big of a deal having 49%? the way he is making it seem, he will be able to dictate what she does with the kid and where he goes...she will have to inform him everytime she takes him ouf of town or out of state, whereas he has free reign to go wherever he pleases.
i foresee a decade of trouble for my poor GF, allowing her ex to still control her sound decisions because that is his nature...I'm trying to be chill about it, but it is starting to effect me, watching her willling get run over.
is 49% that big of a deal?
Click to expand...
49% is the same as 10%.. if he wants he can provide 100 of the day care and night care for the children, him and his hooker/stripper gf..

Take the kids and move to another state, then he can try to come to that state and sue her in that state's court.. but under no circumstance let him visit and take the kids.. see.. with 51% he could do the same with her..
 
I'm about to take my ex to court for custody. I'm sure she'll try to make me look like this asshole, but your gf doesn't sound anything like my ex. Sorry you're going through this dude, but it's not your fight and it's not your business. She needs a lawyer, hands down. Anything else and she's not really serious about her kiddo. I really want my ex to be a big part of my daughter's life but she needs to get her shit together. Atty's I've talked to seem to think I could get full custody. In freaking Utah. You know what kind of a fuckup mother you need to be for that to happen here?
 
jnevin said:
I'm about to take my ex to court for custody. I'm sure she'll try to make me look like this asshole, but your gf doesn't sound anything like my ex. Sorry you're going through this dude, but it's not your fight and it's not your business. She needs a lawyer, hands down. Anything else and she's not really serious about her kiddo. I really want my ex to be a big part of my daughter's life but she needs to get her shit together. Atty's I've talked to seem to think I could get full custody. In freaking Utah. You know what kind of a fuckup mother you need to be for that to happen here?
Click to expand...

no...

tell us a story!
 
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