Men. any idea?

[txbondsman]

I don't plan on going to "fix" anything. I'm not even sure about what can or should be "fixed". My main goal will be communication.
Married or divorced, we will STILL need to listen to/respect one another for our son's benefit. I'm trying to keep an open mind. This man was one of my best friends for YEARS before we were married. Things seem to have been derailed, somehow. He knows what I expect from a relationship. I know what he expects. If one of us is no longer able to live up to what's expected, hopefully we are able to get on the same page about the reality of the sittuation.

good attitude, this is a workable plan....

 

[redsamurai]

I haven't been able to read every single page of this thread, but has someone suggested a lie detector test yet? He is a cop right? Take him to a neighboring dept? Or better take him to someone who specializes in lie detector tests in these situations. If I was in this situation, and "innocent"...........I would have strapped myself up to a detector that very fucking day that my wife comes to me with foreign panties. I"d even volunteer for sodium pentathol

 

[blueta2]

Agree and disagree. Of course, anything is what you make it. I don't agree on the "outside force" thought though. How many couples do you know that have gone through therapy and managed to sustain the positive results forever (marriage is forever, correct?)? Not many, no doubt. I tend to lean towards the good ol "look inside" approach.

yes, my parents. Married 50 yrs last Oct and went to couples therapy twice

I'm sure had I gone to couples therapy with my last boyfriends, I am sure they would have turned out MUCH differently

 

[myway]

You know... Based on the whole computer trashing incident I questioned your judgment. But based on this post (and the whole thread really) I have to say that I am forced to rethink my original assessment.

You actually seem level-headed and quite rational.

I hope for your son's benefit that ya'll can find some sort of middle ground. I can't think of many more things that can damage a child the way an ugly divorce/custody battle can.

I sincerely wish the best for you all.

The computer trashing incident was a little over-the-top. I tend to have a quick temper when I feel like someone is trying to get something over on me. I'm working on that about myself...and a few other things.
When it comes to major stress(the BIG stuff) I have always had a knack for being calm and level headed. It is one of my strong points. I am a great friend and paramedic because of this quality.
I have my share of flaws( i can be a REAL pain in the ass) but I'm working on them.
BTW- I appreciate ur comments. I have always admired ur views on these types of issues.

 

[blueta2]

The computer trashing incident was a little over-the-top. I tend to have a quick temper when I feel like someone is trying to get something over on me. I'm working on that about myself...and a few other things.
When it comes to major stress(the BIG stuff) I have always had a knack for being calm and level headed. It is one of my strong points. I am a great friend and paramedic because of this quality.
I have my share of flaws( i can be a REAL pain in the ass) but I'm working on them.
BTW- I appreciate ur comments. I have always admired ur views on these types of issues.

You do seem much calmer. Let me ask you, does your hubby ever work on his issues or is it just you that makes all the changes that are neccessary?

 

[myway]

yes, my parents. Married 50 yrs last Oct and went to couples therapy twice

I'm sure had I gone to couples therapy with my last boyfriends, I am sure they would have turned out MUCH differently

My parents have been married 30something years. They have spent about 15 years in therapy. They do it all wrong. I think my mother uses it as some form of punishment. It seems like my dad gave up a long time ago. He stays out of town as much as possible or just keeps his' mouth shut. He knows that speaking his mind will just land him in therapy twice a week for the next 6 months. It's sad. I won't live like that.

 

[blueta2]

My parents have been married 30something years. They have spent about 15 years in therapy. They do it all wrong. I think my mother uses it as some form of punishment. It seems like my dad gave up a long time ago. He stays out of town as much as possible or just keeps his' mouth shut. He knows that speaking his mind will just land him in therapy twice a week for the next 6 months. It's sad. I won't live like that.

ugh God no...No need to live like that. If after a few months with some guidance and change follwing, if norhing workds, then you need to walk away..........knowing you tried.

 

[myway]

You do seem much calmer. Let me ask you, does your hubby ever work on his issues or is it just you that makes all the changes that are neccessary?

Nate has always said that he has a hard time dealing with things. He tends to just ignore problems. I am the opposite. I like to confront problems head on. I would rather deal with something before it gets out of control. He has gotten better..... but still has a problem with running from things.
Years ago, when we were just friends, he always said he wanted to learn how to deal with problems as well as I usually handle them. When it's go-time, he tucks his tail and runs. He has improved but only a little.

 

[ceo]

Nate has always said that he has a hard time dealing with things. He tends to just ignore problems. I am the opposite. I like to confront problems head on. I would rather deal with something before it gets out of control. He has gotten better..... but still has a problem with running from things.
Years ago, when we were just friends, he always said he wanted to learn how to deal with problems as well as I usually handle them. When it's go-time, he tucks his tail and runs. He has improved but only a little.

I'm assumign not ALL problems...otherwise he'd be a horrible cop. Just relationship and personal problems then?

 

[myway]

I'm assumign not ALL problems...otherwise he'd be a horrible cop. Just relationship and personal problems then?

Yes, exactly. Although, at work he's a loner. He deals with the job but nothing else. I don't really blame him considering the jerks he works with.... but he doesn't chit-chat/socialize at all while he's working.
If he gets pissed off about something at work, he can talk to me about that stuff(but not as much as he did before we got married). He won't confront the problems at work. He won't deal with problems with me. But he will vent about work to me. He's very passive.