Question for the ladies, it's seckshual in nature....

[nimbus]

i think you should cheat on business trips and not get STDs

 

[*ebony*]

This is a question that I have had on my mind for a while. I would really like yalls input. It's gonna end up one of those Venus/Mars type deals I'm guessing, but tell me what you think.

I'm happily married, 51, wife is 45, both busy professionals, one kid, 13. We don't have any problems in the marriage, everything is good on most days. We hug, we kiss, we have all the "I love you" stuff happening. I'm trying to give yall some idea as to what type of marriage relationship I have, because the answers you give will ask these questions.

Question: My wife doesn't need sex as much as I do, never has. We do have excellent sex when we have it, I try and be a "giver" more than taker. I get really excited by being able to excite her, it's fulfilling for me to get her orgasm. So..... the problem is when she isn't wanting sex, there will be no sex. No oral, no using hands, nada. She controls the sex in our house 100%. Why is it that she feels no obligation to have sex of SOME kind if it's been a week or more. I understand tired. I understand having alot on your mind. I understand wanting to just watch TV and relax. But I'm not asking her to go outside and dig a 6' deep ditch in the backyard! It's just to take 15-20 minutes and have some kind of sex. It's OK if she isn't wanting the full blown all-out marathon sex, unless it's the weekend I prolly don't either. But what's the matter with 10-15 minutes, I'll certainly bring her to orgasm if that's what she wants. I just don't get it. If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't do that to her. This is a real mental problem for me. I'd really like to hear some of the wimmens thoughts on this.
Is the answer: She's just selfish? Is there more to it. idk

discuss.....

(kids, take your toys and go to your rooms, this is an adult discussion)

Is this an expansion paragraph related to your post in my thread about seduction? if so, it seems as if your wife isnt making too much of an effort in this area, or too much effort to avoid them. I didn't read all the replies, but is she suffering form low self esteem? its def a powerful way to keep oneself caged and stay stay that way, when lacking a bit of confidence.

 

[bakemeacookie]

Cheat on her with escorts. And when she complains, just go "Well Duh!!!"

c

 

[jnevin]

Two words...

G

H

B

 

[nydj66]

wow, I had no idea EF had so many medical doctors.

This whole board is dedicated to people who take anabolic steroids without a prescription.

Now you have a problem with us discussing other meds?

 

[IrightI]

When my wife and I entered our late 30's, the frequency of our sexual encounters dwindled from 3-4 per week to once a week or less. It was a combination of her sex drive waning, and the demands of having 3 children to look after. I think because of the puritanical views on sex that dominate in this country, women feel like "everything" has to be right before they can enjoy sex. The older and busier they get, they less likely those perfect opportunities become.

I just had a frank discussion with her where I said look, you want me to compliment you, and listen to you, and be a devoted father, and buy you little gifts, and rub your feet when they're sore, etc. because those are the things that YOU value in our relationship. Well, I'm much more simple to figure out than that. I like sex several times a week; it relaxes me, and makes me feel close to you, and reassures me that our relationship is solid.

So that became our deal. I concentrated on really paying attention to her; even when I was tired or stressed, etc. And, she became more open minded about fooling around even when she wasn't in the mood at the beginning. What we found is that 9 times out of 10, she gets in the mood pretty quickly once things get rolling. We still reserve the marathon sex sessions for the weekend and some times she's just not interested and so she'll just kiss me and speak encouragingly while I take matters into my own hands.

But it has worked for us. If you could convince your wife that sometimes she could give you sex simply out of love AND in return, you'll give her the things she desires (also out of love) then maybe it can work for you too. The bottom line is that all the effort you're putting into getting her off isn't as valuable as you think it is because sex isn't that valuable to her. Find out what is most valuable to her and put your effort into that. (Although good luck, women don't seem to know what they want and when you do find it, it'll change within a couple days.)

( see bolded above) I was thinking of what you said when we went to bed after dinner. Of course, right on schedule, she asked me to massage her shoulders/back, then she wanted her hair played with, then she likes to have her lower back/butt massaged, this is everynight. I was thinking about what NY said and the time was right. Lovingly, mind you, as I rubbed/massaged, I told her that "I liked massaging her, making her relax and feel good. I always love the way her skin feels... and there are things that I like as well. I like to have sex/ intamacy, once or twice a week atleast." She said, 'I know". and I told her that having intamacy made me feel loved and closer to her as a husband. That being married has many hard points, and it has it's wonderful points. and we weren't putting enough effort into the wonderful points." The answer, 'I'm working on it." I spooned her until she went to sleep. There was no,"What can I do? or I'm really tired tonight, but lets work on it tomorrow before it gets late. No, I hear you and it's important to me too", nothing. sigh

I guess I was hoping for a better response. Being positive, maybe she heard me and will try and be more responsive, idk.

 

[-SD-]

"im working on it" is what people say when they dont really care and just dont want to talk about it.

You can try again but dont get your hopes up.
Sorry rob

P.S. Sounds like youve been Mr. Nice Guy long enough. Show her you still got a pair. Start by cutting out the massages in a diplomatic manner, because i have a feeling she knows she can keep on getting service from you without having to do anything in return.

 

[stephen4327]

i duno what all this guff u doods are speakin of..

 

[IrightI]

Cymbalta? It's by no means mild, but it's supposed to have very little effect on the sex drive long term compared to other antidepresants on the market. I had issues with it during the first three-four weeks of taking it in terms of reaching orgasm being nearly impossible (along with a zillion other horrific side effects), but past the adjustment there was never any issues.

I think the issue some have here in terms of the start of the disconnect is some women seeing sex as a purely hormonal thing. I have been in places where i did not want it physically, or from a place of lust. But I craved the closeness from an emotional place, I needed the passion, the intense connection, because I'd had a terrible day/week and the only thing that could fix that was bonding on that level with the man I loved. I think a lot of women would find themselves more satisfied sexually later in life if they could attach that need that we don't outgrow with age or hormone imbalance to that sort of closeness with our partner. It doesn't have to be about hormonal libido. And even if you don't have that need at all...if you love your man you should take some joy out of purely taking care of him (so long as, again, he is extending himself to take care of you as well, in whatever ways you have need - it has to be a two way street of taking care of each other, even if it is in different ways).

Celexa. I looked at them this morning as I knew I would be writing about them. They aren't the libido killers that Zoloft was, that almost was a marrage deal breaker. No sex isn't a marriage, and when she was off of them, she didn't like me, the world, or herself, so no sex then either. catch 22. She has the orgasm issue as well. I'm going to start a new thread, that is going to be the topic. I have things that are bothering me right now, that's just one of the questions I have.

 

[IrightI]

i think you should cheat on business trips and not get STDs

LOL, you, planky and Pudmonkey held off for 4 pages, that longer than I thought...