Question for the ladies, it's seckshual in nature....

[blueta2]

I'll give the advice from a 44 yr olds perspective, First, I think it sucks you're calling your wife names. I get your hurt by her actions, but name calling is not cool

Women lose interest in sex for many reasons. There are too many to even mention. Most of the time, it's a physical reason. At her age, it could be peri menopause or if you say she's been like this for a while, maybe just has a low sex drive. And yes the dreaded, could be she's just not into sex with you.
Were you two wild and crazy when dating? Or she got like this later on in the relationship?

 

[nydj66]

When my wife and I entered our late 30's, the frequency of our sexual encounters dwindled from 3-4 per week to once a week or less. It was a combination of her sex drive waning, and the demands of having 3 children to look after. I think because of the puritanical views on sex that dominate in this country, women feel like "everything" has to be right before they can enjoy sex. The older and busier they get, they less likely those perfect opportunities become.

I just had a frank discussion with her where I said look, you want me to compliment you, and listen to you, and be a devoted father, and buy you little gifts, and rub your feet when they're sore, etc. because those are the things that YOU value in our relationship. Well, I'm much more simple to figure out than that. I like sex several times a week; it relaxes me, and makes me feel close to you, and reassures me that our relationship is solid.

So that became our deal. I concentrated on really paying attention to her; even when I was tired or stressed, etc. And, she became more open minded about fooling around even when she wasn't in the mood at the beginning. What we found is that 9 times out of 10, she gets in the mood pretty quickly once things get rolling. We still reserve the marathon sex sessions for the weekend and some times she's just not interested and so she'll just kiss me and speak encouragingly while I take matters into my own hands.

But it has worked for us. If you could convince your wife that sometimes she could give you sex simply out of love AND in return, you'll give her the things she desires (also out of love) then maybe it can work for you too. The bottom line is that all the effort you're putting into getting her off isn't as valuable as you think it is because sex isn't that valuable to her. Find out what is most valuable to her and put your effort into that. (Although good luck, women don't seem to know what they want and when you do find it, it'll change within a couple days.)

 

[blueta2]

NJDJ66......you had me right until the last line, then you blew it ;-)

 

[uamaverick]

NJDJ66......you had me right until the last line, then you blew it ;-)

But he speaks the truth.

 

[trex74]

I vote for sex when ever you want it (maybe she'll get into it maybe not in which case close your eyes and think of someone else), and Internet porn when she's not home to tame the beast. Everyone happy? Good now shut up and let me watch Supernanny.

 

[-SD-]

What NY said and cross your fingers rob lol

 

[ricco561]

Hey Tx.
You and I are the same age. My wife is a little older then yours.
We went through that stage about two years ago.
Thinks have changed in the last 6-8 months.
Not like our heydays in our 20's, but better then a few years ago.
Hang in there bud.

 

[IrightI]

When my wife and I entered our late 30's, the frequency of our sexual encounters dwindled from 3-4 per week to once a week or less. It was a combination of her sex drive waning, and the demands of having 3 children to look after. I think because of the puritanical views on sex that dominate in this country, women feel like "everything" has to be right before they can enjoy sex. The older and busier they get, they less likely those perfect opportunities become.

I just had a frank discussion with her where I said look, you want me to compliment you, and listen to you, and be a devoted father, and buy you little gifts, and rub your feet when they're sore, etc. because those are the things that YOU value in our relationship. Well, I'm much more simple to figure out than that. I like sex several times a week; it relaxes me, and makes me feel close to you, and reassures me that our relationship is solid.

So that became our deal. I concentrated on really paying attention to her; even when I was tired or stressed, etc. And, she became more open minded about fooling around even when she wasn't in the mood at the beginning. What we found is that 9 times out of 10, she gets in the mood pretty quickly once things get rolling. We still reserve the marathon sex sessions for the weekend and some times she's just not interested and so she'll just kiss me and speak encouragingly while I take matters into my own hands.

But it has worked for us. If you could convince your wife that sometimes she could give you sex simply out of love AND in return, you'll give her the things she desires (also out of love) then maybe it can work for you too. The bottom line is that all the effort you're putting into getting her off isn't as valuable as you think it is because sex isn't that valuable to her. Find out what is most valuable to her and put your effort into that. (Although good luck, women don't seem to know what they want and when you do find it, it'll change within a couple days.)

this is really close to the "talks" that we have had, right down to the rubbing feet and just "helping" out. I thoink that I'm on the right track, maybe have another conversation with some of the added words of wisdom. Thanks for the post. It was helpful....

 

[IrightI]

I'll give the advice from a 44 yr olds perspective, First, I think it sucks you're calling your wife names. I get your hurt by her actions, but name calling is not cool

Women lose interest in sex for many reasons. There are too many to even mention. Most of the time, it's a physical reason. At her age, it could be peri menopause or if you say she's been like this for a while, maybe just has a low sex drive. And yes the dreaded, could be she's just not into sex with you.
Were you two wild and crazy when dating? Or she got like this later on in the relationship?

admonishment noted. Your correct. we were very active, then the dreaded Zoloft was almost a relationship killer. She now is on something that doesn't affect her nearly as much. So, it was later...

 

[-SD-]

The more i see and hear about, the more im glad i never got married