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these tales need to be assembled and and published in a muscle mag with an accompanying cartoon. would be hilarious!
Who screams in effort when they train?
- Thread starter Victorian guy
- Start date
is "Nubby" an amputee?
IHateCrunches
New member
them british are hilarious.. i actually have a little hiss sound when i am doing flys when i push the air out of my mouth. Just a force of habbit, even though i knwo holding your breath isnt the greatest thing itsj ust easier for me on flys
Griz1
New member
Usually when I make noise while working out I say things like:
"No Daddy, I'll be good now...I proomise!!" <while benching and sweating over a huge load>
or
"leave me ALONE!!!!" <gradually getting louder as I say it>
or in between sets I go in the corner and quietly start sobbing til my next set.
suddenly I get up and the weight room is empty.
"No Daddy, I'll be good now...I proomise!!" <while benching and sweating over a huge load>
or
"leave me ALONE!!!!" <gradually getting louder as I say it>
or in between sets I go in the corner and quietly start sobbing til my next set.
suddenly I get up and the weight room is empty.
Gigantasor
New member
Uhhhhh....
What can I say???? I hope this guy is joking but if not I want some of whatever he is on. Planet Gig would get a lot more interesting.
What can I say???? I hope this guy is joking but if not I want some of whatever he is on. Planet Gig would get a lot more interesting.
Mike_Rojas
New member
I found another post by this guy on the anabolic board. Here it is:
High intensity training tip:MUST READ!!! (post #1)
Brothers,
I have been utilizing a once-popular (mid 80s) training method that I would like to share with you all: HEIGHTENED AROUSAL MODE training. To illustrate just how potent this method is, let me tell you what went down the past week- the following is a true story.
I was sitting about the gym, with my chauffeur and security assistant, Nobby, waiting impatiently for a number of fellows from the local group home to arrive. You see I have, out of the kindness of my enlarged heart, decided to offer my time to run a 'bodybuilding for the mentally and physically handicapped' program. Finally, 6 or 7 marginalized fellows entered the gym, and after screaming "Get FUCKING CHANGED NOW! YOU SODS ARE FUCKING LATE!!" and smacking one of them in the face, knocking him out of his wheelchair, they hustled into the changeroom, and threw on their gymclothes.
This was the third session- I run three a week- and since we had covered bulking and injecting methods the previous two classes, tonight it was time to go over training intensity tips. "Tonight, we shall learn of a training method of yore- which helped me build THESE (as I uttered this line, I hit a double biceps pose, growling)- heightened arousal mode. Watch and learn, fools" I sneered, then proceeded to load 315 on a bar at the squat rack. Nobby seized the bar and pressed it 10 times, roaring with intensity each rep. He racked the weight, and as soon as he did I loaded another big plate on each side. "Now, through physical abuse, I will instill in Nobby a renewed sense of determination- and he WILL press that weight 10 times!" I declared. I then took a 10 pound plate and smacked Nobby in the face, screaming "10 reps! What the fuck are you, a woman! NOOWWWW!!" Nobby, bleeding profusely from what looked like a broken nose, grabbed the 405 off the rack and, screaming "FOOKIN BASTAHDS!!" with each rep squeezed out 10 front military presses, then let the weight drop to the floor with a thunderous crash that shook the building, and sent plaster falling off the walls of the gym. Every man in the gym gasped at the cylcopean feat of strength, and shrank back in shame to their pathetic, weakling workouts.
"Now, let's see one of you try it..." and I stripped off a couple of plates off the bar, and turned to see Marvin eagerly volunteering.
Marvin is a down-syndrome fellow who trains at the gym, and is an avid disciple of mine. "Marvin, you have to be prepared to suffer pain...why, I'd go charging through that fucking wall if it meant an extra pound on my bench!" I thundered. Marvin began quivering, then, screaming, turned and ran headlong towards the wall. "Er...Marvin...that was a figure of speech.." I muttered, as Marvin crashed through the wall, and broke right into the women's changeroom. Screams ensued, and soon the police arrived and hauled off a semi-conscious Marvin, and promptly charged him with sexual assault.
The workout proceeded, and Nobby gave a good old fashioned chain-whacking over the head to each member of the group and, cut and bleeding, they lifted as never before.
Are any of you bros man enough for this type of training?
High intensity training tip:MUST READ!!! (post #1)
Brothers,
I have been utilizing a once-popular (mid 80s) training method that I would like to share with you all: HEIGHTENED AROUSAL MODE training. To illustrate just how potent this method is, let me tell you what went down the past week- the following is a true story.
I was sitting about the gym, with my chauffeur and security assistant, Nobby, waiting impatiently for a number of fellows from the local group home to arrive. You see I have, out of the kindness of my enlarged heart, decided to offer my time to run a 'bodybuilding for the mentally and physically handicapped' program. Finally, 6 or 7 marginalized fellows entered the gym, and after screaming "Get FUCKING CHANGED NOW! YOU SODS ARE FUCKING LATE!!" and smacking one of them in the face, knocking him out of his wheelchair, they hustled into the changeroom, and threw on their gymclothes.
This was the third session- I run three a week- and since we had covered bulking and injecting methods the previous two classes, tonight it was time to go over training intensity tips. "Tonight, we shall learn of a training method of yore- which helped me build THESE (as I uttered this line, I hit a double biceps pose, growling)- heightened arousal mode. Watch and learn, fools" I sneered, then proceeded to load 315 on a bar at the squat rack. Nobby seized the bar and pressed it 10 times, roaring with intensity each rep. He racked the weight, and as soon as he did I loaded another big plate on each side. "Now, through physical abuse, I will instill in Nobby a renewed sense of determination- and he WILL press that weight 10 times!" I declared. I then took a 10 pound plate and smacked Nobby in the face, screaming "10 reps! What the fuck are you, a woman! NOOWWWW!!" Nobby, bleeding profusely from what looked like a broken nose, grabbed the 405 off the rack and, screaming "FOOKIN BASTAHDS!!" with each rep squeezed out 10 front military presses, then let the weight drop to the floor with a thunderous crash that shook the building, and sent plaster falling off the walls of the gym. Every man in the gym gasped at the cylcopean feat of strength, and shrank back in shame to their pathetic, weakling workouts.
"Now, let's see one of you try it..." and I stripped off a couple of plates off the bar, and turned to see Marvin eagerly volunteering.
Marvin is a down-syndrome fellow who trains at the gym, and is an avid disciple of mine. "Marvin, you have to be prepared to suffer pain...why, I'd go charging through that fucking wall if it meant an extra pound on my bench!" I thundered. Marvin began quivering, then, screaming, turned and ran headlong towards the wall. "Er...Marvin...that was a figure of speech.." I muttered, as Marvin crashed through the wall, and broke right into the women's changeroom. Screams ensued, and soon the police arrived and hauled off a semi-conscious Marvin, and promptly charged him with sexual assault.
The workout proceeded, and Nobby gave a good old fashioned chain-whacking over the head to each member of the group and, cut and bleeding, they lifted as never before.
Are any of you bros man enough for this type of training?
Mike_Rojas
New member
and another one:
85 year old woman gains 20 pounds on drol! (post #1)
Brothers.
My 85 year old grandmother has packed on over 30 solid pounds in the past 4 weeks. Her max bench has leapt from just the bar to 155 pounds- for reps!
I've been throwing a handful of papervar onto her salad, dissolving anadrol tabs in her tea...and I tell you, she has really turned into a hard-core lifter! Her roid rage is out of control, I tell you.
Just the other day, Nobby and I were with her in the gym. Normally I smack her around when she starts to give up with the weights, but this time the tables were indeed turned!
I was curling 275, and after 15 reps slowed down a tad. She lifted her umbrella (she carries it about in the gym with her) and stabbed me in the crotch, screaming "You fucking WEAKLING!!!". I dropped the weight and collapsed, and she continued the abuse, beating me over the head mercilessly with her fearsome umbrella!
A passerby, an old gent of around 65, stopped and commented "Good Lord, my dear, easy does it!" and she spun around, grabbed his testicles, and began crushing them in a vice-like grip, hissing "Who asked you, FUCKFACE?!"
Finally, Nobby intervened and gave her a tremendous smack across the face with his bike chain, and, once she collapsed and lay on the floor, dropped a 100 pound dumbell on her, screaming the whole time.
Well folks, Nobby and I left her comatose on the gym floor. But tommorow is leg day, and granny will be along for some mind-blowing quad work.
Anyone else have a grandmother as fiesty as mine?
85 year old woman gains 20 pounds on drol! (post #1)
Brothers.
My 85 year old grandmother has packed on over 30 solid pounds in the past 4 weeks. Her max bench has leapt from just the bar to 155 pounds- for reps!
I've been throwing a handful of papervar onto her salad, dissolving anadrol tabs in her tea...and I tell you, she has really turned into a hard-core lifter! Her roid rage is out of control, I tell you.
Just the other day, Nobby and I were with her in the gym. Normally I smack her around when she starts to give up with the weights, but this time the tables were indeed turned!
I was curling 275, and after 15 reps slowed down a tad. She lifted her umbrella (she carries it about in the gym with her) and stabbed me in the crotch, screaming "You fucking WEAKLING!!!". I dropped the weight and collapsed, and she continued the abuse, beating me over the head mercilessly with her fearsome umbrella!
A passerby, an old gent of around 65, stopped and commented "Good Lord, my dear, easy does it!" and she spun around, grabbed his testicles, and began crushing them in a vice-like grip, hissing "Who asked you, FUCKFACE?!"
Finally, Nobby intervened and gave her a tremendous smack across the face with his bike chain, and, once she collapsed and lay on the floor, dropped a 100 pound dumbell on her, screaming the whole time.
Well folks, Nobby and I left her comatose on the gym floor. But tommorow is leg day, and granny will be along for some mind-blowing quad work.
Anyone else have a grandmother as fiesty as mine?
D
David Schwimmer
Guest
I dont mind a strenuoius groan every now and then, but I cant stand the guys who yell and moean every rep of their warm-up curls.
