What should I ask the doc to prescribe me?

[Nathan]

I think I may have finally found the sweetspot to my personality. Probably not and I'm sure I'll have a whole new crop of problems next year but whatever, baby steps and all that.

So right now, I find I am able to operate quite well socially and am overall rather happy - more so than I typically am. It's been a lot of work over the years to get to this point - I think I've dropped a few anecdotes of my super fun childhood on here in the past - but there are a few things that still drive me batty from time to time. The major one is boredom.

Okay, I know everyone gets bored. Now picture feeling SO bored to such an extreme that you could call it a disorder since you might not make the best calls as a result of simply wanting some excitement. Cue me getting arrested for public nudity. I'd like to avoid that.

Marijuana has always worked REALLY well for me. Like, REALLY well. BUT I smoke too much now and it doesn't work as well anymore - I have to smoke a lot and it only keeps me high for a good 30-60 minutes. Plus, I can't get that prescribed - I've discussed marijuans pill siwth my doc before but they didn't sounds ideal. I know ativan is sort of similar but I don't know about that one - I liked it at first for the anxiety but it sort of fucks me up in the wrong ways, leaves me nauseious and dizzy.

What I am looking for is something that lasts typically a few hours - maybe 5 hours max - that will shut my brain down and make me dumb temporarily. That is what I want. When I start to get all worked up I want to be turned into a zombie. I love it. I absolutely love not having many thoughts like you would not believe. Maybe I want something that will make me feel super fatigued but that I can fight through and not pass out?

Any suggestions?

Oh by the way, as it stands, I can't tire myself out in the gym - that used to work and make me content to sit down and not do anything for hours afterwards but not these days. Nothing is slowing me the fuck down.

 

[stilleto]

omg

we are so much alike, except for the coolness factor for which i accelerate.

I just got some xanax. I only took one, and it MAY have given me a sense of well being and relaxation, OR i was just relaxed and feeling good, which does happen a lot.

vicodin is a wonder drug for me. makes me feel good- both physically and mentally. Even if i wasn't feeling bad in any way before- i just suddenly feel... better.

I love being high, but it's not always convenient or legal. i hate that.

 

[patsfan1379]

vicodin

 

[jackangel]

Cn-

 

[stilleto]

vicodin

^^^
what she said.

 

[layinback]

I think I may have finally found the sweetspot to my personality. Probably not and I'm sure I'll have a whole new crop of problems next year but whatever, baby steps and all that.

So right now, I find I am able to operate quite well socially and am overall rather happy - more so than I typically am. It's been a lot of work over the years to get to this point - I think I've dropped a few anecdotes of my super fun childhood on here in the past - but there are a few things that still drive me batty from time to time. The major one is boredom.

Okay, I know everyone gets bored. Now picture feeling SO bored to such an extreme that you could call it a disorder since you might not make the best calls as a result of simply wanting some excitement. Cue me getting arrested for public nudity. I'd like to avoid that.

Marijuana has always worked REALLY well for me. Like, REALLY well. BUT I smoke too much now and it doesn't work as well anymore - I have to smoke a lot and it only keeps me high for a good 30-60 minutes. Plus, I can't get that prescribed - I've discussed marijuans pill siwth my doc before but they didn't sounds ideal. I know ativan is sort of similar but I don't know about that one - I liked it at first for the anxiety but it sort of fucks me up in the wrong ways, leaves me nauseious and dizzy.

What I am looking for is something that lasts typically a few hours - maybe 5 hours max - that will shut my brain down and make me dumb temporarily. That is what I want. When I start to get all worked up I want to be turned into a zombie. I love it. I absolutely love not having many thoughts like you would not believe. Maybe I want something that will make me feel super fatigued but that I can fight through and not pass out?

Any suggestions?

Oh by the way, as it stands, I can't tire myself out in the gym - that used to work and make me content to sit down and not do anything for hours afterwards but not these days. Nothing is slowing me the fuck down.

nathan you NEED a mood stabilizer. using pot as a mood stabilizer\antidepressant will back fire one day. lamictal is a wonderful drug that has helped lots of folks in your situation. you have to play with the dose but when you nail it.....cool. stay away from ativan long term. benzo addiction is absolutely the worst and will compound your problems later on. go see a p doc and stay away from general practitioners. several mood stabilizers to choose from and when couple with the right antidepressant can do wonders. however you are only treating symptoms, you MUST get to the root of the problem. find a therapist who specializes in gestalt therapy. i came from a very dysfunctional family and have been in recovery and therapy for a long time. it works my friend. it is hard,much harder than bb . i fucking hate to hear ppl suffering. go to a good p doc and find a therapist you like. interview until you find suitable folks. remember it is your money and your life so you can pick and choose docs and therapist.good luck

 

[Nathan]

omg

we are so much alike, except for the coolness factor for which i accelerate.

I just got some xanax. I only took one, and it MAY have given me a sense of well being and relaxation, OR i was just relaxed and feeling good, which does happen a lot.

vicodin is a wonder drug for me. makes me feel good- both physically and mentally. Even if i wasn't feeling bad in any way before- i just suddenly feel... better.

I love being high, but it's not always convenient or legal. i hate that.

I'm getting high for the rest of my life. Period. My parents have both been doing it and I gave up fighting it a few years ago. You can't change who you are and without that shit, I'm just fucking not having fun. I might not live as long, but it's something I've been thinking about for 26 years and the older I get, the more convinced I become it doesn't matter. Plus, everyone does some form of drug so I may be fine, who knows. I've just found I've become more and more comfortable with the worst-case scenario after having tried it the other way a few times.

Do vicodin and xanax have short half-lives? I'm on effexor now and they won't give me anything they think will make me even remotely mannic - I've been manic all summer and I freaked the doc out a bit. The only thing I'll get are sedatives, which is fine by me. A sense of well-being might do hte trick though - maybe that is where the boredom comes from.

 

[Nathan]

nathan you NEED a mood stabilizer. using pot as a mood stabilizer\antidepressant will back fire one day. lamictal is a wonderful drug that has helped lots of folks in your situation. you have to play with the dose but when you nail it.....cool. stay away from ativan long term. benzo addiction is absolutely the worst and will compound your problems later on. go see a p doc and stay away from general practitioners. several mood stabilizers to choose from and when couple with the right antidepressant can do wonders. however you are only treating symptoms, you MUST get to the root of the problem. find a therapist who specializes in gestalt therapy. i came from a very dysfunctional family and have been in recovery and therapy for a long time. it works my friend. it is hard,much harder than bb . i fucking hate to hear ppl suffering. go to a good p doc and find a therapist you like. interview until you find suitable folks. remember it is your money and your life so you can pick and choose docs and therapist.good luck

Dude, I had an hour logn visit with anew psych a couple weeks back and it wasn't anywhere near long enough to go over all of my history with the meds I've tried, behavioral modification, etc.

I'm not changing my personality. I won't do that. The mood stabilizer thing is a ticket to a new personality - I think mood stabilizers are horrbile frankly. They prescribed me klonazepan (sp?) or something and I went in to teh pharmacy and told her, thanks but no thanks. I'm not trying that.

I know my doc is going to be very frustrated with me but I'd rahter go without meds and risk losing everything that become boring 24/7.

 

[stilleto]

I'm getting high for the rest of my life. Period. My parents have both been doing it and I gave up fighting it a few years ago. You can't change who you are and without that shit, I'm just fucking not having fun. I might not live as long, but it's something I've been thinking about for 26 years and the older I get, the more convinced I become it doesn't matter. Plus, everyone does some form of drug so I may be fine, who knows. I've just found I've become more and more comfortable with the worst-case scenario after having tried it the other way a few times.

Do vicodin and xanax have short half-lives? I'm on effexor now and they won't give me anything they think will make me even remotely mannic - I've been manic all summer and I freaked the doc out a bit. The only thing I'll get are sedatives, which is fine by me. A sense of well-being might do hte trick though - maybe that is where the boredom comes from.

you don't have to tell me about getting high.. my father started me on it at 13 years old and i've been getting high ever since. not as often lately, as it's a lot harder to do with kids in the house and i do NOT want them knowing or seeing or in any danger from it (ie, i won't drive when high).
I don't know about manic behavior or half lives. i don't even know if vicodin is a mood changer or not- but it physically makes me feel... i don't know... fluffy and happy. like a cotton ball.

 

[layinback]

I'm getting high for the rest of my life. Period. My parents have both been doing it and I gave up fighting it a few years ago. You can't change who you are and without that shit, I'm just fucking not having fun. I might not live as long, but it's something I've been thinking about for 26 years and the older I get, the more convinced I become it doesn't matter. Plus, everyone does some form of drug so I may be fine, who knows. I've just found I've become more and more comfortable with the worst-case scenario after having tried it the other way a few times.

Do vicodin and xanax have short half-lives? I'm on effexor now and they won't give me anything they think will make me even remotely mannic - I've been manic all summer and I freaked the doc out a bit. The only thing I'll get are sedatives, which is fine by me. A sense of well-being might do hte trick though - maybe that is where the boredom comes from.

the boredom comes from identity disturbance. lack of nurturing and mirroring as a child. you CAN NOT fill this with hydrocodone or benzodiazipines. they dont MAKE enough of them to fill this abandonment wound. you dont have to stay on drugs for the rest of your life. nathan i had a 100 mg a day habit on hydromorphone(5 times stronger than morphine) i robbed drug stores and worked in organized crime ring bad scripts and doc shopping. my life was horrible and empty. if i told you what i been through you wouldnt believe it. i have been sober for 19 years own a multi million dollar biz happy marriage with kids. aint sayin its a bunch of roses but its 1000000% better than used to be. DO NOT give up. get help and work toward recovery.