What should I ask the doc to prescribe me?

[Nathan]

the boredom comes from identity disturbance. lack of nurturing and mirroring as a child. you CAN NOT fill this with hydrocodone or benzodiazipines. they dont MAKE enough of them to fill this abandonment wound. you dont have to stay on drugs for the rest of your life. nathan i had a 100 mg a day habit on hydromorphone(5 times stronger than morphine) i robbed drug stores and worked in organized crime ring bad scripts and doc shopping. my life was horrible and empty. if i told you what i been through you wouldnt believe it. i have been sober for 19 years own a multi million dollar biz happy marriage with kids. aint sayin its a bunch of roses but its 1000000% better than used to be. DO NOT give up. get help and work toward recovery.

I have stories I could tell as well, don't you worry. If you want to compare who's made the worst calls sometime, I'd be happy to.

And I'm pretty sure abandoment has nothing to do with it - I had great parents. The problem is that they passed on a few genetic mood disorders - I got bi-polar disorder from my mom's side and OCD/anxiety from my dad's. You and I are very different cases from the sounds of things. I've been seeing doctors about this shit since I was like 13-14.

And my addicition is not to painkillers - it is to marijuana. I am getting help is the whole point, for the billionth time. I guess my issue is that I think I'm smarter than doctors and no longer trust them - when it comes to mood stuff, they SUCK. Like, they have no idea what they are doing almost. In fact, I feel more qualified than a lot of them at this point. I explained to my psychiatrist what I went through as a kid and frankly, it looked like she FINALLY understood it after like 30 years of schooling. Wtf?

I got through my OCD on my own more or less - I had to figure it all out for myself. No one told me it was cropping up at stressful periods in my life and that it was my brain's way of diverting my attention via millions of obsessions and compulsions from whatever was REALLY bothering me. Instead I was thrown on like 6 different types of meds over the years, some of which made me insane and violent. You ever had delusions of grandeur? It's kind of scary.

 

[the_clockwork]

I'd strongly advise against xanax or any mood controling drugs. Heavy, dependant use of narcotics lead to depression

 

[CrazyRussian]

Have you tried going to a decent, well-qualified psychiatrist? I think that'd be a better and more permanent solution than popping handfulls of pills a day for the rest of your life.

 

[crazyjoe]

I think I may have finally found the sweetspot to my personality. Probably not and I'm sure I'll have a whole new crop of problems next year but whatever, baby steps and all that.

So right now, I find I am able to operate quite well socially and am overall rather happy - more so than I typically am. It's been a lot of work over the years to get to this point - I think I've dropped a few anecdotes of my super fun childhood on here in the past - but there are a few things that still drive me batty from time to time. The major one is boredom.

Okay, I know everyone gets bored. Now picture feeling SO bored to such an extreme that you could call it a disorder since you might not make the best calls as a result of simply wanting some excitement. Cue me getting arrested for public nudity. I'd like to avoid that.

Marijuana has always worked REALLY well for me. Like, REALLY well. BUT I smoke too much now and it doesn't work as well anymore - I have to smoke a lot and it only keeps me high for a good 30-60 minutes. Plus, I can't get that prescribed - I've discussed marijuans pill siwth my doc before but they didn't sounds ideal. I know ativan is sort of similar but I don't know about that one - I liked it at first for the anxiety but it sort of fucks me up in the wrong ways, leaves me nauseious and dizzy.

What I am looking for is something that lasts typically a few hours - maybe 5 hours max - that will shut my brain down and make me dumb temporarily. That is what I want. When I start to get all worked up I want to be turned into a zombie. I love it. I absolutely love not having many thoughts like you would not believe. Maybe I want something that will make me feel super fatigued but that I can fight through and not pass out?

Any suggestions?

Oh by the way, as it stands, I can't tire myself out in the gym - that used to work and make me content to sit down and not do anything for hours afterwards but not these days. Nothing is slowing me the fuck down.

I was precribed klonopin in the military, and the reason I quit taking it was for the exact feelings you seek.

 

[Cal_21]

Shrooms/Highly Concentrated Hash Oil

or Salvia, it's legal too

 

[Nathan]

Shrooms/Highly Concentrated Hash Oil

or Salvia, it's legal too

Way ahead of you - only worked for so long.

Have I tried a qualified psychiatrist? Yes. Several. What I learned : It isn't to get a psych degree OR a job in the field. The only thing that ever helped was behavioral modification with my OCD.

Honestly, reading over the answers makes me feel EXACTLY like I am talking to a doctor. It's really obvious nobody knows the answer to this question - and there is no way any of you could but I guess I have that expecation to a certain degree with doctors. I'm pretty sure the docs don't know shit either and they just won't admit it. Why won't they just do what the fuck I tell them to? I'm tempted to go off and get a fucking medical degree so I won't have to go through all this shit - had I know it would come up this often and that I find it this itneresting, I would have gone into medicine in the first place.

Where the fuck is HOUSE when you need him?

 

[the_clockwork]

why don't you try shock therapy?

 

[heatherrae]

The problem is that they passed on a few genetic mood disorders - I got bi-polar disorder from my mom's side and OCD/anxiety from my dad's.

My mom was a compulsive over-eater and my dad was an alcoholic. Now, I'm addicted to rum cakes.


Okay, only kidding there.

 

[heatherrae]

nathan, why don't you just try to find reallypositive outlets for all that tension and energy? More drugs sounds like more problems to me.

 

[CrazyRussian]

OK Nathan I obviously don't know you but it seems like you have this "no one understands me" mentality. That in itself could be a problem. I doubt you have some mysterious problem that has never been seen before in the history of mankind. And therefore, since it probably has been encoutnered before, your "doctor" will be able to diagnose it and treat it. That's what psychs do. The idea that you know what's best for you is laughable because if you did...you obviously wouldn't be in the situation you're in right now. Again, a highly qualified psychiatrist who has experience dealing with your problem will help you much more than you self-diagnosing and taking narcotics to temporarily dull your pain. You're completely unqualified to be doing that...just because it's your brain, doesnt mean you know whats going on inside of it.

I don't have my masters yet so I'm obviously not qualified to give you a diagnosis (no shit, this is EF.com after all), but you could have any of hte following:

Borderline Personality Disorder (dangerous and self-damaging impulsive behavior, unstable relationships, CHRONIC FEELINGS OF EMPTINESS, and dissociation)

or

Narcisistic Personality Disorder: (feeling of self importance, believing that you are special and that no one can help you, fantasies of power, strong sense of entitlement, lacks empathy)

or something else you and i have never heard of. anyways, youre probably going to ignore this post but I had a blast writing it so what can i say besides i hope u get better soon