Do you believe in Jesus brother? If you are truly living for God, you will not want to kill yourself. It breaks my heart the number that have prematurely ended their life because they had no hope. Romans8:24 "We are saved by Hope, but Hope seen is not Hope, for how can anyone Hope for what he has already seen" That scripture is on my right shoulder and it's a miracle from God. Long story. I named my daughter Hope, because I was agnostic at the time and hoped that through her, I would find God. And that's exactly what happened.