people that don't hold their end of the conversation

[MaGilicuti]

so i shouldn't take her not asking questions back as insult? i really can't get a feel for this girl at all yet. she seems like a great girl though - smart and classy. i don't know if she is being reserved or what. it really has caught me off guard because when we first met our conversation was great. if you want to talk to someone u should keep the conversation going by going back at them. who just sits there and answers questions?

 

[Bikini Mod]

"When you were a child what did you want to be when you grew up, and why?"

"If you died today, how would you want to be remembered?" (good parent doesn't apply as that is a given with everyone who has children)

And believe it or not, A GREAT conversation can evolve by simply asking someone what their favorite color is.

If these two questions don't begin a GREAT in depth, stimulating conversation then I would suggest you ask, "Wanna fuck?" and be guided accordingly by the response.

 

[Bikini Mod]

so i shouldn't take her not asking questions back as insult? i really can't get a feel for this girl at all yet. she seems like a great girl though - smart and classy. i don't know if she is being reserved or what. it really has caught me off guard because when we first met our conversation was great. if you want to talk to someone u should keep the conversation going by going back at them. who just sits there and answers questions?

I have on many occasions when I really didn't feel like talking to the other person. Sometimes it was because my mind was cluttered with issues that I really didn't want to share with that other person for various reasons. Other times it was because I truly wasn't interested in that other person's company.

 

[MaGilicuti]

I have on many occasions when I really didn't feel like talking to the other person. Sometimes it was because my mind was cluttered with issues that I really didn't want to share with that other person for various reasons. Other times it was because I truly wasn't interested in that other person's company.

yea, i'd assume that. if she isn't interested in my company why even bother to keep coming out with me? it makes no sense. am i suppose to just back off? i really don't get it. i mean there aren't many dead spots at all but i just don't understand her. she smiles at me and all that shit but i don't get it.

 

[samoth]

so i shouldn't take her not asking questions back as insult? i really can't get a feel for this girl at all yet. she seems like a great girl though - smart and classy. i don't know if she is being reserved or what. it really has caught me off guard because when we first met our conversation was great. if you want to talk to someone u should keep the conversation going by going back at them. who just sits there and answers questions?

No, you shouldn't take that as an insult. Maybe she already knows; maybe she's shy, or maybe she doesn't care. Maybe her siblings died horrible deaths when she was young and you unknowingly brought up the wrong subject and she's not willing to discuss such things with you at this time.

Lots of people sit there and answer questions. Maybe they think they're being grilled. Maybe they want you to shut up and you're not taking the hint. Maybe they don't care about your vapid subjects. There exist infinite reasons.

Find out what she is actually interested in. If she's a PhD who did her dissertation on Dostoyevsky or quantum electrodynamics or something, you probably come across as boring by talking about stupid shit, trying to make innane conversation to avoid silence that's only awkward to you, and asking her dumb questions about said stupid shit.

 

[Bikini Mod]

yea, i'd assume that. if she isn't interested in my company why even bother to keep coming out with me? it makes no sense. am i suppose to just back off? i really don't get it. i mean there aren't many dead spots at all but i just don't understand her. she smiles at me and all that shit but i don't get it.

I understand the desire for you to "figure out the right answer" for this quandry but you are over-thinking it. And I do believe that your "nervousness" or uneasiness is affecting your behavior. LOL Just relax and be you.

Samoth made some valid points and so have a few others.

I used to be a "professional dater" LOL so trust me when I tell you that if you use these questions a tremendously telling conversation should follow because the questions are unexpected, uncommon, cause the other party to think about something that they might not have thought about in a long time or something they'd never thought about EVER. There is no *right*/*wrong* answer and the answers cause a party to divulge a lot of information that might not be so easy to ascertain but because the questions seem not to be intrusive the other party will not feel like they are being prodded or put on the spot to reveal something personal.

I remember one of the most interesting situations that arose was when someone turned one of these questions around on me. I was stunned LOL because until that point, I'd never really thought about MY OWN answers. I was merely using the questions to get to know others.

Another great ice-breaker is asking the other person what they believe to be their greatest asset/strength is and why. Once they reveal that based on their answer you will be able to surmise whether or not you should continue and ask what they feel is their greatest weakness/flaw.

 

[MaGilicuti]

i appreciate the advise guys. i could go with these "deep" questions. i just thought it was wise to keep the convo casual in the beginning.

 

[Bikini Mod]

i appreciate the advise guys. i could go with these "deep" questions. i just thought it was wise to keep the convo casual in the beginning.

See the beauty of "the deep" questions is that they don't SEEM deep at all - imho - they are the very definition of casual conversation, especially when people are getting to know one another better.

I've asked these questions of my family, female friends, even my children's friends!

But I only ask if I truly WANT to know the other person better.

 

[MaGilicuti]

thanks for the advice

 

[Sub-Zero]

try and say things you know will offend her, and then debate with her about why your perspective is correct and hers is incorrect.

itl keep her talkin