I damn near killed myself masturbating tonight

[MaGilicuti]

this thread was entertaining

 

[*ebony*]

lmao @ everyone's comments.

lol...poor puddles

 

[bw1]

I just woke up and my back is killing me. I'm gonna go pop a hydrocodone then I'll be back to rip each and every one of you a new asshole.

How are your balls?

 

[mustang_00]

could have been worse... the seat to the chair could have gave way and fell through the metal base and kabobed your own anus. would have sucked to find you with your cawk still in your hand and a chair up your ass.

did you hear about the guy who put a condom over his head and died???? i could have swore the article said he was jerking off and straight up passed out with it still on. the article said it was some kinda sexual conquest like choking yourself and tugging it. alot of people end up hanging themselves... sick fucks. i'll stick to wrapping my dick in tin foil and sticking it into a light socket.... noobs

 

[puddlemonkey]

Ha! Puddle prevails! I found my receipt for the chair and it's less than two years old. Was a little dishonest about how I broke it, but nonetheless they gave me a new chair!!!

 

[puddlemonkey]

Taiwan is my bitch!!!

 

[puddlemonkey]

How are your balls?

Could use a little massage. Why, you wanna come over?

 

[puddlemonkey]

Office Depot $39.99 chairs are not reliable for heavy duty monkey beating.

I would go back, explain what happened and ask for a replacement.

I'm gonna put your name on that metal shank.. as a reminder of who I wanna give it to.

 

[puddlemonkey]

Honestly dude, I just got back from the gym after completing an intense workout and reading this post, thinkin of u rubbin one of had me gag!

Some things best of keepin to yaself.

Especially if your fat ass breaking your chair is involved in it as well

You rubbed one out to the visual of me rubbing one out. Don't lie!

 

[puddlemonkey]

lol...poor puddles

Yes!!! I need more sympathy! This was very traumatic.