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getting married in 2011? maybe?

you got the guy all picked out? :)

I'm getting married in Sept of 2011. Kids...eh...gimme a couple more years. Goal is to buy a house first.

Then save up for those money sucking things called kids.
 
chewyxrage said:
you got the guy all picked out? :)

I'm getting married in Sept of 2011. Kids...eh...gimme a couple more years. Goal is to buy a house first.

Then save up for those money sucking things called kids.
Click to expand...

Don't forget to say goodbye to regular sex...
 
javaguru said:
You don't understand...wiminz stop WANTING to have sex after marriage....It seems crazy but it is true...
Click to expand...

I see your point.

Everyone's different man. My lady is a fiend :) Her drive is actually higher than mine (no complaints there).
 
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chewy have you proposed already?
cheers man that's awesome
and ebs how old are you if you don't mind me inquiring
 
When you set the goal as "getting married and having kids" then you have a tendency to slip into the mindset of "the means justifies the end result".
What I mean by that is your goal should be finding the right man for you and see where it leads. Otherwise you become one of those typical women who want marriage/kids at all costs, and end up marrying the man they shouldnt have simply to fullfil their goal of marriage/kids.
Its a subtle distinction and initially you might say "duh, of course Im going to look for the right guy" but as time wears on and you start to confuse not being married with kids as some sort of personal failure and then you are willing to marry lesser men just because they are available.
Youre only 24 which is why i bring this up in the first place. If you are 34 and not married with kids hopefully you wont think "gosh Ive done all this work towards this goal and it hasnt happened yet, whats wrong with me". Sometimes it just doesnt happen and most certainly shouldnt be forced for the sake of the "goal". You more than likely will be a different person at 34.
Have you given any serious thought about what you would get out of marriage that you wouldnt already get without it? You say that you panick or get cold feet when things get serious, why is that?
 
superdave said:
When you set the goal as "getting married and having kids" then you have a tendency to slip into the mindset of "the means justifies the end result".
What I mean by that is your goal should be finding the right man for you and see where it leads. Otherwise you become one of those typical women who want marriage/kids at all costs, and end up marrying the man they shouldnt have simply to fullfil their goal of marriage/kids.
Its a subtle distinction and initially you might say "duh, of course Im going to look for the right guy" but as time wears on and you start to confuse not being married with kids as some sort of personal failure and then you are willing to marry lesser men just because they are available.
Youre only 24 which is why i bring this up in the first place. If you are 34 and not married with kids hopefully you wont think "gosh Ive done all this work towards this goal and it hasnt happened yet, whats wrong with me". Sometimes it just doesnt happen and most certainly shouldnt be forced for the sake of the "goal". You more than likely will be a different person at 34.
Have you given any serious thought about what you would get out of marriage that you wouldnt already get without it? You say that you panick or get cold feet when things get serious, why is that?
Click to expand...

That right there is some awesome advice!
 
*ebony* said:
Its what i want; marriage and family. Fantasized about it since forever. So why then am I panicking, feeling suffocated when stuff gets real? and to a guy perfect for me?
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You never said how much you love him *ebony*...Do you love him?
Just because someone is "perfect" for you doesn't mean squat.
You don't sound ready IMO.
Don't rush into things before you are sure you can spend the rest of your life with this guy no matter what happens to the both of you. Can you imagine marrying this guy "for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health"? How loyal are you to him in particular, not just the idea of marriage?
 
*ebony* said:
Its what i want; marriage and family. Fantasized about it since forever. So why then am I panicking, feeling suffocated when stuff gets real? and to a guy perfect for me?
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Did you say yes and now you're feeling panicked or did you say no?
 
Big difference between a great match on paper and a match of personalities and love.

Fucking shoot me for saying something so oprah-ish
 
if you didn't fear it, you wouldn't be human (or you'd lack any normal reactions). it's normal and it's healthy. at least if it's a manageable level.
 
*ebony* said:
Its what i want; marriage and family. Fantasized about it since forever. So why then am I panicking, feeling suffocated when stuff gets real? and to a guy perfect for me?
Click to expand...

maybe it's because:
1) its the hardest thing that you will ever do. EVER
2) people change and he may not change for the better ( in YOUR eyes)
3) if you mean what you say with the vows, it's damn hard to get out of barring abuse/infedelity
4) a fantasy NEVER measures up to a reality
5) kids are the single most lifechanging event in ones life and with that the trememdous responsibility

other than that, IDK.
 
24? You have a lot of time to think about marriage and kids. Listen to teh Jacket. He's got a point.





Ps. SD you don't need to be ashamed of watching Oprah, lots of men do it.:)
 
*ebony* said:
24
Click to expand...

that's TOO damn young!add 10 more years atleast. Eb's go have somw fun, see things and meet people. BE young, believe me, it' doesn't last long. Wait till you are ready, when THAT time comes, you'll know it and there will be very few if any doubts...
 
superdave said:
When you set the goal as "getting married and having kids" then you have a tendency to slip into the mindset of "the means justifies the end result".
What I mean by that is your goal should be finding the right man for you and see where it leads. Otherwise you become one of those typical women who want marriage/kids at all costs, and end up marrying the man they shouldnt have simply to fullfil their goal of marriage/kids.
Its a subtle distinction and initially you might say "duh, of course Im going to look for the right guy" but as time wears on and you start to confuse not being married with kids as some sort of personal failure and then you are willing to marry lesser men just because they are available.
Youre only 24 which is why i bring this up in the first place. If you are 34 and not married with kids hopefully you wont think "gosh Ive done all this work towards this goal and it hasnt happened yet, whats wrong with me". Sometimes it just doesnt happen and most certainly shouldnt be forced for the sake of the "goal". You more than likely will be a different person at 34.
Have you given any serious thought about what you would get out of marriage that you wouldnt already get without it? You say that you panick or get cold feet when things get serious, why is that?
Click to expand...


This. Excellent advice.
 
cindylou said:
only the wife can see it?
Click to expand...

You say all the good ones are taken, but what you see is just the veneer or possibly the "front" that couples put on to make it look like everythings great. But behind closed doors it could be complete shit. So to the wife who has that shitty husband, he is "taken", but other women think think hes "a good one thats taken", when in reality hes a shit husband.
 
superdave said:
You say all the good ones are taken, but what you see is just the veneer or possibly the "front" that couples put on to make it look like everythings great. But behind closed doors it could be complete shit. So to the wife who has that shitty husband, he is "taken", but other women think think hes "a good one thats taken", when in reality hes a shit husband.
Click to expand...

aahhhhhh I see..I agree :)
 
*ebony* said:
Its what i want; marriage and family
Click to expand...

You don't need to get married to be with just one person for the rest of your entire life and live with them forever and share every last thing you have with them until you die. You can do all that without getting married. Marriage just makes you feel more obligated to do it because you signed that contract etc.

Good luck with whatever you decide, I'm sure it's just normal pre-marital nerves.
 
nangiggles said:
SD is very wise, has been spot on the whole thread... how are you not taken bro?
Click to expand...

When i was younger i refused to get married because i always told myself i would need the freedom to go back to college. every guy i knew who got married wasnt able to go back to college because of the inevitable limitations a wife and possibly kids/bills puts on ones ability to successfully do that sort of thing. That was my 20's. Now that im through with all that what i see are all the problems men have in marriages, the divorce horror stories, and alienation from their kids. Ive never felt the need to get married for marriage sake and and am happy with girlfriends or even living with a GF. Who knows that might all change but thats what lifes all about, understanding that a long held view could change over time and not stubbornly holding onto it because thats how its always been.
 
nangiggles said:
SD is very wise, has been spot on the whole thread... how are you not taken bro?
Click to expand...

WTF about moine NG! At 51, I've had more years here and the experience that goes woth it I FEEL like my oppinions are sound. I've lived with different women for multiple years froma young age, 22, to my last one. We have a 13 year old, lived together for 9 years and have been married for 3. I didn't even consider marriage till I was 37, for various reasons.

For the record, SD is right. Talking about the husband being a real shit behind closed doors, it reminded me of a line I put in my sig of my real SN, "No matter how pretty she is, somebody, somewhere is sick of her CRAP!" lmao

TxB
 
IrightI said:
WTF about moine NG! At 51, I've had more years here and the experience that goes woth it I FEEL like my oppinions are sound. I've lived with different women for multiple years froma young age, 22, to my last one. We have a 13 year old, lived together for 9 years and have been married for 3. I didn't even consider marriage till I was 37, for various reasons.

For the record, SD is right. Talking about the husband being a real shit behind closed doors, it reminded me of a line I put in my sig of my real SN, "No matter how pretty she is, somebody, somewhere is sick of her CRAP!" lmao

TxB
Click to expand...

damn dude, no need to whine just because someone happens to get props doesnt mean no one else has any knowledge about it lol
 
superdave said:
damn dude, no need to whine just because someone happens to get props doesnt mean no one else has any knowledge about it lol
Click to expand...

LMAO!!! I TRY and give these kids good advise and I get treated like yesterdays paper! I'm just gonna give up. Hell, they can make the same mistakes I did. :-)
 
IrightI said:
LMAO!!! I TRY and give these kids good advise and I get treated like yesterdays paper! I'm just gonna give up. Hell, they can make the same mistakes I did. :-)
Click to expand...

shouldnt have gave away your age lollol
 
superdave said:
shouldnt have gave away your age lollol
Click to expand...

I'm 51! Yes, you see it.... let me spell it out. fifty one. I made mistake, after mistake, after mistake. But since I've gotten older, I was able to correct most of them. If you have a "life" question, I would pay attention to someone who has "been there-done that". Like your advise, that didn't come from what someone told you, your experience gave you that. Besides, your no spring chicken yoself! lol
 
IrightI said:
I'm 51! Yes, you see it.... let me spell it out. fifty one. I made mistake, after mistake, after mistake. But since I've gotten older, I was able to correct most of them. If you have a "life" question, I would pay attention to someone who has "been there-done that". Like your advise, that didn't come from what someone told you, your experience gave you that. Besides, your no spring chicken yoself! lol
Click to expand...

Yea i dont like getting older, closer to 40 than 30 now and dont like it one bit. But I guess the old saying is: getting old is not optional, feeling old is. or something like that
 
LOL, where the hell did Ebs go!? She's missing a good thread. Maybe she went to buy a new sexy dress, stilletto heels to match and hone up her skills of getting good looking men to take her places and buy her things, just for being hawt and sexy. Hell, at 24, that's EXACTLY what I would be doing. This marriage thing would be a distant memory..... very distant.
 
Frankly, I don't think anyone, male or female, should get married before 26/27-ish. Not like a century or two ago when you were old by 45. Women are waiting longer to have kids, people are having smaller families, it's just not logical to rush into the binding commitment of a marriage.

And if the idea of marrying someone sends you into a panic then something's not right. The idea of that person not sharing your life should be what scares you the most, not them being there.
 
cindylou said:
wish someone would have told me.
Click to expand...

They probably tried and you didn't listen...or they knew you wouldn't listen and didn't bother trying.
 
musclemom said:
Frankly, I don't think anyone, male or female, should get married before 26/27-ish. Not like a century or two ago when you were old by 45. Women are waiting longer to have kids, people are having smaller families, it's just not logical to rush into the binding commitment of a marriage.

And if the idea of marrying someone sends you into a panic then something's not right. The idea of that person not sharing your life should be what scares you the most, not them being there.
Click to expand...

I had thought to myself the MM has good insight on alot of these type things. You didn't dissapoint.

I would like to add, when you decide to get married, try and marry your best freind. That way, when the shit gets deep (and it will), you will still have your best friend after all is said and done. A true friendship is the best foundation for a lifetime of love.
 
IrightI said:
WTF about moine NG! At 51, I've had more years here and the experience that goes woth it I FEEL like my oppinions are sound. I've lived with different women for multiple years froma young age, 22, to my last one. We have a 13 year old, lived together for 9 years and have been married for 3. I didn't even consider marriage till I was 37, for various reasons.

For the record, SD is right. Talking about the husband being a real shit behind closed doors, it reminded me of a line I put in my sig of my real SN, "No matter how pretty she is, somebody, somewhere is sick of her CRAP!" lmao

TxB
Click to expand...

What are you talking about? This was your advice:

IrightI said:
that's TOO damn young!add 10 more years atleast. Eb's go have somw fun, see things and meet people. BE young, believe me, it' doesn't last long. Wait till you are ready, when THAT time comes, you'll know it and there will be very few if any doubts...
Click to expand...

youre advice was dont do it you're too young go out, have fun and meet people... you're a good bro and I like you but to me that isnt great advice.... age is a number and doesnt always determine if/when you may or may not be ready for things.... also being married does not limit having fun and seeing things....
 
RottenWillow said:
You don't understand....some wiminz stop wanting to have sex. And some men stop wanting to have sex.
Click to expand...

not NEARLY in the same porportion, MUCH more wimmen seem to find sex a chore and not a necessary part of life/marriage. Some men, yes.... but not many.

RottenWillow said:
Other married people continue to have plenty.
Click to expand...

Usually, I have noticed that these couples have a great friendship (see above post ) and also the woman feels that she needs to be submissive to some degree to the husband. I had one tell me once on this topic, she felt that her body became sort of his too and vice versa. By that logic, when he wanted sex, she never said no. I like that woman....
 
nangiggles said:
What are you talking about? This was your advice:



youre advice was dont do it you're too young go out, have fun and meet people... you're a good bro and I like you but to me that isnt great advice.... age is a number and doesnt always determine if/when you may or may not be ready for things.... also being married does not limit having fun and seeing things....
Click to expand...

the first part was just me BS'ning with SD, the advuice was posted before that. sorry you missed it.

your correct in the age thing, but she also wrote that she was "scared" (I don't have the text in front of me) everytything that she wrote lended it's self to the fact that she was unsure, etc. If that the case, she needs to wait. I said an arbitrary 10 years, could be more-could be less, but never-the-less imo she needs to wait.

Being married does not limit having fun and seeing things? really You MUST make a really decent amount of money and/or we're not on the same plane of what "fun" or "seeing things" is. Also, another crux of her post was "family", we would HAVE to agree that having kids changes evertything. Money, time, none of it comes easy anymore.
 
IrightI said:
the first part was just me BS'ning with SD, the advuice was posted before that. sorry you missed it.

your correct in the age thing, but she also wrote that she was "scared" (I don't have the text in front of me) everytything that she wrote lended it's self to the fact that she was unsure, etc. If that the case, she needs to wait. I said an arbitrary 10 years, could be more-could be less, but never-the-less imo she needs to wait.

Being married does not limit having fun and seeing things? really You MUST make a really decent amount of money and/or we're not on the same plane of what "fun" or "seeing things" is. Also, another crux of her post was "family", we would HAVE to agree that having kids changes evertything. Money, time, none of it comes easy anymore.
Click to expand...
2 salaries is better than one, and one would think that if they married they must have things in common and they can share those for fun... of course both those things take a back seat after having kids, but in an early marriage with no kids, there's plenty room for fun and sight seeing.
 
nangiggles said:
2 salaries is better than one, and one would think that if they married they must have things in common and they can share those for fun... of course both those things take a back seat after having kids, but in an early marriage with no kids, there's plenty room for fun and sight seeing.
Click to expand...

My experience has been that the two salaries usually go to upgrades, ie. house, cars, furniture, appliances, etc. It evens back out albeit you have new shit....

new marriage and no kids? 98.7% of my fun would be in the bedroom playing with handcuffs, ropes and all kinds of vibrating things. Now, THAT would be a sight to see!! ;-)

Your a really cool gurl NannyG. I'm glad you found us....
 
IrightI said:
My experience has been that the two salaries usually go to upgrades, ie. house, cars, furniture, appliances, etc. It evens back out albeit you have new shit....

new marriage and no kids? 98.7% of my fun would be in the bedroom playing with handcuffs, ropes and all kinds of vibrating things. Now, THAT would be a sight to see!! ;-)

Your a really cool gurl NannyG. I'm glad you found us....
Click to expand...

I get no sex so I settle for seeing the Grand Canyon lol ;)

Also I much rather go fishing or something every week than have a 50" LDC or an iphone, I rather create memories than have things....

I'm glad I found you too :friends:
 
Just don't settle for anything less than you deserve to achieve what you want, thats all i have to say.
 
nangiggles said:
I get no sex so I settle for seeing the Grand Canyon lol ;)

Also I much rather go fishing or something every week than have a 50" LDC or an iphone, I rather create memories than have things....

I'm glad I found you too :friends:
Click to expand...

I yodel in the wifes "grand" canyon every chance I get! does that count? I send her OB/GYN a "Thank You" card evry year on my sons Bday. He was quite proficient with a needle and thread...


Your a special gurl NannyG, you deserve all the happiness that the world has to offer...
 
cindylou said:
she had an episiotomy or she tore during childbirth and teh obgyn fixed her up like new
Click to expand...

Oh Yes he DID! true story. Better than new. At 32, she already knows what to do with it, unlike a teenager that it resembles... ( Trex is blushing )

Would I shit you T-rex! The ol' Bondsman? really??
 
IrightI said:
Oh Yes he DID! true story. Better than new. At 32, she already knows what to do with it, unlike a teenager that it resembles... ( Trex is blushing )

Would I shit you T-rex! The ol' Bondsman? really??
Click to expand...

i can't imagine being sewn up like that
 
What can you do married that you can't do unmarried? Except get a tax break. No big rush to do anyting at 24. Live together for about 7 years and if you don't kill each other, then maybe take a second look at "married" BTW hes cheating on you! ; }
 
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Turd Ferguson said:
What can you do married that you can't do unmarried? Except get a tax break. No big rush to do anyting at 24. Live together for about 7 years and if you don't kill each other, then maybe take a second look at "married" BTW hes cheating on you! ; }
Click to expand...
This is exactly what I did :D
 
nangiggles said:
I just cringed at the "rip" thought and once more hoped I am not pregnant.... jeeez.... :woried:
Click to expand...

She didn't "rip", it was that E word CL said that I can't spell. Epiezeyadayada. The Doc just stitches it all back up, one or two little extra "I'm gonna make your husband a happy man" stitches in the muscle and VIOLA! another TY cards on it's way.... :-)
 
IrightI said:
prenant? You think that you may be pregnant?
Click to expand...
unfortunately something is up....should have gotten my period around the 23-25 but didnt... :worried:
I have taken 2 pregnancy tests one around the 30th and the other on Sunday, both were negative, I'm also on birth control, same I've used for about 8 years successfully so I HIGHLY doubt I'm pregnant..... I dont think the baby would appreciate the Venevol I've taken.... :faint:
 
trex74 said:
You never said how much you love him *ebony*...Do you love him?
Just because someone is "perfect" for you doesn't mean squat.
You don't sound ready IMO.
Don't rush into things before you are sure you can spend the rest of your life with this guy no matter what happens to the both of you. Can you imagine marrying this guy "for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health"? How loyal are you to him in particular, not just the idea of marriage?
Click to expand...

yes, i love him. he's become so ingrained into my life, that its hard to imagine my life without him. he's always there for me and he makes me feel like im the best thing thats ever happened to him, beautiful, wanted and needed. im happy when im with him, is that not love?

imagine marrying him, why yes sure i can and like i said, i don't know what i'd do with huge junks of my free time if he wasn't around because he's such a big part of my life.

loyal to him? as in cheating? I don't cheat. I would end it first. thing is i wish the sex was better, its okay, but nothing amazing. maybe it does get better with age?
 
*ebony* said:
yes, i love him. he's become so ingrained into my life, that its hard to imagine my life without him. he's always there for me and he makes me feel like im the best thing thats ever happened to him, beautiful, wanted and needed. im happy when im with him, is that not love?

imagine marrying him, why yes sure i can and like i said, i don't know what i'd do with huge junks of my free time if he wasn't around because he's such a big part of my life.

loyal to him? as in cheating? I don't cheat. I would end it first. thing is i wish the sex was better, its okay, but nothing amazing. maybe it does get better with age?
Click to expand...

ebony...don't. okay? just don't. Say NO. Say NO. Say NO. Say NO. Say NO.
 
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