Ever feel like you missed your calling?

[nefertiti]

Warning, long post alert. I'm also going to be opening up about some private stuff, so be gentle. I don't care if you all know how effed up I am lol, but please don't make a joke about it, ok?

When I was younger for a long time I wanted to be a psychologist. I've always been a helper and a giver, and I've always been "that person" that people come to for advice, or just an ear. I think the talent or whatever of mine that I am most proud of is my ability to empathize and understand exactly what a person needs in the moments they are hurting. Various things I've been through have only deepened that awareness. The problem is, when I'm empathizing, I'm genuinely hurting with that person. It makes me suffer to see people suffer. So I stepped away from that game plan because I felt like all I would be miserable all the time, taking every patients problems home with me. I also questioned my ability to be objective, which I think is really important in those situations. If you get emotional, I don't know how much you're going to be able to provide clarity and guidance.

Sooooo I went to a soulless profession instead, something I was damn good at, but got nothing out of....and wouldn't you know it, I was miserable all the time anyway lol. Doing something that had no real value to the world but made me a whole lot of money left me feeling empty. I tried to fill that space with people, with an eating disorder, with staying as busy as possible, with scuba diving...and the end result was burn out at 28. Quit my job, bought a house I could rent out, moved to the beach, did nothing but dive, go to church, socialize. All well and good when things are peachy...

Then I hit a wall last winter. Not going to go into it, but something happened and I just....crashed. Hard. I fully relapsed with my eating disorder, among other things, and shut down on everyone. The last month or so I finally started crawling out of that hole....I'm in an outpatient treatment program, I'm reconnecting with friends and family, I'm starting to put one foot in front of the other, and in the process I'm starting to question the direction of my life again (or rather, I'm recognizing that the whole dive bum thing was really just an intermission).

This past weekend I had a couple of things bring me back to the therapy thing. The first was in my friday group for outpatient, one of the group leaders was an intern who was leaving, so I went up to thank her for the brief time she was there. She said something to me that made me break down in tears...she told me that in the one week I've been there, I've already made a huge positive impact on everyone else there. That she had never seen people react to someone and connect with someone so instantly as when I was sharing my story that first day, and that she was almost in tears when she left that day.

Then there was this little facebook interaction that almost made me lose my shit:

http://i54.tinypic.com/f36fit.jpg

(a friend of mine from hs who attempted suicide)

So I start thinking...about how as much as I hurt with someone who is hurting, nothing has ever been as fulfilling for me as being able to reach out and make that connection - and I've really actually been able to help a LOT of people (I also used to volunteer at a crisis center). I'm not sure if it's because of how alone I've felt at times with my own demons, I don't know if it's because it allows me to take some pretty next level shit that's gone down in my life and make it a positive (therefore taking some of the randomness out of life), I don't know if it's reconnecting with my faith and the general ideals of receiving a gift and then spreading it out to others in need (no religious debate in the thread pleaaaase). I can point to two or three very specific people at every moment in my life who has gotten me through, and it's always been someone who has been there who was able to reach through that wall like it was made of air and pull me out.

So basically I'm thinking once I get my shit straight (which might take some time, got derailed pretty badly), I'm gonna see what it will take to get into a masters program for something in that field. Something that would get me working with kids, teenagers maybe. Wouldn't have to be eating disorder specific, but I could probably be most useful there, especially given how resistant most young girls are to accepting and facing those issues. (not to mention how many people are in that field who have never had an eating disorder....I got some of the worst guidance with that from those types. Not saying you HAVE to have been there to reach people, but the only people who have ever really helped me have been people who were there at one point and got past it)

Rant over. Not sure where to take this thread....I just needed to vent really. You can either respond to my post or offer your own story of your life shifting focus and finding fulfillment in that new focus.

 

[nefertiti]

Since someone's gonna ask...

Cliffnotes:

I used to want to be in some sort of psychology/social work field, changed my mind, and now I'm heavily considering returning to that and I think it's probably where I should have been all along.

 

[Sub-Zero]

sounds like you have reached a significant crossroads

 

[uamaverick]

tl;dr

LOL JK, I read it all. I think whenever you find that combination of doing something you're very good at, AND you enjoy it, you'll pretty much excel at whatever that is, and excel far above and beyond everybody else. Look at Tiger Woods. He started playing golf at age 2-3. By the time he was 6-7, he was playing 5 hours a day, every day, relentlessly, for two reasons. One, he was very good at it at an early age, and two, because he genuinely enjoyed doing it. Now I'm sure there's days, weeks, or even months where he doesn't like it that much, but he still enjoys it overall. It's why he's now worth close to a billion dollars.

My dad is ridiculously good at poker. He typically wins $500-700 a night playing poker. He enjoys doing it and he's really good at it. He has to go out and play after he gets off work. His typical day is work from 9-5, then play from 7-2 or 3 am sometimes, and do it all over again. He doesn't like it as much now, obviously, but he still likes it enough to keep doing that kind of schedule.

I don't know what my calling is. I enjoy my new job a lot, and I think I'm pretty good at it already, but I don't think it's what I'll achieve Godlike status in. I've relentlessly been reading and studying the stock market and investing for the last 6 or 7 years. I spent the first two years just reading books and doing practice mutual fund accounts. In 2006 I bought my first mutual fund. The minimum amount was $2500, and I had to save up to get that much money, but it was worth it. I loved every second of researching and analyzing my best moves. I'm not exaggerating when I say I probably spent up to 7 hours a day just reading and studying for those first two years. Before I bought in on my mutual fund, I spent 40 hours researching each company in that fund, which is the recommended amount. I could tell you what each person on the board of directors for each company had done in their professional careers over the last ten years by the time I was done. I reaped the benefits of my work, I get great returns every year.

I've been running a practice forex account for about a year solid, and I do fairly well in it. Nothing big, because I'm extremely conservative in forex, and it's just Monopoly money! Still, I think it's fun and it's helped educate me in certain aspects of the market. Not sure if I'll ever put real money into forex down the road, but if I never do, it's at least been an educational experience.

Very few people even know I even invest. My own mom had no clue until this past week, where I sat down and discussed re-balancing her 401k, and I did it for her. One of my best friends had no idea until he told me he had $10,000 from his overseas military tour sitting in a savings account waiting to be invested in something. I talked to him for about an hour, and he just looked at me and said, "Jesus Christ, you should have been a brokerage agent."

So I don't know if that's my calling, but I enjoy doing it and (so far) I feel like I'm at least above average in my ability to invest intelligently. They say you have to spend 10,000 hours on something to become an expert at it, so I guess I still have a lot of work to go. I wanted to do the 10,000 hours in guitar, but I just didn't love it enough. I liked it, but I didn't love it. You have to find something you love enough to put 10,000 hours of practice into, and then you'll know that's what you were born to do.

 

[-SD-]

I dont think everyone has a calling. Some people wake up, punch a clock, get a six pack, watch TV, go to bed and thats as good as its going to get, or ever was going to get.

 

[Rachel...lol]

I think you should go for it. I always feel like I've missed my calling and have contemplated going back to school... again.

 

[mrplunkey]

I figured the beach location/dive job was a pit stop. You always seemed so excited about being there that I never mentioned it. I don't mean this in a pejorative way at all, but you struck me as much more capable than the career you'd chosen.

You definitely seem empathetic and I'd bet you will make a great shrink/social worker (or whatever similar career you choose).

It's good to hear that you are getting back on track. Good luck!

 

[-SD-]

I think you should go for it. I always feel like I've missed my calling and have contemplated going back to school... again.

Good lord woman youre going to be the most overeducated person under 30 ever. Find something and dont look back

 

[Smurfy]

I say give it a shot. I've always thought of you as a helper. YOu obviously care about people. Good luck!

 

[captainahole]

We all make choices the alter our life and wonder if what if?
Well what if can be chosen even if time has passed. I went back to school at 36 to change careers. I made the career change and found out it wasn't for me, but was it worth it. Absolutely.
Go for it.