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are you from a dysfunctional family?

layinback

layinback

New member
the irony is, most folk from dysfunctional familys do not know it because dysfunction is their "normal." my family was crazier than a sack of roaches. i will elaborate later on in thread.
 
I may just be the queen of dysfunction... sadly, not my choice and am doing everything I can to fix it. Sorta hard though when the government fucks your kids.

As for the family I grew up in... Yea, it was pretty bad, but still I knew others who were far worse off than me. All in all, I would have to say that my younger sister has turned out best in life as she was ignored for the most part by both my parents and as screwed up as I was, I think I did a pretty OK job mothering her myself.

I forgave my parents for all the fucked up things they did to us as kids because no parents have a guide book. But I am having a very hard time letting go of the things they did to us as adults... by that point, they should have gotten a clue.
 
Anyone here ever beaten near death by their brother while their mother watched and did nothing?

Happened to me twice. Second time mom was forced to call the paramedics because I actually lost consciousness and she got scared that she might have more 'splainin to do than just how it was that I was beaten beyond recognition to my father. She might have to explain how it was that she allowed her teenage son to beat her teenage daughter to death. I suppose the prospect of jail time wasn't so appealing to her. :rolleyes:

Anyone ever choked out by their father because he heard from people in your community that you (age 14) sat on a boy's lap in public at a party? Wasn't me and no there was no kissing or petting involved. It was another girl but I still got choked unconscious because my father wanted to *make sure* that even if it wasn't me, I wouldn't go gettting any crazy ideas that such behavior was publicly acceptable for a female child that bore his last name....

NYICE eh?
 
blueta2 said:
All families are dyfunctional, some more than others.
Click to expand...

Pretty much.

An excellent shrink once told me that the goal of good parenting is to raise your child with and *acceptable level of fucked-up-ness*. I kid ya'll not. The dude was an incredibly smart guy...
 
BIKINIMOM said:
Pretty much.

An excellent shrink once told me that the goal of good parenting is to raise your child with and *acceptable level of fucked-up-ness*. I kid ya'll not. The dude was an incredibly smart guy...
Click to expand...

Not sure I agree with that, but my theory is, no one is perfect. My parents are AWESOME, but they made so many mistakes that my sisters and I are paying for them still til this day.
Making life harder for kids will certainly teach them how to survive in this harsh world, but beating them to a pulp will not.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
Pretty much.

An excellent shrink once told me that the goal of good parenting is to raise your child with and *acceptable level of fucked-up-ness*. I kid ya'll not. The dude was an incredibly smart guy...
Click to expand...
this is what winnicott termed "the good enough mother" this is what your "smart" psych was referring to.
 
blueta2 said:
Not sure I agree with that, but my theory is, no one is perfect. My parents are AWESOME, but they made so many mistakes that my sisters and I are paying for them still til this day.
Making life harder for kids will certainly teach them how to survive in this harsh world, but beating them to a pulp will not.
Click to expand...

No, no you misunderstand.

He was not saying that you should INTENTIONALLY fuck a child up. What he said is that regardless of how well-meaning a parent is, there will undoubtedly be mistakes made and miscommunications will happen. So for all a parent's best intentions, their children WILL get fucked up in some way, shape or form. The goal is to try to help children gain the tools they will need in order to be happy and to cope in the world independent of you.

You know what it is called when we stop blaming our parents for all the mistakes they made when we were kids growing up?

MATURITY.

My parents fucked me up real bad in many ways, the continue to do it to this day... but after a point in time I realize that while a lot of the bad decisions/behaviors I chose may have been put in me by my parents, it is up to ME to face and fix and move on if I want to be happy. :)

I am trying really hard to make myself right so that when I do get my girls back, I WILL be able to help them cope with how badly their spermdonor fucked them up. I can't do that if I remain satisfied to sit here and focus on all the wrong that was done me.
 
mom is on her 3rd husband.
She is his 4th wife.
Her second husband is married to his second wife.
He is her second husband.
Mom's first husband (my father) died after spending years in prison.
My son is really my brother.
Dad had been married 4 times. His widow is now married to her 6th husband.

so yeah, i grew up in a disfuctional family.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
I may just be the queen of dysfunction... sadly, not my choice and am doing everything I can to fix it. Sorta hard though when the government fucks your kids.

As for the family I grew up in... Yea, it was pretty bad, but still I knew others who were far worse off than me. All in all, I would have to say that my younger sister has turned out best in life as she was ignored for the most part by both my parents and as screwed up as I was, I think I did a pretty OK job mothering her myself.

I forgave my parents for all the fucked up things they did to us as kids because no parents have a guide book. But I am having a very hard time letting go of the things they did to us as adults... by that point, they should have gotten a clue.
Click to expand...

BikiniMom puts the FUN back in dysFUNctional!!!!!!!!!!!!!#$31311
 
BIKINIMOM said:
No, no you misunderstand.

He was not saying that you should INTENTIONALLY fuck a child up. What he said is that regardless of how well-meaning a parent is, there will undoubtedly be mistakes made and miscommunications will happen. So for all a parent's best intentions, their children WILL get fucked up in some way, shape or form. The goal is to try to help children gain the tools they will need in order to be happy and to cope in the world independent of you.

You know what it is called when we stop blaming our parents for all the mistakes they made when we were kids growing up?

MATURITY.

My parents fucked me up real bad in many ways, the continue to do it to this day... but after a point in time I realize that while a lot of the bad decisions/behaviors I chose may have been put in me by my parents, it is up to ME to face and fix and move on if I want to be happy. :)

I am trying really hard to make myself right so that when I do get my girls back, I WILL be able to help them cope with how badly their spermdonor fucked them up. I can't do that if I remain satisfied to sit here and focus on all the wrong that was done me.
Click to expand...
you chose that spermdonor. you had approximately three billion men to choose from and you chose him. everyone is subconsciously recreating their early childhood experiences. we are compelled to do this in an effort " to set things right" you freely admitted that your dad was a terribly abusive parent and it only stands to reason that your mom was in some type of collusion with him. i am not judging you as i have my own story and i will share as freely as you have here. i am merely making an observation. denial and projection are primitive but potent defense mechanism. i firmly believe we all choose our realities. taking 100% responsibility for your circumstances gives you an opportunity to have conscious control. we are talking about responsibility not blame. i no longer blame myself but i am totally responsible for my "circumstances" it is very liberating and it empowers you to help others who are suffering. my troubles are insignificant these days and others take precedent over mine.
 
normal, but overly permissive, I was the youngest and the only boy of 4 kids, never heard the word "no".... outcome was the same as disfunction, maybe worse. Don't have any family stories, but I'll match my personal stories to anyones. I paid dearly for lots of experience.....
 
layinback said:
you chose that spermdonor. you had approximately three billion men to choose from and you chose him. everyone is subconsciously recreating their early childhood experiences. we are compelled to do this in an effort " to set things right" you freely admitted that your dad was a terribly abusive parent and it only stands to reason that your mom was in some type of collusion with him. i am not judging you as i have my own story and i will share as freely as you have here. i am merely making an observation. denial and projection are primitive but potent defense mechanism. i firmly believe we all choose our realities. taking 100% responsibility for your circumstances gives you an opportunity to have conscious control. we are talking about responsibility not blame. i no longer blame myself but i am totally responsible for my "circumstances" it is very liberating and it empowers you to help others who are suffering. my troubles are insignificant these days and others take precedent over mine.
Click to expand...


I hear people say that ; but I dont know. I think I had a good family life pretty much, both parents still married ; I love my dad. But I chose someone who is the complete opposite of him. My dad, white collrd ; repub ; religous ; good with money ; my husband? Labor worker, beer drinking man's man, complete opposite.

Does that only apply if you had a strained relationship w/ the father?
 
The only thing different about my childhood is being an identical twin.

Being constantly compared to someone else sucked. But I have a great sister/best friend now too. So . ? . ? I dont think anyone has a normal family life. Whatever that means.
 
cindylou said:
The only thing different about my childhood is being an identical twin.

Being constantly compared to someone else sucked. But I have a great sister/best friend now
Click to expand...

Wait, there's two of you? :eek2:


Can someone please come change me, I think I just wet myself.
 
heatherrae said:
I think everyone is from a dysfunctional family, really.
Click to expand...
nws

momio.jpg
 
layinback said:
you chose that spermdonor. you had approximately three billion men to choose from and you chose him. everyone is subconsciously recreating their early childhood experiences. we are compelled to do this in an effort " to set things right" you freely admitted that your dad was a terribly abusive parent and it only stands to reason that your mom was in some type of collusion with him. i am not judging you as i have my own story and i will share as freely as you have here. i am merely making an observation. denial and projection are primitive but potent defense mechanism. i firmly believe we all choose our realities. taking 100% responsibility for your circumstances gives you an opportunity to have conscious control. we are talking about responsibility not blame. i no longer blame myself but i am totally responsible for my "circumstances" it is very liberating and it empowers you to help others who are suffering. my troubles are insignificant these days and others take precedent over mine.
Click to expand...

I 100% agree that I chose him at the tender age of barely 21. Married him in a ridiculous attempt to leave my parents' home (goodness knows I could have made a better choice and left home for COLLEGE - like my younger sister did, but I wasn't as strong as she was - she also - THANK GOD - didn't get the abuse I did) and busted my ass in a 13 year marriage and accepted the verbal and emotional abuse because that is all I knew. I didn't know any different. But whe he put his hands on me I kicked him out THAT NIGHT. Sadly, the court system allowed him to continue to abuse me with the new domestic terrorism. I had no idea that shit like that wasn't only happening to me but that now abusive men are using the family court system to successfully take children from their mothers using *parental alienation symdrome*. Many people don't know that even with a Final Order of Protection mothers are legally forced to share custody. The men continue to make all sorts of allegations agaisnt the women and finally as the women are now unwilling to share custody, the courts will sometimes take full custody from the mothers and give the children to their abusers....

Trust me when I tell you that I have and am dealing with my abusive past and doing everything in my power to fix *my children's* (and my own) future.

I am married to a wonderful man who dotes on me and treats me very well. Hell, I am shocked at how patient he is putting up with all of the shit that is part and parcel of my life because of my ex...

We are products of our upbringing but that doesn't mean that we are doomed to repeat the cycle. Sadly, when the famiy courts support the abusers, it gets dragged on a bit longer.

I am not the only one this has (is) happening to. The internet is full of cases like that of my family.
 
cindylou said:
I hear people say that ; but I dont know. I think I had a good family life pretty much, both parents still married ; I love my dad. But I chose someone who is the complete opposite of him. My dad, white collrd ; repub ; religous ; good with money ; my husband? Labor worker, beer drinking man's man, complete opposite.

Does that only apply if you had a strained relationship w/ the father?
Click to expand...
trust me cindy.....more to it than meets the eye! dig a lil deeper......
 
layinback said:
trust me cindy.....more to it than meets the eye! dig a lil deeper......
Click to expand...

True!

I would like to find out what type of a relationship she had with her high school female gym teacher.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
I 100% agree that I chose him at the tender age of barely 21. Married him in a ridiculous attempt to leave my parents' home (goodness knows I could have made a better choice and left home for COLLEGE - like my younger sister did, but I wasn't as strong as she was - she also - THANK GOD - didn't get the abuse I did) and busted my ass in a 13 year marriage and accepted the verbal and emotional abuse because that is all I knew. I didn't know any different. But whe he put his hands on me I kicked him out THAT NIGHT. Sadly, the court system allowed him to continue to abuse me with the new domestic terrorism. I had no idea that shit like that wasn't only happening to me but that now abusive men are using the family court system to successfully take children from their mothers using *parental alienation symdrome*. Many people don't know that even with a Final Order of Protection mothers are legally forced to share custody. The men continue to make all sorts of allegations agaisnt the women and finally as the women are now unwilling to share custody, the courts will sometimes take full custody from the mothers and give the children to their abusers....

Trust me when I tell you that I have and am dealing with my abusive past and doing everything in my power to fix *my children's* (and my own) future.

I am married to a wonderful man who dotes on me and treats me very well. Hell, I am shocked at how patient he is putting up with all of the shit that is part and parcel of my life because of my ex...

We are products of our upbringing but that doesn't mean that we are doomed to repeat the cycle. Sadly, when the famiy courts support the abusers, it gets dragged on a bit longer.

I am not the only one this has (is) happening to. The internet is full of cases like that of my family.
Click to expand...
honey you have been through a lot. i am sure you will continue your journey of self awareness and healing. i sincerely wish you and your family the best life possible. the best thing we can do for our children is to work on ourselves. this is hard for me because i tend to be controlling and control is an illusion. you are painfully honest and i appreciate that
 
BIKINIMOM said:
No, no you misunderstand.

He was not saying that you should INTENTIONALLY fuck a child up. What he said is that regardless of how well-meaning a parent is, there will undoubtedly be mistakes made and miscommunications will happen. So for all a parent's best intentions, their children WILL get fucked up in some way, shape or form. The goal is to try to help children gain the tools they will need in order to be happy and to cope in the world independent of you.

You know what it is called when we stop blaming our parents for all the mistakes they made when we were kids growing up?

MATURITY.

My parents fucked me up real bad in many ways, the continue to do it to this day... but after a point in time I realize that while a lot of the bad decisions/behaviors I chose may have been put in me by my parents, it is up to ME to face and fix and move on if I want to be happy. :)

I am trying really hard to make myself right so that when I do get my girls back, I WILL be able to help them cope with how badly their spermdonor fucked them up. I can't do that if I remain satisfied to sit here and focus on all the wrong that was done me.
Click to expand...

oh ok, yeah i did misunderstand
This is all so very true

I still blame my Mom for certain things, but we are all so close and loving and we still talk about our lives and screw ups.
 
And Cindy, I thought I was picking men that were total opposites of my Dad, but there were all VERY much the same.
 
blueta2 said:
And Cindy, I thought I was picking men that were total opposites of my Dad, but there were all VERY much the same.
Click to expand...

WERD

With my first husband I thought that he was somehow better than my own father because he never hit me (like my father did my mother until WE stood up to him)... that was, until he hit me.

I was raised to believe that jealousy was part of love and that I wasn't worth loving.

I got over the jealousy being part of love thing. After 9 years of marriage and 4 children I finally had enough of the control and jealousy.

Though I still struggle daily with the whole *I am WORTH loving thing*....

... but I do work on that. I know I am a good person and I know I deserve love, just really fucks with your mind when you run into obstacles like we have with the family court system, the backlash on elite and IRL has been unbelievable... but my girls and I and those who love us know THE TRUTH. I share so willingly to educate the public and to help others who might be living through the same nightmare, so that they don't think they are alone, as we all thought we were for so many years.
 
BIKINIMOM said:
WERD

With my first husband I thought that he was somehow better than my own father because he never hit me (like my father did my mother until WE stood up to him)... that was, until he hit me.

I was raised to believe that jealousy was part of love and that I wasn't worth loving.

I got over the jealousy being part of love thing. After 9 years of marriage and 4 children I finally had enough of the control and jealousy.

Though I still struggle daily with the whole *I am WORTH loving thing*....

... but I do work on that. I know I am a good person and I know I deserve love, just really fucks with your mind when you run into obstacles like we have with the family court system, the backlash on elite and IRL has been unbelievable... but my girls and I and those who love us know THE TRUTH. I share so willingly to educate the public and to help others who might be living through the same nightmare, so that they don't think they are alone, as we all thought we were for so many years.
Click to expand...


That is the only line in this whole paragraph that should be deleted.
Who cares about the backlash from interent punks!
Don't ever take to heart what punks from here say to you...please, giving them that power is SO not you ;-)
 
Well I wouldn't say dysfunctional because it was perfectly normal to me.LOL

Father son talks did include:
How to make explosives from household items
How to use dead bodies for shape charges
How to fix any and all household items with tools made at home.
etc....

My mom is a political activist so I grew up going to the govenors mansion for x-mas and shit like that.

So a pretty diverse upbringing.

Cheers,
Scotsman
 
oh, i forgot to add to mine:
dad was a nudist and chain pot smoker.
i dated his friends and that was cool with him.

mom left my dad for someone 5 years older than me.

augusten burroughs feels bad for me.
 
stilleto said:
oh, i forgot to add to mine:
dad was a nudist and chain pot smoker.
i dated his friends and that was cool with him.

mom left my dad for someone 5 years older than me.

augusten burroughs feels bad for me.
Click to expand...


I badly want to feel you!

Does that count for anything.

Cheers,
Scotsman
 
layinback said:
the irony is, most folk from dysfunctional familys do not know it because dysfunction is their "normal." my family was crazier than a sack of roaches. i will elaborate later on in thread.
Click to expand...
not at all.
 
Completely normal, television-perfect family: Parents married, somewhat religious, strong morals, no drinking, no smoking, no sex before marriage, no fighting, strongly middle/upper middle class, each with a degree from a 4-year university, father with masters, mother stopped working to take care of only child, et cetera...







Bam! Cue the teenage son who has long hair and wears bullets around his waist.





44gu8o5.jpg




:cow:
 
I have lots of old pictures of myself and a friend committing random acts of blasphemy in cemetaries. I totally need to scan those.



:cow:
 
blueta2 said:
That is the only line in this whole paragraph that should be deleted.
Who cares about the backlash from interent punks!
Don't ever take to heart what punks from here say to you...please, giving them that power is SO not you ;-)
Click to expand...

Easier said then done when a great percentage of posters attack someone because other posters slander... Shit so many nasty lies have been proliferated about me that if I only believed HALF then I would hate me too.

I just got a Red K note that called me *scum*.... I am still waiting to hear what I did that caused such a remark. :rolleyes:

I don't let it get to me. I just have a MAJOR issue when little internet punks proliferate lies - slander, etc dont set well with me as my real name and real likeness are directly connected to my screenname. It wasn't an easy decision for me to go public about the tragedy that has befallen us, but once I made it I felt better.

I will not rest until every single scumbag and worthless heap of shit that has hurt or facilitated the hurting of my children is made to be held accountable.

THAT you can take to the bank. :)
 
BIKINIMOM said:
I will not rest until every single scumbag and worthless heap of shit that has hurt or facilitated the hurting of my children is made to be held accountable.

THAT you can take to the bank. :)
Click to expand...

I spoke to a man once who is suing a large pharmaceutical co's. He's suing b/c he feels a certain drug he took for skin cancer made him super sick and feels this drug is making him die.
He's been at this fight with 3M for over 7 yrs.
In this time his illness has gone from bad to worse. He suffers Parkinson’s, depression, heart disease, POD etc. (there are about 10 other conditions he has)
When he first became ill, he had his initial skin cancer and got an auto immune illness. In the 7 yrs since his fight, he developed the rest, claiming this drug did this to him.
I took the same drug and got ONLY one of the illnesses he got. I spoke to many others who got none or one of the illnesses also.
Moral of my story, his fight and his anger are killing him. He is dying a slow death claiming all these illnesses were from the drug, when in reality; his stress from this lawsuit (the fight) is causing multiple issues.
I say rest and forget the scum. Because the "scum" will kill you and you'll be good to no one.
 
Last edited:
blueta2 said:
I spoke to a man once who is suing a large pharmaceutical co's. He's suing b/c he feels a certain drug he took for skin cancer made him super sick and feels this drug is making him die.
He's been at this fight with 3M for over 7 yrs.
In this time his illness has gone from bad to worse. He suffers Parkinson’s, depression, heart disease, POD etc. (there are about 10 other conditions he has)
When he first became ill, he had his initial skin cancer and got an auto immune illness. In the 7 yrs since his fight, he developed the rest, claiming this drug did this to him.
I took the same drug and got ONLY one of the illnesses he got. I spoke to many others who got none or one of the illnesses also.
Moral of my story, his fight and his anger are killing him. He is dying a slow death claiming all these illnesses were from the drug, when in reality; his stress from this lawsuit (the fight) is causing multiple issues.
I say rest and forget the scum. Because the "scum" will kill you and you'll be good to no one.
Click to expand...

EXCELLENT STORY and I have thought about it... but what you don't realize is that this is NOT about vengence. This is about making sure that my children's suffering was not for nothing. Yes, I can't wait to leave this godforsaken country, but I will do my best to AFFECT A CHANGE FIRST.

How?

By raising public awareness - get some closed minds to open up and see the light and

By hopefully changing the laws so that other children will not have to go through the hell that my kids did.

Once our story is more widely publicized you all will see how HORRIBLY the entire fucking system failed MY CHILDREN because of A - their scumbag spermdonor and his family and B - the blatant inhumanity and wreckless ILLEGAL behavior of ONE family court judge.

People need to open their eyes and recognize that our story is not about how some delusional crackhead whore of a mother got her kids taken from her and she simply refuses to put the crackpipe down long enough to look at her own mistakes <---- common bullshit lie proliferated not only on elite but all over the web and how one innocent woman had her entire life stolen from her for NO FAULT OF HER OWN and her children the most affected victims.

Once my children are safely out of harm's way and with MY loving family again I may view things differently. But until then I will do everything in my power to make good on the promises that I have made to my children this year past.
 
BM, not saying to not fight your cause. Lord knows I am always fighting some cause, but when the fight starts to make you ill, you need to re-evaluate
Nothing good every came without a good fight, but if we can let the fight fuel us instead of drain us, then we are all the better.
Some battles you will never win some you do. Just fight the battle with lots of good armor ;-)
Fighting for you kids is worth it. Fighting to prove to a bunch of EF scum you are not a bad person, not worth it.



p.s. I don't think you're scum or a bad person. I actually think you have a heart of gold but are troubled by all the pain from your life.
 
fistfullofsteel said:
no freaking way!!! why? lol, he isn't talking to your mother too, right? grumpy old dude right there.
Click to expand...


I'm afraid I wouldn't know that either, my mother that is.
 
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