Am I being an ass w/ my wife?

[canadianhitman]

I don't see why everyone thinks this guy is being all that unreasonable. He clearly works his butt off and only wants his wife to pull her weight. He was probably at the end of his rope when he wrote the post and that's why it came off a little self centered, which obviously he's not, judging by all that he gives up so that she can live easy.

Agreed. His tone was over the top, but really: if she only works 15-20 hours per week with no other responsibilities...while he's working 60+, she SHOULD be doing the majority of the housework. It's not about male/female roles, it's about sharing the workload.

If a woman was working 60+, and her man was working 15-20, and she posted up on here that she was pissed about him not doing certain household chores, everyone would be like: "You go girl, kick his lazy ass to the curb."

He's got every right to be aggravated, IMO.

 

[crew9]

Agreed. His tone was over the top, but really: if she only works 15-20 hours per week with no other responsibilities...while he's working 60+, she SHOULD be doing the majority of the housework. It's not about male/female roles, it's about sharing the workload.

If a woman was working 60+, and her man was working 15-20, and she posted up on here that she was pissed about him not doing certain household chores, everyone would be like: "You go girl, kick his lazy ass to the curb."

He's got every right to be aggravated, IMO.

Agree completely

 

[heatherrae]

You want to hear how my life was going for a while. 3 years without a vacation and shit like this happening. Wife went to change a diaper, tried to play it off on me. She threw up on the changing table and on the carpet then continued hurling in the bathroom. I now had a shit covered baby, 2 dogs homing in on the mess and a second crawling baby headed for the mess. Nice. I was moving fast. You had to be there to see that go down. Want to guess who got to clean up that whole thing?

BTW she simply was grossed out by the poopy diaper.

wish you had a video tape of that!

 

[Creepusmaximus]

Agreed. His tone was over the top, but really: if she only works 15-20 hours per week with no other responsibilities...while he's working 60+, she SHOULD be doing the majority of the housework. It's not about male/female roles, it's about sharing the workload.

If a woman was working 60+, and her man was working 15-20, and she posted up on here that she was pissed about him not doing certain household chores, everyone would be like: "You go girl, kick his lazy ass to the curb."

He's got every right to be aggravated, IMO.

Everything is totally slanted to females. It doesn't have anything to do with fairness. I see a lot of guys who work all the time, have to pay for everything and they get nothing in return. They get a fat bitchy wife who thinks she's being abused. If your not going to work or work very little your job is to keep up the home, kids and look decent for your husband.

 

[canadianhitman]

Everything is totally slanted to females. It doesn't have anything to do with fairness. I see a lot of guys who work all the time, have to pay for everything and they get nothing in return. They get a fat bitchy wife who thinks she's being abused. If your not going to work or work very little your job is to keep up the home, kids and look decent for your husband.

If more men were smart enough to get prenups....you'd see less of this.

BTW: this works the other way, too. Women who believe they'll be very successful financially should insist on prenups too, to protect themselves from being stuck with a fat slob deadbeat husband.

 

[heatherrae]

You guys are ridiculous. It isn't an issue of division of labor. It is the feeling that some men have that you are their SERVANT. He comes across in his post as thinking that because she is a woman it is her duty to be his ass wiper.

A good example is my father. He used to work full time and my stepmom did for a while but she retired much before he did. When he was single, he cleaned his house, did his dishes, etc. Now, both of them are retired, he leaves shit EVERYWHERE and expects her to follow behind him and pick up. He never throws a coke can in the garbage, never puts a dish in the washer, never does a load of laundry, etc. He will get out crackers and cheese, eat a few and then just walk off and leave them on the table. He can't even make a cup of coffee for himself. Seriously, if she doesn't cook for him, he doesn't eat until she does.

It is just a weird, old fashioned notion that some men have that we are their servants.

 

[nefertiti]

wife and I get into a blowout fight earlier. It started because she was bitching about the dishes I left in the sink. I work a job that requires me to be gone 2-3 days out of the week, and on the side I am trying to build up a small business. She works 15-20 hrs/wk at some half ass job as an assistant to some realtor, obviously isn't that busy since she calls me about 3x within the 3-4 hrs she has to work each morning. Well, I've tried to make it clear several times that if she is content with making jack shit and being home all the time then I don't give a fuck if the mess is mine or not, she cleans it. I run on empty a lot, often sleep deprived. I try to take care of the financial end of things, I dont give a fuck if all the dishes are mine, she's doing em!! And when she wants to go get a real f/t job maybe I'll start doing more. Am I wrong guys?

I haven't read any other responses, but I'm female and I think you're absolutely in the right, here. There has to be a fair division of responsibilities, so where you are doing more than her in one area she should fairly do more than you in another. If she's home more, that means picking up the slack at home. I'm sort of old fashioned in this regard, I guess. My mom was the breadwinner of the family but she still took care of her man.

 

[bigmann245]

wow im not quite sure how to react to this thread. my wife fell into a deep depression after our son was born and we moved to maryland a few weeks later with the navy. it was her very first time away from home and she was real close to her parents so i understood. but the entire 3 years we were in maryland i had to work 12 hours a day and was always on call and all she had to do was take care of things at the house. well the entire time she never cleaned, she barely took care of our son because she slept all the time, put up baby gates in the living room spread some toys around and slept on the couch. yea i was pissed. i didnt sign on for that and never saw it coming as she had a younger brother who was 5 when we got married and she took real good care of him like he was her own (he was adopted btw).

my reaction was calm but yet i still picked up around the house and played with my son every moment i could. i would come home for lunch just to spend time with him. but at the same time her lazyness kept eating at me. well as some of you know i had enough and moved out because no matter what i did, no matter how much i encouraged her and said she was beautiful she didnt care. we were seperated for almost a year and even talked to lawyers about divorce. then she started coming around. she got on meds and started heping out more. now she works a full time job and we share duties. seriously she does more than i do and i feel bad about it. but now we are fine. im just hoping she doesnt have a relapse. i could never go through that again. some ask how i stuck it out so long. well i loved her that much. i knew somewhere inside that wasnt her. i kept believing in when i moved out. it kinda kicked her in the face and she took me seriously. now its like we just met. a fresh new start.

 

[Creepusmaximus]

You guys are ridiculous. It isn't an issue of division of labor. It is the feeling that some men have that you are their SERVANT. He comes across in his post as thinking that because she is a woman it is her duty to be his ass wiper.

A good example is my father. He used to work full time and my stepmom did for a while but she retired much before he did. When he was single, he cleaned his house, did his dishes, etc. Now, both of them are retired, he leaves shit EVERYWHERE and expects her to follow behind him and pick up. He never throws a coke can in the garbage, never puts a dish in the washer, never does a load of laundry, etc. He will get out crackers and cheese, eat a few and then just walk off and leave them on the table. He can't even make a cup of coffee for himself. Seriously, if she doesn't cook for him, he doesn't eat until she does.

It is just a weird, old fashioned notion that some men have that we are their servants.

Play that up, all women do. That's the problem, that doesn't really exist any more but women are in the mind set that they have to do nothing because all men are lazy slob that need a servant. I don't see that anywhere with couples my age or under.

But continue to play it up, I would if I was a women.

 

[heatherrae]

wow im not quite sure how to react to this thread. my wife fell into a deep depression after our son was born and we moved to maryland a few weeks later with the navy. it was her very first time away from home and she was real close to her parents so i understood. but the entire 3 years we were in maryland i had to work 12 hours a day and was always on call and all she had to do was take care of things at the house. well the entire time she never cleaned, she barely took care of our son because she slept all the time, put up baby gates in the living room spread some toys around and slept on the couch. yea i was pissed. i didnt sign on for that and never saw it coming as she had a younger brother who was 5 when we got married and she took real good care of him like he was her own (he was adopted btw).

my reaction was calm but yet i still picked up around the house and played with my son every moment i could. i would come home for lunch just to spend time with him. but at the same time her lazyness kept eating at me. well as some of you know i had enough and moved out because no matter what i did, no matter how much i encouraged her and said she was beautiful she didnt care. we were seperated for almost a year and even talked to lawyers about divorce. then she started coming around. she got on meds and started heping out more. now she works a full time job and we share duties. seriously she does more than i do and i feel bad about it. but now we are fine. im just hoping she doesnt have a relapse. i could never go through that again. some ask how i stuck it out so long. well i loved her that much. i knew somewhere inside that wasnt her. i kept believing in when i moved out. it kinda kicked her in the face and she took me seriously. now its like we just met. a fresh new start.

That is great. Sounds like she had post partum depression.

I seriously hate housework. I would rather work 12 hours a day outside the home and hire someone else to do it.