Sorry to hear that man.. now the only real gift i can give to you would be for you to look ahead, not backwards. This will be the 1st christmas without my mom, she passed away dec 26 of last year, i was there..
When my wife and i divorced, the kids were older, there was a time they didn't want to be with me, their mom forced them to, but it was ok, now it's all great..
Not saying that is how it will work out for you, but always look ahead, Hope springs eternal...