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The Shit Hits the Fan....

Big Brother Val

Big Brother Val

New member
For those of you that read about my best chum threatening to kill himself, and him and his wife splitting up, and getting physical with their fight in front of the kids, and me calling the cops on them to protect the children.... here's what's next....


My best friends wife told him that me and her have been sleeping together.

Well... he believed her, and went to my ladies house yesterday morning when I went to work, and told her about it.

So my lady now wants nothing to do with me. She won't say a word to me. She really believes it.

I want to beat the shit out of my friend, but at the same time, he was really hurt at the time.

I'm just pissed that he didn't talk to me about it first.

I didn't sleep last night... she said she won't let me see my son for a while, and that I'm a worthless, lying piece of shit, and that she knows I did everything my friend said I did... my stuff will be packed by noon today, and I'm out.

I wouldn't leave yesterday, because I wanted to talk to her, so she called the cops, and they had to take me away.

Man... this is a huge clusterfuck all of the sudden... everything is spinning out of control, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Anyway... just thought I'd rant a little... you guys are the only people I have left to talk to.
 
I'm very sorry to hear of your problems BBV. I hope everything works out. Stay as positive as you can, and hopefully the truth will come out.:)
 
Grab you best friends wife (do not have sex with her)! Take her with you and make her tell the truth to your girl.
 
I'm sorry you are having to go thru all of this.. sometimes being the mediator/middleman is a lot of trouble.. I hope things workout for you.
 
Thank you.

I had a conversation with my chum and his wife, they were on the phone at the same time.

Even though I wiped out what she said, and made him doubt what she was saying, my biggest concern is my lady.

It'd odd... they were going to get a divorce, but she tells him she's been sleeping with his best friend, and it heals things between them... then I'm the bad guy, and it ends up ruining my relationship?

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

I truly can't believe this is happening.

It's unbelieveable... all I can do is sit and hope she'll come around.

But she's been spending a lot of time over at their house, and I know they're all bashing the shit out of me. Which harms me more than I can explain.

When I had his wife on the phone alone, I asked her why... and she said "It's how it has to be".
 
Move on my good Brother! It may not feel like the right thing now, but in the long run things will be much better for you. The stress, all the worrying, and the headaches you are enduring just is'nt worth any woman. I'm sure that is'nt what you wanted to hear, but I would expect the same if I was in your shoes.
 
Val - Call me later....

I can call you tonite or late this morning - afternoon.... I won't have kids this weekend so I will be able to chat this weekend.

I know that life can seem like everything is working against you sometimes and it is easy for me to say because I am not in your shoes... but please believe me when I tell you that down the road all of this will seem like just a bad memory - if you remember AT ALL.

Email me, whatever you like... It always helps to talk to someone. Even if it is only to "unload". True, your problems will still be there, but you will feel a bit better and you may even gain a new perspective on it all.
 
Big Brother Val said:
When I had his wife on the phone alone, I asked her why... and she said "It's how it has to be".
Click to expand...

This is fucked up.

and it is sad that it takes one person, telling one lie, to fuck up four peoples lives.
 
FD... I know. It's odd... our relationship has been in shambles... but when it's torn away from me over a lie... it changes how I see the whole situation. I may sound like a candy-ass here... but I really do love her. If we could fine-tune things, I'd marry her... but now this. Now I won't have the chance to iron things out... because I'm losing her over something I didn't do, and something I have no control over.

And thanks, mama. I know time heals all. You are living proof that if you just endure... you can survive most anything. But as you know, there are times when you're sitting on that kitchen floor, wondering why the hell you should get up in the morning.

Right now I feel very empty, which is expected. And I know with time it will change. But when she tells me that she's going to wear the tightest clothes possible, and talk to all of my friends, and date people I know from the gym, just to harm me... I know I have one hell of a battle ahead.

I know she's saying this out of anger right now... but good hell I want her to know the truth.

I don't know if she ever will. She just won't talk to me... and in a way, I understand why.
 
well if the people dont trust you enough to belive you, then leave them. fuck it..no way i would stick around with people i thought were my friends if i found out they dont belive a word im saying.
 
GLADIATOR351 said:


This is fucked up.

and it is sad that it takes one person, telling one lie, to fuck up four peoples lives.
Click to expand...


Actually, just two.

Their relationship is going strong right now. He told me he's only moving forward in his life with one of us, and that it's her.

He had an affair on his wife 3 years ago, so he looks at this like the score is even.

It took my lady from me. And changed how she sees me as a person.

This is killing me...
 
MrMuscle said:
well if the people dont trust you enough to belive you, then leave them. fuck it..no way i would stick around with people i thought were my friends if i found out they dont belive a word im saying.
Click to expand...


Well... he's starting to waiver a bit... but things are a little too new right now, I think.

My concern is, by time my lady finds out the truth, it'll be too late.

The question I can't answer, is when she asked me "Why would she lie about that."

I don't know.

Maybe because they're relationship can't survive without a crisis. Maybe she's bangin' someone at her work, so she just put my name in that guy's place.

I don't have any idea.
 
saint808 said:
yes don't let your emotions over run your common sense.
Click to expand...

I agree with saint.....I know it is hard, but don't do anything that would jepordize you seeing your son....always keep him in mind.....
 
"It'S HOW IT HAS TO BE"? Stupid bitch....I feel sorry for your pal for having a" wife" and "mother" like this nutcase. SHE WILL get what she deserves. It may take awhile...but she will get it given back to her in some form or another in her future.

As far as your lady....If she really "knew" you, then she should know you could not do this type of thing to the three of you. It appears you may have learned something about her as well in this ordeal. It sucks, but you are going to have to gain her trust back. She sounds like she may be insecure in your relationship to believe this other woman and NOT you! (just my thoughts, as I do not know your lady to say 100% that is the case)

I could NOT imagine NOT allowing my little girl too see her daddy! THAT IS NOT RIGHT, no matter what has happened between the two of us- HE IS HER DADDY! The child will suffer - VERY SELFISH OF A PERSON TO DO THAT "POWER PLAY" WITH A FAMILY!

Good luck! Very sad situation!
 
vixenbabe said:
"It'S HOW IT HAS TO BE"? Stupid bitch....I feel sorry for your pal for having a" wife" and "mother" like this nutcase. SHE WILL get what she deserves. It may take awhile...but she will get it given back to her in some form or another in her future.

As far as your lady....If she really "knew" you, then she should know you could not do this type of thing to the three of you. It appears you may have learned something about her as well in this ordeal. It sucks, but you are going to have to gain her trust back. She sounds like she may be insecure in your relationship to believe this other woman and NOT you! (just my thoughts, as I do not know your lady to say 100% that is the case)

I could NOT imagine NOT allowing my little girl too see her daddy! THAT IS NOT RIGHT, no matter what has happened between the two of us- HE IS HER DADDY! The child will suffer - VERY SELFISH OF A PERSON TO DO THAT "POWER PLAY" WITH A FAMILY!

Good luck! Very sad situation!
Click to expand...


Thank you.

I don't know... I try to put myself in her shoes... and I can't imagine just saying it was over, without talking to her about it first.

I love her. She knows that. She even said yesterday that she knew it... but then she threw her defenses back up and said she wanted nothing to do with me... and loving eachother wasn't enough, because all I want is sex, and that I'd get it where I could, with anyone I could.

I know that the beginning of this whole thing is the hardest. Right now, it doesn't seem like this situation is surviveable. It seems like I'm so hollow inside... I don't know how the hell I came in to work today, and I have a wrestling show tomorrow... who knows how that will go, as my tag team partner is my best friend... who now wants nothing to do with me.

Thanks again for taking the time to hear me rant.

I feel like I'm caving in... it seems like it's been a month since all this happened... and it's not quite the 24 hour mark.
 
Val - I have to go now, but I have read all of the comments on the thread... VBabe IS ON about a lot - Mr Muscle is ON about a lot - FD is ON about a lot... Everyone who posted up is DEAD ON.

I'll call you later. Promise.

I think YOU KNOW that all of this is FUCKED UP and you may feel like, "Why or How could this happen to me?" You are looking at it the wrong way. Believe me when I tell you I had spent COUNTLESS HOURS on my kitchen floor emitting sounds that you can't even describe as human - RAW ANIMAL PAIN - I mean HOURS; tears to numerous to count... "WHY ME?!" You know what I say today, "THANK GOD!" I have EVERYTHING NOW: my girls, a loving supportive family and a handful of good friends that have my best interest at heart... that would do ANYTHING FOR ME - whether I am at my lowest or slowly climbing the summit... Are ALL of my troubles magically gone? NO - THEY ARE STILL THE SAME TROUBLES I HAD A FEW MONTHS AGO! What has changed?

ME!

Take care Val - Everything happens for a reason.....

Talk to you soon.
 
Thanks, mama.

I know everything happens for a reason.

I just can't imagine what the hell reason this could be.

I sit at work choking back the emotion...

Not to sound ultra-manly... but I haven't cried in God knows how long.

And as I sit here at work, the thought of this is so overwhelming, that I am honestly as we speak fighting my hardest to keep it in.
 
Damn Val, that really hurts. Can you get one of those phone call tape recording devices? Get the lying chick on the phone alone -- have somebody you know call and ask for her -- about a Victoria's Secret catalog or something, then you get on the phone. When she's on the phone record the conversation and get her to say something that can work against her. It's not OK for court, but hell, for personal reasons, why not? You could even go so far as to tell her that when she told that lie it confused you because you'd always really wanted to be with her.

Here's an afterthought, people like this don't respond to how their actions are hurting others, they only respond to how much trouble they can avoid. Maybe... and I'm thinking this could be a kickass idea... you should get a civil attorney and sue her for defamation of character, slander and whatever else he can come up with. Whether you'd win or not is irrelevant, just the very act would be a very powerful statement. Hell if it did go to the court, she'd have to provide times, dates that you two were 'together', personal details, etc... she'd sink herself!

Call her and tell her that if she doesn't come clean you are going to take her for everything that she has, and that you know guys on the force that have wives that are CPS officers and you can influence them to come and take her kids away... scare the shit out of her... then back off ... get it all on tape (but be sure to dub over anything that could get you in trouble...) Get everything on tape, every commmunication -- she will say something that will be her undoing, you just need to be prepared for it...

Just remember, when things get really dark, just stop and say aloud to yourself "I am alive, I will survive." It sounds silly, but it really works.

Hang in there man, you've been through tougher things than this (or things just as tough) you will weather it, and you will always know what the truth is. What others accept is beyond you. They're failing to believe you is a testament to their weakness, not a reflection on your character.
 
sorry bro, that sounds aweful. If it's any consilation I don't think things can get that much worse.

Why don't you have your friends wife talk to your old lady and set things straight? That seems like the best plan if you ask me.
 
Val, I'm sorry you're going through that. Can't imagine how hard that must be for you.

I think NB's plan sounds pretty good. Worth a shot at any rate.
 
Big Brother Val said:


\
The question I can't answer, is when she asked me "Why would she lie about that."


I don't have any idea.
Click to expand...

She's lying about it for several reasons. Firstly and primarily, she sees you as a threat. She wants to irreperably damage your relationship with her husband so that she is the only one to have influence.

Two, she may very well be cheating. He may suspect it. And she doesn't want to divulge her real lover's identity.

Three, she is "paying you back" for calling the cops.

Four, she may want to sleep with you and is frustrated you won't bite.

Five, she can use this situation to deflect attention from the real problems in her marriage.

Six, she wants to HURT her husband that is about to divorce her. She wants to HURT him bad -- and damn innocent bystanders.

One observation, in general, that you may pass on to your girl is that those who lie often do so based on a justification. Because the justification is not grounded in reality, the logic behind doing what they're doing cannot be discovered -- because there is none. It's all based on lies, and as such, you will drive yourself crazy asking why, seeking logic... There is no why, there is no logic...
 
What you are going thru really sucks. i can't believe your friends girl did that, or actually i can, some women are just fucked up like that. if it was me, both her and your pal would be out of my life for good. i'd tell them both, do what you want to each other, but leave me the hell out of it. your friend is a lousy friend if he doesn't believe you over her. she obviously has some serious issues.

now, your girl has some problems too, if she is unwilling to listen to anything you have to say, first of all. Second, to use your CHILD as a way to HURT you is WRONG WRONG WRONG. it not only hurts you, it hurts the child as well.

sorry for everything that you are going thru. i know it hurts to be away from the ones you love.
 
Originally posted by Big Brother Val
I love her. She knows that. She even said yesterday that she knew it... but then she threw her defenses back up and said she wanted nothing to do with me... and loving eachother wasn't enough, because all I want is sex, and that I'd get it where I could, with anyone I could.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Slap me and call me Sherlock(in a sense)...What you said above is sending me a red flag.

Speaking from a woman's point of view...It sounds as if she feels she may have let you down in the sex department. Could she be feeling like she has NOT met your needs and is scared SHE FAILED YOU? Hence, in her mind, she has sent you into the arms of another woman?

Let's face it, we women can play out some wild shit in our minds when faced with issues we KNOW we are weak on! I'll bet this may have more to do with HER than you. She may be feeling like a failure to YOU in HER mind.


She is right in the sense that we ALL can have sex with whom ever we wish.... It's also true that a loving relationship is not as easy!
 
Hey bro,

Those first two people were NOT your friends. Your lady, if she can't believe you rather than believing every little bit of hearsay that she comes across, shouldn't be your lady. She is insecure and has no trust for you. You don't deserve that. You can't build a relationship without trust. You WILL see your son. The courts will says so. Maybe not as much as you would like, but trust me, that boy will know who you are and what you have done for him. He will grasp it better as he gets older. What is done right now, is the short term, plan for the long term.
 
Dang Big brother you're living a soap opera life. That sux dude. You need to get all four of you together then confront his whaco wife.
 
Thank you so much, everyone.

Machine... I've thought about that. Recording her. But I don't know how. I only have a cell phone, not a home phone, and I wouldn't even know where to look. Your idea on the court thing is a good idea also. My friend actually posted on a website about the whole thing, which is that whole slander/defamation of character bit. With that, I could sue. I'm just not that kind of person. I really thank you for your encouragement. Too bad you don't have an office here in Utah... I think you'd make a good counselor, and someone I would trust.

Nature Boy... I asked if she would, and she said she's already told the truth. My friend's wife is on a rampage right now... I don't know why, really. But they've managed to kill my relationship. I just can't believe it actually worked.

TEXgrl... Thank you. I can understand why she doubts... I mean, that would be hard to hear, and really, why would she have a reason to lie about sleeping with me? If you really think about it, it doesn't make sense to lie about it... which makes it more believeable. I'm sure keeping me from my son won't last long. At least I really hope it won't.

VixenBabe.... I hear what you are saying... but I don't know how she could think she doesn't satisfy me. I really let it be known that she does. Our relationship has had it's problems, and so there is a bit of insecurity in both of us. But this is beyond me. Do you think there's something I can say to her about it? Or a way to ask her the question?

Double A.... I agree. I'm really questioning the friendship. Not because he was hurt... but because of the fact that he tore up my lady with false information, without talking to me about it first. For that, I wanna beat the shit out of him... but then he'd most likely sue me, or get me arrested.


Thank you all for your encouragement.

This really is my only place to talk right now.

Can't go to my best friend, who's really the only guy I hang around with... and I can't go to my lady, because my best friend told lies that he thought was truth to her, and now she doesn't want me anymore.

I did talk to her just a minute ago. Kind of civil... but we just avoid the subject, and talk about the kids. I think that may be step 1... but I don't know. She's still really pissed... but at the same time, it's only been 1 day.
 
Telll your girl that you are not willing to talk to her any further, unless it's strictly about arrangements for the kids, until you can sit down with her and discuss this thing rationally. Maybe even suggest that you go to a marriage counselor together. Clinginess, crying, outward signs of desparation will seem guilty to her -- even though they are really outward experssions of your pain.

Portray yourself in a cool, calm, rational, collected matter to her -- no matter how you feel inside. Be polite, assure her that you love her, that her and the kids are the most important things in your life. Tell her you need some time to think about things, that you need some space. She will likely pursue after time.

Tell her that it hurts you deeply that she is trusting the words of strangers over the word of yourself. That she is not there for you on a personal level while you are dealing with this very dreadful situation. And that she is adding to your hurt and confusion and you're not sure how to take that. After all you have children with her and she's trusting the words of somebody else? Tell her that in your experience the only people willing to do that are guilty about something themselves and that now you doubt whether she has been faithful to you if she's so willing not to believe what you have to say.

Then stick to it. Make sure you get the kids every other day, sleep somewhere else, etc... tough love. This is similar to an apporach advocated by James Dobson, go out and get the book TOUGH LOVE; it also features elements of Plan A/Plan B from Dr. William Harley -- see SURVIVING AN AFFAIR and HIS NEEDS/HER NEEDS.

You can turn this situation around and perhaps rattle her a bit. I know it sounds harsh, but she deserves a little grief for giving up on you so easily. Perhaps she needs to know what she'll be missing if she continues along this course. It is a game. And its for keeps.

I know it's distasteful. But sometimes things like this need to be done.
 
Big Brother Val said:
Thank you so much, everyone.

Machine... I've thought about that. Recording her. But I don't know how. I only have a cell phone, not a home phone, and I wouldn't even know where to look. Your idea on the court thing is a good idea also. My friend actually posted on a website about the whole thing, which is that whole slander/defamation of character bit. With that, I could sue. I'm just not that kind of person. I really thank you for your encouragement. Too bad you don't have an office here in Utah... I think you'd make a good counselor, and someone I would trust.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your words, they really mean a lot.

As for the device, let me see if I can find anything, as for suing -- you can sue for any reason, with or without evidence (of course, this doesn't correlate to winning the suit, but that's not important). Precisely because it's not in your character is why it may be taken so seriously.
 
http://www.selfdefence.com/index.cgi?ID=goto

phonerecorder.jpg


10 Hour Telephone/Room Recorder
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Status of Availability: Special Order Item
Usually Ships In 3-5 Business Days

We've taken a Sony TMC-1345 standard Cassette Recorder and modified it into a 10-hour Telephone Recorder! Unit looks like and is the same size as a Sony Walkman. No one will suspect that this recorder is capable of tapping a phone line!
To operate as a telephone recorder, simply insert the telephone recorder mini-plug (included) into the recorder (plugs into the unit the same way you would plug in a pair of headphones), and then plug the other end of the mini-plug into your telephone jack. Once connected to a phone line, the unit will record all conversations from any phone connected to the same line (Example: If you have three telephones in your home and all are on the same phone line, the recorder will record all conversations from all three phones). Records both sides of the conversation and all extensions on phone line. Earphones may be connected so you can listen in on conversations as they take place. Will not cause any noise on the line even if you turn the device on/off in the middle of a conversation.
To operate as a room recorder, simply turn the unit on (no need to connect it to anything). The recorder will provide ample coverage of an average sized room.
A special switch on unit allows you to choose between recording constantly or to record only when voice/noise is detected, and then the unit will stop recording when voice/noise stops. Can record up to 10 hours of conversation (5 hours on each side of a 90 minute tape). No special tapes are required; the recorder uses any standard cassette tape (not included). AA Battery operated.
 
I'm trying to be as cool and as calm as I can. I told her I would only talk to her about the whole situation when she was ready.

The problem is, she continues to talk to my friend and his wife about the whole thing. My friend really thinks my lady is attractive, and I know he likes the attention he is getting right now.

In any case, I try to be calm... I try to be level-headed. But DAMN is that hard.

I just want to beg and plead... but I know that doesn't look good.

I was going to ask her if she'd go to my wrestling show tomorrow. But I doubt she would. I know if she talks to me, she'll talk to my friend, and he'll tell her not to listen to me. He's like the devil's advocate... he's the one keeping the negative thoughts there... and keeping doubt alive, but I can't convince her to stop talking to him.

I don't know what else to do for now. The minutes seem like days... It really seems like this all happened a month ago... and it's only been 1 day. I know there's a lot that's going to come... and it's going to hurt.

I just want her with me. As weak as that sounds... and as troubled as the relationship is... I truly want her with me. Not because I need her... because I want to be with her.

As far as the device, it wouldn't plug into my cell phone... but maybe I could talk to her from my mothers house...

I'm also getting in touch with a lawyer today about it... I saved what he posted on the website, so I have it down.

But again... it's not my way... but maybe it'll show just how against it I am.

I don't know if it'll make me look more guilty or what...

In any case... thanks again. I feel pretty stupid throwing this all out on the board...
 
BBV,

have you given her any reason in the past to make her think that you are capable of cheating? have you cheated in the past?
 
TEXgrl said:
BBV,

have you given her any reason in the past to make her think that you are capable of cheating? have you cheated in the past?
Click to expand...


The closest I've come is talking to my x-wife... I went over to her house a while back, because she was having a hard time. I wasn't truthful with my lady about that.

Now... here's the bitch of my situation...

The night me and my friend's wife supposedly did this, my lady and I had fought. And I went for a drive. (that's nothing new, I do it when we fight to avoid saying things that may hurt eachother). Anyway... my friend's wife called me while I was driving. She was talking about her relationship problems, I was talking about mine.

I've known this gal for 8 years. I figured it was just talk, trying to help eachother. I've been talking to both of them about making their relationship work.

Anyway... here's the problem... she chose the night I talked about above, as the night we did our thing. Why? Because I'm unaccounted for. Just driving? Well... I could have been anywhere, right? And she was out that night (where, I don't know)... so she wasn't home either...

And SLAM!... there it is.

I can't account for myself, as I was on the freeway, about 80 miles from home, with no one to see me, as it was 2:00 in the morning.

The evidence makes it look bad. But the thought that my lady would not even consider listening to me really hurts.
 
Big Brother Val said:



My best friends wife told him that me and her have been sleeping together.

Click to expand...

Did you really sleep with her ? If yes then why are you complaining about the shit happening to you ?
 
Remember that no decisions need to be made right now -- give yourself permission to sit it out and ponder for awhile.

I'm sorry it's come to all of this. You will make it though. I believe in you and I know that others do to.

And remember, you can only control your own actions, as is with anybody else. If she chooses to sit and listen to him over you, that is her (bad) decision. You can't control that, and neither can your (ex?) friend -- of course he's not helping, but it sounds like he has a serious character flaw too if he's going through a potential divorce, abuse, etc. and using the opportunity to try to nestle up to your girl. In any case, it doesn't sound like any of them are very good friends to you at this point.

Try asking her if the situation were turned and that he was claiming she was cheating with him, how we she defend it. Ask her exactly what she needs to exonerate you.

It does not sound weak to say you want to be with her. It's just a fact. There's no reason to be ashamed of any of this. Though you may change your mind about wanting to be with her. Is it that you want to be with her, or that you don't want to be alone?

You are doing the right thing in talking it out. That's usually where the best resolutions come from.

Check out a few of the books I talked about, particularly LOVE MUST BE TOUGH by Dobson, and think about switching strategies up a little.

And don't forget, you're the good guy here. And you will not end up alone. There are people out there that CAN and WILL treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You've done nothing wrong here and you are a fantastic father to your children -- use this opportunity to devolop your relationship with them. Go out to a park, Chucky Cheese's, etc... they probably need a little reassurance right now and it's amazing how the simple love of a child can transform things.

I know that I literally owe my life to my daughter.

Stay strong brother.
 
Big Brother Val said:



The closest I've come is talking to my x-wife... I went over to her house a while back, because she was having a hard time. I wasn't truthful with my lady about that.

Now... here's the bitch of my situation...

The night me and my friend's wife supposedly did this, my lady and I had fought. And I went for a drive. (that's nothing new, I do it when we fight to avoid saying things that may hurt eachother). Anyway... my friend's wife called me while I was driving. She was talking about her relationship problems, I was talking about mine.

I've known this gal for 8 years. I figured it was just talk, trying to help eachother. I've been talking to both of them about making their relationship work.

Anyway... here's the problem... she chose the night I talked about above, as the night we did our thing. Why? Because I'm unaccounted for. Just driving? Well... I could have been anywhere, right? And she was out that night (where, I don't know)... so she wasn't home either...

And SLAM!... there it is.

I can't account for myself, as I was on the freeway, about 80 miles from home, with no one to see me, as it was 2:00 in the morning.

The evidence makes it look bad. But the thought that my lady would not even consider listening to me really hurts.
Click to expand...

BINGO! there it is!

Cell phone records my brother, date time, number called length of call, etc... it's all there black and white. How can you be screwing her when you're talking on the phone to her? That is it.
 
Big Brother Val why dont u print out this whole thread, replys and all and give it to her let her read it....its a LONG shot but MAYBE it will help.

and find a huge juicehead bitch to BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF your buddies wife.. no JOKE!! not for nothing but that would SERIOUSLY make me re-evaluate my position on NEVER laying my hands on a girl..i personally wouldnt hit her, but man id probably get her to the ground and hog tie her, no joke and yell at her and shit.

i know some big bitches, where u live?
 
Big Brother Val said:
But when she tells me that she's going to wear the tightest clothes possible, and talk to all of my friends, and date people I know from the gym, just to harm me... .
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wow she must be a Scorpio because thats EXACTLY what id do NO JOKE...well except for tight clothes and shit lol
 
I must lack the intergity or honor of most of you guys on this board, because if some cunt tried to do this shit to me I would show her the wonders of a ski mask, pillow case and lousivlle slugger I mean stop fucking around here man. Get the cell phone records show her your the one telling the truth and if she still doesn't believe you fuck that cunt because you are to good for her anyway. I hate watching guys beat themselves up over some stupid bitch that there are 50 more just like her around the corner oh and fuck you so called best friend up to. He is tryin to step in on your woman while you guys are on the outs he wants to be the "rebound guy" so reboud his head off the wall a few times. Get the cell phone records man its a given THemachine is the man for even picking that one out *claps* good job.

Drizz
 
Manny78... HELL NO! I didn't touch the bitch. AT ALL! Jesus... you should see her! No offense, but she is WAY under me in the food chain, and you couldn't FORCE ME to be attracted to her. The only thing I did with her is talk, trying to help her and her husband resolve their problems. I swear on the life of my children that's all that happened.

Machine... you rock. Also, with my cell phone company, I don't get printed records. It's Cricket... it's unlimited calling, sort of like your home phone. It's not like Voicestream where you get a statement with all your calls, and times and such. They don't do that. Just another thing working against me, I guess. I'll call them, and see if I can get something from them... but as far as I know, they don't keep track.

NYMuscle.... I live in Utah... though I don't really want her beaten up. No wait... yes I do. But still... I'd rather her admit the truth... and let me and my lady be. As far as printing this, I just might... but I don't know if she'd even read it. She said the only way she'll talk to me about it, is in front of my chum and his wife. The problem is, it won't be talk, there will just be a bunch of yelling.


Frackal... don't hold back... how do you really feel?

Drizzt... it's not my way to stay as calm as I have. As many of you know... I like to intervene with physical force, as it gets quick results. But what I'm trying to do is handle this in a way where it doesn't look like I'm lashing out... if I do that, it may make me look guilty.


I'll tell you all again... I truly did NOTHING with my friend's wife. Just talked. I swear on my children. I thought me and her were really relating.

She told me she was falling for me, and she wanted me to be with her, so I told her no. She asked if I could go to Texas with her this weekend... I said no.

So maybe she's doing this because I turned her down.

The problem is, my friend's wife has already admitted to my gal that she said those things... she's admitted to all the shit she said that she shouldn't have... so saying we slept together just adds to the pile... she's telling some truth, and some that's not truth. At this point, my lady is listening to them.

Thanks all for your comments.

It helps me think things out, and gives me something to keep myself busy. It's hard not to leave work, and beat the shit out of my chum... or go plead to her to listen. Neither of which will do anything.

I'll tell you this, though. If things really don't work out with me and my gal... the man does have a really serious beating coming to him.
 
originally posted by Big Brother Val

VixenBabe.... I hear what you are saying... but I don't know how she could think she doesn't satisfy me. I really let it be known that she does. Our relationship has had it's problems, and so there is a bit of insecurity in both of us. But this is beyond me. Do you think there's something I can say to her about it? Or a way to ask her the question?

----------------------------------------------------------

Val, think back...Did you EVER tell her that your sex life with her was NOT enough. Granted, you said you have made her feel good about what sex you have...but...did you ever once complain that IT was NOT enough for you? Meaning: you like it everyday and she needs it every other day or whatever?

The reason I ask, is that it is sticking in my mind on what she said to you in regards to wanting sex all the time. COMPROMISE IS SOOOOOOO KEY ON THIS ISSUE!

Not trying to make you feel like the bad guy..TRUST ME! Just thinking that maybe she feels this mess is true cuz she thinks she failed you in regards to your needs.

Good luck..Respect one another, TALK...CRY..SHARE with one another 24/7!
 
vixenbabe said:
Val, think back...Did you EVER tell her that your sex life with her was NOT enough. Granted, you said you have made her feel good about what sex you have...but...did you ever once complain that IT was NOT enough for you? Meaning: you like it everyday and she needs it every other day or whatever?

The reason I ask, is that it is sticking in my mind on what she said to you in regards to wanting sex all the time. COMPROMISE IS SOOOOOOO KEY ON THIS ISSUE!

Not trying to make you feel like the bad guy..TRUST ME! Just thinking that maybe she feels this mess is true cuz she thinks she failed you in regards to your needs.

Good luck..Respect one another, TALK...CRY..SHARE with one another 24/7!
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I may have talked about wishing we could do that more. When we would fight, we could go weeks without it. But that's not why I'm there. That's great and such, but we've always done that very well. Granted... it's not 3 times a day like it used to be... but I never said it was negative at all... except for maybe a little more often. But what would that really do?

I don't think it's her.. I don't think it is. She can't feel guilty. She didn't do anything. The only thing she's done, is believed them. She won't listen to me.
 
Val I looked a little into the cricket phone -- it is either PCS or CDMA based wireless, so it could very well have records available that you don't see on your bill.

I would try calling them, telling them that you're a salesman and that you need exact records of your calls that include date, time, length of call and phone number. Tell them that your manager is coming down on you for managed expenses and that you need to prove you've been using the phone for business use, otherwise you'll have to cancel your account. Offer to pay any processing fee involved. If the CSR won't do it ask for a manager and repeat. They likely have these records in some form.

Here's a CSR link:
http://www.cricketcommunications.com/customer_feedback.asp

As a sidenote, even if you believe your girl is innocent, you may try suggesting that only the guilty would believe them over you so easily to get her questioning her own loyalties.

As another sidenote, this is dawning on me though I've read it before -- your girl is hanging with them? The girl that her guy supposedly had an affair with? That is not normal. Generally, people will distance from both parties upon "discovery"
 
Big Brother Val said:
Manny78... HELL NO! I didn't touch the bitch. AT ALL! Jesus... you should see her! No offense, but she is WAY under me in the food chain, and you couldn't FORCE ME to be attracted to her. The only thing I did with her is talk, trying to help her and her husband resolve their problems. I swear on the life of my children that's all that happened.

Machine... you rock. Also, with my cell phone company, I don't get printed records. It's Cricket... it's unlimited calling, sort of like your home phone. It's not like Voicestream where you get a statement with all your calls, and times and such. They don't do that. Just another thing working against me, I guess. I'll call them, and see if I can get something from them... but as far as I know, they don't keep track.
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Then bro she deserves some kinf of punishment. Plus yes EVERY phone company keeps track. At least here in Canada they must do this for a year I think. Dunno how to deal with them but as long as you go in person showing your ID's it wont be a problem I guess.
 
damn....its time like these you wish you were frineds with a female boxer, cos she really needs a GOOD THRASHING! damn....what a cold bitch...just to hurt her hubby she tries to ruin your life

like machine (nice one btw) said your phone should keep a record depending on how long ago the call was, and what phone you've got

if not, call up the phone company. they should be willing to help, all youd need is a record of inoming calls, you;re not asking them for much

as for taping the conversation....im not sure if this would work as ive never tried it but a lot of phones have a hands free port.....maybe try a male-male connecting cord and plugging the other end into a tape recorder. again no idea if it will work :)....

again im not sure if this will wok but maybe try and get more out of her....ask her where you were 'supposedly' rolling in the hay. How you both got there. what you were wearing that day. what cologne you had on. if she is not a good liar she will slip up or make holes in the story she gives

assuming this all somehow works out id have reservations about trusting that friend implicitly again, or at least for a while. as for her....id refuseto be in the same room as her ever again
 
damn bro i hope this works out for you

if ya need someone to talk to ya can drop me a line,i know im not to experienced in this sort of thing but ill listen if ya need it

stay strong
 
It's pretty messed up that your wife would believe this woman over the father of her child....what kind of person is she?
 
Since SG must be busy skinning another womans corpse, I will temporaily fill in with the morbid humour to hopefully cheer you up

As in the words of General Thade (planet of the apes)..


......KILL THEM ALL !!!!!!!!................


be strong, you'll get through this.
 
Machine, I will be calling them today. I hope they can get some records. Thanks again for all this effort. Strange... someone I never met puts more faith and time into me than my best friend, and the lady I was supposed to marry. Thank you.

Danielson... she has a lot of facts that look bad. Things that were in my car, the song on the radio. Things like that. She was in my car with me AND MY LADY, a week before, as we gave her a ride to work. I TOLD HER what song I listened to while I was driving... and what the song said. But that doesn't matter. The evidence looks bad... I'm trying to fight it...

Thank you all for taking the time on this.

I talked to her a little yesterday, and she still hasn't got all my stuff packed yet... so that's a good sign.

Some of it, yes... but she said it'd all be ready 2 nights ago. Well... it isn't out yet.

I'm hoping... but also trying to "move on"... which is a huge mental and emotional battle.

Thus far I feel like I'm losing that battle... but I'm trying to keep my chin up. I've eaten twice in two days... But I'm also trying to turn that around...

It's a slow process. And I'm glad you've taken the time to respond to me. It does help.

Thank you all.
 
Big Brother Val said:
Machine, I will be calling them today. I hope they can get some records. Thanks again for all this effort. Strange... someone I never met puts more faith and time into me than my best friend, and the lady I was supposed to marry. Thank you.
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Somebody did the same for me a couple years ago. I know how much that meant to me. And really, it's no work. I'm happy to do it -- I just wish I could do more. I have a book that I want to send you. E-mail me.

First, take care of you. I know what you're going through. At one point, I lost over 25 pounds in the span of a couple weeks. All I did was lay around in bed. Not eat, not workout. I can't stress enough, drag your ass to the gym. It doesn't matter if you feel like it, it WILL help. Just do machines or walk on the treadmill and watch TV. Really, it will make a lot of difference -- studies have shown the positive correlation between exercise and mood.

Now, do something just for you -- go get a haircut, go to the mall and buy yourself some stuff, go to a movie. Just do something for you. You haven't got to splurge on yourself in a long time, right? Now is your chance, it will feel good. Keep yourself groomed and dress above the level that you usually do, it will also make you feel better, make you seem more confident and will be attractive to her when she sees you.

Do you have any other friends or family that you can talk to? Talking to a real live person can make a huge difference -- and it will feel good to let some of that out. You mentioned your mom, maybe you could talk to her?

I think this would also be a very good time to go see a counselor on an individual level. I know I've said it before, but the right therapist can make huge difference in your life. It helps to have a professional 3rd party person to bounce things off of. If you have insurance, it will cover it. Go individually at first maybe later you and your girl can go. (I'll tell you how to get her to go later).

Anyway, hope these random things help. But seriously, do not give yourself permission to let yourself go -- do something good for you, stay active, play with your kids, develop a new hobby, whatever... Do something to get your mind off of this for awhile...
 
I've already started some of those things. I'm bald... I shave my head... and right now, I'm starting to grow it out. Just for a change. I get paid today, and I'm going to go get some things for me. Mostly, some shirts I think that she'd like me in.

I've talked to a couple of people about this whole thing, and everyone seems to believe what I say. Even though I don't try to force my side of the story.

One person said the reason they believed me, is because I'm not being defensive about anything. That I just seemed hurt and confused. And all I'm stressing is wanting her back, not defending the fact that I didn't do it.

I don't know, man. I'm trying to eat my oatmeal right now, and get back onto my daily diet. My stomach almost rejects any food. I did hit chest and shoulders yesterday... and though I couldn't lift as heavy, and I was really tired... I'm glad I went.

Tonight I have a wrestling show. I've asked her to attend, gave her a ticket, and I hope she will. If not, I'm still going to do my best in that ring, and put on a good show.

It's been 2 days now. 2 of the longest days of my life.

I know the hardest is still in front of me.

But I'm emailing my friend and telling him that he wronged me more than I ever wronged him by taking my lady away without ever even talking to me about it. And that there won't be any more talks with him or my gal until the two of them stop reassuring eachother that I'm a piece of shit.

I don't know how that will go.

But hey... what does he lose? Me. And he carries with him his wife who says she slept with his best friend, and he also carries some doubt with him that it even happened.

What did I lose? My best friend. And my lady. Both of which I can move on from. At least I carry truth with me. No matter how bad it hurts, I'll know that I lost them both to a lie. But I wasn't the one who killed my relationship.

He did. He won't be able to move on, because he carries the lady who hurt him, and some doubt about what really happened.

I'm trying.

But it's gradually getting harder than easier.
 
Well, it sounds like you are doing some great things given the situation...bravo! A lot of people would use this as an opportunity to just give up, you are made of different stuff! You should feel good about that even if it doesn't feel like a big accomplishment.

Don't make the mistake of putting all the blame on your ex-friend, your girl and his wife that are making this a bad situation too.

You're doing good.
 
Ok I think you seem to be a good bro so I will say this now and not sugarcoat it either.

If these people(your buddy, his wife and your lady) are the kind of people that you would consider friends or that you want in your life I must ask what the hell do you look for in an enemy.

What I mean is all the above are being fucking assholes and the best thing for you to do, and its not easy trust me is too drop them from your life. Fuck them, they arent worth it and what you may think will make you happy(ie your lady) sorry it aint gonna happen. You may patch things up with this one but what about next time? And yes there will be a next time.

What I am trying to say is there are people out there who will be a million times more a friend or love than these 3.

Sometimes the best way to love people is to just let them go.
 
Big Brother Val what it comes down to is this....do what you gotta do with the phone records and maybe even getting ur buddys wife on the phone and recording her..ask her why she is making these things up etc etc if that doesnt work...then make your wife feel like shes the bad guy and is at fault...turn it around on her...IGNORE her..make beleive you dont even know there is problems between you 2, dont call her dont talk about the situation...let her bring it up..and even then you should say "look im the father of your child, ive never done a thing to you, and you beleive me over those 2 psychos...what kind of person are you anyway" and dont ever talk to her about it again.

trust me if u dont call her for a week, she will be on ur ass, wondering why you arent calling...dont feed into her shit..she wants u to call and wants u to feel bad..FUCK THAT...ignore her.
 
Machine... I put most of the blame on his wife. But at the same time, this isn't the first time she'd lied to him about me, the last time being things I said, that he found out wasn't true. I'm mad at him, because even though their relationship sucks, and he knows she's used me against him before, he just takes her word for it, then goes and destroys my relationship with it. That's why I'm mad at him. Now him and my lady relate to eachother, and keep the negative thoughts alive with eachother. When I talk to either of them, they immediately call the other person, and tell them what I said, and then they go over reasons not to believe it. That's why I can't talk to him until they stop talking. It's doing nothing but giving them things to talk about. Talking to her will end up stopping. She can't stand him. She's just using him as a negativity crutch right now.

Millhouse and NY Muscle.... I know what you are saying. It's the hardest thing to do. It is. Trying to let them go. I'm trying to make myself accept the fact, but right now it just isn't working. I can let my friend go, and survive. It's my lady. Right now, I can't seem to live without her. I don't want to chase her too much, but I don't want to be totally out of her life, because the more I am, the easier she can forget, and the easier it is for her to just talk to my friend, and say and hear bad things about me.

I'm just trying to throw in my side of the story.

I'm trying not to tell her I love her, and miss her.

But it comes out on occassion. It's nearly impossible to keep it in. I am working on it... but I won't say thus far I've been successful.

I really miss her. I'm not used to sleeping alone. I'm not used to being in the house without my kids. It's a complete lifestyle change... all because my friend didn't confront me on it first.

That's why I'm angry with him. He just believed her.

But hey... kids believe in Santa... because they are told he is real. They see pictures of him, and sit on his lap in the mall.

But one day, they find out for themselves that is was all a hoax.

That WILL happen with my lady.

I just hope it's not too late for us when it does.
 
Big Brother Val said:
Machine... I put most of the blame on his wife. But at the same time, this isn't the first time she'd lied to him about me, the last time being things I said, that he found out wasn't true. I'm mad at him, because even though their relationship sucks, and he knows she's used me against him before, he just takes her word for it, then goes and destroys my relationship with it. That's why I'm mad at him. Now him and my lady relate to eachother, and keep the negative thoughts alive with eachother. When I talk to either of them, they immediately call the other person, and tell them what I said, and then they go over reasons not to believe it. That's why I can't talk to him until they stop talking. It's doing nothing but giving them things to talk about. Talking to her will end up stopping. She can't stand him. She's just using him as a negativity crutch right now.

Millhouse and NY Muscle.... I know what you are saying. It's the hardest thing to do. It is. Trying to let them go. I'm trying to make myself accept the fact, but right now it just isn't working. I can let my friend go, and survive. It's my lady. Right now, I can't seem to live without her. I don't want to chase her too much, but I don't want to be totally out of her life, because the more I am, the easier she can forget, and the easier it is for her to just talk to my friend, and say and hear bad things about me.

I'm just trying to throw in my side of the story.

I'm trying not to tell her I love her, and miss her.

But it comes out on occassion. It's nearly impossible to keep it in. I am working on it... but I won't say thus far I've been successful.

I really miss her. I'm not used to sleeping alone. I'm not used to being in the house without my kids. It's a complete lifestyle change... all because my friend didn't confront me on it first.

That's why I'm angry with him. He just believed her.

But hey... kids believe in Santa... because they are told he is real. They see pictures of him, and sit on his lap in the mall.

But one day, they find out for themselves that is was all a hoax.

That WILL happen with my lady.

I just hope it's not too late for us when it does.
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ok this may not be the best thing to say but if it seems as if all hope is lost and she wont come back...... the thing that gets you over one girl is the NEXT girl.......hey reboubnd fucks are the best remedy better than prozac, we all know they work...its the only thing that will make you feel less stressed (sorry ladies on here but it is true)
 
i'm not so sure your friend actually believes everything in his heart, but when you are in a bad relationship like he is, and you want it to work, you will believe anything. if he believes you, then that would make her a liar, and then where would he be? he'd have to make a decision about his life with her that he obviously isn't ready to make. i've been there. you want to believe what this person is saying so badly because you don't want to lose them that you will believe some absolutely ridiculous things. i've let myself believe the opposite of what i've seen with my own eyes, just because i wanted to be with that person. did i finally wake up? yes i did, but it took awhile.
 
NY Muscle... I don't know if I can do the rebound sex bit. I have been with a girlfriend... only being single for maybe a year total betwen girlfriends, in the past 10 years. This one I thought would go the distance. We've been through hell and back. I wouldn't even know how to go about picking up on a lady right now. I have no real confidence. I forgot how it works.

TEXgrl... thank you for chiming in again. A lady's opinion right now really helps as well. And I think you hit the nail right on the head. He takes it out on me, because he figures our relationship could survive. If he realizes she is lieing, the thought of the context of the lie must be devastating.

But I'm not going to be the scapegoat again. I'm just not going to do it.

I've lost my best friend, and the love of my life at the same time.

This is more difficult that I could have ever imagined it being.

I told her today, I won't discuss the subject, until she's at least willing to be a little open to what I say. Right now, she just tells me I'm a "sick fuckin' liar", and that she knows I did it.

Time will tell.... time will heal... but the real beatings have yet to come. And that's what has me worried.
 
I'm with you Big Brother Val.

Yes I know it's frustrating, the worst is when you know the truth but liars have more influence over the person you love than you yourself do.

The Machine gives good advice. I agree that you have to tape record a conversation. Get your hands on any type of recording device, go to a friend's house if you have to, get that bitch on tape copping to the lie.

The phone records bit I don't think is the best defence--you could be setting up a date in a motel on that call for all your girl thinks. Moot point anyway I guess.

You mentioned buying some shirts that you think she'd like you in. How 'bout buying some shirts that YOU'D like you in? Go for it, dude, buy what you want. Don't let her rule your thoughts.

You seem like a nice guy. I would want you for a friend. But you're playing against ruthless people and you have to be ruthless too. One suggestion is to lay back and wait for your buddy and his whore to make a mistake. Next time you talk to your girl try asking her about some of the things the bad people have said. At the least you'll know what you're up against. Try to find mistakes in their lies. Pick away at their reliability and character.

Go for it brother, it's going to be an uphill battle, but once you win it'll just be another ordeal that you survived and made you stronger.

Good luck and keep us updated,

JC
 
Re: I'm with you Big Brother Val.

joncrane said:
Yes I know it's frustrating, the worst is when you know the truth but liars have more influence over the person you love than you yourself do.

The Machine gives good advice. I agree that you have to tape record a conversation. Get your hands on any type of recording device, go to a friend's house if you have to, get that bitch on tape copping to the lie.

The phone records bit I don't think is the best defence--you could be setting up a date in a motel on that call for all your girl thinks. Moot point anyway I guess.

You mentioned buying some shirts that you think she'd like you in. How 'bout buying some shirts that YOU'D like you in? Go for it, dude, buy what you want. Don't let her rule your thoughts.

You seem like a nice guy. I would want you for a friend. But you're playing against ruthless people and you have to be ruthless too. One suggestion is to lay back and wait for your buddy and his whore to make a mistake. Next time you talk to your girl try asking her about some of the things the bad people have said. At the least you'll know what you're up against. Try to find mistakes in their lies. Pick away at their reliability and character.

Go for it brother, it's going to be an uphill battle, but once you win it'll just be another ordeal that you survived and made you stronger.

Good luck and keep us updated,

JC
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I'm up against a lot of facts. I posted them above somewhere. She knew what song was on the radio, what I was wearing, where we were parked when she blew me.

Now keep in mind that I was driving... so the car thing is believable... I was listening to a certain song, but I did tell her what that was... and I have about 10 different gray shirts I wear, one almost every day. She said I had on a gray shirt... now to them, it proves everything. But at the same time, those facts are easily dismissed.

I'm up against a whole lot of crap... but mostly a severe lack of trust from my lady.

I love her.

I hope that will be enough to get us through... if not... I have no choice but to move on.

It's definately an uphill battle... and right now it seems impossible to win.

Thank you for taking the time to write on this. It's definately appreciated.
 
Val, I dont post here much but I know that you are very nice guy. It made me feel bad that this girl of yours believes someone else over you. As much as it hurts now you know what she is made of-truly, and its not ever close to what you are.
I have the feeling that time will clear this up.
 
Big Brother Val said:



Thank you.

I don't know... I try to put myself in her shoes... and I can't imagine just saying it was over, without talking to her about it first.

I love her. She knows that. She even said yesterday that she knew it... but then she threw her defenses back up and said she wanted nothing to do with me... and loving eachother wasn't enough, because all I want is sex, and that I'd get it where I could, with anyone I could.

I know that the beginning of this whole thing is the hardest. Right now, it doesn't seem like this situation is surviveable. It seems like I'm so hollow inside... I don't know how the hell I came in to work today, and I have a wrestling show tomorrow... who knows how that will go, as my tag team partner is my best friend... who now wants nothing to do with me.

Thanks again for taking the time to hear me rant.

I feel like I'm caving in... it seems like it's been a month since all this happened... and it's not quite the 24 hour mark.
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Val, Now you know what its like to see when people say "I'll always stick by you..." and "I've got your back..."
only to look over your shoulder and have them be gone.
 
Skullfuct... yeah... I keep looking over my shoulder to see if one of them has come back around... but they haven't.

They're busy keeping eachother company... and trashing me to eachother. I think that's the part of this that hurts the worst.

Every morning for the past 3 days, I wake up in the morning, hoping she'll by lying next to me, and this will all have been a really shitty dream.

I'm trying now just to deal with it... not call her or talk to her at all... or my friend... I emailed him and told him if he wants to talk like a man, even throw punches like a man, he knows where to find me... but that I was done with him until he stopped talking to my lady.

I'm not interested in defending myself. It'd be like defending the fact that the sky is blue. It's just truth. I just want it resolved. I just don't think that's going to happen.

Yesterday, she called me from work, right in front of this bitch at her work that I've never been able to stand, and starts tearing me down... I could hear the girl in the background laughing, and saying "ooooooohhhhh" while she was tearing me down, telling me how sick I made her and such.

I just said "I love you." and hung up on her. Then didn't answer when she called back.

That's the hard part... trying to pretend she doesn't exist.

Thanks for taking the time to write.
 
WOW!! BB VAl i'm just now reading this- talk about being dug into a hole!!!!I had friends like that once- if you can ever resolve this the best thing that can happen in the future is to distance,yes DISTANCE yourself from those friends!! THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS!!! PEROID!!! Also NY Muscle beat me to it-but i would copy this thread -edit it and have someone you trust to give it to her to read(Maybe it could help). Obiously her calling you from work it sounds like her other friend is also feeding the fire, so just tell her you will talk when she is ready to listen and hang up-you do not need to keep listening to her shit! I know how this hurts and how you really care for her from our previous talks so all i can say i hope this mess turns out for the better for you, and maybe the phone records will help in your situtation. You have all of us pulling for you here at Elite.(Crossing my fingers) Good Luck my friend!........ RADAR
 
RADAR said:
WOW!! BB VAl i'm just now reading this- talk about being dug into a hole!!!!I had friends like that once- if you can ever resolve this the best thing that can happen in the future is to distance,yes DISTANCE yourself from those friends!! THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS!!! PEROID!!! Also NY Muscle beat me to it-but i would copy this thread -edit it and have someone you trust to give it to her to read(Maybe it could help). Obiously her calling you from work it sounds like her other friend is also feeding the fire, so just tell her you will talk when she is ready to listen and hang up-you do not need to keep listening to her shit! I know how this hurts and how you really care for her from our previous talks so all i can say i hope this mess turns out for the better for you, and maybe the phone records will help in your situtation. You have all of us pulling for you here at Elite.(Crossing my fingers) Good Luck my friend!........ RADAR
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Thank you, my friend. I'll tell you... distancing myself is the hardest thing to do right now. I just want everyone to act like this never happened, and we all just never bring it up again, and continue on... but I know that's impossible. It's hard not to drive by our home... I guess I should say "HER" home... and see if she's there, and ask her to talk.

Last night I had a wrestling show... I wanted her to be there. I found myself in mid match, scanning the faces in the crowd for her.

I couldn't believe it. I still put on a good show... but my mind was only half there.

It's been 3 days now. Seems more like 3 months. I can't believe how slow time is going by.

Thanks again for writing. This board is literally the only place I have to vent... and to my x wife, because me and her are like best friends... but I still feel odd talking to her about my lady now, because I know my x wife still loves me... so I don't want to hurt her feelings by talking about it.
 
Side note: I had posted before about how she said she would do everything she can to hurt me... well... the first thing she's doing is trying to "recruit" people to her side.

She has my sister and brother in law believing that I did it. She approached my brother in law at the gym... and told him the whole story... and she couldn't stop talking about what a "disgusting asshole" I am.

So... now I have a sister who doesn't want to talk to me either.

Of course, this sister of mine and me haven't gotten along really well over the past little while.

But now, I know she'll start hanging out with them too, just to keep her face fresh, and show how little she cares about what it would be that bothers me.

It's really starting now... the biggest challenge is beginning...
 
BB Val...I am so very sorry to hear about this.

I have been reading this...and have come to a conclusion that I don't know what I would do if I were in your situation. What choice do you have but just to wait it out?? There were some good suggestions in here about getting cell phone records and stuff...

That girl is just a...you know what...that is just WRONG for anyone to do...and I'm sorry that you had to suffer for it.

You seem like a great guy...and I will keep you in my prayers...because you are definitely in a tough situation. Have you made any headway yet???
 
Man this thread really fucking pisses me off....I'm sorry BrotherVal....you are NOT deserving of this...perhaps it was meant to be, people are showing their true colors now...maybe it is time to refresh those close to you.
 
BBV--this is terrible.

How old is your child?

Are you married to this woman?--

I would say right now, you are doing the right thing. When she called to tear you down, you just said I love you and hung up. This shows your true character and class. This will eventually make the difference. Remember love conquers all.

Man I know this is tough right now, but if you and your lady can make it through this, it will strengthen your relationship.

I have just been through a divorce with my parents and it is tough, especially for my little bro and sis. I just try to be there for them and my dad and mom.

anyway---I feel like my folks relationship can still be saved if they would both stop listening to lies from Satan and finally see the trees in front of them as being the forest they are looking for.

Hang in there---this is only for a season. It is not permanent--you will conquer this situation with your family intact!:)
 
You should feel good about putting on a good wrestling show over the weekend -- that's the start of getting on...

One thing that was asked of me a long while ago is: Do you love her, or do you love the image that you have of her, and what her presence symbolizes in your life?

In other words, do you really love her, the person that she is, what she does, what she says, how she takes -- or do you love the person you make her out to be in your mind? Are those two people the same? A lot of the time people in other people's life symbolize something, protection from being alone, etc., but they aren't really what their partner makes them out to be. And when they act out of accordance with what you've made them out to be, the world crumbles.

In no circumstances should the "friends" come back into your lives. They really aren't your friends, and you know this somewhere. Their presence is comforting because it gives you a simulation, but they really don't have the capacity to give you what you need out of a friendship.

I would say give up on your girl, but you have a child with her, so you owe it to the child to make every effort you can (which I think you are doing a wonderful job of), if things don't ultimately work out, you will know that you truly tried. What you have to face is a long road if you do patch it up. Counseling is mandatory, go to the marriagebuilders weekend, do the exercises. Do what is right by your gut always, even if it isn't the easy path.

Get back in touch with yourself, who are you? What are your core values? What is important to you in life? Use this as an opportunity to get back in touch with you and further develop your relationship with your children.

And remember, this isn't your fault and you can't control the situation or people, you can only control you -- and you are to be applauded for the efforts you've made to this date. Given the situation, you are doing wonderfully!
 
Night Fly... thank you very much. I just take it an hour at a time... that's all I can do. Every time the phone rings, I hope it's her.

Frackal... I'm absolutely done with my "chum". The only thing I want to do with him now, is beat him like a circus midget. The sonofabitch will pay...

Huntmaster... my hell I hope you are right. We are not married. We were supposed to get married next month. Now, she's going on a "trip" for 8 days... of course, I won't be there. Our son is 1 year old. I'm really hoping we can overcome this... but I am also trying to force myself to live with the idea that we won't get through it... and that I have to get on with my life.

Machine.... I'm trying to live as "normal" as I can. I have a lot more shows coming up, and will be traveling around. Which is good, I guess. As far as asking if I love her, or what she represents to me... that's a great way to look at it. I really do love the woman. When I see her, I get this happy feeling... not to get too mushy or anything... but even now, when she's yelling at me, telling me she KNOWS I did it... and I say "no... you don't".... and she yells some more... I'm just glad she's talking to me... no matter what she's saying.

Now... we did have a big moment on Sunday night... I was at her house for 2 hours, and we both cried our hearts out. She actually let me get close to her, and lay my head on her shoulder as we cried.

I thought it was a good step... but then yesterday she told me how it was a mistake, and how I'll never play on her "being weak", and I'll never step foot in her home again. She said that she knows I did it... and that I insult her by saying I didn't.

I asked her to go to counseling on Sunday... and she said she might... but yesterday she said she wouldn't. The only person she'd talk to is me, and my "friend's" wife at the same time.

I asked if she didn't want to go to counseling, because she doesn't want to admit that she just might believe me... and if she does, what that would mean to her friends and family. She's already told them what a piece of shit I am, and that she knows I did it... so if she opened up and believed me, she'd have to eat her words to all of those people.

She gets mad and says "Don't put this off on me", and I tell her that it either happened, and I'm lying, or it didn't, and my chums wife is lying... it's a 50/50 chance, and she is CHOOSING to believe someone else over me.

She called me twice last night... just to fight... but I wouldn't allow the fighting... I simply said I was sorry, and that I loved her... and tried to change the subject and talk about our boy, or what happened during my day, or whatever.

Last night she told me she was leaving the state for 8 days next month... I asked where she's going, and she says "Doesn't matter, does it?" She was mad and said that we had a perfect family, and I "fucked it up by getting my dick sucked by another woman". I told her that's what she wants to believe, so she believes it. I told her I loved her, she yelled that she hates me, and sounded like she was starting to cry, and then hung up on me.

I haven't eaten well in the past 6 days... and my training is in the shitter. I know I will overcome... I just really want to be with her. Am I supposed to chase her? Am I supposed to tell her how I feel? OR just act like I don't care, and see if she'll call me more, like she did last night?

I'm not sure how to play this game...
 
So sad you dont live in Montreal, I could have helped you ont this one, I know how to deal with lying bitches and assholes. BTW did you finally get the phone evidence ?
 
manny78 said:
So sad you dont live in Montreal, I could have helped you ont this one, I know how to deal with lying bitches and assholes. BTW did you finally get the phone evidence ?
Click to expand...

I can't get the phone records without a subpoena... so I can't get them at all. So that's a dead end. I think our only hope is counseling at this point... which she says she won't do.

It hasn't even been a week yet, so I think I'm hoping for way too much, way too soon. But it's hard not to. I didn't do what she thinks I did... but she refuses to believe it.
 
Big Brother Val said:


I can't get the phone records without a subpoena... so I can't get them at all. So that's a dead end. I think our only hope is counseling at this point... which she says she won't do.

It hasn't even been a week yet, so I think I'm hoping for way too much, way too soon. But it's hard not to. I didn't do what she thinks I did... but she refuses to believe it.
Click to expand...


print out this thread bro, give it to her. cant hurt.
 
Big Brother Val said:


I can't get the phone records without a subpoena... so I can't get them at all. So that's a dead end. I think our only hope is counseling at this point... which she says she won't do.

It hasn't even been a week yet, so I think I'm hoping for way too much, way too soon. But it's hard not to. I didn't do what she thinks I did... but she refuses to believe it.
Click to expand...

private detective ? dunno how he could really help you but never know.....
 
NY Muscle said:



print out this thread bro, give it to her. cant hurt.
Click to expand...


Truth... I'm going to do that. I know she'll say that you guys are on my side, because I didn't tell you the truth about getting blown by my best friend's wife.

I just don't know how much is too much, you know? Do I keep pestering her, hoping she will come around and let her love for me, and her belief in me overcome the bullshit that my friend's whore of a wife has told her?
 
manny78 said:


private detective ? dunno how he could really help you but never know.....
Click to expand...


At this point I'm looking at all options... I wish it wouldn't take printed phone records for her to believe me.

She should give me the benefit of the doubt.

Isn't that what you do in a relationship?

I told her what she'd say if someone told me she had blown someone else... and she says "No one would ever say that, because it wouldn't happen, and you know it wouldn't happen"... I said... "You're right. But you should know I wouldn't do that either."

And she said "But no one would even SAY it... ****** is SAYING it happened... why would she lie about it?"

I can't answer why the bitch said she blew me... it doesn't make her look good, and her relationship is better now because of it.

This whole damn thing doesn't make any sense.
 
You should do the detective thing and get the biatch who lied on tape making a confession somehow. Talk to a few agencies, I'm sure they can work a setup on her. Plus people love to confess shit to total strangers. It's human nature.
 
WODIN said:
You should do the detective thing and get the biatch who lied on tape making a confession somehow. Talk to a few agencies, I'm sure they can work a setup on her. Plus people love to confess shit to total strangers. It's human nature.
Click to expand...


Hmmmmm..... maybe that would work.

Is it really worth going this far?

I want my lady to BELIEVE ME!

Not because someone else tells her to. But because she loves me, and knows I love her, and KNOWS I would NEVER do that. I wouldn't be unfaithful to her if I had a shotgun pointed at my head.

She should know that.

Now I've got to look up a few places on line... I'll contact a few people and see what they may do to get a confession...
 
Big Brother Val said:



Hmmmmm..... maybe that would work.

Is it really worth going this far?

I want my lady to BELIEVE ME!

Not because someone else tells her to. But because she loves me, and knows I love her, and KNOWS I would NEVER do that. I wouldn't be unfaithful to her if I had a shotgun pointed at my head.

She should know that.

Now I've got to look up a few places on line... I'll contact a few people and see what they may do to get a confession...
Click to expand...


I'm thinking it might work val. I understand your feelings but desperate times, require desperate measures.
 
I'm too lazy to read this whole thread right now but I'm sure I will later. From what I've read thus far it seems you have a lady lying to try to ruin your relationship, no?


How about this-

Would it be possible for you to have your wife/gf, whichever, get on the phone while you call the hag and ask her why the hell shes doing this to you, etc. and your gf/wife will be able to hear the truth?
 
The game is chase and pursuit my friend. Do not follow her. Generally, what will happen is that as somebody moves farther away, they will be chased after, causing them to retreat further away. She wants her space, give it to her. It's the best thing you can do right now.

By the way, you are handling this awesomely! Staying focused on your kids, not blowing up, etc... You really are doing great.

As far as counseling, tell her that it's not about her wants or your wants, that you two have a child together and that you two are the child's entire world. Tell her that you don't know if you will stay with her (for real), but that you two OWE it to your child to overcome your personal needs and seek counseling together. Stress to her that it will ease the break, should there be a break.

I REALLY, REALLY want you to go out to the bookstore today and pick up LOVE MUST BE TOUGH by James Dobson, it will help you out a lot at this juncture in your situation. It describes to a tee the dynamics at work at this point -- and a concrete, step-by-step game plan of how to handle things... It will also give you a positive thing to do in your off time. Please do this. I will even send you my copy if you want. There are also other books that I think would be immensely helpful, but start with this one. It helped me a lot.

Even though training is in the shitter, you are doing a great job in keeping going. Even if you totally don't feel like it, keep going! This would also be a great time to start taking about 4-6 grams/day of powdered inositol (a natural supplement). It will help with depressive tendencies without the effects of pharm meds. Split it over 3 -4 doses per day; take with grapefruit juice. Buy the powder as the caps will go too fast. You should be able to pick it up for around $30 or less for a month's supply.
 
Wodin.... you're right. These are desperate times. I just don't want to act desperate. I think I deserve better than her absolutely dropping her faith in me, because some whore said she should. I am going to look into it, though. Who knows... it just might come down to that.

WormAAA77.... that's the jist of it. My friend's wife lied about blowing me, and my lady believes her. So she doesn't want me anymore. Also... I've actually talked to my friend and his wife on the phone at the same time... even when he wasn't on the phone... she kept saying "Don't fucking try to ruin MY relationship. You know what happened, you should be a man and confess, instead of lying about it." Why would she say that to just me? To convince herself more? I don't really know.

Machine... I'll go pick up that book today. Hell... it can't hurt, right? And thanks for the compliments on how I'm handling it. To tell you the truth, I don't know how I haven't blown up, beat the shit out of my friend, and told my lady to kiss my ass if she's going to believe a tramp that is KNOWN to be a compulsive liar over me.

The days go by REALLY SLOW. It seems like this has happened over the past two months. But it's only been 6 days. I think I want stuff to turn around a bit too fast. It's hard to be patient, and it's hard not to chase her. I WANT her to know how I feel... I WANT her to tell me how she feels... and I WANT her to believe me. She has no reason not to.

I'm going to see the counselor anyway... even if she doesn't. It's not my style... but I have to learn how to not chase her... and how to not let it bother me when she retaliates against me.
 
You're doing great, Val, you're holding up pretty well considering. I understand that it's hard, and the kid makes the equation infinitely more complex. The Machine has a point. Appeal to your lady's maternal side and tell her that she owes it to her kid to give counseling a chance. You are heading in the right direction, keep probing ways of getting the bitch on tape.

Good luck,

JC
 
joncrane said:
You're doing great, Val, you're holding up pretty well considering. I understand that it's hard, and the kid makes the equation infinitely more complex. The Machine has a point. Appeal to your lady's maternal side and tell her that she owes it to her kid to give counseling a chance. You are heading in the right direction, keep probing ways of getting the bitch on tape.

Good luck,

JC
Click to expand...


Thanks. Maybe I will take that approach. I just don't know if it's too early or not... or if it's better to do it early, so it doesn't get even more out of hand.

This is a new situation for me... and I don't really know how I'm getting by. I just am.
 
Getting the biatch on tape confessing--proceed ASAP

Appealing to your lady's maternal instincts--as soon as you can bring it up with some hope of success in one of your conversations.

Good luck,

JC

PS Read the book the machine recommended!
 
Big Brother Val said:



Thanks. Maybe I will take that approach. I just don't know if it's too early or not... or if it's better to do it early, so it doesn't get even more out of hand.

This is a new situation for me... and I don't really know how I'm getting by. I just am.
Click to expand...

It would probably be better for each of you (or just you) to start individual counseling before going to the marriage counselor together. It will give you a chance to figure out yourself a little bit and get some great advice before taking the next step. It will help you deal with things on an individual level, and she will notice the empowerment that you are receiving. Individual counseling is covered by insurance, but marriage is generally not. After a couple sessions, you can have your individual counselor diagnose you with adjustment disorder (which is a pretty throw-away term so don't let it bother you) so that you can go to a marriage counselor and have it covered.

Don't worry about it being your style or not being your style. It takes a bigger man to admit that he might benefit from it, than to just sit and wallow and become angry at life. People don't balk at taking their cars to a mechanic when the timing is off, this is the same thing. Emotions are off a little and you can use a little adjustment. You're just expediting the process by hiring a professional.
 
THeMaCHinE said:


It would probably be better for each of you (or just you) to start individual counseling before going to the marriage counselor together. It will give you a chance to figure out yourself a little bit and get some great advice before taking the next step. It will help you deal with things on an individual level, and she will notice the empowerment that you are receiving. Individual counseling is covered by insurance, but marriage is generally not. After a couple sessions, you can have your individual counselor diagnose you with adjustment disorder (which is a pretty throw-away term so don't let it bother you) so that you can go to a marriage counselor and have it covered.

Don't worry about it being your style or not being your style. It takes a bigger man to admit that he might benefit from it, than to just sit and wallow and become angry at life. People don't balk at taking their cars to a mechanic when the timing is off, this is the same thing. Emotions are off a little and you can use a little adjustment. You're just expediting the process by hiring a professional.
Click to expand...


Well... I don't think I'm going to do any private investigators... I'm not gonna record any phone calls. I don't see the point.

She beat the emotional shit out of me last night, and showed that it doesn't matter what type of facts I present to her, she won't listen. Even facts that show some of the things that this woman supposedly did to me, like talking to her husband on the phone, while leaning over into my chair, kissing my chest while I drove around... if you saw this woman's body, and my car... you'd realize it's a PHYSICAL IMPOSSIBILITY for her to do this. And my lady discards that as well.

My "friend" told her about women I've slept with in my past (that I didn't actually sleep with, mind you) and even told her I got a prostitute in Vegas. Cool huh? And yeah... she believes it all. She thinks that everything I've told her has been a lie.

So there's no point.

I can't put all of my heart into a woman who has zero faith in it. She's now even turning away things she KNOWS to be true about me, and what I am as a person, simply because my "friend" tells her not to believe.

I want to harm the man.

She defends him, and tells me not to make him out to be the bad guy... and not to blame his wife, because she "tells the truth about what a disgusting loser" I am.

I feel like tapping out.

Giving up.

I can't give up on life totally... I have the three most beautiful children on Earth... but I have NEVER had ANYONE in my life believe so little in me.

I am broken.
 
Big Brother Val said:



Well... I don't think I'm going to do any private investigators... I'm not gonna record any phone calls. I don't see the point.

She beat the emotional shit out of me last night, and showed that it doesn't matter what type of facts I present to her, she won't listen. Even facts that show some of the things that this woman supposedly did to me, like talking to her husband on the phone, while leaning over into my chair, kissing my chest while I drove around... if you saw this woman's body, and my car... you'd realize it's a PHYSICAL IMPOSSIBILITY for her to do this. And my lady discards that as well.

My "friend" told her about women I've slept with in my past (that I didn't actually sleep with, mind you) and even told her I got a prostitute in Vegas. Cool huh? And yeah... she believes it all. She thinks that everything I've told her has been a lie.

So there's no point.

I can't put all of my heart into a woman who has zero faith in it. She's now even turning away things she KNOWS to be true about me, and what I am as a person, simply because my "friend" tells her not to believe.

I want to harm the man.

She defends him, and tells me not to make him out to be the bad guy... and not to blame his wife, because she "tells the truth about what a disgusting loser" I am.

I feel like tapping out.

Giving up.

I can't give up on life totally... I have the three most beautiful children on Earth... but I have NEVER had ANYONE in my life believe so little in me.

I am broken.
Click to expand...
'


bro, tell her to go fuck herself and that you are fed up she wont believe you and tell her that the WHOLE TOPIC is DROPPED and to never talk to you about it again since she has made her decision who she believes, tell her its POINTLESS to talk about it...since she wont beleive you, then why bother....see your kids when u can, tell her its all about the kids now and thats it, because she just betrayed your love by believeing some losers and not someone she has "claimed" to be in love with all these years....yup..turn it around on her...tell her if she really loved you shed at least listen and give it more thought and that all these years must of been a lie...cause if she truly did love you shed not be doing what she did.....then hang up on her...dont pick up the phone, dont call her back...let that thought marinate in her head..she will go nuts. fuck that man you dont need that type of shit.
 
I hate to say this but your friend deserve some kind of punishment. Give him 2 choices: either you fix all our problems (between you and your girl) or you'll get a nice bullet in your head. Hitman rate is about 5000$ these days......
 
This breaks my heart BBV.............I am very sorry.

Obviously she doesn't trust you, her lover, her mate..............she has lost trust in you, lost faith and there is no way for her to get it back regardless..........which means (even though it hurts like hell) that you must move on..........be the stronger person. To have "friends" that are so deceitful and vindictive.........unremarkable.............they must have had a point to ruin your relationship. (i've read most of this thread, not all)
#1) For sure, which you already know, you don't need "friends" like that.............that are bringing you down to their level. Scumbags......habitual liars, getting off on hurting other people.
#2) You don't need your wife. Trust is one of THEE most important keys in a relationship, once you lose that, whats the point of going on loving the other person. (when you'll always want to watch your back)

Get my point? What you need to do now, is concentrate on a few main priorities:
Yourself, and your children.
If you are not happy with yourself, you are not going to be happy with anything/anyone. (I repeat myself a lot) You have to look deep into yourself and realize WHO YOU ARE, you know who you are. You still have to wake up in the morning, you still have to get ready for work, you still have to take care of your children, you still have to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

I'm sending a few smiles your way hun................I'm very sorry for your situation............
:rose: :luxlove: :frog: :elephant: :dance2::mommakin: :twirl: :rolly: :bigkiss:
 
manny78 said:
I hate to say this but your friend deserve some kind of punishment. Give him 2 choices: either you fix all our problems (between you and your girl) or you'll get a nice bullet in your head. Hitman rate is about 5000$ these days......
Click to expand...


i can sometines be an irrational sick vindictive fuck like manny :) and hes RIGHT.

id tell your boys wife that if she dont fess up her hubby is gonna get the BEATDOWN of his life...

i hope you have some friends like mine in ny that would JUMP at the opportunity to break some necks on a sat night.

good luck.
 
BBV,

i hate to see you have to give up your relationship. i dont have any advice for you except to quit taking her calls. Quit being BEAT up emotionally on a daily basis. no one deserves this kind of treatment. if she really loved you, she would try to move past this.

i may be a pushover, but if i really love someone, there are very few things i wont forgive once. her unwillingness to even try to move on would be a big flag that you don't mean that much to her. hurting you seems to be more important than loving you and that is a twisted way of looking at things.

listening to the hateful things she is saying is making you feel bad about yourself. don't let anyone beat you down. if someone loves you, they should pump you up, not beat you down. thats not love, that is abuse. i lived that life for a long time. life is too short to have someone around who doesn't make you feel good about you.

good luck
 
NY Muscle said:



i can sometines be an irrational sick vindictive fuck like manny :) and hes RIGHT.

id tell your boys wife that if she dont fess up her hubby is gonna get the BEATDOWN of his life...

i hope you have some friends like mine in ny that would JUMP at the opportunity to break some necks on a sat night.

good luck.
Click to expand...

Fuck beating him down, BEAT THAT FUCKING BITCH DOWN. I am telling ya man wait outside her work in a friends car in a ski mask jump out and fuck this bitch up 7 ways from sunday. Some of you people are to damn calm we are testosterone pumping madmen damn it =p. I don't know how in the world you have kept your cool my brotha because if that bitch would have said to me on the phone Don't try to ruin MY relationship I would have went straight over there and be facing two counts of manslaughter right now when I shot the both in the fucking head. I suggest distancing yourself from the entire situation stay around for your kids but fuck your ol lady man if she doesn't believe or even LISTEN to a word you say and takes other peoples word over yours that bitch isn't worth it anyway. Lates

Drizz
 
I hesitate to wade in on the post as I think the Machine is giving you excellent advice.

I sounds to me like your girlfriend is hurt and is doing everything she can to hurt you too. At some point you need to take measures to protect yourself from the continued onslaught. I think at this point either not taking her phone calls or ending them quickly once it turns ugly is the way to go.

Unfortunately it appears that you are finding out who you can count on in this world and it turns out your best friend is not one of those people. You don't need someone in you life like that at all. I would end any relationship you have with him. He isn't worth it and you deserve better.

While beating his dumbass may make you feel better, I don't think it will accomplish anything. I respect the fact that you are taking the high road.

Are things adequately set up as far as your child together goes. Paternity establish, child support order in place, etc. If not you need to watch out for these issues as well.

Zen
 
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