The Mirror DOES Lie To Me....

[Puddles]

I'm not sad all of the time, I just have my moments every day and sometimes those moments last longer than others. I love the way I look in clothes now, but it's frustrating when all of the cute jeans I like are lowrise and I can't wear a short top to go with them. Living in Florida with it's warm climate just dictates less clothing. Gimme a tank top and a pair of shorts and some sandals and I'm thrilled. But, it's the body parts that only I (and hubby) see on a daily basis that kill me. I get out of the shower every morning and have a huge wall of mirror that I can't hide from. It sucks, but it does keep me motivated. I don't want to be skinny, just a lot better than I am currently. Is it worth the frustration and tears? So far I'd have to say yes. It's kinda like childbirth, it's painful, you want it to be over, it seems like it will never end, but then when it's done it's all been worth it.

I guess the closer we get, the more critical we become. Then the frustration comes on even stronger when the progress slows, comes to a stand still, or even goes the opposite way, then all of the hard work you've done for months and years seems lost. But, we gotta remember that it's a temporary loss, do not give up, and keep focussed and strict with diet and training and things will head in the right direction again.

 

[newgirl-chargeback]

I'm not sad all of the time, I just have my moments every day and sometimes those moments last longer than others. I love the way I look in clothes now, but it's frustrating when all of the cute jeans I like are lowrise and I can't wear a short top to go with them. Living in Florida with it's warm climate just dictates less clothing. Gimme a tank top and a pair of shorts and some sandals and I'm thrilled. But, it's the body parts that only I (and hubby) see on a daily basis that kill me. I get out of the shower every morning and have a huge wall of mirror that I can't hide from. It sucks, but it does keep me motivated. I don't want to be skinny, just a lot better than I am currently. Is it worth the frustration and tears? So far I'd have to say yes. It's kinda like childbirth, it's painful, you want it to be over, it seems like it will never end, but then when it's done it's all been worth it.

I guess the closer we get, the more critical we become. Then the frustration comes on even stronger when the progress slows, comes to a stand still, or even goes the opposite way, then all of the hard work you've done for months and years seems lost. But, we gotta remember that it's a temporary loss, do not give up, and keep focussed and strict with diet and training and things will head in the right direction again.

Again MrsPuddles, you are in my head.......

Good words...great sentiment...excellent spirit.

 

[newgirl-chargeback]

OK, I know this could cause a shit storm, but I truly ask this out of concern (and confusion). Is being lean worth more than being happy? Would you rather be hungry and ripped and miserable, or kinda lean, enjoying moderation, and happy?

I hate the thought of someone at 15% body fat crying herself to sleep. What good does it do to work for a hot body when you're too sad going to bed to want to share it with someone?

I'm gonna bet you're all a helluva lot hotter than you think, and even hotter with a smile.

...and if you need some reassurance, I'll send you pics of MY fat a$$.

Spatts -- fantastic reply....along the way, we raise the bar for ourselves and forget to look back. But these words are most down to earth, motivational and truthful. I was physically nodding and saying ..."Exactly what I needed to hear".

 

[wilson6]

"I am a graduate student and I obsess over my grades. I teach 3rd grade, I obsess over that. My life is neither simple nor uncomplicated, yet I still care (and yes, obsess) about how I look. Go figure."

Nothing to figure, you just laid it out D_G. So, does obsessing make life less or more complicated? And, how does that affect stress levels that in turn affect body composition (i.e., less muscle and more fat) that in turn drives more stress. In addition, does the chronic obsessing about other areas of your life help, or complicate matters overall. For many of you stress drives eating and that adds even more to the problem.

Now you're getting at what I was trying to evoke with my seemingly smart-ass comment.

Ditto with SPATTS reply.

There are times when everyone should step back and consider how; what you do and what you think negatively affects the goals you seek.

Too many times we come to each other’s rescue on this board with words of support versus trying to resolve the underlying problem. Sort of like one anorexic telling another it is OK to be anorexic because they are as well, rather than saying hey, there's a problem here we need to solve together.

Certainly we are all going to be far more anal about how we run our lives than the average sedentary fat ass American, and that labels us as freaks, but when we become freaks within the group of freaks, then it is time to reflect about how far we want to take this. It is OK to be better than the norm, but when it becomes pathologic within our own circle, there is a problem.

Most of us have many things happening in our lives, yet we desire to stay in shape. At some point, when the desire to stay in shape becomes an obsession that is counterproductive, then is it a problem not a positive goal. It becomes a distraction that limits our potential in other areas of our lives, including our fitness goals.

I obsessed about grades in grad school, but I eventually found out that the less I obsessed, the better I did and the less stressful the exams became. Ditto with body composition and other areas of my life. The more I worry, the harder everything becomes and the less productive I am.

W6

 

[fawnmarie]

Although I am NO WHERE near in shape as most of you ladies too, I did also work my way down from 200+ pounds and some 40-something body fat, and it DOES seem like I was a hell of alot happy with myself and my life when I was fat.

Now that I'm closer to "normal" (size 8-10/25%BF) and in "okay" shape - it seems like nothing is good enough and I hate looking at myself in the mirror more now - and hate shopping for clothes more now (though not being able to buy anything in the "women's department" anymore is pretty cool).

I do have some of my fat pictures, and it does me a world of good to look at them once in a while and think "there, but for the grace of atkins, eades & weider, went I".

On the other hand, I miss cooking.

I swing between the two - 1) I should work harder and 2) at least I'm better than I was.

Fawn

 

[wilson6]

Along the same theme of obsessions. I was thinking of some of the recent threads of how some of you have run yourself into the ground with training obsessively in hopes of a positive outcome. However, the outcome was......NEGATIVE....

Need I say more.

W6

 

[Friscochick]

Along the same theme of obsessions. I was thinking of some of the recent threads of how some of you have run yourself into the ground with training obsessively in hopes of a positive outcome. However, the outcome was......NEGATIVE....

Need I say more.

W6

Good Morning W6-

I think that you are so benificial to these threads and are a huge positive help. I read your posts, and wanted to say that i agree with your concern to running ourselves into the ground, and losing site of what the fitness life is supposed to be about. However, we are woman.. plain and simple, and some of us have come ALONG ways to get where we are, and had to have that obsession to get through such extremes. Some of us, never worked out before, some have,and are just simply tired. Why aren't we allowed to cripe a bit? To hear eachother's stories, so that we see we aren't the only woman out there like us that have these trails and tribulations? I totally understand what you are saying and am a firm believer of tough love but sometimes woman need this... We need to see and understand that were not the only beautiful woman out there with problems, we dont need to be fat and ugly to have issues. It's a tough life to lead, the one we all live on these boards, it's not for everyone. That is what makes us special and i'm sure we all know that, but from time to time, we like to hear from others with the same lifestyles how they get through it.

SO, having said all that, Do you have a soultion besides buck up and take it how it is? for us to pratice so that we dont need to bother anyone with or whining? I didn't see any positive excercises to practive to be more positive in our lifes in your above posts?

 

[wilson6]

I don’t think you’re getting my point.

There is a difference between obsessing and being focused on a goal. Obsessing about something when it interferes with daily living or sleeping is pathologic, setting goals and achieving them within the context of normal daily living activities is healthy.

The problem with us in America is that we have it way too easy. Do you think women in Afghanistan are concerned with whether or not they can fit into a size 4 or 6 dress? Do you think they spend nights crying or contemplating suicide about gaining 5 lbs. Want perspective? Spend an evening thinking about those far less fortunate than us then you’ll realize that issues we fret about are trivial in comparison. Every time I start with the self-pity shit over some trivial matter, I think about others in the world that don’t even have a toilet to shit in. That clears my head in a hurry. Here’s an exercise to try, go see “Tears of the Sun”. Wear a pair of jeans that are a little tight, perhaps something that makes you look fat before leaving for the show. Then see how long that stress lasts once the movie starts.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t vent about our problems, but we should also collectively search for solutions and keep the issue of body image in perspective to other issues in life. Because for many women living in third world countries ruled by dictators, body image is the last of their worries. Being a male, “getting over something and moving on” is how I deal with things. Females are different and this is clear since I deal with them every day. But I often use the example I just discussed with my female clients when those that are otherwise fit and healthy whine of body image issues, one because there really isn’t any other simple answer, and two because it is the best way to get their head out of your ass and back on a course of reality.

You should all be grateful that you have the ability, knowledge, physical capabilities and resources to change the way you look in a positive manner. There are many that would give anything just to be able to get a solid meal let alone worry about washboard abs or how they look in a particular set of clothes.

In the big scheme of things, if you have your health, a job and a roof over your head, you really don’t have any serious problems. In fact, just your health is enough, the rest is self-motivation.

W6

 

[Friscochick]

Point well taken..

And yes alot of us lose sight of how fortunate we are that we live here in America, and have so many opportunities.

I've always seen where you were going Wilson, what i was trying to get through to you was, sometimes we need to vent that's all. It sounds like you see this everyday in your line of work i'm assuming so yes, for you i'm sure it get's tiresome and even irritating. We are selfish sometimes and spoiled, i'll agree, but what makes America so great, is our freedom to speak to say how we feel. Your comment/statment was well taken and i'm sure appreciated for it's honesty and truth, I love to see your drive for reality and setting us straight. So that we can see what we have and i think your right on target!! You have been heard that is for sure. I'm confident that all that read these posts have had second thoughts... But let's just chlak it up to a lil girl talk and move on...

End of story, regardless THIS IS LIFE and sometimes we need to be a little petty.

PS: Thanks for helping us see another very important view!

 

[Puddles]

Like Frisco said, can W6 or someone else give some suggestions as to how to handle the obsessive nature of the sport?

Quoting W6 here:

"Along the same theme of obsessions. I was thinking of some of the recent threads of how some of you have run yourself into the ground with training obsessively in hopes of a positive outcome. However, the outcome was......NEGATIVE...."

I know I had a negative experience with overtraining and injuring myself, but it's such a learning process we have to go through to figure out what's right for each of us independently. I would NOT go so far as to say that the outcome was negative! Frustrating, yes, but in the bigger scope of things I've made more positive changes to my body than negatives. I now know what the word "overtraining" means and will avoid it from now on. It caused a physical setback which in turn caused emotional turmoil.

Does obsessing make life less or more complicated? Obviously it makes life more complicated, but if I skip a work out, if I eat that cookie, if I fail to look in that mirror and see reality, then I will fail. Each little thing adds up, it's all cumulative. Just one turns into two and before you know it, everything's out of wack. Without the constant badgering going on inside my own head, I'd go off track, this I know from past experience.

I do this for ME. Not for other people and not because I care about how others view me. Everyone that I care about loved me when I was fat, and I don't care what strangers think of me. I'm not in it to compete, I simply want to feel good about what I see in the damn mirror and in order for that to happen, it takes some serious dedication to change the body I've had for so long. After nearly 2 yrs of working at it, I'm not tired of it at all, I love it, I enjoy the way I feel by eating clean and excercising and I plan to continue this way. I know that when I take a week off, I don't feel well, I'm sluggish, my mind isn't as focussed, and I gain weight rather quickly. If I take one week off from strict eating (not pigging out, but more like 2 or 3 cheat meals a week instead of just one) and lifting, I gain a quick 5 lbs. and it's not all water unfortunately. I don't obsess over the numbers on the scale but I do use them to see my progress. I've been hovering between 140 and 145 since last summer but the bf keeps dropping, clothes keep getting bigger, so I know I'm on the right track. Right now the scale is saying 150.6 and I'm retaining some water (a few days ago it was at 154.5 but I used a diruetic to help manage some the PMS bloat and more will come off naturally in a few days). So, in the past month I've probably added about 5 lbs of fat due to injury and illness making me stop lifting...I'm back in the gym for the 2nd week now and today was the first day I felt like I was getting back to the former me and I walked out smiling and called my husband to share the good news.

Fawnmarie...I hear ya on the missing cooking part! I'm an awesome cook and now I eat grilled chicken and burgers and canned salmon and chicken most of the time. Grrrrrrrr! I just got back from spending a week at my best friend's house and she asked me to cook some of my old dishes for her and her family. It was soooo enjoyable! Both the cooking and seeing everyone enjoy my food. I grew up surrounded by Italians in New York and food was a major part of daily life. I guess it was about 2 months ago that I decided to try to get more creative in my healthy cooking and although it's not as enjoyable as the old days, I've figured ways to find a middleground, make up some new dishes and still keep the meals healthy. I've even figured out how to make Chinese chicken fried rice in a healthy way using brown rice. Just mess around with the stuff you know you can have, mix up ingreedients, look for new stuff at the grocery store, you might be surprised.