Split up with the lady, now a hot blond wants me to spend the night.... advice?

[Big Brother Val]

Radar... I've looked into that. There's been some great info at marriagebuilders.com that The Machine suggested. And I did ask her if she would be willing to see a marriage counselor... her reply was very hazy. She said we SHOULD go. Not to work things out, though... so that the therapist could tell me that I have a serious problem, and that she doesn't do anything wrong.

So... maybe that was a yes... that or it was just a close-minded insult.... or again... she's just more concerned about defending herself, than trying to understand.

 

[RADAR]

Well i wish you the best my good friend you sure have your work cut out for you!....RADAR

 

[hardbdygrl]

hey val,,,how are things going?????????? havent heard from u in a while,,,,,, hope everything is going ok

 

[badazzwhitedude]

hey val,,,how are things going?????????? havent heard from u in a while,,,,,, hope everything is going ok

I was wondering the same thing bro'.

 

[hardbdygrl]

im a gal not a bro badazz,,

 

[badazzwhitedude]

im a gal not a bro badazz,,

And a nice one you probably are too.

No, it was meant for BBV.

 

[hardbdygrl]

awwwwwwwwwww why thanks,,,, i am a nice one!!!!


No, it was meant for BBV

youll have to forgive me,,,, im alittle slow sometimes,,hehehe

 

[ceo]

bump...found this (somehow) doing a search. Read through it cuz I can relate to some of it (another great guy done wrong at times). Anyways...How are things???

I will recommend a couple books as well:

"His Needs Her Needs" by Willard F. Harley, Jr.

"The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman

There's really a lot to all this, and much good advice (and plenty of bad) has been given. Part of her "looking elsewhere" for her attention could be that she feels you dont give her enough (even though you'd SWEAR you do). "The Five Love Languages" could help you identify that. The book basically talks about how people express love in different ways. You may not be "speaking her 'love' language," and she may not be speaking yours. I could go on and on...but read these books.
I know you don't feel confident (I've gone through the same thing), but but try to regain your confidence. You ARE awesome! Look how far you've come, the things you've accomplished. Make a list of Affirmations, and read them ALOUD at least twice a day. Read them first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Read them anytime you start feeling down. Make sure these are things that make you feel good, confidence boosters. You'll have to depend on you now. You may have been able to get these "boosters" from her before, but I don't think you can count on any of those for a while. Work on improving you, and I bet you'll see a change in her too. As I've said, I could go on and on...but I'll stop for now.
Let us know how you're doing

 

[Big Brother Val]

Well... what an interesting 4 day weekend I had. My schedule switched a bit at work, giving me Fri-Mon off.

First off, thanks to all. It actually makes me feel pretty good to come in, and see that you took the time to post again, just to check up on me, even though I wasn't on the board.

Radar... thanks for the support. I do appreciate it.

HBG... hey, woman. I'm sure I'll be chatting with you a bit today. Sorry I haven't responded yet... I gave my computer to my mom when she lost her job, so I have no access when I'm not at work.

Badazz... thanks again. Had another "can't tell if it's good or bad" weekends. I'll explain in a second...

And Ceo... wow... are you a therapist or what? You know what's odd... is I wonder about what you are saying sometimes. I try to stop and think about what she does... because to her, if she cooks me dinner... it's a sign of love. Does my laundry... she does it because she loves me. Granted, you wouldn't do that for just anyone... but she never really does my laundry... and I cook dinner 6 nights of the week....
I think about her "getting personal" with me. And again... she doesn't do that with anyone else.. so who knows. I try as hard as I can to communicate how I feel. And she'll tell me that she knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that I love her.

That note sorta goes with what happened over the weekend... I've REALLY laid off the vocalization of my concerns, and doubts. When something is bothering me... I'm just sorta quiet. I'm not anywhere close to that rock hard personification of confidence... but I don't seem to be as fearful as I was.

One of the things I started paying attention to, is other girls. Now... I'm not gonna blow my own horn... but I've become so numb to other women... it's actually sorta staggering. Over the weekend, we spent a little time apart. She worked the weekend, I had a wrestling show... and we were only together later in the evenings. I was in the mall... and a gal at the store I was looking at clothes on, for lack of a better term, was all over me. It's odd to me, as I don't have hair, and figured that gal's don't dig that sorta thing. And I realized that I could have taken her out that night, had her watch my wrestling show, then go out after. Not for sex or anything, mind you... just to talk with someone who seems to appreicate me.

I feel guilty as hell... because that sort of attention is what is destroying me and my relationship with my lady. I don't really want that sort of attention. But it gave me hope that if things don't work, I could still get attention when I need it. But I don't WANT that mentality. I want to be good enough for her.

But it did get me thinking. Maybe she's so tired of me vocalizing stuff, and being afraid to lose her, that she does what I did... just gets attention from someone who doesn't want anything... and is totally positivie. (even if he's just trying to get her in the sack)

But I don't know where she would have changed. I didn't start saying anything until she started to get the attention.

So I don't know. All I know is I'm tired. Tired of being afraid. Tired of hurting. Tired of wondering. I want something solid. I just don't know if I should give her more time while I build up my own confidence somehow, or if I should leave to get it.

Sorry for the book... but I thought a lot over the weekend... and you are the only people I talk to.

Thanks again for all your support, PM's, e-mail, and time.

 

[RADAR]

Good luck and peace be with you bro..we'll be in touch!!! RADAR