Should I disown my daughter?

[AshtonKutcher]

well yeah, but who cares about getting shot? we're talking karma here. that's serious business.

 

[nimbus]

Lmfao @ Runs The Streets From 3pm To 11pm!!! "damn Kids Running Around, Swapping Pokemons With Reckless Abandon!!" Oh My God I Am Dying Of Laughter!!!

 

[nimbus]

so yea dude chill

 

[velvett]

Talk to her like a peer not a parent and remind her of what she said she wanted do (university).

Do not lecture her like a parent and do not disown her.

 

[SpyWizard]

My daughter has turned 17. She has gone from my angel to my devil. She lives with her Mom, has a new boyfriend and runs the streets from 3pm to 11 pm each night. Nothing I have said can stop her ... she is that bull headed.

She spent 2 weeks in juvenile detention for striking her Mom in March and immediately went back to partying upon release. Now she is an adult in Michigan.

I had her meet a lawyer last Friday who will represent her when she is picked up by the police. I know this will happen soon. You can't live like this.

She is on birth control pills and somehow maintains a 3.83 average in high school. She still wants to go to University 2 1/2 years from now.

I have no legal obligations towards her. All I do for her is of my own free will. She was the sweetest young woman in the world back in the Fall of 2007. Now she just runs the streets with her friends.

Do I disown her? Simply fade away? Keep reaching out?

I don't know you, i've raised 2 daughters to adulthood, and 2 nieces to adulthood, 2 of them gave me problems... one is still on the party.. the other gave me my 1st grandson, it's ok since she is 25 now, and makes a good living..

The point is, why would you even ask if you should disown her?? you should pull back, make her aware that you are there for her if she needs you, and that you don't approve of her choices, but they are her choices and her right to make those mistakes.

Always be there for her, later on (a few short years) from now, she will love you even more deeply for the help and acceptance and love you show to her right now..

You don't want to miss out on your daughters life..

Hope that helps and doesn't sound too harsh..

 

[-SD-]

You don't want to miss out on your daughters life.

Dude, hes already missed it all to this point, its not like its a big loss to her if she is disowned by him. Personally I would be laughing my ass off if I was 17 and my dad just now decided to show up and then wants to disown me.

 

[SpyWizard]

Dude, hes already missed it all to this point, its not like its a big loss to her if she is disowned by him. Personally I would be laughing my ass off if I was 17 and my dad just now decided to show up and then wants to disown me.

my bad, i didn't see that in the 1st post.. that he had not been in her life to this point..

 

[ceo]

Agree with pretty much everyone else here. She is making her own mistakes. Can't keep someone from doing that. Be there for her. Let her know that you love her and you don't condone her hitting her mom and getting in trouble. And that you don't like it, but that you're there for her. Be calm too dude. Like Plunkey said about the "pack leader" - lol - really though, she needs to see that you're not flipping out, but you're reaching out. You flipping out and getting angry will probably have the opposite effect you want it to (drive her further away into negative behavior). Be calm and assertive, firm but gentle. She will come back around.

We all go through things. Think back to when you were a kid. I know doctors who, as kids, smoked weed, had sex protected and unprotected, got pregnant at 16 and had an abortion, got arrested, etc. Yet still they managed to get excellent grades, go through 8 years of college, and become positive, successful contributors to society.

Relax. Take some deep breaths. Think about how much worse it could be, but come back to focus on the positives.

 

[GoldenDelicious]

your job as a parent isnt to control her (so stop trying) - its to be present, available, and supportive.

imo, you disowning her jsut because shes in a crazy phase is 1000x shittier than anything she can do. shes jsut a kid. YOU ought to know better

 

[mrplunkey]

Agree with pretty much everyone else here. She is making her own mistakes. Can't keep someone from doing that. Be there for her. Let her know that you love her and you don't condone her hitting her mom and getting in trouble. And that you don't like it, but that you're there for her. Be calm too dude. Like Plunkey said about the "pack leader" - lol - really though, she needs to see that you're not flipping out, but you're reaching out. You flipping out and getting angry will probably have the opposite effect you want it to (drive her further away into negative behavior). Be calm and assertive, firm but gentle. She will come back around.

We all go through things. Think back to when you were a kid. I know doctors who, as kids, smoked weed, had sex protected and unprotected, got pregnant at 16 and had an abortion, got arrested, etc. Yet still they managed to get excellent grades, go through 8 years of college, and become positive, successful contributors to society.

Relax. Take some deep breaths. Think about how much worse it could be, but come back to focus on the positives.

+1

I think there was a fad around being a "friend" to your kids and while you can do things friends do, there also has to be a clear dominance order in parenting. I think it makes the child more comfortable and stable too, instead of thinking "what the hell as I supposed to do since dad is giving-up leadership to me???".