Should I disown my daughter?

[Cal_21]

Keep reaching out bro girls need their dad!

True. If you're disappointed with her behavior now, imagine her 5 years from now if you do disown her. Any self esteem she has now will be shit on. Imma youngin & have no kids. But I grew up without a father, & from a child's perspective, it wasn't necessarily easy. It seems like it hurts girls a lot more when the father leaves. Almost like you're the model for all her future relationships. Hang in there, I'm sure you will.

 

[the_alcatraz]

My daughter has turned 17. She has gone from my angel to my devil. She lives with her Mom, has a new boyfriend and runs the streets from 3pm to 11 pm each night. Nothing I have said can stop her ... she is that bull headed.

She spent 2 weeks in juvenile detention for striking her Mom in March and immediately went back to partying upon release. Now she is an adult in Michigan.

I had her meet a lawyer last Friday who will represent her when she is picked up by the police. I know this will happen soon. You can't live like this.

She is on birth control pills and somehow maintains a 3.83 average in high school. She still wants to go to University 2 1/2 years from now.

I have no legal obligations towards her. All I do for her is of my own free will. She was the sweetest young woman in the world back in the Fall of 2007. Now she just runs the streets with her friends.

Do I disown her? Simply fade away? Keep reaching out?

Bro, I won't pretend like I know how you feel or try to tell you that there is an easy way to deal with this, because there isn't. But there is no right or wrong answer either. I do understand however the problems people face and the complications that can take place in one's family. I'm married. No kids yet. This is because I'm constantly fighting with my wife. Why do we stay together? The answer is simple: love. You love your daughter. You have raised her well. You have shown her the way. She is lost, she's a teenager trying to find her way and has moved into the wrong direction. She will make mistakes and learn from them. I assure you though that disowning her or staying out of her life will not solve anything. It will just make you feel like crap when something bad happens. I say give her some space and keep an eye on her. Show her you care and you love her. Be her friend. She is likely to listen to you as a friend more than she will listen to you as a father. Show her the way without judgemental. Be a friend to her. Make her feel like you will always be there for her regardless of what she does in her life and the person she decides to be.

 

[biteme]

My daughter has turned 17. She has gone from my angel to my devil. She lives with her Mom, has a new boyfriend and runs the streets from 3pm to 11 pm each night. Nothing I have said can stop her ... she is that bull headed.

She spent 2 weeks in juvenile detention for striking her Mom in March and immediately went back to partying upon release. Now she is an adult in Michigan.

I had her meet a lawyer last Friday who will represent her when she is picked up by the police. I know this will happen soon. You can't live like this.

She is on birth control pills and somehow maintains a 3.83 average in high school. She still wants to go to University 2 1/2 years from now.

I have no legal obligations towards her. All I do for her is of my own free will. She was the sweetest young woman in the world back in the Fall of 2007. Now she just runs the streets with her friends.

Do I disown her? Simply fade away? Keep reaching out?

Pretty typical behaviour for a teenager these days except for hitting her mom. Don't know the details, but doesn't sound right.. Being on birth control is no big deal... Almost all people that age have sex... Would you go without sex? I laid down the law with my daughter and let her know that I wouldn't tolerate her disrespect. I banned her from my house for 3 months and didn't give her a dime... She respects me more now than she did.

 

[the_alcatraz]

Pretty typical behaviour for a teenager these days except for hitting her mom. Don't know the details, but doesn't sound right.. Being on birth control is no big deal... Almost all people that age have sex... Would you go without sex? I laid down the law with my daughter and let her know that I wouldn't tolerate her disrespect. I banned her from my house for 3 months and didn't give her a dime... She respects me more now than she did.

That's tough love.

 

[biteme]

True. If you're disappointed with her behavior now, imagine her 5 years from now if you do disown her. Any self esteem she has now will be shit on. Imma youngin & have no kids. But I grew up without a father, & from a child's perspective, it wasn't necessarily easy. It seems like it hurts girls a lot more when the father leaves. Almost like you're the model for all her future relationships. Hang in there, I'm sure you will.

This is very true. I know a woman whose father disowned her and she was and still is very devastated. If only her father knew..... Don't disown her... I've felt that way about my daughter at times, but she will always need me.

 

[bigmann245]

the more you stay involved and try to guide her not tell her what to do she will appreciate it. that day may not be tomorrow but when it does come you will be very happy you stuck with her. we all went through a rebellious age, some younger than others, but she will one day look back and see how much you put up with and then kiss your ass the rest of your life. hang in there my man. the more you fight her on what shes doing the more and worse she will do it. sometimes you gotta bite your lip and let her fall. just be there to pick her back up when she does.

 

[the_alcatraz]

the more you stay involved and try to guide her not tell her what to do she will appreciate it. that day may not be tomorrow but when it does come you will be very happy you stuck with her. we all went through a rebellious age, some younger than others, but she will one day look back and see how much you put up with and then kiss your ass the rest of your life. hang in there my man. the more you fight her on what shes doing the more and worse she will do it. sometimes you gotta bite your lip and let her fall. just be there to pick her back up when she does.

Good advice. Lots of good bros in this thread helpin a brother out!

 

[Beachboy6294]

This is very true. I know a woman whose father disowned her and she was and still is very devastated. If only her father knew..... Don't disown her... I've felt that way about my daughter at times, but she will always need me.

Most of the girls I know that their father disowned them are strippers!

 

[biteme]

Bro, I won't pretend like I know how you feel or try to tell you that there is an easy way to deal with this, because there isn't. But there is no right or wrong answer either. I do understand however the problems people face and the complications that can take place in one's family. I'm married. No kids yet. This is because I'm constantly fighting with my wife. Why do we stay together? The answer is simple: love. You love your daughter. You have raised her well. You have shown her the way. She is lost, she's a teenager trying to find her way and has moved into the wrong direction. She will make mistakes and learn from them. I assure you though that disowning her or staying out of her life will not solve anything. It will just make you feel like crap when something bad happens. I say give her some space and keep an eye on her. Show her you care and you love her. Be her friend. She is likely to listen to you as a friend more than she will listen to you as a father. Show her the way without judgemental. Be a friend to her. Make her feel like you will always be there for her regardless of what she does in her life and the person she decides to be.

Very good stuff. That's what I've done. Remained at a distant but have never been unavailable and I always call from time to time to tell her that I love her... Man she could have been killed just the other day, instead it was her stepbrother's best friend that was killed on the 4 wheeler.

 

[the_alcatraz]

Very good stuff. That's what I've done. Remained at a distant but have never been unavailable and I always call from time to time to tell her that I love her... Man she could have been killed just the other day, instead it was her stepbrother's best friend that was killed on the 4 wheeler.

you can only do so much...