Sassy: July 2006 - 41 & CA Bound

[Roonytunes]

I finally have a vision of where I want to take myself w/ it and it will be important to be very happy w/ my body as that translates to a much better quality of confidence, life, etc. I want the same thrill & satisfaction I get from lifting to exist in my career & personal life as well since my 'lifting" life has made up for the last several years of absolute bullshit in the other areas.

^^^^
I absolutely love the honesty in what you wrote and I think many of us here can relate.

I am really happy that you are getting back on a viable career path and look forward to reading more about your accomplishments in ALL aspects of your life.

I remember the driven Sassy who was running to the convenient store to use their microwave last year when her appliances weren't working right

 

[Sassy69]

Wow ... The last sentence I can totally relate too... I delve into researching and exercising to also mask my hate for my job and ex-relationships. It's all part of the long-term goal though. I think it looks like a good path you are on Miss Sassy, but you wouldn't have found it without going through the muck. We all have to plant seeds and wait for them to prosper when we finally are able to get our reward. I'm going to have lots of harvesting in my future, and it looks like you will and do as well

Sometimes life seems like a random walk, but I believe everything has a purpose. A few patterns I see in my life however are:

- I'm a late bloomer
- Regardless of how well I plan something I usually end up w/ a lot of "wishy washy" situations where I end up "waiting" and "waiting" and then literally just before I'm about to either lose my mind or go broke, the solution shows up w/ complete anti-climax.
- Regardless of how stupid or silly a situation is, I continue to amaze myself at the fact that I keep going - meaning I am the eternal optimist and will always pick up & move forward almost as if whatever past stinker event didn't ever even happen. Maybe call it "perpetually renewable".
- My patience w/ people who either don't leverage my abilities to their best effect or think they can use me is infinitely shorter than it used to be.
- I rarely make kneejerk decisions.
- I probably limit the scope of my "vision" when I get fixated on a goal -- but often when trying to determine the goal w/o external insight, someone to bounce ideas off of and just generally greater exposure to things (e.g. I'm single and work in technology - I have very little view into what for ex, family life is or what its like to work in a bank or any other field outside my own experience) I can't bring myself to see "outside the box" if I don't have any idea how to "get there" and further if its not really something that is familiar. I feel like I'd be wasting my 2 masters degrees, my 20 yrs experience in my field and have to start at the bottom in something I'm not necessarily interested in -- dunno if this makes any sense -- context: I'm looking for a job. Friend says "get out of technology, try *this* (insert whatever field he may be familiar w/ and I have no idea about). Can't bring myself to do that if I don't see a logical path to wherever the goal is.
- I'm a ridiculously strong (not powerlifting strong...) person.

Within those observations, I hope I haven't wasted some of life in that "wait" mode - at those times I was ready at a moment's notice to take action, but the driving events were beyond my control. And God knows, along w/ the time spent "trying to get somewhere", "life" continues to pass - I don't have kids, I'm a whole country away from family, I don't know anyone in the city I live in (except at the gym), I have a 15 yr old cat, I haven't actually called any place "home" since 2003, haven't gone on a real vacation w/ someone I wanted to "get away with" since 1996, haven't dated anyone I'd call my SO since that same time. So it ends up taking me a long time to get to where I think I want to go. These last 5 yrs have been attempts to get somewhere and they've failed relatively miserably. Thus the much greater focus on bodybuilding because I need to feel control & sastisfaction SOMEWHERE in my life. Otherwise I can't function.

I'm *hoping* the current job will be the final step towards the next part of my life where I finally get all the credentials I should have at this phase of my career & my life, get to finally experience the really cool part of new technology where people actually spend money on it & use it and there are big name companies that want to ask you how to create even cooler things w/ that technology. That's the reason I've stayed in technology this long -- looking exactly for such an opportunity because that's where I get that same sort of thrill & satisfaction as in the gym (except I get paid for it!) And the people around me are just as excited and satisfied as I am from the experience - that's what you call a "constructive environment". I"ve been around enough dickhead people who won't allow me to turn theiry shitty petty-minded businesses into something that can grow & flourish in that same constructive way.

(Am I rambling again...? LMAO Anything to take a break from cleaning out the closet, doing laundry, etc....)

Just like w/ diet, the hardest thing is the day to day stuff while keeping the grander goal in mind -- and that's where all you girls, this journal as an outlet and some very special people who keep me from losing my mind are the "purposes" of that random walk thru life where sometimes we forget that the journey IS the purpose and the destination is sort of just incidental.

 

[treilin]

I can see a lot of what you just spelled out in my own life. You are totally not rambling. Actually the only thing I do that is different is that I will make knee-jerk decisions... I guess I get frustrated with those that have issues making decisions so rather then putz around for someone to make one I just pick one and go with it... if it's not meant to be well I will go a different direction. I think that's why I continue with ambition like you, and accomplish so much, and experience many different situations. Not scared to take a chance on something as long as there is a back-up plan. I'm not a risk taker when it comes to job security I suppose....
I know what you mean about a business getting the money to fund new and exciting technology. The hitch always seems to be the customer wants the technology; they just want to give you half the amount of money, and half the amount of time to get it accomplished the right way. So everything always ends up half done, cheaply thrown together, so they get the results they want with little cost.
- My patience w/ people who want to use me for my brain, leverage off of me, and taking credit for it is getting infinitely shorter because I quit sharing.
-So-called friend's who want to use me to get what they want, and then don't know how to assist me when I need it are getting shorter, because I cut them off.
-I'm getting smarter at identifying both of those types of people and disassociating myself with them at first glance, and I'm getting quick at identifying liars, cheats, and people who don't like to fess up when they destroy your property.....

It's all about the wisdom Sassy.. keep passing it on

 

[florencia]

Sass & Treil...You just made my day!!! Sunshine and a toast to you both!!

 

[Sassy69]

Wow, I'm so close to being done cleaning my closet... O. M. G....! Now I just gotta get the rest of the house spiffy on the off chance a realtor comes thru this weekend. I'm gonna be out relearning how to play tennis (and hope my tendonitis doesn't flair like a bitch....)

 

[*Bunny*]

Wow, I'm so close to being done cleaning my closet... O. M. G....! Now I just gotta get the rest of the house spiffy on the off chance a realtor comes thru this weekend. I'm gonna be out relearning how to play tennis (and hope my tendonitis doesn't flair like a bitch....)

Have a great weekend Sassy

 

[trimojo]

-
Thus the much greater focus on bodybuilding because I need to feel control & sastisfaction SOMEWHERE in my life. Otherwise I can't function.

Thanks for sharing your feelings and some things you've learned during your journey this far. I would bet many bodybuilders do it to feel some sort of control. I always joke that triathletes and endurance athletes are head cases, the hours a week spent doing cardio. Most of the time, the training is spent alone too. At one point in early summer, I'd rather ride my bike for three hours than spend time at the lake with friends and family. I guess the common thread is devoting so much of oneself to exercise. It can be hard for me to find balance.

I think with bodybuilding, the control/obession can be more difficult because of dieting. I'd bet there are lots of OCD bodybuilders. All this micro managing diet. Logging food, protein, carb, and fat amounts. At first it felt overwhelming to me but it's also addicting because of the control factor. When I did hours and hours of cardio, I ate anything and everything.

Sounds like you are going into this new cardio journey with a positive attitude. Finding your size four clothes and looking forward to wearing them. It will probably ease your mind starting a new job too. My husband talked about going on vacation a few days ago, I started spazing because I feel like a "need" a gym now. A year ago, I would be excited for vacation because you can go for a run anywhere, anytime!

I know you'll figure it all out. You are a smart lady and one of the main reasons I joined EF. Thanks for sharing all your knowledge!

 

[Sassy69]

Thanks for sharing your feelings and some things you've learned during your journey this far. I would bet many bodybuilders do it to feel some sort of control. I always joke that triathletes and endurance athletes are head cases, the hours a week spent doing cardio. Most of the time, the training is spent alone too. At one point in early summer, I'd rather ride my bike for three hours than spend time at the lake with friends and family. I guess the common thread is devoting so much of oneself to exercise. It can be hard for me to find balance.

I think with bodybuilding, the control/obession can be more difficult because of dieting. I'd bet there are lots of OCD bodybuilders. All this micro managing diet. Logging food, protein, carb, and fat amounts. At first it felt overwhelming to me but it's also addicting because of the control factor. When I did hours and hours of cardio, I ate anything and everything.

Sounds like you are going into this new cardio journey with a positive attitude. Finding your size four clothes and looking forward to wearing them. It will probably ease your mind starting a new job too. My husband talked about going on vacation a few days ago, I started spazing because I feel like a "need" a gym now. A year ago, I would be excited for vacation because you can go for a run anywhere, anytime!

I know you'll figure it all out. You are a smart lady and one of the main reasons I joined EF. Thanks for sharing all your knowledge!

You would really be surprised at the number of obsessive / compulsive / addictive type people BB attracts. You'll find lots of people for ex, eating disorder people who find that 'fitness' is a positive application that still fits the addictive personality profile - granted I"ve seen plenty of unhealthily addicted BB's but for a transition point OUT of starving yourself, fitness is one direction. I've also met MANY born-again Christian bodybuilders (no offense to the born agains in the audience...) who are sort of like the whiny, no-self-confidence actor type crowd (love my wide sweeping generalizations.... sorry - my roommate in college was one of these -- voice / theater major -- and all her catty bitchy (and often gay) theater friends) who just need a place to fit in & an "addiction" type "recovery group" environment to help them deal w/ life. Its a very weird niche of people.

But just as so many class valdectorians are also the top athletes in the school systems - I know many amazingly accomplished, intelligent and well-adjusted "normal" BB's as well.

But for me - I can always go to the gym or find a gym no matter where I am, I have a stress outlet from a relatively sedentary office job, a good place to meet people who are generally of the same mindset, release the ol' endorphins, see what little increase in weight, reps, exercises, form, whatever I can accomplish for my 1 little thing done better each day. No way to beat it. But balance is important in life - - too much work, too much play, too much training - all of it can really f* up your life. Time to readjust my focus.

 

[florencia]

I think people who have addictive personalities just change the addiction...
for example...booze to religion, &/or booze to exercise...
I can only guess it is good IF you do not harm yourself or rest of family with choice.
J...I can't wait to see your log on Monday!!!
Have a great weekend!

 

[*Bunny*]

You would really be surprised at the number of obsessive / compulsive / addictive type people BB attracts.

Yup, sounds like Bunny More about control though for me, I lost all control in my situation, this helped me gain it back.