My adult daughter announced her divorce; 4 year old and 1 year old

[wutangnomo]

I'm sure your daughter's a great person but remember there's 3 sides to every story - his, hers and the truth.

BINGO!

I was thinking the exact thing. Great minds think alike.

Just because your daughter is a doctor don't automatically assume she wasn't the culprit behind their unfortunate divorce. It takes TWO to tango, TWO to succeed and TWO to fail. I know she's your daughter and you have great bias in favour of her, but don't automatically point the finger at the guy and paint him out to be such a bad guy. There will always be more to the story then even you will ever know, and what your daughter tells you isn't necessarily the (complete) truth.

I do agree with one thing though, divorce will damaged and scar any child forever. Definitely sad for the kids.

 

[wutangnomo]

The situation sounds very sad. Sometimes you can't help where things ended up but you can help where things are going. Unquestioning support & love is what helps sour situations turn into success stories. But the hubby sounds like he needs a jack hammer up his ass to get him to see what is happening around him. I hope he realizes what he's screwed up & lost as a result. Your daughter sounds like an amazing woman & you definitely stack the chips in her favor. Young kids do adapt but its so important to keep a positive spin on whatever the situation ends up being so they don't have that stain of negativity on them. That would be the biggest challenge in my mind.

Good luck & all my positive karma & thoughts with you and your loved ones lion!

You can assert that the daughter is amazing based on what, that she's a doctor? That is unless you personally know the daughter yourself and more then a single post about her.

Likewise, you can assert that the guy is a jackass based on what? How do you know he screwed up?

 

[Saint V]

How can a man live away from his wife and children and not be dieing inside?

Something about this sentence just struck a chord with me. Powerful words.

 

[Sassy69]

Point taken that I don't know her, but also trying to be supportive. But based on thelion's observations --- long ongoign issues w/ his spending, jealousy & he has issues w/ his wife's success as a doctor. If he has a problem w/ that, that seems to me to be sayign he is dissatisified w/ his own performance in the career area. That's his problem, not a reflection on her. These are things that shoudl be secondary to allowing a family unit fall apart.


And the fact that she's managed to have 2 kids while being a doctor - don't you think that counts for something?

 

[GoldenDelicious]

better happy apart than miserable together

the young ones will only suffer from the home being 'broken' if theyre unloved. if not, its not neccessarily a bad thing

cheerios

 

[wutangnomo]

Point taken that I don't know her, but also trying to be supportive. But based on thelion's observations --- long ongoign issues w/ his spending, jealousy & he has issues w/ his wife's success as a doctor. If he has a problem w/ that, that seems to me to be sayign he is dissatisified w/ his own performance in the career area. That's his problem, not a reflection on her. These are things that shoudl be secondary to allowing a family unit fall apart.

I understand being supportive, but once again we know absolutely didly squat about their real situation to be able to put down him/her. I'm simply giving him the benefit of the doubt because I've seen wrongly finger pointing happen one too many times.

TheLion is her father. TheLion is extremely bias as a result towards his daughter. Do you not think that naturally he is going to side with her? Is he going to think, "My daughter is the one who ruined this marriage. She's destroying her kids, not him"? He only knows what his daugther chooses to tells him (and we all know there are 3 sides to every story: his, hers, and the truth).

Do you want to know how many doctors I know that are the most arrogant, conceited, self-centered, self-righteous, high and mighty idiots that act as though all others are inferior to them? I'm sure you know many like this yourself. I'm not saying his daughter is like this, but the point is we know nothing about her, nor him, to be able to cast blame.

And the fact that she's managed to have 2 kids while being a doctor - don't you think that counts for something?

This is supposed to count for what exactly? Because she is a doctor esteems her to a higher level of greatness and effort for having two kids? My mom has 8 kids. Sure she ain't a doctor, but I think that counts for something a whole helluva lot more then a doc with 2 kids. Having two kids while being a doctor simply means, well, we know she had sex two times.

 

[Sassy69]

Oh come on. Completing 10 yrs of training for a profession and somewhere in there also having 2 kids & raising them? I'm not ranking her better or worse than any other mother, but I am saying it aint' no small job to achieve what she's done.

 

[foreigngirl]

I just hope that the dad is gonna still stay in the picture and involved with the kids events and activites in school and stuff. But looking at how much pain my husband is carying with him (parents divorced when he was 12), I beleive the little ones are gonna feel the emptiness. Just be there for them, thelion2005, they are gonna need a dad figure

 

[musclemom]

I do agree with one thing though, divorce will damaged and scar any child forever. Definitely sad for the kids.

I'm sorry, but I have to speak up ... my parents stayed together, my father was abusive, I used to pray he'd die, vanish or leave.

Of course, I married a man who had issues, not as physically abusive as my father, but mentally domineering. My son was the only child I've ever met who suffered from migraine headaches from about age 7 on.

I eventually was able to leave my husband, my son dropped almost half of his behavioral problems, his grades went up and his headaches went from being four to six times a month to once every few months.

Say what you will, but a bad marriage is a bad marriage, and even if the parents keep it hidden from the kids, the kids STILL know something's wrong. My son's now 20, he'll tell you to your face, "I'm fine with the divorce, I just wish it had happened sooner."

Don't bad mouth anybody after the fact, that's what really caused my son MAJOR, MAJOR problems. My ex and his current wife thought it was funny as hell that I had some health problems around the time of the divorce and I gained a bit of weight. Point blank, they loved making fun of me in front of my son. My ex also used to tell my son stories about when we were married, things that the kid didn't know at the time they were happening for a reason and had no reason to be told when he was a teen.

I'm no saint, I used to get pissed about money and had to give MY current husband permission to pinch me if disparaging garbage about my ex and his lack of contributing on this or that came out of MY mouth ...

I'm telling you, it's not the divorce that screws the kids up, it's the nearly inevitable bitterness that happens afterwards. Someone is always nasty and bitter and they always end up sharing it with the kid.

 

[biteme]

I'd like to hear the other side to the story and even then, you don't know the truth. Poor children.