My adult daughter announced her divorce; 4 year old and 1 year old

[MattTheSkywalker]

I'm telling you, it's not the divorce that screws the kids up, it's the nearly inevitable bitterness that happens afterwards. Someone is always nasty and bitter and they always end up sharing it with the kid.

word, every divorced person I know proves this time and time again.

 

[wutangnomo]

Oh come on. Completing 10 yrs of training for a profession and somewhere in there also having 2 kids & raising them? I'm not ranking her better or worse than any other mother, but I am saying it aint' no small job to achieve what she's done.

Lots of people have kids. What's your point?

Furthermore, how do you know she "raised" them? From the two doctor friends I personally know very well (one male, one female... both married with children), I know that doctors work A LOT. How do you not know that he did most of the child raising while she was out working most the time? How do you not know that she let her work consume her and spent very little time with her children (my two doctor friends are like this). This is a very plausible scenario, so don't automatically assume she did it all. Once again you don't her, nor him, to make such blanket assumptions.

 

[Sassy69]

10 yrs to get thru med school, 9 months each to carry the kids, give her 2 months per kid to recover. Not too shabby. There is no way to argue that she didn't do that.

 

[biteme]

My ex said to my daughter, "Why do you want to live with your dad? All he does is sit in front of the computer and jack off." She must be spying on me.

 

[wutangnomo]

I'm sorry, but I have to speak up ... my parents stayed together, my father was abusive, I used to pray he'd die, vanish or leave.

Of course, I married a man who had issues, not as physically abusive as my father, but mentally domineering. My son was the only child I've ever met who suffered from migraine headaches from about age 7 on.

I eventually was able to leave my husband, my son dropped almost half of his behavioral problems, his grades went up and his headaches went from being four to six times a month to once every few months.

Say what you will, but a bad marriage is a bad marriage, and even if the parents keep it hidden from the kids, the kids STILL know something's wrong. My son's now 20, he'll tell you to your face, "I'm fine with the divorce, I just wish it had happened sooner."

Don't bad mouth anybody after the fact, that's what really caused my son MAJOR, MAJOR problems. My ex and his current wife thought it was funny as hell that I had some health problems around the time of the divorce and I gained a bit of weight. Point blank, they loved making fun of me in front of my son. My ex also used to tell my son stories about when we were married, things that the kid didn't know at the time they were happening for a reason and had no reason to be told when he was a teen.

I'm no saint, I used to get pissed about money and had to give MY current husband permission to pinch me if disparaging garbage about my ex and his lack of contributing on this or that came out of MY mouth ...

I'm telling you, it's not the divorce that screws the kids up, it's the nearly inevitable bitterness that happens afterwards. Someone is always nasty and bitter and they always end up sharing it with the kid.

Agreed. Good post.

However, I still do believe that divorce does scar every child. Every child wants to have his/her biological father and mother together. Your son may say that divorce was the best thing that happened to him, but if you were to ask your son if he could have his biological father back WITHOUT all the negatives are you going to tell me he would say no? Of course he would want that deep down inside.

I never said divorce is a bad thing. There are many situations where it is necessary and will benefit the child, but that still doesn't mean it will not forever scar that child.

 

[wutangnomo]

10 yrs to get thru med school, 9 months each to carry the kids, give her 2 months per kid to recover. Not too shabby. There is no way to argue that she didn't do that.

What is your point with her being a doctor? She could be an astronaut, a stunt artist, or a cashier and it wouldn't make a difference.

Mother of three working two jobs, no education. Not too shabby. Mother of eight coming from another country working in a factory. Not too damn shabby also. Your point?

 

[Whiskey]

sucks to hear, but you'll have that.

Whiskey

 

[MattTheSkywalker]

What is your point with her being a doctor? She could be an astronaut, a stunt artist, or a cashier and it wouldn't make a difference.

Mother of three working two jobs, no education. Not too shabby. Mother of eight coming from another country working in a factory. Not too damn shabby also. Your point?

There is a mountain of evidence and empirical data that prevalence of divorce is inversely proportional to level of education.

Stated simply: Better educated people get divorced less often.

Advanced education almost invariably results in enhancement of coping skills and of understanding the temporal components of many stressors. As a doctor, the stress of living paycheck to paycheck, the greatest stressor on many marriages, is mitigated if not eliminated.

Acheiving an MD is difficult. There is a signifcant time commitment, along with certain intelligence requirements. People with an IQ of under 120 typically cannot become doctors.

When someone who possesses an advanced education and financial comfort gets divorced, the reasons are likely entirely different than when a stunt artist or factory worker gets divorced. Attempting to equate all of them is misguided.

 

[Hiatussin]

There is a mountain of evidence and empirical data that prevalence of divorce is inversely proportional to level of education.

Stated simply: Better educated people get divorced less often.

Advanced education almost invariably results in enhancement of coping skills and of understanding the temporal components of many stressors. As a doctor, the stress of living paycheck to paycheck, the greatest stressor on many marriages, is mitigated if not eliminated.

Acheiving an MD is difficult. There is a signifcant time commitment, along with certain intelligence requirements. People with an IQ of under 120 typically cannot become doctors.

When someone who possesses an advanced education and financial comfort gets divorced, the reasons are likely entirely different than when a stunt artist or factory worker gets divorced. Attempting to equate all of them is misguided.

hey now all man are created equal and elitism is bad, HMMkay?

 

[wutangnomo]

There is a mountain of evidence and empirical data that prevalence of divorce is inversely proportional to level of education.

Stated simply: Better educated people get divorced less often.

Advanced education almost invariably results in enhancement of coping skills and of understanding the temporal components of many stressors. As a doctor, the stress of living paycheck to paycheck, the greatest stressor on many marriages, is mitigated if not eliminated.

Acheiving an MD is difficult. There is a signifcant time commitment, along with certain intelligence requirements. People with an IQ of under 120 typically cannot become doctors.

When someone who possesses an advanced education and financial comfort gets divorced, the reasons are likely entirely different than when a stunt artist or factory worker gets divorced. Attempting to equate all of them is misguided.

lol

Guess what, human beings are human beings Matt... doctor, stunt artist, factory worker, cashier, etc. We are all flesh and blood. Attempting to not equate, but rather seprate, all of them is misguided.

People divorce generally for all the SAME reasons: infidelity, poor communication, abuse.

Simple.