My adult daughter announced her divorce; 4 year old and 1 year old

[musclemom]

Agreed. Good post.

However, I still do believe that divorce does scar every child. Every child wants to have his/her biological father and mother together. Your son may say that divorce was the best thing that happened to him, but if you were to ask your son if he could have his biological father back WITHOUT all the negatives are you going to tell me he would say no? Of course he would want that deep down inside.

I never said divorce is a bad thing. There are many situations where it is necessary and will benefit the child, but that still doesn't mean it will not forever scar that child.

But that's impossible. It's like ... someone you love dies suddenly. Would you be better off if they weren't dead? OF COURSE, but dead is dead. You can't UNdead them. You can't live your life never putting a penny away and hoping you'll hit the Power Ball before you hit retirement age -- and you can't change people. If two people in the course of a marriage grow too far apart that rift can't always be healed (it can't be wished away, and encouraging a kid to wish for the unattainable isn't ... well, let's say that's one way to give the poor kid ANOTHER migraine!). Children need healthy parents, and it is possible to have healthy parents who don't live together. But healthy people do not live in a sham of a loveless marriage. The act of living scars us no matter what. Children who are too sheltered from germs and bugs end up suffering from excessive allergies as adults; same thing.

There are so many people who come from a solid home, parents still happily married, mom was a home maker, dad made a boatload of money, the kids went to the best schools ... and those children, now adults, have been in therapy for decades and chug bottles of Paxil or Prozac or Wellbutrin!

I've basically come to the decision that no matter what, you WILL end up screwing your kids up. The best you can hope for is to give them the tools to be survivors.

 

[Raina]

That you raised her to excel at everything is probably why she didn't tell you up until this point. She probably wanted to know for sure that it was done instead of feeling like she's disappointing you. I'm sure it's hard to hear as a parent but try to be as supportive as you can for her and the little ones. That kind of mess is hard on everyone involved.

 

[MILF69]

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. I too am recently divorced and I have two girls, two and four. My ex has a drinking problem and suffered a stroke recently because of it so he is completely out of the picture. It will be a very long and tough road for her and for all of you. My advice is to be there but let her figure some things out on her own. She sounds strong and she doesn't have to depend on a man to support her...you gave her that! She will come out the other end 150% stronger. This is a lesson. As for the kids...they will learn to deal and cope. They will have your love and someday a good guy will come along who will love your daughter and those boys very much. LOL!!!

 

[BOWTECH]

Hang in there Lion! I just wish when I grew up I had a Grandfather that cared like you do. Those little boys will always remember you. Stay strong my friend!

 

[MattTheSkywalker]

lol

Guess what, human beings are human beings Matt... doctor, stunt artist, factory worker, cashier, etc. We are all flesh and blood. Attempting to not equate, but rather seprate, all of them is misguided.

Does that help you sleep at night, thinking we are all the same?

That's reductionist bullshit. Does it get cold with your head in the sand?

 

[MattTheSkywalker]

hey now all man are created equal and elitism is bad, HMMkay?

right. I know. sorry.

factory worker = doctor = day laborer = scientist. IQ differences of 50 points are meaningless because we're all the same. I need to keep saying that over and over.

My bad, won't happen again, please don't beat me.

 

[thelion2005]

Point taken that I don't know her, but also trying to be supportive. But based on thelion's observations --- long ongoign issues w/ his spending, jealousy & he has issues w/ his wife's success as a doctor. If he has a problem w/ that, that seems to me to be sayign he is dissatisified w/ his own performance in the career area. That's his problem, not a reflection on her. These are things that shoudl be secondary to allowing a family unit fall apart.


And the fact that she's managed to have 2 kids while being a doctor - don't you think that counts for something?

The hubby went nuts and attacked her in front of the kids.

He's a Doctor also. Her practice is twice as big as his; he is eaten up with jealousy.

You read it correctly, Sassy.

 

[HiDnGoD]

I'm sorry, but I have to speak up ... my parents stayed together, my father was abusive, I used to pray he'd die, vanish or leave.
I'm telling you, it's not the divorce that screws the kids up, it's the nearly inevitable bitterness that happens afterwards. Someone is always nasty and bitter and they always end up sharing it with the kid.

I'm sorry to hear all that.
I agree. If the parents can both keep the kids love & support as their main goal, it need'nt be tragic.

 

[Sassy69]

The hubby went nuts and attacked her in front of the kids.

He's a Doctor also. Her practice is twice as big as his; he is eaten up with jealousy.

You read it correctly, Sassy.

Wow. I'm just sorry to hear that. It sounds like a very tragic situation. Obviously we on an internet board won't be privy to all the details of the situation but at the end of the day my heart goes out to you & your family and I wish the best outcome that is possible given the situation. I hope both parents realize the impact on the kids & set their priorities with them at the top.

 

[HiDnGoD]

The hubby went nuts and attacked her in front of the kids.
He's a Doctor also. Her practice is twice as big as his; he is eaten up with jealousy.
You read it correctly, Sassy.

Frankly, it's better she get out now & let it die, than stay & have someone die.