This post is going to sound dumb coming from the persona that most on the board believe that I represent in life. But I realized tonight that the biggest problem in my life is that I do not have much love for myself. I have spent the last seven years of my life perfecting an image of how I would like people to perceive me. I have bought the best clothes, drive a nice car, basically transformed myself into what I think people enjoy. In creating this image I have taken great risks with my health and life.
And why because deep down I am a very caring person, will loads of empathy and always opening my heart up to be hurt. I learned overtime to hide this gifts, for pain will always be present if you bear you sole. Deep down I am just as scared as anyone else in life, especially with women. I may come across in life as brass and confident but in reality I can be quite shy. I fear this shyness because over the years I have found few women who embrace shyness, empathy, caring as traits the find sexy. Maybe it’s the women I have dated but I try to cover these up with an amour of muscle and cockiness. I guess it all boils down to not loving myself deep down, something I am not sure will ever change. I guess I wonder who else deals with this challenge in life?