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kids are annoying and pointless thread

binö

binö

Rob of Redford
Platinum
playing pusedo step dad is straining a good bro something fierce.
i never want my own kids, i don't see kids as magical little snowflakes and all that other bullshit.
mostly annoying, whiney, unappreciative, and destructive.
*bracing for the inevitable backlash
yours in sport,
discuss
 
Kids are a strain for sure.
If you don't want them and sex life with the mom is already in serious decline I can't see relationship lasting too much longer.
 
Kids are the last thing on my mind and my girl's as well. (she's 21)
They are responsibility that I do not want in my life.
 
There is a $0 copay with most all health insurance plans for a vasectomy...

Go get one..

Kids, to adulthood will strain you and change you...

Is it the change in you that you dislike?? or fear??
 
BBR100 said:
Kids are a strain for sure.
If you don't want them and sex life with the mom is already in serious decline I can't see relationship lasting too much longer.
Click to expand...

sex life has diminished partly due to jr
part of the problem is that i don't baby the lil guy, he is used to crying to get what he wants and i ignore it.
like today, dude was trying to fiddle with the dvd player, couldn't get it to work, and started crying...i was sitting nearby and ignorned it...when he asked me for help i told him to stop crying and i would gladly help him.
whereas his mom woulda ran over at the first sign of tears and pampered him...i'm thinking that is making him soft and he's not growing out of his baby phase
 
someone that doesn't have kids of their own should definitely parent someone elses kids...and make judgement calls about the actual parents parenting
makes complete sense


look , its different when its your own kids...I dont like other peoples kids but think mine are awesome
 
shirlene29 said:
someone that doesn't have kids of their own should definitely parent someone elses kids...and make judgement calls about the actual parents parenting
makes complete sense


look , its different when its your own kids...I dont like other peoples kids but think mine are awesome
Click to expand...

hmmm, i think my opinion is valid regardless if i don't have kids, lotta shitty parents out there should i not judge them just because i have none?
when i see a mom let her 13 yr old daughter date a 25 yr old bro (gf is a sex crimes probation officer for juvies) should i not coment cause i have no kids and just wouldn't understand? that logic doesn't fly with me
 
SpyWizard said:
There is a $0 copay with most all health insurance plans for a vasectomy...

Go get one..

Kids, to adulthood will strain you and change you...

Is it the change in you that you dislike?? or fear??
Click to expand...

i fear that i won't be able to stay with my GF cause of the kid and her ex (ex is the biggest dbag i have ever had the displeasure of knowing...i've had a P.I following me via him)
 
You don't love him the way you should because he is not yours (I guess) because that is your role. The role of the father is to come between the child and the mom, the dependence there that you are seeing. To teach the kiddo how the world works, how to trust others, and how to trust himself. You don't see him as special, you don't love him I guess.
 
Kids are a drain. That fact is magnified exponentially if they're not your own. It's just a different relationship and hard to explain. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent.
If you have the perspective that they're mostly annoying, whiney, unappreciative and destructive it's not going to work.

Add in that your sex life is suffering and it's probably time to throw in the towel.
 
i would suggest that being a step father is more difficult, ...

how ever if not you, then the only male figure that will help to mold him is the GF.. ex..
 
shirlene29 said:
look , its different when its your own kids...I dont like other peoples kids but think mine are awesome
Click to expand...

This.

And it doesn't sound like you and the mom have a very open line of communication when it comes to jr. If you're serious about them/ her, you guys need a plan.
 
Do yourself a favor...bail now. Not worth the headache...not even close. You aren't a big fan of kids to being with...and you think you're ever gonna be happy dealing with a bratty one that isn't even yours, with a baby daddy in the picture causing you additional stress? Plus the sex life sliding this early is a pretty solid red flag that this isn't a very good deal for you. Pull the chute.
 
it is possible you like the kid even less because you resent him for causing a strain in the relationship, you obviously dont love the kid and that's ok, it's not yours there is no bond, but with time it can form, you just gotta be patient.
 
lartinos said:
Kids are the last thing on my mind and my girl's as well. (she's 21)
They are responsibility that I do not want in my life.
Click to expand...
THIS ^^^ kinda pisses me off when people judge me for not wanting kids, some of us just dont feel the need to have kids...
 
nangiggles said:
THIS ^^^ kinda pisses me off when people judge me for not wanting kids, some of us just dont feel the need to have kids...
Click to expand...

People judge you for not wanting kids? Keep those people far away.

Personally I think kiddos are a pleasure. There are times when it gets annoying but even the newborn stage was easy. I don't see the big deal why everyone says it is so HARD. It is a strain on a relationship when one person does not want a family. You're forced into a role you don't want, but otherwise (and I say this with just one) kids are cake. Pregnancy was harder. Lol.
 
Exactly how old is the kid?

Usually around 3-4 y/o, you can start doing things with the kid which will build your connection. You probably weren't with the mom during the birth and early bonding part, so there may (almost certainly) be a gap in the process of attachment to the kid.

Unless the relationship is already in steep decline, investing in a few activities may be a good idea.
 
cindylou said:
People judge you for not wanting kids? Keep those people far away.

Personally I think kiddos are a pleasure. There are times when it gets annoying but even the newborn stage was easy. I don't see the big deal why everyone says it is so HARD. It is a strain on a relationship when one person does not want a family. You're forced into a role you don't want, but otherwise (and I say this with just one) kids are cake. Pregnancy was harder. Lol.
Click to expand...

this

i love having kids and would never change that.

bino you just don't sound cut out for it, and it sounds like you are going to be a shitty ass step dad anyway. you should get out now bro, and i'm not trying to be a dick. if you're not happy now, nothing a ring will change. kids are needy, they need you to help them and guide them.

if mom doesn't do some things right, well she may not kinow any better. read some parenting books or something.

also, if she starts seeing you be a dickhead to her kids, that will start another strain in the relationship.

Sorry bro, I am sure it's hard being in your shoes. Not all guys are cut out for it. I have a friend who is in your shoes and he is being a stress relieve for mom and helping the situation though.
 
What Girthslinger is trying to tell you is you're too big of a poosie to handle children.

I'm not sure I agree, but I wanted to save u some time from reading that.
 
Everyone is a shitty parent in some way. All of us make mistakes and are selfish at times. It has got to be hard when it is not your kid. I can't even imagine how hard it would be when you don't have that love there. If you really want to make it you just have to keep giving. That dynamic you're seeing is a natural dynamic of a family. The mom wants to baby him, the father steps in and helps the kiddo learn how to trust and do things on his own (from someone that is not mom, your role is important). By someone that is "not" mom and more importantly a different gender, that relationship helps him learn how to trust others (outside of mom) and himself. There are a lot of kids that never get to learn that lesson. If you teach him that from a place of love and compassion (and most importantly integrity) he'll learn that stuff. It takes time. If the kid sees that you are cold, and stern he will see you as a hypocrite and a fraud and later see the everything as a fraud. Kids just know what love is and what it is not, bino. I can not stress how important the "not mom" role is on a kiddo. If you're a fraud, he can see it better than any adult ever could. If you don't interact with him with compassion and integrity from your heart, just forget it. It's too important to take lightly.

This is just how a family with children works. Let your gf know that it's natural for you to want to not "baby" him.
 
Last edited:
everyone gave you solid advice bro...

My husband treats my older two obviously different than our two..he doesn't notice it but I do and my 5 yr old has already learned to manipulate it
to be fair the older two have had really horrid male role models and are teenagers to they can be real asshats and the younger two are still young enough that when they do something crazy/annoying they're still cute
I'm MARRIED to the guy and we have kids together so he has more weight in the kid arena than any BOYFRIEND would have, especially one I didn't have kids with.

When I was dating Greg he had zero say over parenting, when I moved in with him he was allowed to enforce his house rules...outside of home was still my parenting arena
he was their friend and if he had a concern over something regarding parenting it was brought up to me and up to me to enforce or veto

Step parents are ultimately always step parents...not the actual parents

My step dad doesn't hold as much weight with me as my dad...my mom is my step brothers' step mom and it goes the same way with them
oddly we do treat each other like distant siblings tho

If its not YOUR baby that you held when they were still wet and puffy eyed...that you stressed over umbilical cords falling off, and diaper rashes...and night time feeding, and toothless grins..and first day of pre-k or kindergarten
and sat with the other parent trying to get jnr to take their first steps between you....or hell fought in an adoption court to have the right to be their parent because you genuinely just love kids and don't have any of your own


you're not going to view things the same because its not the same.
and even when they ARE your own kids, you'll have parenting disagreements that need to be ironed out


it doesn't seem like this relationship is in too good of shape between parenting style differences and the resentment building
 
Agree shirley. How can a three year old be "appreciative" anyway. Is that how old the little guy is? You don't love kids expecting anything back from them, even gratitude.
 
Its ok to recognize that you dont want to
Parent other people's kids. That doesnt mean you arent cut out for having your own kids.
 
cindylou said:
Agree shirley. How can a three year old be "appreciative" anyway. Is that how old the little guy is? You don't love kids expecting anything back from them, even gratitude.
Click to expand...

Agreed. Some of what the little guy is doing is totally age appropriate. Add in that his parents are divorced and now mommy has a new man in her life. The kid is not going to behave properly all the time. It takes lots of time and patience to teach kids.
 
When you get frustrated just stand there with a blank look on your face and dont blink. Look like a crazy man. And then he'll think if he does that again, you might murder him in his sleep. Problem solved.
 
EarthRider said:
this

i love having kids and would never change that.

bino you just don't sound cut out for it, and it sounds like you are going to be a shitty ass step dad anyway. you should get out now bro, and i'm not trying to be a dick. if you're not happy now, nothing a ring will change. kids are needy, they need you to help them and guide them.

if mom doesn't do some things right, well she may not kinow any better. read some parenting books or something.

also, if she starts seeing you be a dickhead to her kids, that will start another strain in the relationship.

Sorry bro, I am sure it's hard being in your shoes. Not all guys are cut out for it. I have a friend who is in your shoes and he is being a stress relieve for mom and helping the situation though.
Click to expand...

bro you really don't know me, i've done a pretty good job with my first young kid experience...it just can be frustrating.
the kid is agreeable and mostly easy to work with, i was just pissy and frustrated last night.
his dad has made my life extremely difficult lately (hired PI trailing me, a few calls to my employer allegeing illegal activity, and other things i can't do a thing about) so i am buckling a bit under the weight of all this shit.
i'm a good guy though, and a pretty goood step wtf ever considering what i am working with.
 
Hey Bino, my gf has been put into a relationship with 2 kids. She wants her own so bad and I jus don't see the connection between her and my kids like the connection I have with them.

I also worry things will change if we have kids together. Which it obviously will a little. There's its up and downs but they are worth it. I love my boys.
 
binö said:
hmmm, i think my opinion is valid regardless if i don't have kids, lotta shitty parents out there should i not judge them just because i have none?
when i see a mom let her 13 yr old daughter date a 25 yr old bro (gf is a sex crimes probation officer for juvies) should i not coment cause i have no kids and just wouldn't understand? that logic doesn't fly with me
Click to expand...

I'm with you.

I told a story once on here about being out to dinner and this woman's brat was running through the restaurant like a maniac until he eventually knocked over my drink. I was pissed and I told the woman she had to take care of her kid. She bitched me out for telling her how to raise her kid and some people on here told me I was wrong too.

I don't think I am, though. I don't need to have kids to know when someone is raising a little asshole and when a parent isn't giving their child the proper discipline required for that child to grow up as a well behaved, considerate human being.

My mom would've kicked my ass or just made us all leave if I did that in a restaurant at that kids age.

.............and I completely love kids. I can't wait to have one or two (in like 6 years lol).
 
wootoom said:
Hey Bino, my gf has been put into a relationship with 2 kids. She wants her own so bad and I jus don't see the connection between her and my kids like the connection I have with them.

I also worry things will change if we have kids together. Which it obviously will a little. There's its up and downs but they are worth it. I love my boys.
Click to expand...

The chances that your GF will want kids will escalate over time. At 22, my GF (future wife) didn't think she'd want children. She turns 27 this month and we have #2 and #3 on the way. She's and incredible mom by any measure -- I've been very impressed.

And there's plenty of good news. Your GF can learn the basics by working with your kids and watching you, so she'll have a head start on dealing with her own. Between you already knowing the ropes and her getting a glimpse of the future, a second round of children often goes much more smoothly than the first.
 
binö said:
bro you really don't know me, i've done a pretty good job with my first young kid experience...it just can be frustrating.
the kid is agreeable and mostly easy to work with, i was just pissy and frustrated last night.
his dad has made my life extremely difficult lately (hired PI trailing me, a few calls to my employer allegeing illegal activity, and other things i can't do a thing about) so i am buckling a bit under the weight of all this shit.
i'm a good guy though, and a pretty goood step wtf ever considering what i am working with.
Click to expand...

Totally. Its not an easy dynamic for anyone involved for sure. Having realistic expectations helps.
 
mrplunkey said:
The chances that your GF will want kids will escalate over time. At 22, my GF (future wife) didn't think she'd want children. She turns 27 this month and we have #2 and #3 on the way. She's and incredible mom by any measure -- I've been very impressed.

And there's plenty of good news. Your GF can learn the basics by working with your kids and watching you, so she'll have a head start on dealing with her own. Between you already knowing the ropes and her getting a glimpse of the future, a second round of children often goes much more smoothly than the first.
Click to expand...


totally true...things run incredibly smooth with our younger two because its our "do-over" family

shitty but there it is...I already knew where I fucked up with the first two...and how not to be a selfish ass with the younger two
also (not that this would be a prob for woot) but with my first two I didn't have enough money to do a lot of things right/the way things should go
second go around I know what things cost and whats worth paying for and whats not

didn't stop me from buying that fucking stroller I've used three times tho...god dammit
 
Jesus christ bro i cant believe youre still wasting time with this bish. Im sure you know there are a million chicks without her baggage to choose from. Got a P.I. on your ass and calls to your employer? Fuck that noise rob.
Seems like youre taking it Up the ass just to be with this bish, and for what?
The temporary pain of dumping her is well worth the sanity and freedom from a life shackled with shit you dont want or have to deal with.
 
-SD- said:
Jesus christ bro i cant believe youre still wasting time with this bish. Im sure you know there are a million chicks without her baggage to choose from. Got a P.I. on your ass and calls to your employer? Fuck that noise rob.
Seems like youre taking it Up the ass just to be with this bish, and for what?
The temporary pain of dumping her is well worth the sanity and freedom from a life shackled with shit you dont want or have to deal with.
Click to expand...

i like this girl, alot...i see myself with her.
this BS i'm referring to runs deeper than i care to talk about, but it is mostly over with, he got stiffly pwned in court and the harrassment i've recieved has come to a standstill.
the bro is hostile and physically sick, his thrashing around is the throes of a dying man, literally the dude is not long for the world...one less narcissitic angry abusing ex-cop the world has to deal with
 
binö said:
bro you really don't know me, i've done a pretty good job with my first young kid experience...it just can be frustrating.
the kid is agreeable and mostly easy to work with, i was just pissy and frustrated last night.
his dad has made my life extremely difficult lately (hired PI trailing me, a few calls to my employer allegeing illegal activity, and other things i can't do a thing about) so i am buckling a bit under the weight of all this shit.
i'm a good guy though, and a pretty goood step wtf ever considering what i am working with.
Click to expand...

i am sorry bro and I don't envy you at all. I just know how hard it is to raise my own kids, and i can't imagine someone elses. I never said i could do it.
 
Seems like this Ex is a big fucking problem. How is she helping you deal with that situation? How doe she support you when it comes to this?
 
shirlene29 said:
someone that doesn't have kids of their own should definitely parent someone elses kids...and make judgement calls about the actual parents parenting
makes complete sense


look , its different when its your own kids...I dont like other peoples kids but think mine are awesome
Click to expand...

I'd say this is true but I am pretty much in love with my nephew I think he is like the best thing ever my bro and sister in law are doing a kick ass job at raising him.

Jury is still out on if I want kids of my own.
 
Not all kids are annoying, only some! It's really not the child's fault though, but often a reflection on the parenting. I have many friends with kids who are super cool, so don't knock being with someone with kids.
There are many single parents who do not have annoying kids. Trust me, it never gets better if there is no room for adjusting. Run for the hills before you waste time. BUT if you truly love this girl, then you should stick it out and work on it. It can change if you're both willing to to adjust

Nan, people judge for not having kids? Really, glad I never met anyone like that. You can tell these people next time "Imagine if everyone wanted kids how over-overpopulated the world would be" Let them know you're doing them a service and they say "you're welcome" ;-)
 
AFeedz said:
I'm with you.

I told a story once on here about being out to dinner and this woman's brat was running through the restaurant like a maniac until he eventually knocked over my drink. I was pissed and I told the woman she had to take care of her kid. She bitched me out for telling her how to raise her kid and some people on here told me I was wrong too.

I don't think I am, though. I don't need to have kids to know when someone is raising a little asshole and when a parent isn't giving their child the proper discipline required for that child to grow up as a well behaved, considerate human being.

My mom would've kicked my ass or just made us all leave if I did that in a restaurant at that kids age.

.............and I completely love kids. I can't wait to have one or two (in like 6 years lol).
Click to expand...

Could not have said it better myself!
 
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