I need some help bro's, my wife had cheated on me.

[wyld1g]

Our character is not determined by success, it is determined by how well we pick ourselves up after we fall!

 

[Sinistar]

with all due respect to bikini mom its all this chicks fault.

6 months isnt a one night stand. she kept this from you very well. that alone would make me dump her off NOW.

reguadless of the situation at home, if you want to slut around and your married, do like some of the ppl on here do and bring other ppl in, or divorce the person. theres no excuse for this.

i too am willing to bet that spectre has some fault in the decay of his marrige, that owever doesn not excuse carrying on a moderate term relationship. some may say i live in a perfect world. i say i have some balls and can face facts and stand up. i would never do anything like this cause id have to look myself in the mirror, and it would bother me. not to mention the devastation of the magnitude of the betrayl. i would rather abruptly end a marrige than do what she did. this is far worse.

6 months doesnt strike me as something this girl was twisting herself in knots over. she was having fun

if you can move past this bro, you are either a hell of a man or a glutton for punishment. 10 years, 2 kids...i might have punched her. but like others have said, thats alot of time put in.

i dont envy you on this.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I know that you'll be OK, Spectre. It'll take some time, but you are too decent a man to give in to negativity.

YOUR CHILDREN ARE TRULY FORTUNATE.

Here is something that a good friend told me just the other day when the shit hit the fan for me and I was faced with some very tough decisions.

"It isn't our circumstances that determine our character, but the way in which WE CHOOSE to react to them."

I am so sorry for all the pain you are experiencing but, "That which does not destroy us..." And you are far too strong already to let something like SOMEONE ELSE'S weaknesses keep you from flourishing.

BE WELL.

Sinistar -

I clearly stated that Spectre's wife was DEFINITELY MORE WRONG, but nevertheless.... it still takes two.

I never ever told a man that I committed to that I would not cheat. What I said was that IF I ever got to a point where I felt myself attracted to another man then I would clearly, straight-up say, "I am finding myself attracted to (an)other man - WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING TO FIX THIS." And if he continued to ignore the situation then I would either bail or perhaps have the affair. I couldn't say.

Nobody "just suddenly cheats" because they have a mental lapse. IT HAPPENS BECAUSE SOME NEEDS THEY HAVE ARE NOT BEING MET IN THIER RELATIONSHIP. That does not make it right. I'm only stating a fact.

IT IS EASY TO BE FAITHFUL. But it isn't so easy to always make the right choices. Everyone is a monday morning quarterback. How many of us can sit back and say, "What I REALLY should have done was...."? That doesn't change the past. All you can do is change the present in order to affect the future.

I was faithfull to my husband until the night my head hit the ground. The next AM when he came to get his things I told him we were OVER, that the marriage was only a piece of paper, he was to go his way and I would go mine. I then proceeded to fuck who I wanted WHEN I wanted with NO GUILT WHATSOEVER NEVER EVER GIVING HIM THE SLIGHTEST NOTION THAT THERE WAS ANY HOPE OF RECONCILIATION. Yet to this day he goes on and on about how I cheated on him. That was over 2 years ago and WE ARE STILL NOT LEGALLY DIVORCED. So by legal definition, yes I have been unfaithful. So if this makes me a whore - GUILTY AS CHARGED.

Funny thing, I could care less if he fucked 10 different women every night since the night he put his hands on me and this is a man that I loved with every cell in my body for nearly 13 years.

Spectre is a strong man. Understandably hurt, but strong. I have a very deep sense that regardless of what decisions he makes they may not be the best for his wife, but they will undoubtedly be the best for his children and for himself.

I know it must have been hard for her to be alone all that time. But from what you have put forth on this thread, Spectre, I think she fucked up in a MAJOR BIG WAY.

If it was me I would have taken a sledgehammer and destroyed every material possession we had to get your attention FIRST... I would have taken the kids and moved out (but of course, let you see them WHENEVER you wanted).... I would have rented a billboard fucking 100 feet high and TOLD YOU I FELT NEGLECTED. But I would have NEVER fucked another dude.

I am so sorry this is happening to you and your family.

But for what it's worth, I have come to learn that everything happens for a reason.

 

[Spectre]

with all due respect to bikini mom its all this chicks fault.

6 months isnt a one night stand. she kept this from you very well. that alone would make me dump her off NOW.

reguadless of the situation at home, if you want to slut around and your married, do like some of the ppl on here do and bring other ppl in, or divorce the person. theres no excuse for this.

i too am willing to bet that spectre has some fault in the decay of his marrige, that owever doesn not excuse carrying on a moderate term relationship. some may say i live in a perfect world. i say i have some balls and can face facts and stand up. i would never do anything like this cause id have to look myself in the mirror, and it would bother me. not to mention the devastation of the magnitude of the betrayl. i would rather abruptly end a marrige than do what she did. this is far worse.

6 months doesnt strike me as something this girl was twisting herself in knots over. she was having fun

if you can move past this bro, you are either a hell of a man or a glutton for punishment. 10 years, 2 kids...i might have punched her. but like others have said, thats alot of time put in.

i dont envy you on this.

I am positive I can bear some resposibility for this. I don't know what yet, but I will face them....

You know, I said in the beginning how the last 2 years have been good. I am figuring out now by her words that she has been a pretty good actor for this time. She is so used too lieing that it has become a way to operate. This is gonna be tough...

 

[biteme]

Sorry man, that sux. I would want to know if she told me out of guilt or if she wanted me to know hoping that I would leave her so that she could get rid of me. In my experiences, many women are not straightforward. They expect you to figure it out. Good luck. Counseling is in order.

 

[biteme]

Sinistar -
Nobody "just suddenly cheats" because they have a mental lapse. IT HAPPENS BECAUSE SOME NEEDS THEY HAVE ARE NOT BEING MET IN THIER RELATIONSHIP. That does not make it right. I'm only stating a fact.

Actually, some people just like to fuck and it has nothing to do with whether or not their needs are being met in their relationship.
.

 

[KAYNE]

CHEATING DOESNT HAPPEN B/C SHE ISNT GETTING ALL HER NEEDS FROM HER RELATIONSHIP (THOUGH, SOMETIMES THAT IS TRUE). CHEATING HAPPENS CUZ THE BITCH WANTED TO FUCK SOMEONE ELSE.





KAYNE

 

[40butpumpin]

Damn bro, I'm really sorry for you, I know that is not an easy thing. It's a simple call for me though. It comes down to this: can she love you now, I mean really love you? It's completely obvious to me that you love her and do not want to lose her, but the question is does she still truly love you? If the answer it yes then just let it go and don't look back. If not then move on with your life man.

I'm in the situation of being with someone that is not in love with me but wishes to "stay together for the children." Believe me when I tell you that's not what you want bro.

 

[JohnyJuice]

Too many retarded responses on this thread to even begin with. Most of the male responses sound like they should be coming from women or Democrats; all emotion, no thought.

First, all major events in life are events that demand reflection, i.e. marriage, children, career, etc. Usually we take these ideas for granted and never consider them prior to stepping into them, at least not real contemplation. We only step back and evaluate them after a problem has occurred. If we are true, if we are only searching for truth and not mental masturbation or emotional placation, then we objectively assess all sides. A relationship takes two, as simplistic as this sounds, it is true. We can tell ourselves, "well I never cheated", or "I was always there", "or "I always told you I love you", etc., but the question remains, "What did I DO to demonstrate my feelings and commitments". You may have "been" there, but doing nothing produces nothing, you cannot remain neutral in a relationship and expect it to work.

Second, women are not men, and never the tween shall meet. We are not wired the same. Our actions are ours alone and gender is no excuse for actions, since they require conscious thought, but gender does affect the way one "looks" at situations. Words have little meaning unless there is action to demonstrate their convictions. This is a failing of men. We think that words are actions and women know it is not. Women desire the action of "value", the conscious expression of the emotion of "love", not the spoken idea. Thus the idea of romance. The idea that one thinks about another and wants to demonstrate his thoughts of her. Men, being too stupid, do not understand this concept, and do not realize that this concept is key to their happiness also. Doing "good" produces "good" emotions. We feed off of the emotions of others. If we make our spouse happy, we become happy. If our spouse is upset, we are upset.

Finally, Spectre "values" his wife and marriage, since he voices his desire not to see it fail. Even though there is a breach of trust, he still values the idea, the concept, of what his wife and marriage means to him. His wife has forgotten this idea, but she may be regretful and full of guilt. If so, then it will work. Guilt and regret are good, they are the emotions created when we let down our value system. We don't feel regret about things that we don't care about, only those that we value. Guilt and regret will last your whole life and act as a guide for future actions, they remind us what not to do, what makes us "feel" bad, what we don't like about ourselves.

You must understand the word "value" to determine your actions. Value denotes scarcity and loss. We value those things that we desire and is in limited quantity. As humans, we have a limited time on earth, so we don't want to live it in search of the "one true love", which is a fantasy, because there are thousands if not more people who we could easily "love". We fall in love with another when we find a person who meets our image of "self", a culmination of characteristics that we hold dear in our mind: beauty, morals, desires, passions, etc. When we meet a person, and we realize that this person reflects our inner self, the emotion of "love" develops, it is a direct result of our mind, the center of our value system. We love things that we value.

Spectre must take into consideration all the aspects of marriage that he values and those that he does not and determine if he should stay. Does he value his wife, is she a reflection of himself, does she hold the same values as he? Does he value the idea of being with her, even though he has no control over her actions? Is control more valuable than the happiness he derives from her and his marriage? She cannot hurt him anymore, he knows the situation, so nothing will shock him. You are not shocked by that which you know.

People make mistakes, big mistakes, but if they are truly regretful about their actions, then they deserve forgiveness, they don't deserve trust, which they must earn, but forgiveness to make good for their failings. Regret and restitution for a mistake is a major value that is limited in people, do not brush it to the side. Man values one who holds himself to his word and stands to judgement when he fails. Spectre should not give up before his wife has chance to make amends, it will let him decide if his wife truly is a reflection of his morals.

From what you have stated it is obvious that your wife is not a whore. A whore has no care for her actions, she could care less if one knows that she is a whore. One who hides their actions, although they personally deny it to themselves and make rationalizations and excuses for their actions, knows deep inside that what they are doing is wrong. Actions tell the story, not the words. She is also the mother of your children, which I hope has the utmost importance to you. You decided that this woman was to be your companion in life until death, even in hard times. Now are the hard times, your wife has failed in the test of commitment, now test yourself as well.

So how is life as a Vulcan treating you, Mr. Spock? All emotion and no thought? Think about what you are saying dude. Falling in love and marriage are all based on emotion. They arent logical entities or actions. If he was going to go through life with no emotion or something, then thinking things out and ignoring his anger would be perfect. Unfortunitly, you cant ignore heart ache and anger. It is most likely going to be there every day when he wakes up, and isnt going anywhere. He is then going to go through his days with this shit on his moind, and have to go home and sleep next to the person he is growing to despise. Emotions are with you all day every day. If he is content going through life misaerable because it seems like the logical thing to do (although his being miserable makes it the illogical choice) then by all means go for it.

Spectre, i would obviously give it some time before you go through with divorce. You may be one of those dudes who gets over it. You wont find out until you give it some time. If you do get over it, more power to you. Just dont be shocked if it happens again. If time goes by and you arent getting over it, get on with your life. For your own mental well being, and that of your kids. Going through a quick amount of shit is better than growing up in a home where mom and dad dont love each other. I have seen that and it is horrible. The kids almost always come out fucked up in the head, and have problems expressing love. This then follows them into their fiture relationships. Its a chain that you start. Besides, the severity of the momentary shit you put them through while divorcing is determined by you and your wife.

 

[40butpumpin]

CHEATING DOESNT HAPPEN B/C SHE ISNT GETTING ALL HER NEEDS FROM HER RELATIONSHIP (THOUGH, SOMETIMES THAT IS TRUE). CHEATING HAPPENS CUZ THE BITCH WANTED TO FUCK SOMEONE ELSE.





KAYNE

yeah, there's no doubt about that one. ever notice if a woman cheats on her husband it happened because he wasn't meeting her needs or he was negelecting her but if a man cheats on a woman it's because he's the lowest form of scum that has ever existed.