I need some help bro's, my wife had cheated on me.

[Spectre]

Sorry man, that sux. I would want to know if she told me out of guilt or if she wanted me to know hoping that I would leave her so that she could get rid of me. In my experiences, many women are not straightforward. They expect you to figure it out. Good luck. Counseling is in order.

Judging from her current actions, she wants to make it work. Time will tell...

 

[Spectre]

Damn bro, I'm really sorry for you, I know that is not an easy thing. It's a simple call for me though. It comes down to this: can she love you now, I mean really love you? It's completely obvious to me that you love her and do not want to lose her, but the question is does she still truly love you? If the answer it yes then just let it go and don't look back. If not then move on with your life man.

I'm in the situation of being with someone that is not in love with me but wishes to "stay together for the children." Believe me when I tell you that's not what you want bro.

I think she does, it's way to early to determine much actually, a little more time will tell. I feel and wish the best for you bro.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I have to say that is one of the most manipulative and foul posts I have ever read on this board. This guy is undoubtedly extremely hurt and you are telling him about why he shouldn't "mistreat" his wife. You are using what his kids would think of him if he "mistreated" her , by for example withdrawing his financial support , calling him a "prick" for doing so. If the children are mature and grow one day to believe in love then they will respect their fathers decision unless they are manipulated by their mother. They will also know that the happiness of their Dad is also worth something and will wish him to find someone who will return his love and fidelity with the same. You clearly have told your kids many times of the weaknesses of their father which is ok , but out of respect for their mother this man has not which is very honourable but at some stage I believe that they should know the truth as to why their Dad left. I can only echo the many empirical statements here that one who cheats once will do so again and also that I also found out this the hard way... Good luck Bro , and sorry for your trouble.

I am sorry that you feel that way Mandinka. I think, perhaps you misunderstood my comments.

If a woman has been left home to care for her children and the household and she did NOT work outside the home then she has no money and no job experience. REGARDLESS of why a marriage is dissolved BOTH are entitled to be in their children's lives. (Unless, of course there is a REAL REASON ie danger to the children or themselves) If EITHER the man OR the woman has been home raising the children and they are still young, WHOM SHALL BE CARING FOR THEM AFTER THEY SPLIT?

I NEVER EVER SAID THAT SHE SHOULD CONTINUE TO AFFORD THE SAME FINANCIAL FREEDOM THAT SHE DID WHILE SHE MAINTAINED HER HALF OF THE MARITAL AGREEMENT.

ALL I SAID WAS THAT IT WAS UNFAIR TO THE CHILDREN FOR THE MAN TO PURPOSELY IMPOSE SEVERE FINANCIAL HARDSHIP ON HIS WIFE OUT OF VENGENCE AS IT WOULD ONLY HURT THE CHILDREN.... JUST AS IT WOULD BE EQUALLY HURTFUL TO THE CHILDREN IF THE WOMAN WAS TO KEEP THE CHILDREN FROM THEIR FATHER OUT OF VENGENCE.

Did you not understand that?

I have tried (though admittedly I am human and have made remarks in the past that I should not have. I have apoligized to the girls and explained that I didn't mean to hurt them, but that I was speaking out of fear and anger and that it didn't make it right.) to hide just how much of a PRICK my husband has been to me but it is hard to hide such things when YOUR SISTER IS THE ONE BUYING GROCERIES AND THE ONE BUYING CLOTHING FOR YOUR CHILDREN.... Do you think that my children do not KNOW what their father is doing? Do you think that they are STUPID? Do you think that they do not have high contempt for their father because HE DOESN'T CARE that THEY ARE BEING HURT BECAUSE OF HIS ANGER?!

I do not defend their father, that is true. Those days are long over. But I neither attack him. I only speak truth. I have yet to assassinate his character either to the children OR in a court of law. The only thing that I have ever said about my ex is that he clearly loves our girls, no doubt... BUT HE HATES ME MORE.

Hate is hate no matter what the cause. The end result is the same... NOTHING GOOD.

All I ever said is that when EITHER PARTY - be it man or woman acts out of hate for thier ex it will NEVER be in the best interest of their children... as THE CHILDREN LOVE BOTH THE MOTHER AND THE FATHER REGARDLESS OF ALL THEIR FAILINGS AND HUMAN WEAKNESSES.

I am truly sorry if you can not understand this.

If you really think that I care A FAHOOTIE for a woman who is so selfish that she can not see past her OWN NEEDS to what the needs of her children are, then I must be speaking a language that is foreign to you, or I have clearly NOT explained myself properly... for this I do apologize.

 

[sermon_of_crockery]

sugar and spice and everything nice.

ill tell you though, most of the stone cold ppl ive ever met were women. theres something wrong woith most of them. guys are pretty pure, we get pissed and scream, or whip some ass, but when your only method of recourse is to fuck with someones head like women, i think it warps you in ways i cant understand.

I can totally see that. In some ways they are warm caregivers but in other ways they are colder than cold. Fucking Absolute Zero. Amazing.

 

[Bikini Mod]

I can totally see that. In some ways they are warm caregivers but in other ways they are colder than cold. Fucking Absolute Zero. Amazing.

With this I will NOT disagree.

Women can be THE MOST cold-hearted creatures on the planet. We have to be.

Not saying that it is right or wrong... only that it IS.

Think about it, both ends of the same spectrum at the same time.

 

[40butpumpin]

What the heck does that mean?

I truly hope JohnyJuice didn't mean it like that, however, that word is intolerable in any sense. JohnnyJuice can you edit your post?

Dial_tone, I consider it an honor to be able to call myself a brother of yours.

 

[atlantabiolab]

So how is life as a Vulcan treating you, Mr. Spock? All emotion and no thought? Think about what you are saying dude. Falling in love and marriage are all based on emotion. They arent logical entities or actions.

Incorrect. Emotions are responses to concepts of the mind. Do you love that which you don't think about, or perceive as good? You don't fall in love with every person of the opposite sex that you meet, do you? If no thought was involved with emotions, then you would be falling in love or hating people that you meet for absolutely no reason, it would be a simple reaction. You have a value system, a code of rules that you develop in life, that defines good and bad and with this you "feel". Love is the expression of emotion that is a response to meeting someone that is a reflection of your values. Beautiful things are pleasant to your mind, morals that reflect yours are compatible with you, similar interests reflect your desires and passions. Love is the expression of finding some reflection of "you" in another.

If he was going to go through life with no emotion or something, then thinking things out and ignoring his anger would be perfect. Unfortunitly, you cant ignore heart ache and anger. It is most likely going to be there every day when he wakes up, and isnt going anywhere. He is then going to go through his days with this shit on his moind, and have to go home and sleep next to the person he is growing to despise. Emotions are with you all day every day. If he is content going through life misaerable because it seems like the logical thing to do (although his being miserable makes it the illogical choice) then by all means go for it.

I have never stated that one go through life with no emotion, which is not very possible, being that most people have some set of values that they hold themselves to. His pain is a direct result of the dismantling of those values that he holds dear. Marriage denotes commitment, which we pride, and his pain is a direct result of this breach in commitment. Anger has no meaning, it is a response to something that offends the mind, but one must understand what it was that offended him and why. You will feel emotions when your values are compromised, but to focus on the feeling and not the reasons is to be an animal, not a man. This is one of life's experiences and to better one's self, one needs to contemplate the experience and what it teaches. To hold onto pain is to value the emotion and not the meaning. Emotions subside if one lets them go. Memories can fade, but if you learn from the experience the emotions and memories can act as a guide for future actions.

I never stated that he should continue to act as he did before. This is a life-changing event, IF ONE UNDERTAKES THE GOAL OF CHANGE. Do you stick your hand on a hot stove, after you have done it once? Then why would you not take this event and learn from it.

Spectre, i would obviously give it some time before you go through with divorce. You may be one of those dudes who gets over it. You wont find out until you give it some time. If you do get over it, more power to you. Just dont be shocked if it happens again. If time goes by and you arent getting over it, get on with your life. For your own mental well being, and that of your kids. Going through a quick amount of shit is better than growing up in a home where mom and dad dont love each other. I have seen that and it is horrible. The kids almost always come out fucked up in the head, and have problems expressing love. This then follows them into their fiture relationships. Its a chain that you start. Besides, the severity of the momentary shit you put them through while divorcing is determined by you and your wife.

Both divorce and a marriage of lies, are damaging to children. Why do either? Is this the only two alternatives? Are men not capable of change? You won't if you wish to fester over the hurt and the emotions. You will if you learn from life and understand that there are actions that can be taken to try and prevent this from re-occuring. If he and his wife can learn from this, then they can fall back in love with each other, but they must both decide what it was that made them "love" each other initially, and what marriage means to themselves.

I learned all of this through experience, don't tell me I don't understand.

 

[atlantabiolab]

You were out breaking your balls and working so she decided to go out and play because she felt lonely and depressed. GET RID OF HER!! She was selfish, and only thought about herself. Now it's your turn to think about what's right for you and your children. Toss her and one day your children will understand.

WOW! The words of a genius. So tossing mommy to the side, would teach the kids what, Dr. Phil? That loved ones are disposable? That restitution for sins is for losers? That emotion comes before family? Gonna raise some fine chilun's in your family.

 

[KAYNE]

What the heck does that mean?

I'M PRETTY SURE HE MEANS IT LIKE "NIGGAS" AS IN GUYS. NOT "NI**ERS" IN THE DEROGATORY SENSE.




KAYNE

 

[fistfullofsteel]

WOW! The words of a genius. So tossing mommy to the side, would teach the kids what, Dr. Phil? That loved ones are disposable? That restitution for sins is for losers? That emotion comes before family? Gonna raise some fine chilun's in your family.

ummm, look asswipe if you don't like what i wrote then say so and make your point. i'm not here to answer your stupid questions. here is a question for you. Do you enjoy taking it up the ass and mouth?